The "initiative" test... to pick up or not to pick up

[lord_mike]

Well, folks here is the situation... made a date for Wednesday... chick says, "You pick what we do. This is your chance to take the initiative." Ah... a test (and a complaint--man, if I'm any more agressive with her, they are going to put me in jail... but, I digress). Here's the catch...

I know about the last guy who tried to win her affections. He went over the top--taking her to Phantom of the Opera and all that crap... well, that put her off quick.... He was trying way too hard.

So, I have set up plans that are enjoyable and romantic, but modest and not over the top.

Only one question remains. The pickup. She lives about an hour away from me. The date location is halfway in between her place and mine. While it would show "initiative" for me to say to her tomorrow, "Here are the plans for Wednesday... I will pick you up for dinner," she may feel like I'm trying too hard by going so far out of my way (we met halfway on our first date).

So, do I offer to pick her up, or tell her to meet me there?

Your wisdom is greatly appreciated...

Thanks,

Mike

 

[Cloudtopsun2100]

just go pick her up.. don't worry about anything and just go with the C+F, spit your game, dominate the date and you'll do great.

 

[Survivor]

Originally posted by lord_mike
"You pick what we do. This is your chance to take the initiative."

This is a sign of high interest.

Its like playing goal line defense and the other team's QB telling you what play they're about to run.

I assume this a first or second date. Take on the traditional role of picking her up. And of course, be a gentleman. But beyond that don't be too concerned with her interest level and just focus on having fun on the date.

If you care too much about what she thinks, your thoughts become reactionary and you won't display the kind of "initiative" she's looking for out of you.

 

[sustainable007]

Meet her half way

Do not ask her...Tell her youll meet her halfway...This will knock her off her pedestal and you can test how much of a giver she is..

 

[uniassign]

hahaha, I love girls like that - who tells you what to do!

Personally I don't like picking a girl up until after I have been sleeping with her. It shows too much interest for my liking. I am a busy man, and for me to go out of my way to pick someone up, you have to be someone special and have proven yourself to me.

Why is it that you have to "win her affections"? She must impress you as well. If you keep thinking that you have to win her affections, you will be supplicating to her faster than you can order MacDonalds.

I gather this is your second date with her. I would take her to a picnic.


Ring her up and say to meet you at XXX at YYpm. Don't tell her where you are going or what you are doing. She will ask you, and you tell her what she has to wear. She will keep pressing, but you don't tell her. This will get her guessing, and the tension building.

 

[Walden]

Thinking too hard killer. What do you feel like doing?

 

[PocoDiablo]

Is this your first date? If so, it might make her uncomfortable to be stuck with you driving all evening. And what happens if the date bombs? Do you have to drive her home now? I've seen a post recently about "What do you do when the date goes bad?" I cannot imagine being with a women where no chemistry exists, and maybe even she hates me and now I have to (1) drive her 45 minutes home and THEN drive 1.5 hours home.

For my first dates I always have the woman meet me somewhere. I never pick her up. If she really wants to be with me, she will happily drive herself there.

(I'm a DocLove student, in case you hadn't guessed!)

 

[CEF]

If she owns a car I would probably meet her there. If she doesent its probably best to go pick her up cause public transpo suuuucks.

 

[comote]

Go pick her up and don't make a big deal out of it.
I gather that you already have the date set. Just say "I will pick you up at
7"(or whenever) and leave it at that. If she asks what your plans are say "this is your chance to be patient and see where I lead you."
It seems like you already know each other and so things like the "3 date rule" are no longer valid, picking her up and more importantly dropping her off gives you more chance to take things to the next level.

On the other hand, for a first date I like to keep it simple. Often I only have a plan for the first place we are going. Maybe just a simple restaraunt nothing extravagant(nothing that requires a 30 minute extra drive). At dinner I may mention an after dinner activity.

 

[Gipper]

I concur with comote and Survivor on this one. You chose to ask her out knowing she lived an hour away, so you have to step up and make it happen.

This is one of the problems I have with Doc Love. Some of his advice is OK, but when he gets into his mindset of, "If she doesn't crawl across the floor and lick your te$ticles on the first date, then her interest level is, at best, 40%. Time to move on.", I tune out.

Most women are waiting for you to take the lead, or initiative. If she agrees to meet you halfway with no hesitation, then good for you. Most chicks expect a little effort at least.

Gipper

 

[Soma]

I rarely pick a woman up. I almost aways have them meet me at my house and then i drive from there. If they are especially wary about it though, then I'll just have them meet me at the place.

The few times that I have picked a woman up, I have ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, told them that since I'm picking them up they are treating me to whatever it is we do (eating, games, etc). A couple girls have protested but I held my ground and they did it. One girl went so far as to tell me after eating dinner, "So, are you going to get the check or what?" I looked at her straight and replied, "No. It's all yours. I came out here, you're treating me." She paid. Afterwards she asked what I would have done if she didn't pay, I told her I would have got up, walked out, and left her there and all contact would end.

To be honest, I don't think you have the spine for this and if you were to try to play it down the line, she'd call you on it and you'd fold, which would make you look like a hardore wussy, which would be true.

There are so many things wrong with how you're handling this it's crazy.

-Taking her out
-Trying to impress her
-Worrying about what she thinks of you and your actions
-Overanalyzing the situation
-Comparing yourself to the last guy who took her out
etc etc


Anyway, as for your question...Don't tell her what you're doing, keep it a surprise. Just let her know you'll pick her up at whatever time and tell her what type of clothes to wear.

I see only a bad ending in this relationship for you but maybe it will help you to learn.

For you, I think David D's newsletters would be a good place to start.

 

[So Many Ways]

So how did it go?

 

[trump _tight21]

so many wayz i see you up on quik's boy suga free, you peep him out on that new lil jon cd? i know i'm way off topic