The Friend Label

[Kailex]

Interesting situation.

The more I read about the "Friendzone" in the last year, the more I begin to believe it's nothing more than a state of mind. Here's my issue with it...

#1: I'm in a frame of mind where I don't want to be in an LTR. I constantly want to spin plates and just have fun and go out and enjoy the spice that is life...

#2: I'm not supposed to listen to a woman's words... but instead measure her actions.


With that carefully laid out, I continue...
Whenever I would get told that we were nothing more than "just friends"... I'd exit, stage left and disappear in a cloud of smoke. Fine. But after visiting these boards three years ago and carefully rebuilding myself into Kailex 2.0... I decided I wouldn't care as much and just enjoy myself.

Here's the thing... lately I've gotten the "friend" label from a few women, but yet, we're everything but. It's all the benefits of a sexual relationship... even though we are "hanging out". I had one woman blatantly say we were just friends and she hoped she wasn't leading me on, and then got me naked and I made her scream out in tongues...

Basically, it just seems the M.O. lately is that I'm just friends with these women, don't become exclusive, have fun, no pressure...

Why wouldn't I want to be in the Friendzone again? Or is the Friendzone organic and it evolves naturally depending on what frame of mind you are in?

I don't remember the FZ being like this when I was younger.

Any thoughts? Comments?

 

[Slickster]

I believe there is a difference depending on how she says it.

If she says "We're just friends" or "I just wanna be friends" this usually means she's not attracted and you are being friendzoned.

However "We're friends" or "He is my friend" could mean she wants to play the field and you may be one of her options.

I've fvcked many girls who thought we were "friends" too. The key to making this work is by not treating them like friends at all. You treat them like fvckbuddies and only give them limited attention.

 

[Colossus]

However my best guess is they are sensing your devil-may-care attitude which has turned the tables on their "friends" test. Let's face it - it can be a test as much as an outright rejection. You saying "sure whatever" and then obviously showing you're prepared to drop her (friend or not) may be something they're not used to. It sounds like your frame speaks for itself and their "Friendzone" is really just a small test of congruency.

I agree Sam.

The classic FZ is when a guy is pining for the affections (sex and exclusivity) of a girl, and in doing so willing engages in a "friendship" defined by her. He hopes that by sticking it out and showing her how much more caring/loyal/attentive/kind/supplicating he is that she will eventually see the light and surrender her intimacy.

It sounds like Kailex is not getting the true FZ, but rather a declaration of non-dating by the female, and he just ignores it and proceeds as if they both want each other. Which is what you should do.

Behavior trumps all words, DJ 101. Girls I have found will assign various labels to a relationship to assuage their own guilt or justify something that unfolded differently than they had planned.

Another component I think is the casual approach modern girls have to sex. FWB relationships are just more acceptable now, and it doesnt carry the stigma it used to. I guess they figure "hey, guys can cavort around and take their trips to the vaginal buffet, why cant we do the same with c0ck?"

They can, certainly, they just don't realize that each trip costs them precious SMP value.

 

[Jules_Winfield]

I believe there is a difference depending on how she says it.

If she says "We're just friends" or "I just wanna be friends" this usually means she's not attracted and you are being friendzoned.

However "We're friends" or "He is my friend" could mean she wants to play the field and you may be one of her options.

I've fvcked many girls who thought we were "friends" too. The key to making this work is by not treating them like friends at all. You treat them like fvckbuddies and only give them limited attention.

This is about right. She's either in a relationship she's not telling you about or she's sleeping around and not telling you. I'm going the sleeping around route on this one. Whenever you are the guy on the side, the women are usually honest with you.

 

[like2jam]

I would love a few friends with benifits right about now.

 

[Kailex]

It sounds like Kailex is not getting the true FZ, but rather a declaration of non-dating by the female, and he just ignores it and proceeds as if they both want each other. Which is what you should do.

Behavior trumps all words, DJ 101. Girls I have found will assign various labels to a relationship to assuage their own guilt or justify something that unfolded differently than they had planned.

Definitely this.

I guess it really isn't the "classic" FZ. I just ignore it. I can tell now when I'm truly friendzoned and when I am in this phantom Friend Zone. I am just at a point where I don't care what any of them say about how they label it. I'm always sexual, always able to establish rapport, and get somewhere with it...

The fact that they are doing me a favor by NOT labeling the "relationship" plays exactly into my hands and is exactly what I want.

I've had one clearly state to me that the BJ she had given me was a one time deal only. I could have reacted negatively but I played it off, laughed and said "Sure". Two nights later, this "friend" called me over to her house... it definitely wasn't the last time it happened.

I was just curious because this is happening a lot lately... so I don't know if it's because I have a better understanding of the game, or if it is rather a trend in women... or both.

Ten years ago, if I would have been FZ'ed, I probably would have reacted negatively, butthurt, and turned AFC... now I see it as an opportunity.