The inevitable social dry spell

[STR8UP]

Noticed a few "help pick me up" posts lately, so here's mine....

Well, it looks like I'm hitting a dry spell socially.

The worst part about it is that things are deteriorating for me and due to my current work situation I don't see it getting any better any time soon.

Over the past two or three months FOUR of my friends have moved out of state. One was a STR from last year...probably better she left but I did still hang with her and her group from time to time. Two of the others were friends of hers that I used to do things with occasionally, and the fourth one was the last chick I was fukking. What really sucks is that I was really hoping to set up a fukk buddy situation with that one. Oh well......

Damn, I work my ass off, probably 60-70+ hours per week, and I really look forward to getting out on Saturday nights, but it seems like the rest of my friends are never around any more. My good buddy and his girl who hooks me up with all of her friends have been pretty much MIA for weeks now

I know things will probably turn around eventually despite my crazy schedule, but it sucks when things hit the brakes right when you could benefit from having a few friends around, not to mention some easy pu$$y.

It's not easy to maintain a social life (especially with WOMEN) when you have very little free time.

Sorry, just had to vent.

Time for a couple of vodkas before I pass out and dream of better days

 

[edger]

Noticed a few "help pick me up" posts lately, so here's mine....

Well, it looks like I'm hitting a dry spell socially.

The worst part about it is that things are deteriorating for me and due to my current work situation I don't see it getting any better any time soon.

Over the past two or three months FOUR of my friends have moved out of state. One was a STR from last year...probably better she left but I did still hang with her and her group from time to time. Two of the others were friends of hers that I used to do things with occasionally, and the fourth one was the last chick I was fukking. What really sucks is that I was really hoping to set up a fukk buddy situation with that one. Oh well......

Damn, I work my ass off, probably 60-70+ hours per week, and I really look forward to getting out on Saturday nights, but it seems like the rest of my friends are never around any more. My good buddy and his girl who hooks me up with all of her friends have been pretty much MIA for weeks now

I know things will probably turn around eventually despite my crazy schedule, but it sucks when things hit the brakes right when you could benefit from having a few friends around, not to mention some easy pu$$y.

It's not easy to maintain a social life (especially with WOMEN) when you have very little free time.

Sorry, just had to vent.

Time for a couple of vodkas before I pass out and dream of better days

I don't meant to get so personal on ya and put you on the spot, but in all honesty, how often are you getting laid? Weekly? Once a month? Every 3-4 months? Are these random one nighters or f*ck buddies?

 

[STR8UP]

I don't meant to get so personal on ya and put you on the spot, but in all honesty, how often are you getting laid? Weekly? Once a month? Every 3-4 months? Are these random one nighters or f*ck buddies?

It's like with anything else in my life lately. Up and down.

I don't fukk a lot of women, but I have had quite a few sexual experiences in the recent past, if that makes any sense.

Up until recently i had quite a few women around I would fukk if I had the energy to seal the deal. Messed around with several, but it just wasn't worth the effort for something that I was lukewarm about.

Why can't i just find a NSA fukk buddy and a few friends that wanna hang out on Saturday night? Is that too much to ask? lol

 

[djzulu]

I know exactly what you mean! It happens to me all the time, work starts kicking in and I loose my social touch and with it the ladies. It's that work-mode thing, maybe I am just not too excited about my job, and being glued to a computer screen all day does not make you social.

I have found that when things are slower at work, I am not making as much $$$, but my confidence with girls and people in genera increases since I spend more time socializing. I think that in this day and age, where people are turning into cybernetic beings, we must exert an effort in order to maintain our social skills.

So the big question is - how do we maintain that balance?

 

[edger]

Why can't i just find a NSA fukk buddy and a few friends that wanna hang out on Saturday night? Is that too much to ask? lol

I know, I hear ya, I'm in the same situation regarding friends, and it sux balls, lol. Out of my 2 good buddies, both have women in their lives. One who's 34 just got married, and the other who's 35 has a serious girlfriend that he's been with for 3 years. They both only go out once on the weekend, unless there's a show/concert or some kind of event happening. Sux, but what can ya do.

You ever go out and try to hook up by yourself?

 

[Latinoman]

Takes a lot of skills and self confidence to go out by self.

Because when you are by yourself, you become the sole attention.

It is easier...much easier to go out with a friend.

I have been succesful doing both. But sometimes I rather meet with friends and do my thing.

Now...do to my schedule and career I don't even waste my time in nightclubs. I know position myself in places such as public transportation, conferences, etc.

 

[logic1]

Takes a lot of skills and self confidence to go out by self

Latinoman you made my day! I have to do this all the time because of age and friends ages and where they are at in life.

I feel it made me a more confident person.

STR8Up dont sweat the small stuff you can do it on your own.

 

[STR8UP]

I know exactly what you mean! It happens to me all the time, work starts kicking in and I loose my social touch and with it the ladies. It's that work-mode thing, maybe I am just not too excited about my job, and being glued to a computer screen all day does not make you social.

It isn't so much ME lately, it's my friends either moving away or not getting out as often.

I suppose I was just on a roll for awhile. It seemed like every weekend my social schedule was full and i was meeting new people (mainly women) and expanding my social circle quickly. Now it's like everyone has disappeared. Strange.

 

[STR8UP]

You ever go out and try to hook up by yourself?

See, that's the thing, I don't really go out with the intention of hooking up with women. I just like to kick it with my friends. And a side benefit of that up until recently was that I DID get hooked up with several women through my social group. I guess I got spoiled and took it for granted.

A couple of times during the past month I thought about hitting up a couple of places by myself. I knw some of the bartenders at one lounge type joint, and another place is a very small club that I always seem to get noticed by the ladies in (plus I know some very casual acquaintances that hang out there).

That's it. Next time I will hit these places up when no one else wants to go out. It's not the same without my posse, but it's always good to change things up from time to time.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Why limit yourself to just socializing on the weekend? Cut back on the hours and get out their and make some more friends. Venting isn't going to help you and waiting for things to "eventually" turn around definitely isn't going to.

 

[STR8UP]

Takes a lot of skills and self confidence to go out by self.

Because when you are by yourself, you become the sole attention.

It is easier...much easier to go out with a friend.

Yea, and to make matters worse I still suffer from the residual effects of social anxiety that i have had since i was a kid. It was pretty bad to varying degrees until i saw a doc and did a round of meds that really seemed to kick most of it for me. I still take clonozepam (like xanax) but if I take a whole pill and have a few drinks I might wake up on the street corner the next day :nono:

So I have a harder time than a lot of people would going out by myself. I'm gonna try it though.

 

[STR8UP]

Why limit yourself to just socializing on the weekend? Cut back on the hours and get out their and make some more friends. Venting isn't going to help you and waiting for things to "eventually" turn around definitely isn't going to.

Can't cut back on the hours. it's just not an option right now. Trust me, i would LOVE to.

I'm sitting at home now. i could be out, but I'm simply exhausted. I don't have the energy. I work 7 days and a few nights, but I don't have to be up until late on Sunday, so Saturday is the night to cut loose.

 

[Quiksilver]

Forgive me for posting in the mature man forum(i mostly read here due to the maturity level).

To view your situation from a different perspective will help you recover sooner. See this not as hard times, but rather as a test. A test of how you react to difficult situations. You're a smart guy, you know all the theory and fundamental aspects of being a DJ, and you have some experience to top it off.

Go out and create a social circle, be proactive, create your own route out of hard times.

You essentially said in the op that your social connections have been severed... That doesn't mean there aren't real people on the other side. Start getting socially involved(not necessarily sexually) with the "friend of a friend" acquaintances.

You know as well as any that once you break that initial Stranger barrier, most people open up and are friendly. It sounds like you need to step up your game and be proactive, not wait for good times to come around again.

--

working 70 hour weeks is a different problem. I've never had to work that much yet(most i've done is 35 hour weeks). Find out why exactly you're working those long hours, and see if you can work less(potentially sacraficing the income and thus some expense/luxury) to get your life back in balance.

just a thought.

cheers mate

 

[edger]

And a side benefit of that up until recently was that I DID get hooked up with several women through my social group. I guess I got spoiled and took it for granted.

I haven't hooked up with any chicks through my current social group. For one, my buddies don't have many or any female friends. Last time I hooked up with someone through my social group was probably back in high school. Since then, the women I've come across in my social groups have been ugly or the social groups I was hanging with weren't friends with any females. Places I meet women are at bars and clubs, or at shows/concerts.

A couple of times during the past month I thought about hitting up a couple of places by myself. I knw some of the bartenders at one lounge type joint, and another place is a very small club that I always seem to get noticed by the ladies in (plus I know some very casual acquaintances that hang out there).

That's it. Next time I will hit these places up when no one else wants to go out. It's not the same without my posse, but it's always good to change things up from time to time.

The only thing I don't do is go to bars alone(unless there's a good band playing), as I feel a bit awkward standing there by myself drinking a beer looking around at the walls, lol. That's just me though, other people might not feel awkward. I wish I didn't feel awkward because I'd probably meet more women. Clubs or concerts/shows on the other hand I don't mind.

 

[grinder]

Maintaining a social net can be trickier than it seems. Usually you have a few anchors that seem to function both as catalysts and connectors between the members. I’m referring to mostly male groups with some females too.

I remember you saying many of your friends are women. This introduces unforeseen complexities and issues. My personal opinion is the net is much less stable with more women.

In your case if a woman leaves the group that is a source of pvssy, or hooked you up with pvssy, or a catalyst then your personal loss is much greater.

Sure seems simpler when I’m hanging out with my male friends. No drama, no agenda’s, and it’s actually a nice break from women. Maybe add more male friends to the mix?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Can't cut back on the hours. it's just not an option right now. Trust me, i would LOVE to.

I'm sitting at home now. i could be out, but I'm simply exhausted. I don't have the energy. I work 7 days and a few nights, but I don't have to be up until late on Sunday, so Saturday is the night to cut loose.

A Story:


A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, rocks about 2" in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor then picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. "Now," said the professor, "I want you to recognize that this is your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, your children - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else. The small stuff."

He continued, "If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the rocks first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

 

[STR8UP]

You have to make your social life a priority just as you should your health. But damn I know how it is haven worked many of those 60 hour weeks myself. You need some time to relax and decompress from the stress and sometimes for me that means finding a nice quiet place to go like a bookstore. Not exactly your most social outing.

Only problem is i started a new business not too long ago and it requires even MORE than the 7 day work week that I already devote to it. Add the real estate investments to the equation and it's not a situation that is very conducive to maintaining a social network.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Only problem is i started a new business not too long ago and it requires even MORE than the 7 day work week that I already devote to it. Add the real estate investments to the equation and it's not a situation that is very conducive to maintaining a social network.

You may want to check out the book The Four Hour Work Week .

If you can find the time.

Which reminds me, there's an epilogue to my previous story.

After the professor told the class, "Take care of the rocks first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand" an engineering student then took the jar which the other students and the professor agreed was full, and proceeded to pour in a glass of beer. Of course the beer filled the remaining spaces within the jar making the jar truly full.

The moral of this story is: no matter how full your life is, there is always room for BEER.

 

[STR8UP]

The moral of this story is: no matter how full your life is, there is always room for BEER.

Oh, trust me, I always make time for beer, don't worry. Unfortunately it isn't usually at the micro brewery where I would enjoy it MOST (usually at home right before bed), but I enjoy it nonetheless.