Is foreign to me. But it seems right. There are a zillion beautiful women on this planet, and being a man, when I see a hot one, naturally I think of sleeping with them.
Yet when I meet one girl it seems I automatically start thinking in terms of "girlfriend" and when I end up seeing another girl, I think of my oneitis instead.
Logically, I know this is totally wrong. I should never limit myself or my options. Again, zillions of hot chicks out there.
Currently, when I start to think in terms of monogamy, I at least know something is screwy. AFC tendencies. A lifetime of growing up with the "soul-mate myth" as Rollo would say. At the very least, I consciously know there is something wrong with limiting my options, even if I still have the tendency to start thinking of only one girl.
Girls come, girls go. There is so much variety out there. I'm thinking this is one of those turning points from AFC, to DJ... when you stop thinking in terms of "girlfriend". A part of me feels it's necessary to give a girl exclusivity.... and I know that's false. I KNOW that is the woman's aim, not my aim, as a man. A girl only becomes exclusive if she has earned that privilege. Not before.
I think that what's happening here is the last remnants of my former AFC self fighting back for control.
I can say to myself "reset--here's the answer. Zillions of beautiful women. You were literally built to screw as many chicks as you want. Understand the paradox--the less you think about women, the more fun you will have with them. Finding "the one" is a BS fairy tale you spent years believing in. Remember you have options. Women like men who know they have options. Enjoy as many women as possible until you can't take it anymore."
Guys what I guess I'm saying is I'm at the crossroads of how I used to be (AFC), and this new guy who really doesn't give a shyt. I have way more DJ type traits than I used to, they are combatting the old AFC ways. And inbetween is a bit of cognitive dissonance.
I find a girl who treats me right, we hit it off, and immediately I stop thinking of my other options. Or if I do, I start feeling guilty.
I feel like I have the angel on one shoulder and the devil on another. The fact is I used to idealize women so much, that now that I can see the positive effect I can have on women, it's fighting the part of me who used to think I'd be lucky to have just one. One thing I've learned is women NEVER meet those idealized expectations. They're not all that. They're o.k.
Don't tell me "reset, you're thinking like an AFC. Quit thinking about girls so much." I'm already telling this to myself.
But did anyone here experience this sort of dilemma?
Yet when I meet one girl it seems I automatically start thinking in terms of "girlfriend" and when I end up seeing another girl, I think of my oneitis instead.
Logically, I know this is totally wrong. I should never limit myself or my options. Again, zillions of hot chicks out there.
Currently, when I start to think in terms of monogamy, I at least know something is screwy. AFC tendencies. A lifetime of growing up with the "soul-mate myth" as Rollo would say. At the very least, I consciously know there is something wrong with limiting my options, even if I still have the tendency to start thinking of only one girl.
Girls come, girls go. There is so much variety out there. I'm thinking this is one of those turning points from AFC, to DJ... when you stop thinking in terms of "girlfriend". A part of me feels it's necessary to give a girl exclusivity.... and I know that's false. I KNOW that is the woman's aim, not my aim, as a man. A girl only becomes exclusive if she has earned that privilege. Not before.
I think that what's happening here is the last remnants of my former AFC self fighting back for control.
I can say to myself "reset--here's the answer. Zillions of beautiful women. You were literally built to screw as many chicks as you want. Understand the paradox--the less you think about women, the more fun you will have with them. Finding "the one" is a BS fairy tale you spent years believing in. Remember you have options. Women like men who know they have options. Enjoy as many women as possible until you can't take it anymore."
Guys what I guess I'm saying is I'm at the crossroads of how I used to be (AFC), and this new guy who really doesn't give a shyt. I have way more DJ type traits than I used to, they are combatting the old AFC ways. And inbetween is a bit of cognitive dissonance.
I find a girl who treats me right, we hit it off, and immediately I stop thinking of my other options. Or if I do, I start feeling guilty.
I feel like I have the angel on one shoulder and the devil on another. The fact is I used to idealize women so much, that now that I can see the positive effect I can have on women, it's fighting the part of me who used to think I'd be lucky to have just one. One thing I've learned is women NEVER meet those idealized expectations. They're not all that. They're o.k.
Don't tell me "reset, you're thinking like an AFC. Quit thinking about girls so much." I'm already telling this to myself.
But did anyone here experience this sort of dilemma?
