The effect of your surroundings on your self esteem

[backbreaker]

I've been posting here for a while. most posters, even the guys who dont particularly like me, have to agree that I do not use the color of my skin (black) as an excuse. It is what it is and i'm a firm believer that most of the time, it's you, not the color of your skin that is the problem.
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Anyway, my mo will be 50 on Sunday. She's having this really big party she's rening out this hotel tomorrow and she's been planning this for a good 2 years so I flew in. i live in LA, right outside of LA, but my mom lives in Little Rock, Actually Sherwood, which is a nice little upper middle class suburb of little rock. once I got out of little rock, I liked it so much that I really do my best not to go back lol. I come back for random Arkansas razorback games, I came back for my grandmothers funeral, my aunts wedding, and one random Christmas. But I'm generally just there, and I leave. I don't really do stuff.

Anyway, bored as **** lol, after going to clubs in LA, the little rock club scene is a joke so i'm not interested in doing that. On top of that, my son is sleep and my wife really doesn't feel like getting out the house as we just got in today and she's tired. But I got to get out the house, especially my mom's house which we're staying at as i still have my room there lol all my mom wants to do is watch law and order and read the bible, and I need to do something.


So I'm like okay backbreaker what can you do lol. Okay, I say you know, There is a movie I've wanted to see for a while, the 100 foot joruney. I like the premise of the movie, rotten tomatoes gives it like a half decent rating, and i'm bored. So I'm going to go to the movie.


I moved from little rock to LA 8 years ago, to the point where I really do not remember how "bad" it was, I guess "bad" was "normal" for me but man.

lol so I'm sitting in line and this little white girl, about 15-16 is looking at me like i'm a unicorn or some **** lol. I mean, not " damn he's hot" look but "what the **** is that thing" look lol. It was kinda unnerving. so then I go get my seat in the movie theater, only back guy in the entire movie heather lol. There wasn't many people there, like 20. Nw granted, I understand that there is not a line long of black people outside to see the 100 foot journey lol, so this isn't the biggest of deals to me, i get it. It's a niche movie.

Anyway, so these 2 white girls, neither of them remotely attractive, come and sit smack dab next to me. one of them looks at me, whispers something ot her friend and they get up and go sit somewhere else.; I was like damn lol. I mean at least pretend to have a phone call or something lol.


8 years ago , a combination of being younger, and not knowing anything different I would have gotten into my feelings. Now living in LA I can recognize the ignorant **** for being racist, laugh it off and enjoy my movie. I had on some spuerrys, green polo shorts and a white polo shirt. not like i'm threatening looking or anything.


Anyway, my point is, living in little rock my entire life, then moving out of state.. I really did not understand.. it's kinda like, the poor african who doesn't know he's poor beucase that's all he has experienced. I didn't realize how much harder **** was for me and just thought that's the way it should be it's hard for everyone, but not like that.


There are minorities, i'm not just talking about black guys here, but all minorities, that are living in areas that are not racially diverse.


LEAVE.



I cannot stress the benefits enough of living in a racially diverse city has done for me. Not just dating, but my self esteem.. I'm not just the color of mys kin anymore. I went from being the token black guy friend, the guy who was "safe" and "white approved" lol, ,when I lived in little rock to being a guy people actually wanted to hang around because he was an interesting person, who happened to be black.


There are some things, being confident, being built, being whatever, being "alpha" just isn't going to fix, and this is kinda one of them. No one is perfect, no where is perfect, but this is something that can be tangiablly fixed.



Say I was still single. Then you want to tell me after I just had a white girl(s), not even cute ones, look at me and get up and leave to go sit somewhere else, to go talk to girls in the club later that night and "not give a ****" that's impossible to do. I don't even have willpower that strong.;



I told my wife when I got home, this will be the last time I ever come back to little rock for any reason.


This goes beyond race. My mom and I , don't have the best relationship. I told her a few times her act is wearing thin. She keeps pushing along, so i said okay, i don't have to deal with the drama, i don't' care if you are my mom. We really dont' talk anymore. My dad and I DON'T' talk anymore i have not talked to him in about half a decade and have no desire to.

One of the most important lessons SI learned in my 2's is the effect your environment has on your self esteem/ Rather it be you getting looked at because you're the only black guy in a movie theater, or you have parents that treat you like ****, or you don't fit in at work, CHANGE IT. to the best of your ability.

 

[ChrisFloyd]

Why you read Rotten Tomatoes, not IMDB, which gave the film 7.4 rating?

Did you buy popcorn? Soft Drinks?

 

[backbreaker]

i bought some kit kats and a medium cherry coke. don't really care for popcorn

 

[ErnestHenley]

BB, I too am not white and have in the past experienced what you have. I would like to add the importance of your social circle to this too. It is very important to surround yourself with good people regardless of culture. The ironic situation to me here was that those of the same ethnicity as me in my highschool days treated me like the village idiot. My confidence was blown. Any dreams I thought of was laid to rest in realism.

Once graduation came around and I left, I've never looked back. Surround yourself with good people of what ever race or views or what ever and you will reap the rewards. People who may butt heads with you but respect you will push you to become better. People who love you will care for you and watch out for you. We always forget that at the end of the day, we have the free will to change our circumstances regardless of the situation we are in.

 

[ChrisFloyd]

i bought some kit kats and a medium cherry coke. don't really care for popcorn

lol cherry coke.

Real men drink the original coke, not zero, not diet, not even cherry. :nono:

 

[Dhoulmagus]

Agreed, i have family that lives in the south, midwest, and west. Guess who which ones are the negative cynical ones? The southern ones lol. My uncle moved to Cali to pursue white girls and he has never came back lol after 12 years. He refuses to come back to tn lol.

 

[hudpes]

Your surroundings mold you, even if you are fully aware of yourself and everything that's going on, you can't help but be influenced by it, so best you can do is make wise choices and the worst you can do is miss them and thereby evoke fate.

 

[zinc4]

He'll, I'm white and southern small cities ate very difficult for me...they really really suck for gaming...have to really lower your standards abd even then, success is difficult.

 

[HowardHughesDicaprio]

Fat, unattractive, and plain looking girls are usually the biggest b*tches out there. I do think that this whole misfortune affected you though, even though you are here denying it.

That said, I believe the opposite, living in racially diverse areas has actually sucked for me as a middle eastern guy. I have had race come up a lot more when I was around the "liberal" and "diverse" areas as opposed to being in areas where most of the people are white. One of my cousins is engaged to a blonde bombshell and he looks very swarthy, almost like a mestizo but with more caucasian features, and he lives in a diverse area of Florida. There he gets so much anger, hate, and animosity not only from whites but other races.

Minorities can be just as, if not more, racist towards each other as whites can be. I have probably faced more racism from Arabs that looked white compared to actual Whites themselves because I am darker. In fact women of minority groups have often tried to guilt trip me into dating them and when I said no and dated a white girl instead, you can bet every single racial slur in the book started flying around and it was in your face type of racism too.

The south seems to be one weird and ****ed up place though: obesity rates are high, not much variety outside of black and anglo white women, and then you have the stigma against interracial dating which I doubt would affect an arabian guy as much as it would a black guy though. That said, black and white marriages are higher in the south than anywhere else in the country so it can't be all bad.

I just think you need to be in a more socially liberal area and you are good to go. Racial diversity hardly matters at all, if anything areas with a lot of racial diversity are also those where people try to fit in with their own race groups and hardly get along. I have had a much easier time getting hot white girls in places where almost everyone was white compared to places where whites were the minority.

For some reason, when a white girl is around a lot of minorities, she feels that princess complex and knows that she is in high demand compared to a white girl that is around a lot of other whites. Getting an attractive white girl in a place like Iowa would be so much easier than getting one in a place like NYC.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Well, at least your negative experience with the white race was limited to some girls not wanting to sit next to you. Small potatoes in the grand scheme of things. If you happened to be the only white guy in a movie theatre in, say, Detroit (or even parts of your favourite LA), you would have likely been assaulted and robbed, if not worse.

 

[Bible_Belt]

...and Strokinoffsky slides in with a White Power comment, speaking of negative experience with a race.

 

[Bokanovsky]

...and Strokinoffsky slides in with a White Power comment, speaking of negative experience with a race.

If my comment is "white power", what do you call blackbreaker's predictable, tired whining about white people? Black power? Chocolate power? Two chicks don't want to sit next to him at a movie theatre and he automatically assumes "thass raysis". There could be many other explanations (such as him not showering that morning).

 

[HowardHughesDicaprio]

I would like to hear about how much racism backbreaker has experienced from random black women for being with a white girl. As a minority myself who has dated white women often exclusively, I have received the worst form of racism from women of minority groups and black women in particular even though I am not black. Some of the black women I have been (past tense) friends with have tried to discourage me from dating white women by telling me how messed up they are and how they hate foreign guys.

It almost works like this everytime, I am nice to a girl from a minority group (mainly black women) in a more gentleman like way and not a sexual way. The girl takes it as me being into her and starts getting flirty. Later she finds out that the girl I am dating is white. It is like all the racism you can ever think of comes out of her mouth. Used to think black women just hated the idea of black men dating white women but quite a few hate the idea of any minority with a white girl. Now to be fair it is usually younger and more lower class black women that do this but it is almost like these women have a war to wage against white girls and want that isn't white to join them in their war.

 

[Dhoulmagus]

I would like to hear about how much racism backbreaker has experienced from random black women for being with a white girl. As a minority myself who has dated white women often exclusively, I have received the worst form of racism from women of minority groups and black women in particular even though I am not black. Some of the black women I have been (past tense) friends with have tried to discourage me from dating white women by telling me how messed up they are and how they hate foreign guys.

It almost works like this everytime, I am nice to a girl from a minority group (mainly black women) in a more gentleman like way and not a sexual way. The girl takes it as me being into her and starts getting flirty. Later she finds out that the girl I am dating is white. It is like all the racism you can ever think of comes out of her mouth. Used to think black women just hated the idea of black men dating white women but quite a few hate the idea of any minority with a white girl. Now to be fair it is usually younger and more lower class black women that do this but it is almost like these women have a war to wage against white girls and want that isn't white to join them in their war.

I've only been with white girls, but I dont live near any black people.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Two chicks don't want to sit next to him at a movie theatre and he automatically assumes "thass raysis". There could be many other explanations (such as him not showering that morning).

Or maybe they got offended because he didn't act like he wanted to fvck them, which is also racist, but in a different way. And maybe it's racist of me to assume all white not-so-hot Arkansas skanks think every black guy should drool over them. Everyone's racist in their own way. I've had a black manager make me do two jobs because I was white. I've also had plenty of black people go out of their way to be nice to me, because they saw I was the only white guy at the party, and they wanted to make sure I didn't feel uncomfortable. People will treat you both well and poorly because of race. But people tend to only see one side or the other.

 

[Bokanovsky]

double post

 

[Bokanovsky]

Or maybe they got offended because he didn't act like he wanted to fvck them, which is also racist, but in a different way. And maybe it's racist of me to assume all white not-so-hot Arkansas skanks think every black guy should drool over them. Everyone's racist in their own way. I've had a black manager make me do two jobs because I was white. I've also had plenty of black people go out of their way to be nice to me, because they saw I was the only white guy at the party, and they wanted to make sure I didn't feel uncomfortable. People will treat you both well and poorly because of race. But people tend to only see one side or the other.

And sometimes one will find himself put off by a person of another race for reasons that have nothing to do with that person's race. The whole "white person X does not like me so he must be racist" act gets old real fast. If backbreaker is as whiny and insecure in real life as he is on this board, I can see why he rubs so many people the wrong way.

 

[The_411]

I don't think BB was making a commentary on racism in general but rather that the South and more to the point Little Rock. I could only imagine the crap that goes down there for a person of color.

Sweden is a great destination point for men of color if you've burned out on the U.S otherwise CA tends to be fairly laid back especially in largely populated areas.

 

[zekko]

I cannot stress the benefits enough of living in a racially diverse city has done for me. Not just dating, but my self esteem.. I'm not just the color of mys kin anymore. I went from being the token black guy friend, the guy who was "safe" and "white approved" lol, ,when I lived in little rock to being a guy people actually wanted to hang around because he was an interesting person, who happened to be black.

I find this comment a little surprising since it was always my understanding that there was a larger black population in the south than in any other part of the country. For instance, according to wikipedia, Arkansas has the 12th highest black population with 15.76%, compared to California, which is 27th with 6.67%.

Little Rock specifically is 40.4% black, compared to LA, which is supposedly 7% black.

Of course, none of that speaks to racial attitudes, but I find it odd that anyone would act surprised to see a black person in Little Rock.

 

[ChrisFloyd]

I find this comment a little surprising since it was always my understanding that there was a larger black population in the south than in any other part of the country. For instance, according to wikipedia, Arkansas has the 12th highest black population with 15.76%, compared to California, which is 27th with 6.67%.

Little Rock specifically is 40.4% black, compared to LA, which is supposedly 7% black.

Of course, none of that speaks to racial attitudes, but I find it odd that anyone would act surprised to see a black person in Little Rock.

A 31 year-old grown @ss black dude holding a bunch of Kit Kats and a plastic glass of Cherry Coke... that would be surprising everywhere