Originally posted by Matt Rogers
For example, I sent a girl a message on her phone asking her whether we were still meeting up at a disco
Never confirm dates. She remembers. If anything, call her a half hour before and ask if she has enough time to get all dressed up and look sexy. This way you are somewhat confirming, -but- you're telling her to be ready for you, that you're on your way.
I had told this girl on Tuesday after class that she should join us at this restaurant and then bar on Thursday night. Ok, I would call her at 8:00. Come Thursday class, I said nothing to her, only waved as I was leaving. She called me at 7:30.
Next week, before class I told her to com out again. She said "I've got to study for a Spanish test" I said, "I'll know Spanish ... I'll teach it to you, but you're coming out tonight." After class as she was leaving, I went up to her and told her I'll pick her up at 8:30. She turned around, with a great big smile on her face and said "Oh so that's not a yes or so question, is it?"
I smiled - "No it's not, be ready at 8" Needless to say, she was all over me that night.
and also asking her to confirm if she was free the following wed when we were planning on going to an ice hockey game.
Don't confirm, and definitely don't confirm a week in advance. If it's already planned, she's going. Nothing more to it. If you want a confirmation, say something about hockey to get her mind on it, but don't say "Are you still going to the hockey game?"
She did not reply and two days later at the disco came up to me and tapped me on the shoulder as if nothing had happened. I got pissed off, took her aside and got cross with her for not returning my calls and said she was being impolite and would have to make it up to me.
You weren't being rude; you lost your composure. you got pissed off that she didn't call, which to her means that you needed her to call: NOT GOOD.
She got annoyed and ignored me for the rest of the evening.
I then arranged for her to come for a cup of tea at my place on the sunday (four days after the disco) and she said yes. Three hours beforehand she cancelled. I got pissed off and sent her a message saying "Not impressed. Surely you can spare half an hour for tea"
She got annoyed and said i was being pushy.
I sent a message back saying "Sorry i was being pushy-I am just not used to girls playing hard to get. Usually within two weeks they have already proposed marriage. Anyway, enjoying our first argument and hope you won't stay mad for long. See you next week, Matt.
Argggggggh. I used to do this same thing. I got the same response you did.
Now you've really f-d it up. You lost your composure, and asked for her forgiveness. Remember, real men don't need forgiveness, unless you've done something -really- bad.
She hasn't replied and i left a message on her machine saying i hope she realised my last message was tongue in cheek and i am sorry if i seemed a bit pushy and did she want to meet for a coffee on wednesday or thursday"
Now, you're digging yourself into a hole. You're begging for forgiveness, begging to get another chance, and then asking her if --she wants-- to go out with you. Point of advice: never ask, but tell, with a smile; so she knows you will respect her if she really can't go, but you're not asking her, you're telling her.
She hasn't replied.
Perhaps she wasn't interestd in the first place, but i thought we hit it off on our first date and i had her laughing and smiling the whole time. I thought she was being rude, and called her up on that, but she just took offence.
Actually, I think she was very interested. Even though she hadn't replied to your messages, she still came up to you and tried talking to you. You got pissed off. That probably ruined it right there. The one thing I learned is no matter how confused, depressed, or pissed off I am, don't show it.
I'm not trying to bust your balls or anything, just trying to help you out. I used to do the same things as you a few years ago. I remember talking to a girl on the phone for hours, when I had other things to do, asking her how she felt about me, apologizing on the phone, apolgizing by email, asking for a second chance ... all of this stupid crap. Back then, I didn't know why it didn't work since that girl -came up to me- and was very genuinely interested. Now I know what I did. Be calm, smooth, have fun. If she's really interested in you, she'll let you get away with some things, but you -can't- under any circumstances, lose you COMPOSURE or look NEEDY.
