The "if she is interested she will contact you" theory...

[altec]

For me, I invite girls to things that I am going to already. That is why there isn't an offer to reschedule I think. Maybe I should skip that approach and just do a drink date but I like doing my own thing if a girl can join me than great. I think that most girls I interact with assume I am busy and have plans most days so they don't specially ask me out (i.e. even a female friend told me this). Just seems like a fine line for a girl making excuses vs. being genuinely busy/etc.

 

[NewJack]

Yeah, but my definition of balls is me going out and getting what I want. Not waiting for some girl to make my moves for me.

I respect what you're trying to say. But I just don't like the idea of me going out on a Friday night, meeting some girl, exchanging numbers, and then sitting back and waiting for her to call because "the ball is in her court." Why is the ball in her court? Why am I giving her power?

If I want this girl in my bedroom, why am I leaving it up to chance when I could easily make the first move?

I'm feeling cantankerous and provocative, let me switch gears into respectful and well-reasoned mode and try to say something that makes sense and could possibly benefit someone. Not that I think your strategy needs ammendment, Mantis, if it works for you.

Its not that one way is correct. Its a choice. Largely it also depends on how much passionate interest you bring to the subject. A passionate man has the energy to knock on a lot of doors, whereas I don't have that much energy for that kind of thing anymore. I'm not old but I am tired of "dating for dating's sake".

Women are like waterslides:

The ones that want you are greased, sliding down them is easy.

The ones that aren't greased, usually are hard to slide down.

If we as men preserve that little bit of discipline to restrain our passionate enthusiasm, e.g. if we put ourselves out there and then watch until they signal their desire - then we have almost guaranteed a greased slide.

If we insist on 'taking what we want', that slide is greased about 10% of the time. I'm pretty confident in that number, as it has external confirmation which would be too distracting to go into now. 9 friction-filled tumbles down an ungreased slide is a steep price to pay for getting what you want. Then there is the question of 'forcing yourself' onto people and how can we remain congruent to a sincere, open-hearted identity as men while we allow ourselves to view other people as "things we want" and sex as "getting what I want". There's some dangerous implications in that viewpoint as I imagine you are probably aware. Indications of sex-as-conquest mentality and so forth.

How this works on friday nights at a club, I dont know. I'm more casual-situation-oriented a la social circle.

 

[Serenity]

I have 2 examples of girls contacting me first. First one was online, sent messages pushing for a date, too bad she had low self-esteem. Second one I met randomly at a party, blew it later that night on a sh!t test and she disappeared. I forgot her and 3 days later she texts me, met her again shortly after and corrected my mistake.

Both ended in a fvck. If you got your mind in the right place this stuff just happens, it's not planned.

I'm fairly fresh since I came out of shyness only 6 months ago. This happened during summer.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

I had this 1 plate for I don't know 10-12 weeks. 1 or 2x a week we'd hook-up. Drinks, dinner @ hers or mine, bang then go home. She brings up being in a relationship at about 12 week mark. Keep in mind, I was pretty much always the one to intiate. I'm pretty sure she was introverted.

So this chick is asking about being in a relationship but yet rarely contacts me? I end up going N/C, pretty much ghost. Not a single text, not 1 call nothing from her? My only guess is she knew I had another plate and was wanting me to make a descision?

So yeah she could be interested but there is NO gaurantee she will contact you.

Super HIGH IL then yes she will contact.

 

[ChrisHughes]

I've had first dates with girls which I thought went badly, and never heard from them again. Bored, a month later, I send a text and they say "why did you never get in touch?" Sometimes radio silence can be misinterpreted. Some girls play it cool to a fault. Some are waiting for you to take the initiative 290% of the time.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

I doubt it since almost all girls are passive

 

[HumbleNinja]

Ok. Since most of you feel women are passive and hardly ever initiate contact when do you get the hint that they even though seemingly are interested in you really aren't?

Say you ask them out. They flake or don't respond when all else was going good and even at times mentioned or said sounds good etc. to going out.

To me if you ask a chick out and she flakes, or just goes through the motions once or twice and no response, no counter offer etc. she isn't really interested and isn't just being passive.

If you have nothing else better to do in life than chase chicks who can't reciprocate with meeting up etc. You're wasting your time for the most part you could be spending on more productive things in life.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

I think also women are usually passive in the beginning as their way of playing hard to get to see how much the guy wants her