The "I'm not gonna call until he calls" game

[darkstarrr]

Have you ever been dating a chic and you hang out on the weekend or whatever and then don't talk for a couple days and you find yourself thinking - should I call first or wait until she calls?

Then maybe you think that she is playing a power struggle and testing you. As if to see if one day if she decides to leave will you chase or not, right?
Maybe she is playing a little game.

Then you say to yourself, well fine - I'm not gonna call her now until she calls or contacts me first.

I've noticed this phenomenon seems to be a common variable on at least some occasions with some women I date.

Do you always do the same thing - which is just let them go and always wait for them to initiate contact first when you start thinking the above?

Is it all in our heads or are they actually playing the little game?
Meaning - is it me or is it her? or maybe its the both of us.
Maybe we both just need some time apart to miss each other, right?

Maybe I'm thinking about it too much and I shouldn't really care, right?
I betcha there are a ton of other guys out there that experience this little game, so I was just throwing it out there to hear your thoughts.

Oh and don't worry this is just one plate of mine who happens to be #1 on my list. There are others.

Thanks

 

[jophil28]

I use email to tease her and play with her emotions. Kind of cyber foreplay.

 

[Five To One]

Yes it does happen. Not often but some women do it. And they know exactly what they are doing. Its not just a random thing they do, they are trying to keep the power, which is never a good thing.


It can go to other things too, a heard from a mutual friend that my past girlfriend would not say "I love you" unless I said it first. Long story short we never said "I love you". We had a stupid power struggle over many things like that for 9 months before it ended with a great climax of tears and hate.

Keep it in mind because it is most definitely a red flag.

 

[mikeraw]

A girl I'm currently dating mentioned that on a particular day she played that same game with me... funny thing is that I was playing it, too, at the same time...

She called at 7 PM one evening, I didn't return her call until 9 PM and she didn't answer... I left a message saying that I was going to sleep soon and if I was awake I would answer her call (assuming she called back)... then, like 30 mins later I sent a text telling her I was going to sleep and she didn't reply to that at all.

Needless to say, I initiated no further contact until she called me the following day. I think it's the man's duty to make one or two tries in this situation. After that, NEXT her.

 

[Jeffst1980]

It's pretty common and not necessarily a red flag. A women with options has no need to "chase" guys and risk bruising her ego. Not initiating contact also allows her to filter out guys that aren't confident enough to pursue her.

It's the man's job to set up meetings and initiate contact, so get used to doing it. If you next girls that don't contact you after dates, you will be left with mostly desperate girls.

You shouldn't expect a girl to initiate ANYTHING till you've been intimate a few times.

 

[Sandow]

Yea there's 2 ways to play this game. The best way is to just call them, you're not giving away your power, your just being a man and initiating the call. You will have plenty of time to display ur leadership down the road.

The other way is to wait and have her contact you. I don't usually do this unless I'm spinning a lot of plates and very busy at the time. In most cases they won't contact you. Chances are, if she was HB7 or above, she's getting hit on by a plethora of men and has options. Hence she won't call you.

It's a numbers game. This isn't the time to be patient, you should act right away. The more you act, the more you increase your chances of success. And if she doesnt respond, who fing cares, theres about a million other girls out there waiting for me.

 

[Colossus]

If you next girls that don't contact you after dates, you will be left with mostly desperate girls.

This is true. Intuitively you would think that waiting for her to contact you is the DJ thing to do, right? I mean it filters out the ones with low to moderate interest..?

Wrong.

Not all interested women will step up and contact you first. If you feel the date(s) went well and her interest appears strong, wait a couple days and then call her. My rule of thumb is that if I havent heard from her after two or so days then I'll call her. Rarely will I wait longer than that. If I'm not interested I just dont call.

Often they will call or text me, and this is ok...but like Jeff said they are often the ones who are more desperate.

Dont overthink it. Dating is definitely a game of sorts, but part of being a Man is cutting through these pansy games.

 

[edger]

For all the problems I've been having with women(not getting laid since April of 2007, and note that that's because I'm very selective, as I only f*ck "hot" women), ironically, I can't say this has been a problem for me, lol. I've never had a problem with attractive women calling me first. Usually, yeah, they'll wait a while before they call, but they have eventually always called me. I had one chick in 2003(my AFC days), call me the day after I met her at a club.

 

[Frenchconnection]

This is what I'm currently experiencing and I hate it. So after thinking about it, I'll initiate and depending on her response i.e. she's down to hang out good, she flakes or whatever.. next!

So tired of playing games! :cuss:

 

[Sandow]

By now we should know that girls are unpredictable. They're very wishy-washy, one day she could be a sweetheart, the next day a stuck up bytch. So I stoppled taking their behavior personal. I've had girls hate me one day, then the next day love me! Who knows why they're like this, just know that they are and you can't take it peronally b/c most likely it has nothing to do with you. So if they respond-great. If not, even better. Lol

 

[guru1000]

You ALWAYS initiate contact UNTIL

she spreads her legs. Then you MAY let her come to you.

Never break this golden rule.

Never wait for a girl to initiate. You COURT her and establish the rapport. Call to make dates, not for chit chat. You are establishing the frame and preparing the future context of this rapport. Always understand, if you date her, she is interested.

Push for sex. Always push, push, push.

Once her legs spread, then you may relax and wait for a phone call.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hello DarkStarr,
Guru1000,has a good strategy,this is a very common ploy...maybe she read it was the approprite action in some dumb,Femmspeak Magazine at the Hairdressers...She's playing Games,if you want to Fvuck her ring and be submissive,knowing it will be one tricky game after another.

 

[Zonder]

Hello DarkStarr,
Guru1000,has a good strategy,this is a very common ploy...maybe she read it was the approprite action in some dumb,Femmspeak Magazine at the Hairdressers...She's playing Games,if you want to Fvuck her ring and be submissive,knowing it will be one tricky game after another.

Agreed. You may have to keep initiating for a while after you have sex. It's very common. It's not necessarily a trick but sometimes comes from their insecurity. It's just something standard we have to go through when we're dating. If she tries some real power moves you'll find out soon enough.

 

[darkstarrr]

You ALWAYS initiate contact UNTIL
she spreads her legs. Then you MAY let her come to you.
Never break this golden rule.

She's playing Games,if you want to Fvuck her ring and be submissive,knowing it will be one tricky game after another.

It's pretty common and not necessarily a red flag. A women with options has no need to "chase" guys and risk bruising her ego. Not initiating contact also allows her to filter out guys that aren't confident enough to pursue her.

It's the man's job to set up meetings and initiate contact, so get used to doing it. If you next girls that don't contact you after dates, you will be left with mostly desperate girls.

You shouldn't expect a girl to initiate ANYTHING till you've been intimate a few times.

Thanks for all the great responses.

I'm becomming to learn that maintaining my frame and everything else involved with life and specifically would-be intimate relationships --> is sort of like learning how to ride a bike, swim, or play a musical instrument.

Although it can take a lot longer to "get it", once you do, all your actions seem to naturally fall in line with how things ought to operate.

That being said I initiated contact several times in a row during the course of a week with the semi-standoffishness from the hb9, and then I said fuck it and let it go; didn't call or anything for 48 hours (haha sounds kinda funny right).

Then she had a breakdown at 1230am on Saturday night and started blowing up my phone asking me where I am who I'm with. The Bangra drum&base music blasting in the background at the club certainly tickled her in an interesting way.

Long story short she got drunk with some work friends of hers that night (mostly couples whom I know most of) and she was missing me and got "sad quite suddenly" talking about me to her friends to the point where one of her friends said "well if you miss him so much why not just call him" - so she did.

I've gotta always have it in me to be able to walk away and have it be real and not a facade.

I've gotta always maintain my own life and hobbies to keep myself an interesting, energetic, productive, efficient, consistent, and healthy individual (good food, exercise, and plenty of water and sleep).

The transformation I've been going through since I landed here last year is leading towards me turning into the type of individual whose time is quite valuable. They are slightly blessed to have me share my time with them, and not in a "prick" kind of way. I am polite yet firm with them meaning I don't put up with any BS. I'm educated enough now socially to be able to speak up when something reasonably pisses me off.

As simple/basic as my intial question on this thread seems to me now, its interesting how the answers I've heard from you guys, coupled with those that I've experienced first-hand are helping me to "get" the invisible but omnipresent rules of the game, so to speak.

Thanks.

 

[r4karte]

Just SMS him if you don't want to call her, it might be possible he will call you because you both are not going to get anything from that....