The good, the bad, the Ugly

[judoguy]

Well all you know I've been hurting being single but I just wanted to update and say Im doing better.

I've decided to get back to my old hobbies of hunting and fishing and working out hard.

I went with a few buddies out to the hunting cabin to clean it up for the Spring and "bro - out" with some beers and a nice bbq. It was an awesome experience and one I probably would not have had if I was still with the G/F.

The next day I went flyfishing in the Catskill mountains and it was awesome. I hung out by the river, got a tan and broed - out some more. After I got back I worked out... one of the hardest workouts I have done in a while. My rage of being dumped was fueling me. All in all it was a good weekend.

Monday and back to the grind... work got to me and started getting depressed. Im doing ok now, Nice weather !

I made a mistake about 5 mins ago. I called the ex... and left a voicemail. Something along the lines of " Hey I wanted to see how you are doing and have a really funny story to tell you... Call me back if you want...if not then whatever...bye"

I know this was a mistake but for some reason I was compelled to do it.. Dammit !

Anyway so that's what has been going on... let me know what you guys think... GO easy on me

and oh yea? where did the DJ bible go?

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

You did good work by getting out and hanging with your guys. It is an uphill battle, but trust me dude you are doing the right thing. You must throw yourself in that fire and do things you've never done or never thought you could do. I got out of a long LTR a couple months ago and I have come through that wrenching my guts out stage by facing reality and fighting for myself, every day. The whole thing is now getting smaller in the rearview, as it eventually will for you.

When I hit my Wilderness stage, it was terrible. I went through the denial, anger, acceptance cycle like 50 times a day. It was a sh!tbird sitting on my shoulder, and everyone saw it. Then it got worse. I rolled my truck and came to mirror the song "Nobody knows you when you're down and out", covered on Clapton Unplugged. Bad times.

Then something inside me snapped. I realized that no matter how bad things actually were, they were made so much worse by the amount of conflict going on inside me. What is conflict? It is your ego and your conscious mind battling your gut (aka reality). Become the man you will truly be proud of, the man who faces reality head on and chases destiny full tilt. I have come to see that relationships kill your ability to grow and improve as a man. You must do it alone, you must face reality and get in the fight for yourself.

I have come to see that the enemy is not my ex, it is not the guy she branch swung to, it is not my conditions, it is FEAR. It always was. Fear of loss, fear of the unknown. How do you defeat it? By going out in the world and kicking that bastard in the teeth every single day. I am now in the process of internalizing my new mantra of life, "Courage is always the answer." And it IS.

I will soon compile a post detailing how I have changed my life since I decided to kick fear out of it. It's always there, you have to fight it every single day. But you are so much closer to your goals when you finally realize who the enemy was, who was holding you back and making you doubt yourself. Face those fears, and fight to become the man you want to be.

*Oh, and don't call your ex ever again. Don't be afraid to lose her. Embrace it.

 

[judoguy]

Thanks for the responses guys and yea I know I should not have called her.

Oh well.. we live and learn. I guess its because I always used to share my life with her and when something happened to me I wanted to share it with her....

Anyway unbridled phoenix I am looking forward to that thread...

 

[Lenni]

Unbridled_Phoenix, that was an awesome post! :rockon: And I definitely wanna read about how you changed things

 

[romangod]

Thanks for the responses guys and yea I know I should not have called her.

Then why did you call her? That simple phone call caused more damage to yourself than she could ever inflict. Be a man and move on.


Cheers!

 

[judoguy]

So I promised myself I would post here before I did something stupid. This ***** is ****ing with my head !

She called my phone and left a voicemail in response to the voicemail I left her...

I called her last night at 9 30 pm and she calls me this morning at 950 am. HMMM what was she doing last night that she couldn't pick up the phone ? I wonder...

She leaves me this long sweet voicemail about how she was telling her "friends" about me and how she went to Atlantic City and won $90 by playing roulette, while betting on my birthday number. WTF

being really sweet and saying "please call me back"... telling me all this ****... after she dumped me

Dam IDK wut to do... be her friend? ignore her

AHHHHHHHHH.... I shouldn't have called her sorry ass

 

[496 Alcamino]

IMHO you did a great job. A major step in the right direction. Using your rage at the situation, to fuel an awesome workout, is dead on man. So is the time with your buddies. Right now it's got to be all about you. So far, pretty damn good!

You've got alot of steam to vent. Venting in a way that's going to buff you up, is just one way to put this crap behind you.

The slip up with the phone call, ain't squat. You know it was wrong. Do not do it again!! The zero contact thing is the absolute best way to lose the monkey on your back.

I really do identify with you here. I just traveled the road you are on about a year ago. You will emerge a better, stronger, and single man at the end of that road. That's all good stuff.

 

[496 Alcamino]

WHOA!!

Just say your update after I posted.

DO NOT CALL HER BACK!!!

The pain, hurt, and all the rest will come rushing right back!! You will hang up that phone, and immediatly want to kick yourself.

Been there, done that, hope to warn you off that. It sucks. Just believe.

 

[NewMan]

So I promised myself I would post here before I did something stupid. This ***** is ****ing with my head !

She called my phone and left a voicemail in response to the voicemail I left her...

I called her last night at 9 30 pm and she calls me this morning at 950 am. HMMM what was she doing last night that she couldn't pick up the phone ? I wonder...

She leaves me this long sweet voicemail about how she was telling her "friends" about me and how she went to Atlantic City and won $90 by playing roulette, while betting on my birthday number. WTF

being really sweet and saying "please call me back"... telling me all this ****... after she dumped me

Dam IDK wut to do... be her friend? ignore her

AHHHHHHHHH.... I shouldn't have called her sorry ass

And your buying this sh1t?

She just DUMPED your sorry a## - and your rewarding her - for what?.....

Talk about someone wanting to feel pain. do you really think there's anything you can do to get back with her? And even if you could, why would you?

Dude, she's done with you. What she feels for you is pitty. She pitty's the fact that you can't be a man and move on after she dumped you. She's throwing you a bone - and your like a puppy.

Time to start being a man. Does it hurt? you bet it does. But remember, there's nothing - NOTHING - you can do about it. It's OVER.

re-read that.

IT IS OVER.

So you have to choices:

1) Pine for this b1tch. Waste you emotional energy. Waste your time. Be her little lap dog for when she has time time for you (she'll call you when she feels like it - cause she doesn't give a fvck anymore)

OR

2) Cut off contact. Move on. Stand up straight. Improve. Stop giving in and rewarding you ex. Grow some b@lls - get out there and meet some other women.

I know which one I'd do - do you?

Oh and by the way,

HMMM what was she doing last night that she couldn't pick up the phone ? I wonder...

You don't need to wonder - you already know. She couldn't pick the phone up because she was riding another guys c0ck. That's the truth. i know she stopped putting out for you, it was a hassle for her, but the new guy is hitting that pvssy...... Be the new guy - not the loser who's pining for his ex.

 

[STR8UP]

I called her last night at 9 30 pm and she calls me this morning at 950 am. HMMM what was she doing last night that she couldn't pick up the phone ? I wonder...

Which is exactly why you do not have contact with exes.

If the doctor cut a cancerous lesion off your face would you ask him to re-attach it next week?

This is middle school stuff. I used to do the same thing until I realized what it was doing to me.

 

[judoguy]

Dam guys... my brain knows what you're saying, but not my heart. I mean...this was the girl I shared everything with... we were practically inseperable for 3 years... I know women can turn cold...but how could she be manipulating me like this and not feeling any feelings for me a measely 3 weeks after we broke up?

 

[piranha45]

to quote that fearsome piece of fine china

A man who pretends to understand women is bad manners. For him to really understand them is bad morals.

-Deep Dish

 

[Mr. Me]

I called her last night at 9 30 pm and she calls me this morning at 950 am. HMMM what was she doing last night that she couldn't pick up the phone ? I wonder...

This is the kind of crap that can to mess with your mind for days, even years to come by having your imagination fill in the details, and chances are, the ugliest way possible too. NO CONTACT ANYMORE. She dumped you, it's done, she made her choice. Her now getting in touch with you is her desiring to portray herself as being kind and considerate. "We'll always be friends!" type bullshyt. You've got better things to do in your life then waste more time dwelling on her. She's not dwelling on you.