The idea that rejection is nothing personal

[CornbreadFed]

Nah I’ve rejected hot women before if they annoy me. Or honestly just because she is attractive doesn’t mean you’re a good match. Or sometimes I am just tired or not picking up her signals fast enough and just rather be alone.

But personally I am selective. Some women (even if they espouse beauty traits) some are not my style. I’m often put off by tattoos and revealing clothes make her act too intense and full of herself. I will go for a bookworm woman dressed conservatively before a Las Vegas stripper on meth even if she is perfectly slim. I look for compatibility and health too.

Most men are not in the position to be rejecting hot women or being selective of what type of women they want.

Because women will reject men every step along the way of knowing her, it’s not just upon meeting her when you first express interest. She will mess with dudes during every stage of the game and wear a guy down with her nonsense if she wants to.

100% of women are in the position to be selective AF about the men they choose to date and have sex with.

 

[GoodMan32]

The reality is our confidence is fragile and should be protected when necessary. Yes, we need to have learning lessons, but those are from rejections that we can learn from. The goal is to shield yourself from pointless rejections that come from you being stubborn/lazy and focus on the areas that you are good at. If a man has faced a certain number of rejections, then his confidence level will be permanently damaged and beyond repair. For example, I could become rich and grow 5 inches tomorrow, but I am still going to have approach anxiety when it comes to approaching preppy white & Asian women because they have historically been the worse to me. However, I have zero issues approaching a Latina because they have always been easy for me. Men with permanent confidence damage are easy to spot and it is a pretty difficult thing to work around.

If only there were a certain demographic that's always been easy for me.

I've mentioned before on the forum that I've had some degree of luck with Latinas whose broken English means they don't pick up on some of my socially awkward comments. But I wouldn't say Latinas have been easy for me across the board.

There's a flaw in this thinking.

Someone who is aware of your quirks yet is ok with my quirks is someone already in the friend zone/acquaintance zone with you. It's very difficult as a man to move from a known friend/acquaintance to a sexual relationship of some kind. This is not specific to autists either. Plenty of neurotypicals have this issue.

With your friends/acquaintances, your best play is seeing if you could get introductions to their single friends with recommendations.



I agree with this. If a man takes too many rejections without successes, it is likely that his confidence level will be damaged significantly. The repair on that will be quite difficult.

This is part of why I am willing to take some soft no's on my approaches and not push harder and increase the number of hard no's I get.

The friend zone is a thing, no doubt.

I'm going to share some examples, however, where a woman knew about my quirks, yet was potentially into me.

I've had some female coworkers flirt with me through the years. Working with me gives you enough contact with me to pick up on my quirks. Yet a coworker isn't on the same level as a friend. Had I escalated, it's possible I would have gotten somewhere.

Work could be an ideal place to get a partner if it weren't for the Me Too thing. Even a lot of neurotypical men are afraid to pursue a woman at work thanks to Me Too.

Alas though, I suppose it's a moot point, as even if it weren't for Me Too, I'd still refuse to pursue a female coworker because I wouldn't want to risk putting myself in a position where I need to cross paths with her after a possible rejection.

 

[GoodMan32]

Nah I’ve rejected hot women before if they annoy me. Or honestly just because she is attractive doesn’t mean you’re a good match. Or sometimes I am just tired or not picking up her signals fast enough and just rather be alone.

Sometimes I think the truth about a lot of unlucky guys is they actually just want to be alone. In their heads they constantly think they want to get laid and feel good from sex with a women, but a lot of them just prefer going home alone. It’s easier.

Because women will reject men every step along the way of knowing her, it’s not just upon meeting her when you first express interest. She will mess with dudes during every stage of the game and wear a guy down with her nonsense if she wants to.

But personally I am selective. Some women (even if they espouse beauty traits) some are not my style. I’m often put off by tattoos and revealing clothes make her act too intense and full of herself. I will go for a bookworm woman dressed conservatively before a Las Vegas stripper on meth even if she is perfectly slim. I look for compatibility and health too.

Come to think of it, I possibly fall into the category of men who want to be alone. I fully admit coming home to no one is easier. There's all sorts of nonsense that comes with maintaining a relationship.

That being said, I still want free sex (and the self-esteem boost that comes with it), fetish play, as well as the self-esteem boost that comes from a woman going on dates with me. I'd like a woman to go to events with and travel with, even if I don't want the hassle of a girlfriend.

I suppose I need to be realistic. No woman is going to check all of the boxes I just mentioned.

Perhaps there's a reason the best sex I ever had was with a married woman I had an affair with back when I was 23. Since we weren't in a relationship with each other, there were none of the hassles that came with maintaining a relationship, yet I still got the self-esteem boost of getting free sex.

 

[GoodMan32]

Most men are not in the position to be rejecting hot women or being selective of what type of women they want.



100% of women are in the position to be selective AF about the men they choose to date and have sex with.

I'm extremely selective about the age of my partner (which is likely an added reason of why I struggle)

 

[BeExcellent]

In sales jobs I've had before, I was only there for a paycheck. I had no personal interest in the product (and I didn't even get any extra money for selling the product; all that would happen if I sold the product was the CEO would get wealthier...and the store manager would get a fatter bonus)

When I'm selling myself (asking a woman out), on the other hand, I am the product (per your own admission). So yeah, it's personal if I get rejected.

It's hard not to take it personally when it happens the vast majority of the time (something a beautiful woman like you would never understand)

See you make the quite faulty assumption that I have never been rejected. The difference is that if someone wasn't interested, I did not take it personally. And I moved on immediately, like nothing happened. Yes I am a beautiful woman so have the fortune of many options, that is true. But I do not get to pick just whoever I want, given the fact the I do not have indiscriminate sex, which I easily could, but there is no value in that for me.

But men will happily use a pretty woman if she has no discernment; if she undervalues herself.

So I have had to learn to read men's intentions very well, and I have also learned to walk away from men I liked who did not have long term intent. And not take it personally.

Do not make assumptions. You think because I am beautiful I have never experienced disappointment. You are dead wrong. Your faulty worldview thinks everything is easy for me. Not so.

As I espouse here, I had to look in the mirror and take ownership of my mistakes, assumptions, and at that time (having been a naieve 20 year old geeky virgin who didn't realize she was pretty) things I didn't know about men and their motivations.

So I had to learn a whole knowledge set and face reality. And not take it personal.

Each of you must calibrate yourself similarly.

 

[SW15]

I do not get to pick just whoever I want, given the fact the I do not have indiscriminate sex, which I easily could, but there is no value in that for me.

I have had to learn to read men's intentions very well, and I have also learned to walk away from men I liked who did not have long term intent. And not take it personally.

I had to learn a whole knowledge set and face reality. And not take it personal.

That's a challenge for a lot of women who desire commitment.

It's easy for women to get sex. It's more difficult to get sex with commitment.

It takes social skill to enforce a boundary that you desire commitment in order to have sex.

You rejected plenty of men. Fewer men likely walked away from you initially.

I can imagine that you'd be upset if a guy deceived you on commitment. You'd be upset if you misread a situation and had sex with a man who left after a few instances of sex.

 

[Pandora]

As long a man takes care of himself, acts masculine, puts his best foot forward, anything after that is gravy.

Where it does not get gravy is when a man doesn’t give it his all in his presentation and expects her to say yes. That breeds entitlement issues, which I am getting a lot of in this thread.

To your first point I 100% agree. If you present well and are normal guy, you should be able to find a decent looking chick who is crazy about you somewhere in this world.

The issue is a lot of men just are not in shape and dont dress well. They also have not done the emotional/ spiritual work to be cool guys.

Im not judging. We all have our struggles.

 

[Pandora]

Btw if a girl gets the " ick" and rejects you because of something you said then she never really liked you to begin with.

A girl will make excuses for the worst most cringe behavior if she is truly into your look.

Its never personal when they like you or dislike you. They are random af and the template for what they find attractive ( outside of Chads) is preset by their childhood.

 

[Barrister]

In middle school/high school/college (where a lot of my rejections come from), it's quite common for couples to meet organically through school.

The problem with “school” is that it’s not real life. It’s a bubble. Sure, I know these couples too who are my age but have been married for 20 years already. What’s your point? This refutes nothing.

Stop living in the past and worrying about how you were perceived back in grade school by girls who were children at the time (as you were as well). It’s never too late to turn it around. But you have to desire it. You just want to make excuses

 

[BaronOfHair]

When you're known as the creepy freak of the school, where girls at your high school dread the thought of you being into her, that's the textbook definition of personal

And you can be overcome by anguish when this happens, or you can say to yourself: "Might they be onto something? Could I be more well-socialized than I currently am? Could there be a more deft way of approaching besides what I'm doing now? I.E. Walking up to some chick I'd like to bed wearing a T-Shirt with "Winger" emblazoned across the front, then trying to woo her with a compendium of my favorite Lily Singh quotes, and photos of The El Mozote Massacre"

 

[BaronOfHair]

I'm extremely selective about the age of my partner (which is likely an added reason of why I struggle)

And you can choose to leave your fixation on bedding women much older than yourself in the past where it belongs, alongside fanny packs and The Plague Of Justinian...

You're reminiscent of a certain political party here in The US, who's doubling down on tactics and a strategy that's failed to win elections, all for the sake of FEELING real righteous

 

[justaroundthecorner]

Easier said than done, I felt almost always offended when female rejected me (like 97% of time, especially when I personally felt I was more than a good match for her) however now I understand that sometimes females reject you not because of your flaws in looks or personality department but because they feel that you do not really want or love them - i.e. a lot of them can tell between your lust and your true interest - most of my life I felt only lust towards my previous girlfriends (that I misjudged for healthy feelings) in fact I almost never cared how the female I was attracted to felt about me (aside of hoping to eventually bond with her on physical level)

 

[SW15]

I'm extremely selective about the age of my partner (which is likely an added reason of why I struggle)

And you can choose to leave your fixation on bedding women much older than yourself in the past where it belongs, alongside fanny packs and The Plague Of Justinian...

The older women thing is not helping one bit. It hurts a lot.

For extended dating, the most probable options are close to his age. @GoodMan32 has wasted some good years where he might have had options with young-ish women. A generic guy who is 33-34 can get a 29-31 year old and has better odds with a 29-31 year old than a 45-50 year old.

In middle school/high school/college (where a lot of my rejections come from), it's quite common for couples to meet organically through school.

The problem with “school” is that it’s not real life. It’s a bubble. Sure, I know these couples too who are my age but have been married for 20 years already. What’s your point? This refutes nothing.

Agree with the idea that school is a "bubble". Middle school and high school aren't at all relatable to dating as a working age individual.

College is the closest to be relatable to dating as a working age individual, but even is differnt. There's a reason that a specific college sex thread has done well on this forum.

Observations about college sex life from someone that went to a party school.

I thought I'd share this as someone who went to a party school and was in a fraternity there as well. Not wanting to give too much about myself but I went to UGA and graduated a few years ago. While Athens has its hot girls, I do feel like the quality got worse every year due to the admission...

www.sosuave.net

With middle/high school, bad experiences in those years can linger into well into adulthood. It's a common thing. It's a setback that many people can overcome with time, effort, self-improvement, and healing. It isn't an easy task.

When one looks at statistics, it's quite uncommon for high school or college relationships to stand the test of time. While school-formed relationships were common in the latter part of the 20th Century, they haven't been common in the 21st Century.

wearing a T-Shirt with "Winger" emblazoned across the front

This was a joke in Beavis & Butthead in the 1990s. The dorkiest kid wore a Winger t-shirt.

 

[JacquesMemoirs]

my school years were epic. Man those years are quite literally Heaven for a Mack.

Last year my mom showed me this box with all my school papers with report cards and other stuff. Man I didn’t even realize I was such a bad student. Like a C student who could have gotten all A’s if I would have paid attention.

I asked my mom why she didn’t get me a tutor and she’s said I spent my time kissing all the girls and chatting with girls and going to dances and movies to kiss girls and cheerleaders and the roller rink and the pool

Hell yeah

perfect attendance most years

 

[BaronOfHair]

my school years were epic. Man those years are quite literally Heaven for a Mack

Catching trout is a cinch, when they're in a pond that's somehow far less ample than Claire Danes's cleavage... That's not reflective of life on a larger scale

 

[corrector]

I'd say @Hamurabimbi is likely a guy here with that level of looks.

What about these other posters:
1) @BackInTheGame78
2) @Gamisch
3) @CornbreadFed

They are chad-tier too or normative?

 

[CornbreadFed]

What about these other posters:
1) @BackInTheGame78
2) @Gamisch
3) @CornbreadFed

They are chad-tier too or normative?

im the furthest thing from a Chad

 

[BackInTheGame78]

im the furthest thing from a Chad

Same.

At the end of the day, complaining gets you nowhere. You can either whine and complain or you can get results. Never both.

 

[SW15]

im the furthest thing from a Chad

It is easier to get results as a top tier guy (aka Chad Thundercocck). However, if a normie tier man does enough self-improvement, he might not reach Chad status but he can see some results.

 

[JacquesMemoirs]

Chads are the type to take steroids, drink whey powder, get tribal tattoos, and have a buzz cut beard trim job that looks mechanical. He probably played football in high school, has puffy muscles from inflammation, a bald chest, was in a college fraternity, probably had gay sex before, and says bro a lot.

That’s my stereotype of whatever a Chad might be