The Introvert vs The Extrovert: Who has it better?

[Eph]

The introvert is excellent at maintaining mystery. They are perfectly fine with being on their own. Aloofness, indifference, etc, it all comes natural to the introvert.

The extrovert is incredible socially. They are good with social dynamics. They are always meeting new people. They are outgoing, high-energy people, that everyone loves to be around.

So, who do you think has it better when it comes to game? Obviously, there is no clear-defined winner. The introvert seems to have the advantage when it comes to maintaining attraction, while the extrovert seems better at creating interest. One is a starter, the other a finisher.

 

[Mike32ct]

I generally agree with all of the above.

There is no landslide winner; but, overall, the extrovert probably has the long term advantage because he interacts with more women.

But both sides clearly have their strengths and weaknesses.

Introverts: Be more friendly, outgoing, fun, flirty, charming, etc. Even though fluff talk / small talk and/or banter seems pointless to us, this is how people bond.

Extroverts: We know you like people and LOVE attention, but stop NEEDING it so much.

I think the PUAs are attempting to create this hybrid super game guy by wanting him to be outgoing AND not give a flying F if people respond (or respond positively). I think this approach has merit. An outgoing guy who loves people but doesn't NEED any of them would be unstoppable.

 

[Thorninmyside]

I think the one being himself and the most natural in his own skin has the edge. Too many times, I see introverts feeling like they need to be extroverts, by either their own pressure or outside influences, but being something you're not never works. Being the best version of your natural self does.

 

[Mike32ct]

I think the one being himself and the most natural in his own skin has the edge. Too many times, I see introverts feeling like they need to be extroverts, by either their own pressure or outside influences, but being something you're not never works. Being the best version of your natural self does.

I don't disagree. I actually LOVE being an introvert. I really don't WANT to try to "act" like an extrovert. But the introvert thing really doesn't work for me in the women department. A very good looking introvert will do fine because women will approach him. But an average looking introvert (in my case) is doomed to be largely invisible to women.

Plus introverts are not well understood. Plenty of people in person that don't know me that well think that I'm cold. I'm actually very warm and fun loving but it doesn't show through my natural aloofness. So, no, I'm not going "act" like an extrovert. But I do need to talk more in person so people can get to know me easier.

 

[Jack89]

I've actually seen many of my geeky nerdy introverted comrades who keep to themselves and not that great looking get positive reactions from females, funny thing is they don't read the IOIs. They give off that vibe of comfortable in their own skin and shrug off anyone that might criticize them.The hybrid intro/extro super human doesn't sound like a bad idea.

 

[Starfvcks 64]

I am a serious introvert. I can spend weeks, even months, by myself and not feel lonely at all. My personalty allows me to understand people on an empathetic level, so nothing is that surprising to me. There is a misconception people have that I consider myself "too good" because I am quiet yet confident, but really I just don't need the social interaction the way other people do. I understand the political games, but it's very hard for me to play them.

I feel like I do a good job with "introvert game" especially because the mystery element is so effective. I get in a LOT of fights with the stereotypical "alpha males" because they judge me too quickly and they get mad when I speak to them on an equal level. They are used to being challenged, or surrendered to and I just speak to them as an equal, unthreatened. It has caused a lot of problems for me, but I don't really know what I'm supposed to do. I use the word "stereotypical" because I think a lot of these guys are too insecure to be considered legitimately "alpha" but I'm not criticizing their game. Maybe it seems pretentious, but I consider myself to be "sigma," especially because I spend most of my time alone but can still get girls.

Extroverts have it easier in life, especially in the workplace, but introverts have their advantages.

 

[zekko]

Plus introverts are not well understood.

True, because introverts don't go around flashing their personalities in front of everyone like extroverts do.

Extroverts clearly have the advantage in the dating game because dating is a social game. The PUAs always talk about social proof and being the life of the party, the center of attention. That's the natural habitat of the extrovert.

Thing is, a lot of women are introverts, and those girls can get put off by the guy who is too outgoing. She will appreciate a guy who is willing to give her a little more one on one attention, she doesn't need the constant clamor of running around from one group to the next.

I am a strong introvert myself, and I think that's one reason I prefer having a LTR over plate spinning. Simply because there is only a certain number of people I like having in my life at one time. More people = more stress, more annoyance and irritation. Introverts tend to want a few close good friends instead of many shallow acquaintances, and that can be seen with women as well, at least for me.

 

[Cremasta]

Who sells the most cars?

The large car yard on the main street with a big sign and flashy showrooms?
Or the small second hand car yard with a donga for an office?

You can get all deep and meaningful about attracting quality women for the long term and argue it either way.
But if you want to give yourself the most opportunities and get laid as often as you can, just remember that women are mostly attracted to strong personalities who are convinced of their own self worth, so extroverts generally win here.

 

[Eph]

Who sells the most cars?

The large car yard on the main street with a big sign and flashy showrooms?
Or the small second hand car yard with a donga for an office?

You can get all deep and meaningful about attracting quality women for the long term and argue it either way.
But if you want to give yourself the most opportunities and get laid as often as you can, just remember that women are mostly attracted to strong personalities who are convinced of their own self worth, so extroverts generally win here.

I'm going to have to disagree here. Who says introverts aren't "convinced of their own self worth"? If anything, it seems like extroverts are constantly attempting to prove their self-worth.

 

[dutchmaster]

I don't disagree. I actually LOVE being an introvert. I really don't WANT to try to "act" like an extrovert. But the introvert thing really doesn't work for me in the women department. A very good looking introvert will do fine because women will approach him. But an average looking introvert (in my case) is doomed to be largely invisible to women.

Plus introverts are not well understood. Plenty of people in person that don't know me that well think that I'm cold. I'm actually very warm and fun loving but it doesn't show through my natural aloofness. So, no, I'm not going "act" like an extrovert. But I do need to talk more in person so people can get to know me easier.

How ironic that I'm extremely extroverted and wish I was more introverted. I work as a bartender with a bunch of chicks and can strike up a conversation about anything with anyone and have them laughing/feeling good. Whether it's at work, at a store, gym etc. But I'm too reliant on other people's opinions of me and with how much our society svcks nowadays it leaves me feeling empty sometimes. Many shallow friendships aren't the same as a few genuine deep ones. Very rarely I find people I actually respect and want a genuine connection with. I feel like introverts have less of a problem with that.

 

[VladPatton]

Unfortunately, it is the extrovert. Since the extrovert is social, he has a huge network, leading to outlets. He can get his car fixed, financial advice, go out with 3 chicks in a week, or go to a restaurant where his buddy is a waiter and hooks him up. The extrovert needs little skill. He just dials in access from his phone. If he can't do something, he'll have instant help.

The introvert, although more observant, smarter, less connected (if at all), does everything on his own because he has to. No one is there to help him out, no one to call for favors or hook ups. Therefore, he needs to spend more time working on solutions that need to get resolved, thus learning new things all the time instead of going out and socializing, because once again, he has to, he's alone.

That's how I see it. Booyakachuka!

 

[skinnyguy]

Introverts don't get laid. Extroverts work the social scene which is highly attractive to women. If you have tons of friends you become better looking to them. If you're not big on the social scene, women will think something is wrong with you.

 

[zekko]

I'm going to have to disagree here. Who says introverts aren't "convinced of their own self worth"? If anything, it seems like extroverts are constantly attempting to prove their self-worth.

Yeah, I know a lot of extroverts who seem like they come across as try hard. It's a weakness for them, they need the attention. Introverts are more independent, they can play the strong, silent type.

Introverts don't get laid. Extroverts work the social scene which is highly attractive to women. If you have tons of friends you become better looking to them. If you're not big on the social scene, women will think something is wrong with you.

I agree that ultimately the extrovert has the advantage because they tend to have larger social networks to work with. However, I disagree that introverts don't get laid. In fact, for the short term especially, an introvert can be just as social as an extrovert. I was very social when I was younger until I tired of it.

Remember, the guys who started the modern PUA movement were introverts who tried to analyze the social dynamics going on. In fact, I think some of the PUA advice I've read seems to be ways for introverts to emulate extroverts, which I don't think is necessary.

Also, I think the PUA's preoccupation with being big on the social scene is a little overblown. You can be a high value guy who is successful with women without being a social butterfly.

Especially as I've gotten older, I've started to OWN my introversion. I've almost made it a joke how much I can't stand to be around people. It's never seemed to bother my girlfriend any, and to some extent I think she can relate, and even find it courageous that I am willing to admit it. Since everyone else tries to play the "Yeah, I'm really cool with lots of friends" card, I think I come off as a refreshing change since I'm so genuinely indifferent about having other people around. In a way, it's kind of the ultimate "I don't give a fvck what other people think of me" attitude.

 

[Eph]

Unfortunately, it is the extrovert. Since the extrovert is social, he has a huge network, leading to outlets. He can get his car fixed, financial advice, go out with 3 chicks in a week, or go to a restaurant where his buddy is a waiter and hooks him up. The extrovert needs little skill. He just dials in access from his phone. If he can't do something, he'll have instant help.

The introvert, although more observant, smarter, less connected (if at all), does everything on his own because he has to. No one is there to help him out, no one to call for favors or hook ups. Therefore, he needs to spend more time working on solutions that need to get resolved, thus learning new things all the time instead of going out and socializing, because once again, he has to, he's alone.

That's how I see it. Booyakachuka!

But wouldn't you say this, in itself, gives the introvert an advantage? Once you get past the perceived value factor, and start looking at actual value, it is the introvert that truly has it.

 

[Mike32ct]

How ironic that I'm extremely extroverted and wish I was more introverted. I work as a bartender with a bunch of chicks and can strike up a conversation about anything with anyone and have them laughing/feeling good. Whether it's at work, at a store, gym etc. But I'm too reliant on other people's opinions of me and with how much our society svcks nowadays it leaves me feeling empty sometimes. Many shallow friendships aren't the same as a few genuine deep ones. Very rarely I find people I actually respect and want a genuine connection with. I feel like introverts have less of a problem with that.

I can understand this. Introverts like depth and "one on one" conversations. I would rather talk to one person for an hour than "work the room" and have 20 brief, shallow conversations. Having said that, I think introverts are capable of deep friendships. Even as an extrovert, when business is slow at the bar, you might find much enjoyment having an in-depth conversation with a more quiet, brainy, introvert type.

 

[Mike32ct]

Introverts don't get laid. Extroverts work the social scene which is highly attractive to women. If you have tons of friends you become better looking to them. If you're not big on the social scene, women will think something is wrong with you.

This is absolutely true for younger guys.

Fortunately, few people expect me to have a "crew" to roll with me at 38 so I'm ok there lol. Maybe one buddy or a date.

<I can't easily reply to multiple posters in one post on my phone, so I'm doing one at a time.>

 

[VladPatton]

But wouldn't you say this, in itself, gives the introvert an advantage? Once you get past the perceived value factor, and start looking at actual value, it is the introvert that truly has it.

This is true. But just like most things in life, the answer is balance. A combination of both is the best way to go.

 

[ArcBound]

That depends.

The data is flawed straight from the start when we give our own opinions on this matter.

Introverts, by definition, do not broadcast their things to other people.

So how in the world would you know how much poon, how many relationships, how many one night stands or LTRs an introvert would have?

Extroverts are more likely to make it obvious by definition as well.

So there is already a bias set in this thought experiment of "who has it better?"

 

[Cremasta]

I'm going to have to disagree here. Who says introverts aren't "convinced of their own self worth"?

There you go... getting all deep and meaningful
No, that wasn't what I was saying. I probably should have said "women are mostly attracted to strong personalities who seem convinced of their own self worth,"

The point I was making was that when you first meet a girl, it's all about the image you project.
They might say they want equal rights and all that, but I think that the majority of women still expect a guy to do the initial approach and this is where the extrovert has the advantage.

Whether you have real value is another matter.

 

[Starfvcks 64]

Seems like there are a lot of introverts here. What jobs do you all have?
I ask that because again I'm finding myself in a bad situation at work where I can't connect with anybody. I have the skills to manage and lead, but I always end up at the bottom because I have very few connections, and then can never manage to work my way up.