The Ex is back...

[lufc]

okay, so ill try make the story short. Me and this girl have been best friends for 6 months or so now... Whean i first met her she had a boyfriend of 8 months.. pretty serious.. she liked him a lot.. Anyway the broke up 2 months after we met after becoming really close. I wasn't the cause of the break up, their relationship just fell apart. Anyway being a friend that i was i helped her through her brake up. We became even tigher friends and eventually lovers. we hooked up. then we both established we were going to keep it just friends. We remained just as close. Moving on, we see each other regulary on a friend basis but we always end up flirting/touching and having a really fun time. It is obvious that there are still some feelings here. We both were at a party the other night and her ex was there. He kept asking her all of these questions about me. He started to to try crack onto her. He is just messing with her head. She resisted hooking up with him. This guy is obviosly trying to cut my grass and its kind of working. Being close friends she told me that he is on her mind and she got upset. Now heres the problem... What do i do? I do want to be just more than friends btu how do i it. Should i, for the time being help her get over her ex and be her friend.. Then in a couple of months do what i have to do to turn friends into lover? Or do i give up? Or do I tell her how i feel now? Should i just get on with things/date other girls etc? or will this turn her off me?

Hope someone can help.

Thanks

LuFc

 

[KontrollerX]

Become very distant from her.

If you are incredibly important to her she will realize it by your absence and choose you over the other guy.

By sticking around now when her interest is going in the ex's favor you are handing her the power over the situation. She has options and in her mind she believes that if she chooses to go with the ex you'll still be around to carry her emotional baggage.

Disengage and let her come to you instead of being her doormat.

 

[Axcell]

^^ I have to agree. That was a very short, but a very wise post.
Look, I know this sounds really ridiculous, but if you love her, be distant from her. At the moment, you are always making yourself available to her. Let her know that she needs to make time to fit YOUR busy schedule.
The moment she realizes your time is important, she will tend to like you more. If you like a girl and spend a lot of time with her and do anything you can to please her, she will not like you. If you don't spend too much time on her and let her know you have your own life, she will like you. Sounds dumb, but women are weird.
Don't you notice that you are the one she goes to when she has boyfriend trouble. You are showing traits of a FRIEND. You want to be a BOYFRIEND. It is time you started acting like a potential lover and stop listening to all her worthless crap about her boyfriend, you want to be the one she talks about to some other guy... not the other way around.

Good luck, let us know what happens!

 

[lufc]

so far so good

thanks for your replies guys!
i have been keeping my distance over the past few days and it seems to be working. But im not too sure how distant... When she calls do i pick up... When she texts do i text back. She called me last night twice but i didnt pick up... i dont want to be her 'doormat'. She then text me saying... "alright i get the picture". i left it till the morning then wrote a reply saying.. "haha chill liz... i fell asleep early".

Anymore advice and keys things at being distant effectively?

thanks again

lufc

 

[KontrollerX]

Hmmm, I think the thing you must do is not ignore all her attempts at communication but when you do talk with her don't let it go for hours the next time or whatever your normal amount of talking with her was.

And if she tries to bring up the boyfriend with you during the talks or starts to use you as her emotional baggage carrier in any other way do your best to become bored or act pre-occupied with something else.

No need to be a jerk about it but just find someway to cut the call short when she does this and make it seem like you've really got better things to do than listen to her tripe.

Sure in cases of genuine crisis like a family member or friend dying or something else serious you may console her and talk for hours or whatever but if she tries to start getting your sympathy by saying stupid sh** like "I just sprained my toe today owie owie owie!" you would say "yeah that sucks" and then immediately go into cutting the call short mode.

 

[GaryUranga]

go hit on other girls, after all shes just a "friend" right? or at least thats what she says, if she lieks you and seens you goign for other girls.. things will happen