The idea that rejection is nothing personal

[GoodMan32]

And it'll remain infuriating, IF you

-Continue dwelling on sh-t that happened back in junior high and HS, even though you're now in your THIRD DECADE of life

-Maintain a style and personality which drives off everyone, EXCEPT those who are similarly psychologically disturbed


Like so many guys who've spent entirely too long immersed in the MGTOW subculture, you're the male equivalent of an awkward little girl who became a devout Intersectionalist after her teens, then concocted an endless array of excuses for remaining a fu-king land whale/generally just being difficult to be around

This sh1t from when I was in school holds bearing today.

The arsonist, as well as the guy who made comments about wanting to kill babies, have hot wives.

Blaming my bad luck on being psychologically disturbed is a faulty argument. Arsonists are psychologically disturbed. And anyone who makes comments about wanting to kill babies is definitely psychologically disturbed. If psychological disturbance held a man back romantically, the arsonist and wannabe baby-killer wouldn't have such good luck romantically.

Oh Lord the excuses. Rejection is going to happen. NEXT! Seriously that must be the attitude whatever your mating game aim (short term/long term/casual/serious etc.) Who cares if I'm a girl?

Nobody can progress when they are busy ruminating about the past. Sure, we all would do well to examine our past to figure stuff out, but its the past. Its gone. Be in the moment now and move in such a way to go forward. Discard the stuff from school. School was years ago and that time of life is gone. It no longer exists. It does not serve you to obcess about whatever did or didn't happen there.

It is entirely irrational to spend mental bandwidth there. You are not the same person now.

As for opportunities there are tons of singles in Arizona. Lots of things to do, very active, fit outdoorsy community. Lots of nightlife around, particularly in metro PHX. Hiking, raquet sports, riding, golf, softball leagues, and all manner of Meet Up groups, activity clubs, etc. There's an active chess club even. Lots of lounges, coffee houses and entertainment venues. Read the PHX thread. Pretty accurate breakdown there in my view.

Rejection is the name of the game until you learn to quit worrying about it.

I have experienced rejection in looking for employment too. I didn't quit looking and start making excuses in that arena.....I get it, nobody loves rejection. But it is part of the process and you have to become immune to it; unaffected by it.

Otherwise you'll just make all manner of excuses, which is exactly what some here continue to choose to do.

I (in the context of wooing the opposite sex at least) am the same person I was in high school. This past summer, I told my counselor my current self is no different than my 15 year old self, in the sense that I still have a hard time talking to my romantic interests.

As for getting rejected by employers, the fact that doesn't bother me (or at the very least, it bothers me way less than romantic rejection) shows that the 2 are very different.

As for the Arizona thread, last time I checked out the thread, I remember the OP posting about how difficult the scene in Arizona is.

 

[CornbreadFed]

I have experienced rejection in looking for employment too. I didn't quit looking and start making excuses in that arena.....I get it, nobody loves rejection. But it is part of the process and you have to become immune to it; unaffected by it.

No offense, but this is much easier for a female to say. Not only do men have to deal with worse BS regarding a career, but women will also never understand the amount of mental abuse the frustrated average man must suffer through with dating. It's impossible not to come out scarred from dating for any group of men whether that be dealing with games, rejection, seeing women cheat on their partners, women doing unspeakable things for guys they find high value, and etc. I do understand that you were coming from good intentions, but a woman will just never understand what a men experiences in dating. Just like a man will never fully understand what a woman experiences in dating.

 

[GoodMan32]

It's still not personal.

Rejection isn't even real. You will never know the reasons and a lot of factors can go into whether a woman wants to spend time with you or not. It's just not worth the mental bandwidth to be analyzing it UNLESS you're using it to self improve. (I.e. your clothes are sloppy, your breath is bad, etc. - things you can control.)

Sometimes we know the reason.

I had a girl tell me it would hurt her reputation if we dated.

Even for the ones where I was never given the official reason, my autism (which is beyond my control) was likely to blame in most cases.

What I mean by that is: Even if she's not officially aware of my autism, my autism gives me certain characteristics that turn her off (and if it weren't for those characteristics, she'd likely say yeah)

And when D.P. Ray-who lived right next door in New Mexico https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Parker_Ray at a time when that state was FAR LESS populous than it is today-was still able to snag sh*tloads of tail, there's no excuse for any resident of The Grand Canyon state remaining empty handed

A state having a higher population doesn't mean much. If anything, a higher population is sometimes worse (because even though there's a larger pool of potential partners for us, there's also a larger pool of competition)

 

[CornbreadFed]

Do you agree with @CornbreadFed assertion that Chads and Prettyboys are different?

A Chad/ Tyrone is an objectively hot guy ( or as close to objective as you can get). He is tall, has a great jaw line, nice teeth etc. A lot of women like him cross culturally. These dudes get opportunities that us mere mortals dont. Women act a little different with them when they are alone.

I agreed with @SW15 and came to the conclusion that Chad's are just a modification of a Pretty Boy. Chad's are pretty boys with more slight masculine features and alpha/pack leader confidence. Chad's can be beta's too in regard to an Alpha-In-Training not the negative Beta connotation we refer as weak. A Brad is a pretty boy with more masculine features than a Chad and a Bro-ish side kick personality to the Alpha. I would consider Tyrone just a hyper-masculine guy with bad boy qualities and not a Chad at all. In addition, I do not think the African American community has a Chad archetype within it.

 

[GoodMan32]

No offense, but this is much easier for a female to say. Not only do men have to deal with worse BS regarding a career, but women will also never understand the amount of mental abuse the frustrated average man must suffer through with dating. It's impossible not to come out scarred from dating for any group of men whether that be dealing with games, rejection, seeing women cheat on their partners, women doing unspeakable things for guys they find high value, and etc. I do understand that you were coming from good intentions, but a woman will just never understand what a men experiences in dating. Just like a man will never fully understand what a woman experiences in dating.

I totally agree a woman will never comprehend what men go through in terms of finding a partner.

When it comes to employment, on the other hand, I'm unable to think of any meaningful way where gender makes a difference.

 

[corrector]

I would consider Tyrone just a hyper-masculine guy with bad boy qualities and not a Chad at all. In addition, I do not think the African American community has a Chad archetype within it.

Yes, the African American community has Tyrone. For a mixed guy such as myself, Chadrone (ie if I was 20 years younger, had a full afro hair, and looksmaxxed back then that is).

 

[GoodMan32]

Yes, the African American community has Tyrone. For a mixed guy such as myself, Chadrone (ie if I was 20 years younger, had a full afro hair, and looksmaxxed back then that is).

Yep, Tyrones/Chadrones are a thing in Canada too.

There was a basketball player from Ontario at my college. Ironically his name really was Tyrone. He was a total Tyrone in terms of getting cooch (playing college basketball likely played a major role in his good luck with the opposite sex)

At one point, there was talk of deporting Tyrone back to Canada because he aggravated assaulted a much smaller guy at a party (for flirting with Tyrone's girlfriend). I don't recall what became of the case.

 

[corrector]

I totally agree a woman will never comprehend what men go through in terms of finding a partner.

When it comes to employment, on the other hand, I'm unable to think of any meaningful way where gender makes a difference.

Yeah, women usually have a problem finding exclusive commitment, depending on what their looks are and what they bring to the table. If too many guys run through them, that were "thrill of the hunt" type of guys and pumped and dumped her while doing everything to win her over, making promises, and then ghosting her afterwards then she'll get jaded too and not be a happy camper, despite her SMV advantages and getting free sex, etc... . So I can understand some women are not happy campers and have depression, go on all sorts of meds because no guy (ie they like or satisfies their inflated SMV market ego) will take them seriously beyond a fun-time in the sack.

 

[Bokanovsky]

I've seen the idea bounced around on the internet that it's nothing personal when a woman rejects a guy.

That's the biggest bull$hit ever.

Are there some instances where a woman's rejection of a guy is nothing personal? Absolutely.

There are many instances, however, where the rejection is personal. Many times, a rejection happens because of something the guy said or did (and the rejection wouldn't have happened if he didn't say/do whatever thing drove her to reject him). It's been discussed in length on the forum about how all it takes to get rejected (or to make the woman quickly lose interest) is for the guy to say/do even one thing that gives her the ick factor.

Now for some examples of a rejection that isn't personal: If a woman rejects a guy for his looks, height, ethnicity, etc.

If she's not into your looks, height, or ethnicity, there is absolutely nothing you can say or do to make her want to be with you (except maybe becoming extremely wealthy)

As for me, I'd much rather get rejected for my looks, height, or ethnicity than get rejected for saying or doing the "wrong" thing. At least with a looks/height/ethnic rejection, it doesn't mean the woman thinks there's anything flawed with me personally. Alas though, I'd venture to guess way more of my rejections (as well as instances where the woman quickly loses interest) have been of the personal variety.

The only way rejection is not "personal" is if a woman legitimately has a boyfriend or husband, is a lesbian or asexual, or has serious mental health issues. Otherwise, it is 100% personal. She rejected you because she didn't like you enough.

But just because it's personal doesn't mean you should dwell on it. You can't appeal to everyone, nor should you try to. One thing you realize as you get older is that there are certain types of women that will find you attractive and you energy is much better spent identifying and targeting those women, as opposed to using the shotgun method.

 

[CornbreadFed]

I totally agree a woman will never comprehend what men go through in terms of finding a partner.

When it comes to employment, on the other hand, I'm unable to think of any meaningful way where gender makes a difference.

Male Privilege in the workplace has been a complex issue for a while. The issue is that only <1% of men experience this male privilege, and the remaining are set aside for other groups (mainly women) to have a chance in the workplace. It is basically a form of 99% of men are completely invisible to women type scenario.

 

[Westminster]

Male Privilege in the workplace has been a complex issue for a while. The issue is that only <1% of men experience this male privilege, and the remaining are set aside for other groups (mainly women) to have a chance in the workplace. It is basically a form of 99% of men are completely invisible to women type scenario.

I'd put it in more frank terms than that inasmuch as men are now frequently discriminated against in the workplace, especially when it comes to white-collar work, particularly in public-sector employment. This now extends to patterns of recruitment, promotion, workload, and discipline.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

One really doesn’t know why one is rejected. I asked a girl at work out. She gave me a soft ‘No’. A few months later, I asked her out again. She said ‘Yes’. I never asked her why she said’No’ the first time.
Don’t take rejection personally.
And don’t worry if you see her again after she rejects you.
this whole ‘guy asking girl out’ has been going on for a long time. It’s just part of life.

 

[CornbreadFed]

One really doesn’t know why one is rejected. I asked a girl at work out. She gave me a soft ‘No’. A few months later, I asked her out again. She said ‘Yes’. I never asked her why she said’No’ the first time.
Don’t take rejection personally.
And don’t worry if you see her again after she rejects you.
this whole ‘guy asking girl out’ has been going on for a long time. It’s just part of life.

She could have not been emotionally single at the time. Hypergamy is overblown by the Pills when in actuality women will just be cut-throat for a particular guy that fits her "Romeo". Women are not going to just drop everything they are doing for some random guy.

 

[BeExcellent]

The point of this thread is not to take rejection personally.

Here is what that really means:

Do not allow your internal self worth to be determined by some random (external) stranger's opinion about you. Dismiss it. Random strangers do not carry weight in a self assured person's mind. Why? Because your internal opinion about yourself should be what matters, not what some random stranger thinks.

***The excuses come from someone who has a need to be liked and externally validated by others.***

If rejection seriously bothers you read the above again.

I do not have that need. I am internally validated and do not care what others think about me. I mean Jesus. Look at the amount of grief I get around here:

"You are a chick, you don't understand...." and all manner of personal insults get thrown at me.

So what? I am IMPERVIOUS to all that because I am internally validated.

And the advice I offer (in this thread and others) is salient and often times could just as easily have come from a man.

As a bit of context, my husband used to worry openly about what strangers thought. Kind of like a teenager who is so self absorbed as to think everyone is looking at him (teenagers & young people normally develop through this stage emotionally on the way to adulthood). He'd say something along those lines (worrying about some random person's opinion) and I'd call him right out: "Why do you care? That is a random stranger you will never see again. What they think does not matter and has no bearing on your life"

You see self absorbed people don't realize that nobody cares. Nobody cares. You aren't that important. Neither am I. People are too worried about their own lives and issues to be spending time worrying about another random person's insecurities.

And that is why you cannot take rejection personally and why the opinions of others do not matter. People who reject you do not define who you are.

You do.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Do not allow your internal self worth to be determined by some random (external) stranger's opinion about you. Dismiss it. Random strangers do not carry weight in a self assured person's mind. Why? Because your internal opinion about yourself should be what matters, not what some random stranger thinks.

You really cannot because we are all human at the end of the day. Even rejections that builds us up is hard to take in. If you tell me that being rejected does not phase you then I know you are lying to me.

***The excuses come from someone who has a need to be liked and externally validated by others.***

No because I do not like being told that I am unattractive/undatable by women that I found just the opposite of that. Imagine putting in the hard to work to better yourself and getting outright rejected by a girl within your league because you don't look like her alpha widow Hipster Brad with a man bun and money to do God Know's What/NFL Player or Chris Hemsworth. When you constantly have to deal with that BS then it will take a toll on your confidence & self-esteem.

"You are a chick, you don't understand...." and all manner of personal insults get thrown at me.

So what? I am IMPERVIOUS to all that because I am internally validated.

Because women rarely get rejected upfront by men and will never understand the troubles of approaching women. A woman can walk into Kroger/Publix and probably find a guy to go out on a date with her within the first 3 tries. On the other hand, women get rejected in the back end and this where men cannot understand why y'all are all still obsessed with your Ex-boyfriends & flings.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I had never heard of him or watched that show. There's online discussion that Nate is either bisexual or gay.

In real life, Tom Brady in the 2000s-2010s is a well known example of a man that would have been perceived as a Chad. Brady's 'Chad' status is debatable and has been debated on other threads on this forum.

The dude is rich, bangs supermodels, and is one of the greatest Quarterbacks the game has ever seen, if not the greatest.

I'm pretty sure he could not care less.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You really cannot because we are all human at the end of the day. Even rejections that builds us up is hard to take in. If you tell me that being rejected does not phase you then I know you are lying to me.



No because I do not like being told that I am unattractive/undatable by women that I found just the opposite of that. Imagine putting in the hard to work to better yourself and getting outright rejected by a girl within your league because you don't look like her alpha widow Hipster Brad with a man bun and money to do God Know's What/NFL Player or Chris Hemsworth. When you constantly have to deal with that BS then it will take a toll on your confidence & self-esteem.



Because women rarely get rejected upfront by men and will never understand the troubles of approaching women. A woman can walk into Kroger/Publix and probably find a guy to go out on a date with her within the first 3 tries. On the other hand, women get rejected in the back end and this where men cannot understand why y'all are all still obsessed with your Ex-boyfriends & flings.

No more than being rejected for a job phases me.

I am a process oriented person, meaning I bulld out a system that works and then I know that no matter what happens, it's simply a matter of me putting enough time and effort into it while tweaking things as I go before it pays off.

So whether it's OLD, approaches in person, applying for jobs, etc, I don't get hung up on immediate results because at the end of the day I know I have a process that works for me and as long as I follow it, results will always be there once I let it play out over time.

So no, rejection doesn't phase me. If anything it drives me to work harder to overcome it.

The problem most people have is they are results oriented rather than process oriented.

Just because you get a positive result doesn't mean you have a good process for sustainable results and just because you get a bad result doesn't mean your process doesn't work.

They are two separate things.

 

[GoodMan32]

I'd put it in more frank terms than that inasmuch as men are now frequently discriminated against in the workplace, especially when it comes to white-collar work, particularly in public-sector employment. This now extends to patterns of recruitment, promotion, workload, and discipline.

One thing in terms of discipline is the fact men are petrified to flirt with a female coworker.

The workplace used to be a common place to find a partner. Then Me Too happened.

One really doesn’t know why one is rejected. I asked a girl at work out. She gave me a soft ‘No’. A few months later, I asked her out again. She said ‘Yes’. I never asked her why she said’No’ the first time.
Don’t take rejection personally.
And don’t worry if you see her again after she rejects you.
this whole ‘guy asking girl out’ has been going on for a long time. It’s just part of life.

Everyone is different as far as what we can handle.

I've run into gals post-rejection enough times to know I never want to be in that position again.

On the other hand, I've gotten my pubes ripped out in the most painful way possible (Brazilian wax)...something a lot of men couldn't handle.

I'd get a Brazilian wax again before I'd ask out a woman I regularly cross paths with.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

One thing in terms of discipline is the fact men are petrified to flirt with a female coworker.

The workplace used to be a common place to find a partner. Then Me Too happened.



Everyone is different as far as what we can handle.

I've run into gals post-rejection enough times to know I never want to be in that position again.

On the other hand, I've gotten my pubes ripped out in the most painful way possible (Brazilian wax)...something a lot of men couldn't handle.

I'd get a Brazilian wax again before I'd ask out a woman I regularly cross paths with.

It's hard to win at life when you approach it from a losing standpoint.

 

[GoodMan32]

The point of this thread is not to take rejection personally.

Here is what that really means:

Do not allow your internal self worth to be determined by some random (external) stranger's opinion about you. Dismiss it. Random strangers do not carry weight in a self assured person's mind. Why? Because your internal opinion about yourself should be what matters, not what some random stranger thinks.

***The excuses come from someone who has a need to be liked and externally validated by others.***

If rejection seriously bothers you read the above again.

I do not have that need. I am internally validated and do not care what others think about me. I mean Jesus. Look at the amount of grief I get around here:

"You are a chick, you don't understand...." and all manner of personal insults get thrown at me.

So what? I am IMPERVIOUS to all that because I am internally validated.

And the advice I offer (in this thread and others) is salient and often times could just as easily have come from a man.

As a bit of context, my husband used to worry openly about what strangers thought. Kind of like a teenager who is so self absorbed as to think everyone is looking at him (teenagers & young people normally develop through this stage emotionally on the way to adulthood). He'd say something along those lines (worrying about some random person's opinion) and I'd call him right out: "Why do you care? That is a random stranger you will never see again. What they think does not matter and has no bearing on your life"

You see self absorbed people don't realize that nobody cares. Nobody cares. You aren't that important. Neither am I. People are too worried about their own lives and issues to be spending time worrying about another random person's insecurities.

And that is why you cannot take rejection personally and why the opinions of others do not matter. People who reject you do not define who you are.

You do.

You're right, what random strangers think doesn't matter. That's why it didn't get to me when I was rejected every single time I went up to total strangers in public to ask if they'd like to come over for sex.

What gets to me is when a gal who isn't a total stranger rejects me.