The "if she is interested she will contact you" theory...

[altec]

So, a girl can't make a date, has some excuse, etc but doesn't offer to reschedule. So many DJers say "she isn't interested, next" in threads on here but how often does the girl really make the effort and ask you out. Even if the guy was "Brad Pitt", the common example on here, she would probably be intimidated and not contact him again and assume "if he is interested he will contact me again".

I am not talking about social circle game but in situations where you met the girl randomly/etc. I think a lot of girls are intimidated by that situation and yeah you need to build up comfort/rapport/etc but sometimes that can't be done in a situation where you don't have much time to talk to her/etc.

I know there is a fine line between getting one-itis on one girl and focussing too much effort on her. Is that why the standard "next" advice is given out so much just so people have an abundance mentality? It seems like it would pay to put a bit more effort into the one and two girls that you are actually interested in if you aren't just looking to bang.

 

[thatfeel]

There are no absolutes about anyone or anything in life. Everything posted on this forum is merely a guideline. Understand this and you will find the answer to your own question.

 

[Renegade357]

It doesn't matter at all how much you like a girl. It only matters how much they like you. Most of us have learned this the hard way

 

[BraddH]

There are no absolutes about anyone or anything in life. Everything posted on this forum is merely a guideline. Understand this and you will find the answer to your own question.

Yes. Absolutely.

 

[BraddH]

It doesn't matter at all how much you like a girl. It only matters how much they like you. Most of us have learned this the hard way

No. It doesnt matter how much a girl likes me. I dont care if anybody likes me or not. It depends on how much I like myself. If you like yourself, other will.

And yes it depends on how much you like her too. Without liking her enough, you would not even go out with her.

 

[Iceberg]

So, a girl can't make a date, has some excuse, etc but doesn't offer to reschedule. So many DJers say "she isn't interested, next" in threads on here but how often does the girl really make the effort and ask you out. Even if the guy was "Brad Pitt", the common example on here, she would probably be intimidated and not contact him again and assume "if he is interested he will contact me again".

Socially....whether it's a date, a friend, or whatever....if you make an offer to see someone, and they cannot attend for other reasons, the person USUALLY will say, "Nah I can't make Friday. But let's meet up next week."

Counteroffering isn't just a dating thing. It's just common social courtesy. You're basically telling the person, "I can't make it on "X" Day. But I appreciate your offer and would like to make another attempt to see you."

So yeah, when it's a dating situation and I've invited a girl out, I'll assume that (if she's interested) she'll make a counteroffer if she's unavailable on a certain day.

I am not talking about social circle game but in situations where you met the girl randomly/etc. I think a lot of girls are intimidated by that situation and yeah you need to build up comfort/rapport/etc but sometimes that can't be done in a situation where you don't have much time to talk to her/etc.

If I meet a girl at a bar, and we talk for 20-30 minutes, and exchange numbers, I really don't think it's THAT huge of a leap to believe that we've established enough rapport to hang out again. And if we didn't, how am I gonna build that comfort/rapport/etc? What...by texting?

I know there is a fine line between getting one-itis on one girl and focussing too much effort on her. Is that why the standard "next" advice is given out so much just so people have an abundance mentality? It seems like it would pay to put a bit more effort into the one and two girls that you are actually interested in if you aren't just looking to bang.

It depends on your definition of "putting in a bit more effort." At the end of the day, some girl who I'm not dating is just some girl who I'm not dating. The world is full of women who I'm not dating. So I'm not gonna spend weeks strategizing how to get some girl to have a drink with me.

If we're two adults who are interested in each other, I'd expect us both to act like it. So if "more effort" means, texting her 40 times before arranging our first date, I'm just gonna assume that she's not interested. Because it's really not that big of a deal to go on a date. Women go on dates all the time.

So if a woman makes it hard for me to arrange a date, then yes, I will next her. Quickly.

 

[Renegade357]

No. It doesnt matter how much a girl likes me.

LOL, if she's a prostitute or gold digger this is true.

 

[TheODB]

By and large the theor is wrong. Most women still assume passive roles in initial dating.

 

[BraddH]

By and large the theor is wrong. Most women still assume passive roles in initial dating.

Absolutely. With the theory of passive, women will always be the one waiting and being passive. Even in saying "I love you", she waits for you to say it first. Otherwise the theory of women being passive is absolutely false. Or there is some condtradiction.. Where is the logic men?

And I will never accept women being aggressive. Women are passive creatures; same as men being aggressive. Otherwise this theory fails completely.

LOL, if she's a prostitute or gold digger this is true.

Even if she's a normal hot girl it doesnt matter how much she likes me in the end. If she is a normal girl, naturally I will like her and for me, normal girl is one who likes you for logical, practical reasons that makes sense. So if she is normal and she likes me, good. If she does not like me, that is also good.

There is no influence on her liking me.

 

[954luigi]

I think you should keep trying, don't give up so easily. I once was taking to a girl that would forever ignore me. I would call/text her a lot not everyday tho but I would try to get a hold of her to try an initiate a something between us. She never answered for about 2 months. I know this may sound very desperate but I saw her almost everyday. She worked near my job and when I would see her I would act like nothing happens I never asked her why she didn't answer me.i got distracted with another girl about a month past and then the tables turned around. Long story short she got obsessed with me after i started ignoring her and we had a relationship for some time

 

[Renegade357]

I wouldn't call it aggressive but cooperative. When a women likes you they help you out. They actually answer the phone when you call. They accept dates. Eventually they start contacting you. They make it easy. It's supposed to be easy.

If this passive theory actually worked I'd be married with kids by now haha. That was the biggest problem I had most of my life was chasing women who weren't interested in me. I think many guys in here can relate.

 

[betheman]

women are miuch more pasive in the dating ritual, men are expected to take the lead and the risk.
if a woman is interested in you, she will subtley make you aware, trouble is, by the time the guy has logged on, ran it by the SS crew, absorbed all the advice, she has moved on.

seriously, a female 'friend' of mine, gave me a good anaology, women will often lay the trail of corn down...its up to you to pick it up!

always assume she is interested, if she is, she will make it known, if your wrong, learn from it and move on to the next one, Im not a big fan of cold approaching and 'getting the digits', Id rather go for IOI's, more subtle and fun, usually far more effective

 

[nismo-4]

It's kinda like Pokémon.

There were Pokémon that wanted to join Ash on his journey. They all agreed, but Ash still had to throw a Pokeball to catch them! And there were those who gave Ash a long battle before he could catch them.

Point is, you still gotta make moves. Or she'll move on!

 

[HumbleNinja]

women are miuch more pasive in the dating ritual, men are expected to take the lead and the risk.
if a woman is interested in you, she will subtley make you aware, trouble is, by the time the guy has logged on, ran it by the SS crew, absorbed all the advice, she has moved on.

seriously, a female 'friend' of mine, gave me a good anaology, women will often lay the trail of corn down...its up to you to pick it up!

always assume she is interested, if she is, she will make it known, if your wrong, learn from it and move on to the next one, Im not a big fan of cold approaching and 'getting the digits', Id rather go for IOI's, more subtle and fun, usually far more effective

True though some women will pretend to be interested but only for your attention. (need orbiters till the one they REALLY want goes after them or takes them back) and have no interest in actually going out with you. You have to call their bluff A.S.A.P.

Most IOI's, numbers given, etc. mean jack squat till you ask the chick out. Even IF she sounds interested in going, then flakes last minute with no counter offer. It's a wrap.

 

[skinnyguy]

No. It doesnt matter how much a girl likes me. I dont care if anybody likes me or not. It depends on how much I like myself. If you like yourself, other will.

And yes it depends on how much you like her too. Without liking her enough, you would not even go out with her.

It does matter how much a girl likes you. If no girl liked you, you'd jump off a bridge.

The notion that a girl will contact you after saying no is just comical. Girls don't text dudes first. Ever.

 

[betheman]

The notion that a girl will contact you after saying no is just comical. Girls don't text dudes first. Ever

wrong! admin worker where I work, we get on well, have a good laugh, take the pi$$ aout of each other, 13 years younger than me, starts texting me out of the blue one saturday night. she pushes me for a date. generally they dont but if a woman is into you, you will be very surprised how forward they can be.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

wrong! admin worker where I work, we get on well, have a good laugh, take the pi$$ aout of each other, 13 years younger than me, starts texting me out of the blue one saturday night. she pushes me for a date. generally they dont but if a woman is into you, you will be very surprised how forward they can be.

I wouldn't say "women dont text first EVER" like skinnywhine said. But in your case, you've had weeks or months of knowing the girl and building rapport. It's a little different than going out tonight and meeting a girl at the bar and expecting her to call you first.

But yes, when the rapport is sky-high, women will call first. But that's 1 out of 10 times. We have the testosterone, so we gotta take the risks. I wouldn't wanna blow an opportunity by putting that pressure on the woman.

 

[NewJack]

I think a lot of girls are intimidated by that situation and yeah you need to build up comfort/rapport/etc but sometimes that can't be done in a situation where you don't have much time to talk to her/etc.

first off, what im about to say is not vetted by the Council of North-American DJs.

You have a choice about how to read the situation. You can assume she is too frail to assert her own sexual interest, and contact her again. The thinking:

"She may want to get to know me, but just be too afraid to."

There's nothing wrong with this, on the surface of it.

However you are caught within the framework of a larger truth: you need to let women assert their own desires. Go ahead and do it this time, but what about the next time?

Yall dudes need the balls to let the ball be in her friggin' court. Its in her goddamn court. Now you're assuming a girl is too scared to make a phone call. If thats a true reading of the level of trust between you, how much rapport could you possibly have with her? If she's scared to call you, thats basically the same as her not wanting to call you, because women experience trust as an accelerant to desire, and lack of trust as an impediment to desire.

Once again, the woman giving a clear signal is ignored and rationalized to mean something else. This is fine for young guys to do but eventually you'll want to take the blinders off and realize what this situation actually means.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

Yall dudes need the balls to let the ball be in her friggin' court.

Yeah, but my definition of balls is me going out and getting what I want. Not waiting for some girl to make my moves for me.

I respect what you're trying to say. But I just don't like the idea of me going out on a Friday night, meeting some girl, exchanging numbers, and then sitting back and waiting for her to call because "the ball is in her court." Why is the ball in her court? Why am I giving her power?

If I want this girl in my bedroom, why am I leaving it up to chance when I could easily make the first move?

 

[betheman]

I wouldn't say "women dont text first EVER" like skinnywhine said. But in your case, you've had weeks or months of knowing the girl and building rapport. It's a little different than going out tonight and meeting a girl at the bar and expecting her to call you first.

thats a fair point. I was at a function on saturday gone, large mixed crowd, I was observing the floor as it were, 3 young guys came in, quite good looking, one of them seemed to just want food and helped himself twice without even looking around the room, 5 yards from him, a blond, was eying him like crazy, he left the room, she, quick discussion with two friends, excitedly got up and left, all four came back together, she made a space at the table for him. if they want you, they will make it obvious