Hello DJs,
Thank you in advance for reading my post. I've browsed this website in its several incarnations for the past five years or so. I haven't posted here in a very long time. I must say that this website and the posters that inhabit it have always been a gold mine of dating information and it has had long lasting positive impact on my romantic life. I've used the information I have gathered here to attract numerous women, including two long term relationships (one of three years that ended a couple months ago). Best of all, I've learned about gauging interest and not making a jackass of myself (at least not nearly as often as I used to).
Now, if you would be so kind as to indulge me by reading about my latest dilemma.
I’m actually a little embarrassed to even post this. It’s a little bit long and I may digress a bit at times—sometimes the digressions are more interesting than the main plot itself. If you aren’t into long-winded tales of boy-meets-girl, boy-gets-girl, boy-loses-girl, boy-feels-sorry-for-self then you may want to click on a different thread. But you might enjoy the story and hopefully be able to offer me some insight. And it’s a therapy for me—I’m hoping by writing this all down, it will get it off my mind, but it probably won’t.
In January, a young lady (30-31) moved next door to my best friend. Evidently she had moved to my city with her boyfriend last August (giving up a high powered job to do so). They moved in together, the relationship fell apart, and by January she was out on her own. I met her and she made no immediate impact on me at all. Pretty but not beautiful. Smart, but in the kind of way I typically would avoid. Professional woman, opinionated, bright, maybe a little too righteous--no thanks would be my normal answer.
As time passed I would frequently visit my best friend (who has an open house policy--friends wander in and out) and she and I became fast friends (somewhat surprisingly). We started to be quite flirty with each other (much to the agony of our other friends)—plenty of kino, touchy-feel stuff. It was clear to both of us that our friendship was always on the edge of something more, but there were some problems.
Sadly, there was still a certain level of entanglement with her ex-boyfriend (to this day I have never met the guy) but he was still occasionally involved in her life even though he had kicked her to the curb. The extent of this involvement, I don’t know, but her family and friends were encouraging her to cut ties with him completely and get on with her life, either in this city, or somewhere else. This subplot continued through the last two months—that she would be leaving town permanently at the end of April. Anyway, time went by and I became increasingly fond of her. I called her and asked her out on a couple of occasions but she resisted. But our friendship continued to grow despite our differences—it was pretty obvious to her that I liked her quite a bit. And I was pretty confident she was attracted to me also. There were just underlying issues regarding the recent breakup. It kind of didn’t really matter though because she was leaving town.
So, finally, last weekend I was over visiting my friends and it got late. During the night she informed all of us that she had decided to stay on in my town. This was a pleasant surprise, because I would have been sad had she left permanently. She was definitely my favorite of our group of friends. Anyway, the night went on and we had been drinking and I was resistant to driving home. One thing led to another and we eventually began kissing. I wound up staying overnight with her and we had what I would describe as a very intimate night and morning. She confided quite a bit in me about how she hadn’t been with anyone else but her ex-boyfriend for a very long time (years). She also has this highly unusual character trait—she was completely forthcoming about everything that was on her mind and how conflicted she was feeling due to the hold her bastard ex-boyfriend has on her (got her to move, dumped her ass, made her feel like crap, yet she still feels attached to him—this guy’s a freaking genius for being able to pull this off, whoever he is). I was, needless to say, a little put off by her candor, as I had never encountered anything like this in any woman I had ever met—and there have been quite a few. In a way, it was very refreshing—at least I knew where I stood and there was no game playing. She even told me why she had refused when I had asked her on dates. She had wanted to go, but was scared of changing the dynamic of our relationship because she was still f&%ked up in the head.
The sun rose Sunday morning and I had a brunch date with another friend. I kissed her goodbye and she was all smiles and seemed very happy. Off I went, a little bleary-eyed but with a spring in my step. I had finally taken the car out of first gear with the girl I want. It took a while, but I assure you, it wasn’t from lack of trying.
Sunday night my phone rang—I could see from the caller ID that it was her. This was a bad sign—I was worried she would be having second thoughts—but I answered it anyway and faced the music.
Here’s what happened after I left that morning:
Her ex-boyfriend showed up while she was still lying in bed. He brought a bunch cleaning supplies and was doing a surprise visit to clean her apartment (what the f*&k is that???). It’s obvious that she’s been up late and that she probably wasn’t alone. He acts all worried about her, she feels mortified like she had been cheating (even though they broke up months ago). She tries to explain that he should stop visiting her and get out of her life, but it doesn’t come out right. They clean the apartment—she feels guilty.
So she tells me she isn’t ready to start something with me because she’s afraid it will end in disaster. Also, she comes up with a few other minor obstacles, some of which make no sense. One of these is--I sh1t you not--Presidential politics. Evidently, she doesn’t like the candidate I happened to vote for in the last election. Why this is an issue, I have no idea, but the more I talk to her, the more I really think it is to her. This may be the silliest reason I have ever been rejected by a woman. But I don’t think it’s the whole story.
So, I’m fairly disappointed by all of this, but I know I’ll keep seeing her. And my cards are already on the table—she knows how fond I am of her. Any idiot could have figured that out, and she’s no dummy. Even my dumba$s friends had me pegged. So I figure—what the hell, I’ve already got my a$s hanging out the window and she is genuinely flattered—I can always wear her down with my rapier wit and sunny personality over time. She’ll cave eventually—it worked before, only it didn’t take. And I can see other girls at the same time anyway, even though I don’t like any of them nearly as much.
Last night our group of friends went to an event in our town. We all had a good time. It was the first time I’d seen her since I left her Sunday morning. She and I were pretty flirty and continued our conversation from the phone call Sunday. There was quite a bit of kino going on between us and witty, flirty banter. She doesn’t hesitate to talk about what’s on her mind and the stupid politics thing keeps coming up. The dumbest part is that I don’t even give a damn about politics. You’d think I was the f%&king party chairman or something. But she remained quite warm to me and at the end of the night, I resigned myself to just giving her a hug—it’s probably too soon to push the issue again and I recognized that the odds of me making a jackass of myself were through the ceiling. Because it was late and we were tired, she let me flake out on her spare bed, but alas, this time I was alone. So this brings us to this morning. I got up early and left and went home so I could come to work, but I don’t feel much like working. I sure wish I could stop thinking about it so much.
So I have some questions:
What the f&%k is the matter with her?
What the f&%k is the matter with me?
Why am I even attracted to this woman?
Why am I getting all infatuated like a teenager? Is there any hope for this? Or is this woman completely undatable?
Or is it just because I’m almost 35 and some primordial biological hourglass is controlling my every thought and feeling?
If there is something I can do, what the hell is it?
If all else fails, would any of you be kind enough to come here and knock some f%&king sense into my fool head? I’m normally not like this and I recognize that I’m breaking the paradigm I so rigidly set for myself when I found these pages years ago.
Thank you in advance for reading my post. I've browsed this website in its several incarnations for the past five years or so. I haven't posted here in a very long time. I must say that this website and the posters that inhabit it have always been a gold mine of dating information and it has had long lasting positive impact on my romantic life. I've used the information I have gathered here to attract numerous women, including two long term relationships (one of three years that ended a couple months ago). Best of all, I've learned about gauging interest and not making a jackass of myself (at least not nearly as often as I used to).
Now, if you would be so kind as to indulge me by reading about my latest dilemma.
I’m actually a little embarrassed to even post this. It’s a little bit long and I may digress a bit at times—sometimes the digressions are more interesting than the main plot itself. If you aren’t into long-winded tales of boy-meets-girl, boy-gets-girl, boy-loses-girl, boy-feels-sorry-for-self then you may want to click on a different thread. But you might enjoy the story and hopefully be able to offer me some insight. And it’s a therapy for me—I’m hoping by writing this all down, it will get it off my mind, but it probably won’t.
In January, a young lady (30-31) moved next door to my best friend. Evidently she had moved to my city with her boyfriend last August (giving up a high powered job to do so). They moved in together, the relationship fell apart, and by January she was out on her own. I met her and she made no immediate impact on me at all. Pretty but not beautiful. Smart, but in the kind of way I typically would avoid. Professional woman, opinionated, bright, maybe a little too righteous--no thanks would be my normal answer.
As time passed I would frequently visit my best friend (who has an open house policy--friends wander in and out) and she and I became fast friends (somewhat surprisingly). We started to be quite flirty with each other (much to the agony of our other friends)—plenty of kino, touchy-feel stuff. It was clear to both of us that our friendship was always on the edge of something more, but there were some problems.
Sadly, there was still a certain level of entanglement with her ex-boyfriend (to this day I have never met the guy) but he was still occasionally involved in her life even though he had kicked her to the curb. The extent of this involvement, I don’t know, but her family and friends were encouraging her to cut ties with him completely and get on with her life, either in this city, or somewhere else. This subplot continued through the last two months—that she would be leaving town permanently at the end of April. Anyway, time went by and I became increasingly fond of her. I called her and asked her out on a couple of occasions but she resisted. But our friendship continued to grow despite our differences—it was pretty obvious to her that I liked her quite a bit. And I was pretty confident she was attracted to me also. There were just underlying issues regarding the recent breakup. It kind of didn’t really matter though because she was leaving town.
So, finally, last weekend I was over visiting my friends and it got late. During the night she informed all of us that she had decided to stay on in my town. This was a pleasant surprise, because I would have been sad had she left permanently. She was definitely my favorite of our group of friends. Anyway, the night went on and we had been drinking and I was resistant to driving home. One thing led to another and we eventually began kissing. I wound up staying overnight with her and we had what I would describe as a very intimate night and morning. She confided quite a bit in me about how she hadn’t been with anyone else but her ex-boyfriend for a very long time (years). She also has this highly unusual character trait—she was completely forthcoming about everything that was on her mind and how conflicted she was feeling due to the hold her bastard ex-boyfriend has on her (got her to move, dumped her ass, made her feel like crap, yet she still feels attached to him—this guy’s a freaking genius for being able to pull this off, whoever he is). I was, needless to say, a little put off by her candor, as I had never encountered anything like this in any woman I had ever met—and there have been quite a few. In a way, it was very refreshing—at least I knew where I stood and there was no game playing. She even told me why she had refused when I had asked her on dates. She had wanted to go, but was scared of changing the dynamic of our relationship because she was still f&%ked up in the head.
The sun rose Sunday morning and I had a brunch date with another friend. I kissed her goodbye and she was all smiles and seemed very happy. Off I went, a little bleary-eyed but with a spring in my step. I had finally taken the car out of first gear with the girl I want. It took a while, but I assure you, it wasn’t from lack of trying.
Sunday night my phone rang—I could see from the caller ID that it was her. This was a bad sign—I was worried she would be having second thoughts—but I answered it anyway and faced the music.
Here’s what happened after I left that morning:
Her ex-boyfriend showed up while she was still lying in bed. He brought a bunch cleaning supplies and was doing a surprise visit to clean her apartment (what the f*&k is that???). It’s obvious that she’s been up late and that she probably wasn’t alone. He acts all worried about her, she feels mortified like she had been cheating (even though they broke up months ago). She tries to explain that he should stop visiting her and get out of her life, but it doesn’t come out right. They clean the apartment—she feels guilty.
So she tells me she isn’t ready to start something with me because she’s afraid it will end in disaster. Also, she comes up with a few other minor obstacles, some of which make no sense. One of these is--I sh1t you not--Presidential politics. Evidently, she doesn’t like the candidate I happened to vote for in the last election. Why this is an issue, I have no idea, but the more I talk to her, the more I really think it is to her. This may be the silliest reason I have ever been rejected by a woman. But I don’t think it’s the whole story.
So, I’m fairly disappointed by all of this, but I know I’ll keep seeing her. And my cards are already on the table—she knows how fond I am of her. Any idiot could have figured that out, and she’s no dummy. Even my dumba$s friends had me pegged. So I figure—what the hell, I’ve already got my a$s hanging out the window and she is genuinely flattered—I can always wear her down with my rapier wit and sunny personality over time. She’ll cave eventually—it worked before, only it didn’t take. And I can see other girls at the same time anyway, even though I don’t like any of them nearly as much.
Last night our group of friends went to an event in our town. We all had a good time. It was the first time I’d seen her since I left her Sunday morning. She and I were pretty flirty and continued our conversation from the phone call Sunday. There was quite a bit of kino going on between us and witty, flirty banter. She doesn’t hesitate to talk about what’s on her mind and the stupid politics thing keeps coming up. The dumbest part is that I don’t even give a damn about politics. You’d think I was the f%&king party chairman or something. But she remained quite warm to me and at the end of the night, I resigned myself to just giving her a hug—it’s probably too soon to push the issue again and I recognized that the odds of me making a jackass of myself were through the ceiling. Because it was late and we were tired, she let me flake out on her spare bed, but alas, this time I was alone. So this brings us to this morning. I got up early and left and went home so I could come to work, but I don’t feel much like working. I sure wish I could stop thinking about it so much.
So I have some questions:
What the f&%k is the matter with her?
What the f&%k is the matter with me?
Why am I even attracted to this woman?
Why am I getting all infatuated like a teenager? Is there any hope for this? Or is this woman completely undatable?
Or is it just because I’m almost 35 and some primordial biological hourglass is controlling my every thought and feeling?
If there is something I can do, what the hell is it?
If all else fails, would any of you be kind enough to come here and knock some f%&king sense into my fool head? I’m normally not like this and I recognize that I’m breaking the paradigm I so rigidly set for myself when I found these pages years ago.
