The fall of a DJ......

[Craig Reeves]

As many of you know, I have been doing what I could for as long as I could to help those out who have needed help here on this forum. The only problem that I'm seeing now is that I am in need of help this time. I'm at a low right now when it comes to these matters - I've actually been at a low for the past 3 and a half months...

This whole thing started with this one girl who I wasn't even interested in. She was actually really attractive but I still just was interested in being friends with her and nothing more. We became pretty good friends but al of a sudden (as if it happened overnight) she started blocking my phone calls without warning (I did NOT call her that often at ALL). This same thing happened two two more times later.

Not to mention that I've moved to another university and it just doesn't seem like I am finding a woman that I am compatible with up here. It seems as if they're either taken, not my type, not interested in getting to know me no matter what I do or say because I just moved there, or even in the worst case scenario, white girls feeling threatened and uncomfortable because a black guy is actually talking to them.

I guess I'm at the point now of just asking for you guys' support. I honestly do not feel like a DJ anymore. I feel like a loser who's been wasting his time and there's nothing I can do about it. Sure I could go out, get phone numbers and the like. But what use is that if the woman will just all of a sudden stop liking me? I could even go out on dates....but what good is that if I'm certain that none of the women that I date will work for me?

I know I'm a DJ, but I just don't feel like one...

There's no need for me to read the DJ bible...not only did I write a lot of it but I already know all of the principles this site teaches - it's just that none of them are working for me and I'm just not getting the results I would like.

 

[darwinian_sympathiser]

Here my brutal and honest essay to you:

THERE ARE NO DJs, NO AFCs, no nothing.

In actual this entire site is, for want of a short phrase, for total losers like you. I'm not flaming you, I'm just being honest.

Now quit the f*ck complaining and get a life already . . . .

You tried to go onto to site and think that you could "change things", help people etc. . .

You had a lovely argument with mystery woman regarding the importance of looks and decried that we shouldn't be over rating it so much.

You also spouted out that attraction is not a choice but completely failed to see how you have condemned yourself by this - which, by the way me and Deepdish, and Pook and all the mature guys totally agree with. Attraction is not a choice, hence if I just happen to be attracted to a woman because she's hot it is therefore not my fault, because I have not choice in the matter.

I remember a poster saying that your comments meant well but you're way off base. Well you're way off base here, thinking that you're a DJ.

The most powerful and devastating thread on this forum belongs to Deepdish in his "Women are simple". That's all you need to read.

I am sick and tired of all your self righteous pontifications about how one should value other people's quality and attraction has to do a lot more with looks, because they're clearly false.

If I make an analogy, women are very much like the stock market, she only gives you what she can. You cannot impose your will on her, because if you do you will fail as all the 99% of failed traders will attest.

Do you, and for that matter everyone else looking at this thread, honestly think that by reading the stuff here and browsing through this site this can make you get anyone you want? Because if you do you must be the saddest loser on the earth and in need of psychiatric help.

There are no DJs, there are no AFCs, and there's no secret to women. Certain women like you, certain women don't, and the same goes for yourself. Nothing has changed or ever will. The only change for you is for yourself to change you, you cannot really change the other person.

You can only choose those who choose you. The reasons why a certain part of the population are single is mainly because those potential partners that are on offer to them they are not interested in, or they are interested in those that do not return their interest. And that story is as old as the human condition itself.

 

[Q-Pid]

Ignore the epiphatic pessimist who replied first.

DJs (and this goes for real people too) only fall if they let themselves.
No matter how much advice people give you, it's you that's got to pull yourself out of a ditch.

ONE girl doesn't like you - SO WHAT? There's like 3 billion on the planet.

If you're not succeeeding at Uni it's because you're not letting yourself. Of course women like you - you are man.

Mop up those tears and be one.

 

[Bible_Belt]

It sounds like you want a LTR. 21 y/o college girls are not big into LTRs.

 

[thederekeffect1]

Craig, I remember this same exact post somewhere else. I don't remember if it was on this forum or another, but I definatly remember the white girl comment in your post.

Would you stop being so god-damned depressed?

 

[darwinian_sympathiser]

Q-Unit, I'm not a pessimist, please don't miss understand me.

Let me put my point across:

There are no DJs, there are no AFCs.

What there are is opportunities that the market give you and you either accept them or not. Nothing more.

Do you honestly think that having the DJs skills (or whatever that means) you could get any girl you want? If that were true everyone would be doing it but this would bring out the situation in which everyone would win - this would violate the law of limited finite resources (i.e. there are only a so many hot women on this earth).

I guess you're right, Q-Unit, if it takes one girl to get him depressed then he should damn well grow up, I'm not saying he shouldn't - but you can't fight reality.

And as for you craig, if your so called friend is blocking your calls you should know that the girl is probably seeing someone and either she or her boyfriend sees you as a threat to their relationship. You would do the same. It's a sad fact of life but it just happens, I've seen it happen too many times to friends that I've known.

 

[Deep Dish]

There is one inspired “article” I’ve been meaning to write which has at its central theme that you cannot buy love. Any guy can get laid; it may not be with who he wants, he may have to ask one hundred women, or he may have to hire an escort, but any guy can get sex. But love is not out there for everyone. You must fight for what you believe in. By the same token, you just need to find a woman who’s a believer in you.

Last night I watched the movie Lost in Translation for about the fourth time and while it’s not about “dating” per se, the wonderful thing about the story is the aspect about soulful, emotional connections. Without it, we feel isolated. It has been my experiences that women don’t really lose interest in those relatively rare guys who, for whatever reason, triggered intense attraction. The “I really, really like you” attraction. Years go by and, circumstances permitted (or even not), they are still interested. Their “interest level” never dies down. So, in regards to “what use is [there] if the woman will just all of a sudden stop liking me,” you should consider the title of Greg Berhendt’s best-selling book for women, which for illustrative sake I’m changing the first word, She’s Just Not THAT Into You. They just weren’t... well, you know. Tough luck but, hey, what can you do.

It seems as if they’re either taken, not my type, not interested in getting to know me no matter what.

We have all been there, it certainly sounds like my life story, but there is a motto I live by which is “No Hope No Fear.” In other words, sometimes in life and particularly with love, things seem hopeless, but regardless, to have no fear about not finding what you want and fearlessly persisting.

 

[Mr. Cardio]

Okay, I promise not to make a long reply.

First off, to darwinan, I appreciate your brutal honesty, but next time, can you make it honest?

A don juan is not a series of tactics and techniques to get a girl, that is called used NLP or seduction. A don juan is a male who has grown into a man, he is a dominant male and it shows through his personality, body language, voice tone, etc. Women might not be running up to him and grabbing his balls, but when he walks in the room women pay attention and the attraction is there, period.

An AFC, is a guy who just does not know nor understand the attraction game, so the rely on what mommy taught them, and they become sensitive and buy girls things, etc., because that is what mommy or society told them that women like, and thats not what women are attracted to.

Darwinan, you are clueless, you need to read some of gunwitchs material. You are caught up in the hype, the hype that most guys get when they get to this site, looking for the secret technique or conversation pick up line to get puzzy, and the fact is, there is none. Be a dominant male, and talk about what the hell you want.

To the original poster, Mr. Craig Reeves, well, I have read some of your stuff. Now, I will be brutally honest like darwinan did, but I will actually be honest, and the fact is this, have you ever played the lottery? Okay, its when you get a number in your head and you just GOT TO play it in the midday or whatever, and you play that number, not sure if it will come out or not, but you just play it and hope to get lucky, only to..................not get so lucky, damn it...

What does this have to do with your question? Well, the lottery is based on the luck of the draw and hope, not research and preparation. You do know that success is a result of research and preparation, not luck and hope right, wellllllllll, back to your question.

What you KNOW, is how to attract women, but what you dont SEE is results, or, do you? See, some women, and defiantly black women, get these little attitude problems, but that does not mean the attraction left....you do KNOW HOW TO ATTRACT WOMEN RIGHT? Thats being the dominant male, as long as you are that, the attraction is still there, she is just acting like a bytch, so let her, go attract the next one.

You are a don juan, because you KNOW what you are doing, you are not playng some lottery and HOPING that you attract somebody, so just keep believing in yourself and go to the next girl, attraction is attraction and its not a choice, hell I got girls that dont even like me get attracted, aint that some shyt....

 

[darwinian_sympathiser]

Congratulations Mr Cardio, you haven't understood at all what I said, nor the context in which I said it. Well done!!

Now apply your definition of an AFC and a DJ to a girl that is just stringing you along or just does not like you - can you turn her around? Most likely answer is NO. It just hurts your ego too much to accept that a girl does not like you because of what she sees rather that what you did or not do, because that would force you to admit that the fault is with you, something most people decieve themselves about all their lives.

An AFC, is a guy who just does not know nor understand the attraction game, so the rely on what mommy taught them, and they become sensitive and buy girls things, etc., because that is what mommy or society told them that women like, and thats not what women are attracted to

Unfortunately this actually works for some women. I would say it be a corollary to the fact that there is no universal game.

Yes, Mr Cardio, I agree it is a numbers games, see 2ndtour's wonderful post in the DJ bible entitles, if I recall correctly, rejection collection.

Darwinan, you are clueless, you need to read some of gunwitchs material. You are caught up in the hype, the hype that most guys get when they get to this site, looking for the secret technique or conversation pick up line to get puzzy, and the fact is, there is none. Be a dominant male, and talk about what the hell you want.

you can all talk about dominance, but unfortunately for you the very definition of dominance forces one thing: there has to be subordinates. Why do you think society if layered the way it is? If everyone could mentally make themselves dominant there would be no subordinates and the very fact of being dominant would be worthless - since everyone else is. Fortunately - or unfortunately from where you stand on this - this will never happen. Firstly because it's incredibly hard to be successful at anything worthwhile, and secondly, alas, our natures would never allow it. All you have to do is to observe a group of primates in a zoo, and if you look closely enough within a few minutes you know who the dominant alpha male is.

Hey, Deepdish, I watched Lost in Translation too, like about 6 times now. There's so much in that film, it's kind of weird. That's how love should be in my opinion, but alas it's very rare - very rare. It's beautifully scripted and it just feels like your everyday love story but without the sex and the jealousies (well apart from that bit where she knocks on his door and sees that he's had a one night stand and they didn't talk much over lunch).

Craig, I'm going to be honest with you. Here's my take:

You are 21/22 years of age, you just moved into uni (probably done so for a few years), and away from the comforts and familarity of family and friends, you're at the stage in your life which is a fundamental turning point together with heighten sexual drive, and since you're not getting any it either drives you crazy, or in your case, depressed. In many ways you've lost your innocence.

Now can either do two things: you can continue being depressed or you learn to grow up like the rest of us.

 

[Q-Pid]

I did not misunderstand you. I merelyinterperated you as a pessimist. I still think you are one.

Originally posted by darwinian_sympathiser
Do you honestly think that having the DJs skills (or whatever that means) you could get any girl you want? If that were true everyone would be doing it but this would bring out the situation in which everyone would win - this would violate the law of limited finite resources (i.e. there are only a so many hot women on this earth).

DJ skills aren't about getting any women you want. They're about improving your chances of getting any women you want over joe schmoe. No-one is an invinceable lady killer, and it's a common misconception with a lot of people on this site that this is what we're aspiring to. The path to Don Juan is not perfection but betterment of one's self. That's why the pathto Don Juan never stops - it's continuos.

You use the analogy of marketing. Well consider DJ skills as a superior sales pitch/advertising campaign to other products. Backed up by the genuine belief that your product is superior to its rivals. Is it perfect? No! But will it sell more? Yes!

 

[darwinian_sympathiser]

Now we might agree on one thing, Q-Unit.

By all means improve oneself, but there is no path to being a DJ, since there is no such thing as a DJ.

And you'll agree with me on this, and so will Deepdish and others, there are just some individuals that are incredibly charistmatic, and always seem to attract a lot of interest from the majority of the female population whereas most others do not. What is their secret? Are they offering a better product? Most definitely. Are they superior alpha status individuals? Not necessarily. Can we emulate what they do and follow in their ways so that it can enhance our success? Well to the latter question I would say NO, and the purpose of this site would say YES.

There's your controversy.

Read a lot of what Deepdish says in his book of women threads. Read very carefully what Anti Dump says. In many ways a lot of people accuse Anti Dump of being an AFC and always saying that the woman has to be interested in you in the first place, but he's only pushing through a brutal fundamental fact that one's ego clouds one's eyes when you get someone. For want of an example of what I mean consider the following: why one earth, in fact why the F*CK (and I really mean why the F*CK) does it take a best selling book by Greg Berhendt entitled "He's not really that into you" for women to see the errors of their ways? Because, if you want to be brutally honest about it, human beings are very good at decieving themselves - that's a very painful fact that took me a long time to learn and see, and I'm sure that Pook and Deepdish and Anti Dump will attest to the same thing. It's just a part of growing up.

If you want me to be honest about it here is the prototype model of social behaviour:

You only end up with someone who wants you. The ones that don't want you do not allow you to get close to them. Likewise the ones that you don't want you do not allow to get close either. All is, therefore, fair in love. Leaving certain exceptional cases aside where the individual is psychologically dysfunctional, everyone acts and behaves in their own interests, if not rationally made then their feelings will automatically do it for them (via the imprinting mechanism - human version called the love map - for which Lorenz was jointly awarded his 1973 Nobel prize).

There is no secret to women, likewise there is no secret to men. Everyone complicates things usually because of one reason: they really like someone and they hope, nay want, to know if that person really likes them back. And as regards the qualifier "like", hardly anyone seems to give a thought to what they mean by that, or how or increase the chance of the "like" simply because they know that it's beyond their control, it's not their decision - it's the other person's.

Am I a pessimist? No. But I'm a pessimist in terms of Balzac or Golding. Balzac said he was pessimist but never dispairing. Golding said that he was a general pessimist but a comic optimist. You decide what you want to see in that.

 

[Q-Pid]

Originally posted by darwinian_sympathiser
You only end up with someone who wants you. The ones that don't want you do not allow you to get close to them. Likewise the ones that you don't want you do not allow to get close either. All is, therefore, fair in love. Leaving certain exceptional cases aside where the individual is psychologically dysfunctional, everyone acts and behaves in their own interests, if not rationally made then their feelings will automatically do it for them (via the imprinting mechanism - human version called the love map - for which Lorenz was jointly awarded his 1973 Nobel prize).

You only end up with someone who wants you - that is true. And the purpose of this website is make your self more "wantable". That is to say, a DJ.

Q-Unit: Practice makes perfect
darwinian: But there is no perfect!
darwinian: So why practice?
Q-Unit: To become more wantable.

I seem to get from you that you consider the term "DJ" or "AFC" to be specific levels of prowess. The truth is that they're VERY subjective. DJs are good with women.

Define "Good". It's vague isn't it.
Define "DJ". It's vague by extension.
Does Good exist? yes
Do DJs exist? yes

 

[DJ_in_making]

Originally posted by darwinian_sympathiser
Here my brutal and honest essay to you:

THERE ARE NO DJs, NO AFCs, no nothing.

In actual this entire site is, for want of a short phrase, for total losers like you.

 

[darwinian_sympathiser]

Q-Unit, this is my own personal experience:

All the women who were attracted to me made it bluntly clearly early on, it was just I was too young and inexperienced to read the signs.

One of them I would have married, she was devastatingly beautiful, the second I would have taken as a girlfriend and see how things went from there. But because I was such in a horrid emotional state I screwed things up.

When a woman likes you, believe me, you don't have to do much work. And if they're really that into you things will just happen. You would have to be a complete idiot, or going through a really bad time, to mess it up.

Now from the other side of the fence I have fancied someone who did not fancy me back. What happened was total awkwardness when when I tried to get us together - she just wouldn't let it happen!!! I was too young to realise it at the time, and had silly idealistic beliefs like young Craig has now, thinking that I could make her like me if I did something, or changed the way I acted or got better at other things to impress her. None of that helped. BondJamesBond said something that I would never forget:

"A real man would simply walk away and stop wasting time. An idiot will come up with a 100 excuses as to why a chick is being cold towards him but will never accept the bottom line: she doesn't want to f*ck with you."

This is what I mean when I say that there are no AFCs and there are no DJs. Something happens because both parties want it to. When it is one sided nothing will happen, in this scenario one party makes all the excuses, and the other party goes "yuck, I definitely don't want to f*ck him/her".

I'm sure that you and I and everyone else here had our fair share of women who we found horribly unttractive coming onto us leaving us with a feeling of total disgust. We get really cold and sometimes angry and awkward because our true natures are not being acknowledge by the person we don't like. And they act as if they could make us fancy them - which they can't no matter what.

 

[djbr]

Originally posted by Deep Dish
Last night I watched the movie Lost in Translation for about the fourth time and while it’s not about “dating” per se, the wonderful thing about the story is the aspect about soulful, emotional connections. Without it, we feel isolated. It has been my experiences that women don’t really lose interest in those relatively rare guys who, for whatever reason, triggered intense attraction. The “I really, really like you” attraction. Years go by and, circumstances permitted (or even not), they are still interested. Their “interest level” never dies down. So, in regards to “what use is [there] if the woman will just all of a sudden stop liking me,” you should consider the title of Greg Berhendt’s best-selling book for women, which for illustrative sake I’m changing the first word, She’s Just Not THAT Into You. They just weren’t... well, you know. Tough luck but, hey, what can you do.We have all been there, it certainly sounds like my life story, but there is a motto I live by which is “No Hope No Fear.” In other words, sometimes in life and particularly with love, things seem hopeless, but regardless, to have no fear about not finding what you want and fearlessly persisting.

I feel that. In my natural DJing phase, long before I found this forum, I was just that. I was so into the girls I chased that I built that IMMENSE connection. They all still like me. This was 5 years ago.

The problem with that approach is that it's very close to AFC's thing. Really caring about someone and JUST CARING ABOUT HER ís different, but sometimes it gets all mixed up in our heads.

And I was chasing multiple girls in that phase. That too makes a difference.