The double edged sword of sosuave

[Glenfiddich101]

Hi guys

I wonder if any one has been in this predicament as me before.

I'm currently dating this girl. Shes great to be around with and its been awhile since i've met someone i find attractive.

Being a faithful follower of sosuave for more than a few years, i've incorporated the teachings and many great advices posted here during the courtship period.

I must have done something right :cheer: cos she's really into me. sex is great and she gives me lots of affection.

However on the flip side, i tend to find myself questioning the things i say and the moves i make rather often.

I would be like "Do i look like a chump to her if i say i miss u two days in a row?"

"i must let her initiate physical contact at a 4:1 ratio before i inititate it"

"If i show to much care/concern/affection, will i be giving her more power in the relationship"?

And the list goes on...

I dont call or meet her everyday. Only when i wana meet her. SOmething which my friends find weird. I was in relationships where we commincated everyday and it gets stale rather fast.

I can sometimes sense that she pullsback to try and make me initiate more.

SO where does one draw the line between too much and too little?

Can i be all lovey dovey and still not come off like some needy chump?

 

[KontrollerX]

You can get away with almost anything with a woman as long as its backed up with confidence and your gut instinct telling you it is the right course of action to take.

Don't think you are stressing too much either.

Guys that get too comfortable in relationships lose their girls faster than a humming bird flaps its wings.

You're doing good now bro.

 

[WestCoaster]

I would be like "Do i look like a chump to her if i say i miss u two days in a row?"

Can i be all lovey dovey and still not come off like some needy chump?

The answers to those two questions are:

1. Yes.

2. No.

You can't miss a person if you just saw her ... that is unless you're desparate.

You can't be all lovey and dovey and not be a chump. I'm not saying abandon affection, I'm just saying play it cool.

My most AFC relationship, I saw the gal EVERY day outside of work ... and we worked together. Man, it's painful just to write about it, man, I was AFC's wimp of the year. Absence does make the heart grow fonder. You're actually playing things pretty well except for the repeated "I miss you's" and the overly lovey dovey stuff. You can say you miss someone, that is after a week or longer, IMO.

I know when I've thought I've played it too cool and poured on the romance, it's backfired. You'd think it would work, it doesn't -- women run. Your friends are wrong, you don't need to see her every day.

 

[Glenfiddich101]

Hey WC

Thanks alot for your feedback. I appreciate it.

All this while i've been dating her, i've only said i missed her once. and she told me 10 things she missed abt me. quite a good exchange.

I think i give her enough attention when we are together. I make it easier for her to relate to me. I do strongly of giving the other person the gift of missing you. That is if they actually do.

I totally get yr last paragraph about pouring on the romance due to being too cool. I get flashes in my head about her losing interest if my heart is like a stone.

But i guess if want i'm doing works, why fix it.

 

[decades]

If you feel really really uncomfortable in some of your interactions with her, like maybe you are some kind of jerk, you are On the right track. :yes:

 

[squirrels]

Listen to what your emotions are telling you. If you are uncomfortable, it means that you've probably let yourself fall into a bad situation. Rather than try to figure out how next to deal with a situation that makes you feel BAD, figure out how to get away from that situation entirely and get back to what makes you feel GOOD.

Problems can't be solved on the same level they were created. You must transcend the problem and solve it, rather than working on it endlessly.

 

[penkitten]

a man can be sweet and still be a man.
there is a difference between that and being a chump.

 

[Glenfiddich101]

a man can be sweet and still be a man.
there is a difference between that and being a chump.

Care to quote a few examples, Pen kitten?

 

[penkitten]

when you are with her, and you two are all snuggled up together watching some new movie, it's ok to be sweet.
you aren't a chump in a situation like that.

however, stopping by everyday after work to check on her cause you missed her, would certainly come off chumpy.

 

[Glenfiddich101]

im all for the snuggling part but checking on her everyday...i've yet to reach tht lvl of chumpiness. heh.

There are times though when we meeet up like after 3-4 days after our last date, there's this tension. Things are abit cold and it takes like an 1hr before its back to normal.

Comments?

 

[penkitten]

There are times though when we meeet up like after 3-4 days after our last date, there's this tension. Things are abit cold and it takes like an 1hr before its back to normal.

Comments?

does she make you feel bad for not being more available during those days?

 

[joekerr31]

i think what everyone is talking about is needy versus confidence.

if you what you do, whatever it is, is based on insecurity and neediness, then you're in deep sh*t.

that said, if you are doing what you are doing not because you are feeling insecure, but because its how you feel, then you should do it. and i'll tell ya why.

if what you want out of life is a woman that you can be all soft and gooey with on a regular basis, then thats what you need to find. and if being soft and gooey with this woman ends up turning her off, then she aint the woman for you.

but i emphasize again, and i cannot stress this enough, there is a huge difference between being a romantic / soft and gooey and being needy and in need of constant reassurance that your parnter feels the same way you do.

women get hte hibbie gibbies when a man starts to become needy. whether its fair or not, a woman does NOT see it as her job to hold her man up. she wants a man that holds HER up. thats just something us men have to accept - women are NOT there to prop us up when life is tough, we are on our own for that.

thats just the price you pay for being a man.

so as long as you are merely expressing how you are feeling and it doesn't become a case of you needing constant pick me up positive reinforcement from her youll be fine.

now having said all that, the advice i just gave will back fire on you with most women. BUT, it will not backfire on you with a woman who truly loves you.

 

[joekerr31]

im all for the snuggling part but checking on her everyday...i've yet to reach tht lvl of chumpiness. heh.

There are times though when we meeet up like after 3-4 days after our last date, there's this tension. Things are abit cold and it takes like an 1hr before its back to normal.

Comments?

thats because when you are around each other you wear different masks than you wear in your every day lives. so when you havent seen each other for a while (ie. have been wearing your every day masks), it takes about an hour for you two to take those masks off and put on your lovey dovey masks and get comfortable in those again.

basically this will stop being an issue once she accidentally farts around you. once your catch your woman ripping one and overcome that awkward moment, then its smooth sailing from there on in - all masks come off and you are now interacting on a real level.

now guys, dont let this make you think that farting is the way to get closer to your woman. if YOU fart she's just going to get grossed out by - it won't bring you closer together. and whatever you do, do NOT fart while in the 69 position, women REALLY get upset over that.

 

[STR8UP]

I call it "The Curse of the DJ".

There is a certain amount of weight that you must carry when you possess wisdom, and in this case it is making you question your actions.

You just have to relax a little bit and try not to focus too much on the details.

 

[Last Man Standing]

...I would be like...

1. "Do i look like a chump to her if i say i miss u two days in a row?"

2. "i must let her initiate physical contact at a 4:1 ratio before i inititate it"

3. "If i show to much care/concern/affection, will i be giving her more power in the relationship"?

4. Can i be all lovey dovey and still not come off like some needy chump?

1st question: Yes! You should NEVER say "I miss you"!!!! These are woman words!!

2nd: Women are the affectionate ones - this you should expect! - a 20 to 1 ratio is not uncommon unless it is to initiate sex then the reverse is true!!

3rd question = "yes"

and 4th = "No"!!

 

[Glenfiddich101]

does she make you feel bad for not being more available during those days?

dont think she ever has.

We both work 12-14 hrs days so its pretty hard to meet often on the weekdays.

As joker said, going from warm and fuzzy to professional and back to warm/fuzzy takes awhile to calibrate.

I guess its a problem if its still happenning like a few more months down the road

 

[Glenfiddich101]

I call it "The Curse of the DJ".

There is a certain amount of weight that you must carry when you possess wisdom, and in this case it is making you question your actions.

You just have to relax a little bit and try not to focus too much on the details.

Well said. Too much knowledge can be a ***** sometimes.

I can be a rather neurotic person at times so i guess i tend to over-analyse often.

But the wisdom i've gained from here has really helped my game. I used to be this insecure, possesive, controlling guy before. But sonehow im able to see relationships from a different perspective now. What was, was. What Is, is. What will be, will be.

No point sweating the small stuff.

 

[Glenfiddich101]

1st question: Yes! You should NEVER say "I miss you"!!!! These are woman words!!

2nd: Women are the affectionate ones - this you should expect! - a 20 to 1 ratio is not uncommon unless it is to initiate sex then the reverse is true!!

3rd question = "yes"

and 4th = "No"!!

Wow. LMS, you are one hard-ass DJ :rockon:

But i get where you're coming from.

The chump in me does wana rear its ugly head once in a while.

Got to beat it back into submission with a stick :trouble:

 

[Latinoman]

If you have a masculine and "bad boy" presence....and do the oposite of what people advice in here....in this situation woman will find you fascinating. That's what I do. I do what an AFC does, because it is unexpected. And I do it intentionally.

And I'm talking about flowers from time to time, cooking, seeing them everyday (when I'm not travelling), etc.

However, I am also funny and cucky...and I am good with sex and have sex almost everyday (sometimes 2-4 times in a day during the weekend) and as importantly...my mannerisms around women are those of a man capable of finding a NEW woman within days (it helps when other women look at you or find you attractive), so my woman always believe I can end up sleeping around (most know I used to cheat in my younger years as I don't make it a secret either). Also, I sometimes go cold and stop affection for a few days. It is like a crazy pull and push.

A technique that I would not recommed anyone in here to do. It works for me. But it works for me because I am very good at it and it comes genuinely (but I'm aware of potential fitfalls).

 

[Latinoman]

By the way i can also be an azs. Especially with women that view me as a nice man...with those ones i apply DJ techniques as adviced in here.