the it's not my fault delusion

[backbreaker]

I went to go get a massage yesterday and as I've stated before, my masseuse is a pretty hot woman. late 30's, health nazi, small, petite, dirty blonde. anyway the more i go in the more she gets direct with me about her personal life or what not. yesterday we got to talking and somehow we got to talking about her being separated. so i mean she goes on this 30 minute tirade about how her ex got fat and how he never ****ed her and she wanted to **** (her exact words) and about how he was such a loser and how he was weak minded and didn't have any ambition and was basically a child and how she did everything for him. . I mean i'm not interested in her but I've figured out the more i can get her to talk the more free time i get lol. she always goes like 10-20 mins over when she gets talking.

In her mind i think she was trying to qualify herself. however what i took form that.. thanks to this site is that how the **** can you go through 2 marriages and you never do anything wrong in either one of them you narcissistic **** lol? I mean in her mind this woman walks on water. I'm not necessarily sure what exactly she did wrong, and she seems like a cool cat and i know she likes sex so not giving it up isn't the issue, but you don't run through 2 men and you still be good looking, very good looking, because both men are just so ****ty

so either you are lying or you have the ****test taste in men on the planet. I say this all to say that i bet most men would consider her to be a catch. hot, likes to ****, isn't a night owl doesn't drink at all doesn't like going to bars, isn't a feminist by any stretch of the imagination. most men would miss the glaring red flag.. lol she didn't even leave either man both left her. she admits it though i think she's lying about the reason. I don't thinks he cheated on them it doesn't strike me as that and even if she did Scheat i doubt teh 2nd husband the way she describes him would have left anyway. this woman has an issue. i don't have to know what it is to know it's there

It's not even the fact that she's been divorced twice. she got married very early and I mean people grow up and learn ****, i get it. people make mistakes, you learn from them you move on. to me the bigger flag is that in her mind she's never made a mistake in the 2 ruined marriages that she has had.

 

[PeakIV]

There's a lot of women with issues, especially pretty women with personality disorders that are in denial and you could tell them till you are blue in the face that "De-nial is not just a river in Egypt...... you might just as well be talking to a brick wall.

Remember there is nothing wrong with them.....period.

They don't make mistakes or do anything wrong, it is always someone elses fault.

It is all the men's fault. they must just be choosing the wrong guy.

But no matter as there are plenty of white knights to do their bidding and so the carousel continues......

 

[Stagger Lee]

Totally agree with you. Just the way she rants about her previous men is a red flag right there. At the very least she is somewhat hostile toward men she gets intimate with and a nag and can never be pleased. And as bad as that it is, like you said BB there are probably worse issue(s) or at the very least she is a bigger b!tchy nag in a relationship than she appears. She probably is also poor at picking men, but that's probably the least of her shortcomings.

 

[betheman]

Its never the womans fault, they dont do anything wrong, sometimes they try too hard though and expect it to be reciprocated.
these types cant chill, arent happy in their own skin, cant just be and enjoy things for what they are, they really are at their most content...when complaining

 

[Aristippus]

Stagger said: "At the very least she is somewhat hostile toward men she gets intimate with and a nag and can never be pleased. And as bad as that it is, like you said BB there are probably worse issue(s) or at the very least she is a bigger b!tchy nag in a relationship than she appears."

Nagging and being overly critical and impossible to please are some major problems that aren't mentioned too often here. But endless nagging and fault-finding can be major relationship killers. I think I even saw an article that said that the number of relationships that end because of excessive, continuous nagging is at least equal to, or maybe even greater than, the number of relationships that end over cheating.

And I believe it. Nagging is more prevalent than cheating. And nagging is seen by many women as benign, and even justified. I've seen countless comments by women, whenever the topic of nagging comes up, that have a very disrespectful, b*tchy tone to them, usually to the tune of accusing all men of being irresponsible little boys that deserve to be harassed endlessly. I've never heard a woman say "I'm never happy no matter how good things are and no matter how much he does and that's the reason I nag. I nag because I'm a selfish, childish, unhappy person with an entitlement complex.".

Some women might have lazy husbands that never do anything, but I highly doubt that 80-90% of working class men that hold down full-time jobs and support a family financially are lazy. No. The problem is the lack of gratitude and the constant desire to "keep up with the Joneses", no matter how stupid and lemming-like the Joneses are.

 

[drak_ool]

so either you are lying or you have the ****test taste in men on the planet.

this reminded me of a Kat Williams line (and I'm paraphrasing here): "I'm tired of bi.tches complaining [men] ain't sh.it. Bi.tch, you gotta start asking yourself 'what is it with my pvssy that it attracts ain't sh.it [men]?'"

For better or for worse, these days whenever I meet a 30+ woman who is not in a committed relationship I view it as a huge red flag. And pretty much all of the ones I met in 2012 were crazy in some way or another.

 

[backbreaker]

Stagger said: "At the very least she is somewhat hostile toward men she gets intimate with and a nag and can never be pleased. And as bad as that it is, like you said BB there are probably worse issue(s) or at the very least she is a bigger b!tchy nag in a relationship than she appears."

Nagging and being overly critical and impossible to please are some major problems that aren't mentioned too often here. But endless nagging and fault-finding can be major relationship killers. I think I even saw an article that said that the number of relationships that end because of excessive, continuous nagging is at least equal to, or maybe even greater than, the number of relationships that end over cheating.

And I believe it. Nagging is more prevalent than cheating. And nagging is seen by many women as benign, and even justified. I've seen countless comments by women, whenever the topic of nagging comes up, that have a very disrespectful, b*tchy tone to them, usually to the tune of accusing all men of being irresponsible little boys that deserve to be harassed endlessly. I've never heard a woman say "I'm never happy no matter how good things are and no matter how much he does and that's the reason I nag. I nag because I'm a selfish, childish, unhappy person with an entitlement complex.".

Some women might have lazy husbands that never do anything, but I highly doubt that 80-90% of working class men that hold down full-time jobs and support a family financially are lazy. No. The problem is the lack of gratitude and the constant desire to "keep up with the Joneses", no matter how stupid and lemming-like the Joneses are.

the more i think about this, beucase i find this scvenerio pretty interesting.. she's a country girl, she's not very materialistic. what i think her problem is the more i think about it is that somewhere in the back of her mind she thinks/knows she can do better than she has, but at the same time beucase she has somewhat low self esteem she attaches herself to the first suitable man who shows up and takes out her frustration on her husband..

you know what it's like it's like college recruting when a school has a plan A guy, a plan B guy and a plan C guy, and they strike out on all of them and end up signing a plan E guy. I mean you are happy that he wanted to play for your cool but that soon ends once you actually hit the field and it's clear as day that the plan E guy is not cut out for this level of football so you end up *****ing at him even though he's just doing the best he can.

For better or for worse, these days whenever I meet a 30+ woman who is not in a committed relationship I view it as a huge red flag. And pretty much all of the ones I met in 2012 were crazy in some way or another.

I don't ee anything wrong with that. the way i see it that a 30 year old woman who wants to get with me has more ground to make up but if she really is a catch she can make it up. my wife when i met her was 29 and i made her work harder than i would have otherwise made a woman work beucase i mean ****, it was like she's too good to be 30 and still single. never married.

 

[AW1983]

This type of sh!t bothered me immensely, for the longest time, until I just accepted that most women are much like children in this regard. Accountability is an alien concept, and blame will be automatically assigned to any available scapegoat.

I guess I eventually realized the only antidote is not to take any of it seriously. Just like you wouldn't with a child. A lot of "Game" I learned naturally through observation and trial and error (before knowing such a thing as Game existed) but this was one area that the writing of CH, Rollo, etc, really opened my eyes:

Don't bother giving women the same rational regard you would at least offer any man in the expectation he will respond in kind. I wasted a lot of my time and breath trying to reason/debate/argue with women over the years. No longer haha. Nor do I play the blame game with them anymore. These are all just their instinctual methods to draw you out of your tower of objective reason and down into the emotional mud where they love to wallow, and generally reside.

 

[Wingedsig]

Don't bother giving women the same rational regard you would at least offer any man in the expectation he will respond in kind. I wasted a lot of my time and breath trying to reason/debate/argue with women over the years. No longer haha. Nor do I play the blame game with them anymore. These are all just their instinctual methods to draw you out of your tower of objective reason and down into the emotional mud where they love to wallow, and generally reside.[/QUOTE]

SPOT.ON.DUDE.

 

[origin138]

Good read BB. I've seen this several times as well and believe it is a form of qualification on her part. For me, it's a giant red flag. 2 relationships, no ambition, no sex drive, etc etc on the part of the men? Riiiiiight. Always 2 sides to this story. What she didn't mention were the things SHE did to make them that way.

My exBPD did this exact same thing when she came on to me. Complained endlessly about the same things, and like any solid plugged-in white knight I took the bait instantly only to watch her run back to the dude she complained endlessly about. Good times.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Women love to bad mouth their exes almost as much as they enjoy attention whoring. For better or worse, it's just part of being a female. I've never met a woman who's ex was a great guy...according to her.

 

[Black Widow Void]

AlphaWhiskey's response

In my many years of trial and error, I thought I had learned a lot. AlphaWhiskey's quote below is not only insightful, but also an area in which I now realize that I could stand some improvement.

I was always under the belief that such female behavior was a conscious game (I'm sure that some is, but it appears that not all of it). If any of you know of some web pages which aid in better identifying, understanding and healthy ways to react, I'd be quite appreciative.

This type of sh!t bothered me immensely, for the longest time, until I just accepted that most women are much like children in this regard. Accountability is an alien concept, and blame will be automatically assigned to any available scapegoat.

I guess I eventually realized the only antidote is not to take any of it seriously. Just like you wouldn't with a child. A lot of "Game" I learned naturally through observation and trial and error (before knowing such a thing as Game existed) but this was one area that the writing of CH, Rollo, etc, really opened my eyes:

Don't bother giving women the same rational regard you would at least offer any man in the expectation he will respond in kind. I wasted a lot of my time and breath trying to reason/debate/argue with women over the years. No longer haha. Nor do I play the blame game with them anymore. These are all just their instinctual methods to draw you out of your tower of objective reason and down into the emotional mud where they love to wallow, and generally reside.

 

[5string]

Me thinks you may be tempted BB. Are you? Be honest.

 

[backbreaker]

I’d be lying if I said she wasn’t attractive but I’m not tempted. I see attractive women who hit on me quite often. I mean, that’s part of the conscious decision I made when I put a wife on my rings finger. The backbreaker poon train would have to come to an end lol. but I have no reason to be “tempted” she doesn’t look better than my wife does, at least to me she doesn’t, plus it’s not like we don’t have sex and have good sex at that.

It would take a very, very specific type of woman to get me to cheat. Not saying I am planning on cheating but let’s say hypothetically we were drawing up a sencerio where backbreaker stepped out on his wife.. a 5’3 dirty blond isn’t going to cut it. It’s not the allure of sex so to speak that would temp me it would be the having something exotic I’ve never had before that would be the tipping point. Now if my masseuse were 5’10, Asian with a C cup, legs that go all the way down to the floor and a coke bottle body with a perfect face, ms. Backbreaker would be at my masseuses office with a picket sign lol. I have a thing for redheads as well so if she were like a 5’11 red head with very long legs and green eyes, ms. Backbreaker would not be having it. and she knows how I tick as well she knows I like exotic women. even if i were to cheat it wouldn't be for a generic dirty blonde haird blue eyed girl that there are 500k of in LA

 

[Boilermaker]

My exBPD did this exact same thing ..

Is there anyone on this forum who hasn't dated a BPD before, or better yet, who doesn't interact with some form of BPD woman daily?


I must be living on another planet, I have never seen such severe cases of BPD. And I never felt entitled to pin a diagnosis either.

My brother is a practicing adult/addiction and consultation psychiatrist, my father is a physician, and I have never ever heard them talk about BPD women, or BPD relationships. And boy, they have seen many women.

Isn't that strange? I am just wondering. Are there so many BPD's out there?

 

[Jitterbug]

IIRC, Cluster B women are about 10% of the population, and those are the ones seeking therapy... There are more undiagnosed ones. We used to call them "crazy" but it appears that they are all the same kind of crazy, and now we have a scientific word for it.

Since guys here tend to date many times more women than the average, it's not surprising they've run into a few BPDs. One of my ex was a HPD, diagnosed and was seeing a psychiatrist about it (didn't find out until much later). I was lucky that jophil schooled me on the dangers of Cluster B women before I got too attached to her.

That's why you here BPD a lot around here.

 

[origin138]

Is there anyone on this forum who hasn't dated a BPD before, or better yet, who doesn't interact with some form of BPD woman daily?


I must be living on another planet, I have never seen such severe cases of BPD. And I never felt entitled to pin a diagnosis either.

My brother is a practicing adult/addiction and consultation psychiatrist, my father is a physician, and I have never ever heard them talk about BPD women, or BPD relationships. And boy, they have seen many women.

Isn't that strange? I am just wondering. Are there so many BPD's out there?

I think there are more "women with BPD traits" than actual, genuine "BPD women" out there. Often, men here confuse the two. They run into a woman who has a bit of a crazy streak and mistake a broken heart from chronic AFCism with a run-in with a borderline girl.

I always suspected the girl I dated had it. It wasn't until after we broke up that she told me she was diagnosed years earlier. She was as stripper (some have estimated as many as 75% of exotic dancers have some form of personality disorder), reacted irrationally to any period of time we spent apart, had cutting scars on her forearms, chemical/sexual addictions and the trademark quality of fvcking like a pornstar.

She was bisexual which meant that she also facilitated threesomes with strangers on a few different occasions while I was with her. She would tell me "yea, it's my fantasy to watch my man get sucked off by a beautiful woman". I would watch her approach (attractive) hetero women and seduce them into sex play with us. She would play with their hair, touch their shoulders and whisper in their ears and these broads ate it up. It was amazing to watch, and I think it's sh!t like that that makes these women so addictive.

When you've met a genuine BPD, and I've only met one thankfully, you know it without a doubt. They're behavior is so unlike anything more "normal" women would exhibit. The craziness is so blatant and unadulterated, it's unmistakable.

But back to your point, I think many more exist than are reported. Many of these broads go misdiagnosed and just live their crazy lives under the radar. I'm of the opinion that the 1% or 2% estimate on the books is probably a little conservative. It's probably more like 4-5%.

 

[Boilermaker]

Very informative.

Thanks Jitter and Origin.