'The Don Juan' - Comic Book style!!!!

michaelhctam

Don Juan
Joined
Jan 13, 2007
Messages
193
Reaction score
3
The twilight sky reigns supreme over the landscape, a cascade of red, orange and purple. A large globular orange florescene slowing dying at the far edge of the horizon and disappearing into oblivion.

Michael Tam wakes up with a black eye, amongst the concrete jungle, exhaling a breath of pain, condensing the cold, dry air sorrounding him. He makes an effort to strike a cigerette, strangely already placed in his hands. He takes a drag from his cigerette and savours the almost orgasmic sensation of nicotine. He tries to find another cigerette on his body to feed his addiction, to no avail.

"This is my last cigerette, and it is ashing fast". He checks his wallet for some money....any money.

Empty wallet-A crumpled, blood-stained piece of paper was all that was found in his wallet where the green's should be. A number was written on the piece of paper with the numbers 1-212. The 5th digit, quarter completed, a violent indentation of the paper where the pen tried to write, indicating a struggle.

"Blood?!" hesitant, Michael takes a closer look at the piece of paper, turning it back and forth- nothing, just the errie numbers. A cold sweat, a flood of adrenaline saturates Michael's body in an instant.

"What have I done" as he stared at the skyline with glaring eyes. "I went to club blue last night" flashes of vibrant colours and images floods his memory as he tries to collect the fragments of memories of last night, then suddenly, a dark figure in the realms of his mind slowly walks closer uneveningly and sickly, beckoning for forgivness. His rememberance, interuppted by the obtrusive ring of his cell phone.

The caller ID states.......911.

What you think? :D Want more?
 

elmnick

Don Juan
Joined
Apr 11, 2007
Messages
84
Reaction score
0
OK, I offended people sorry

The writings fine, a bit flowery maybe, but its good and interesting. keep it up.
But why is it on this website? we don't need a Don Juan novel do we, at least put it in anything else forum to stop people like me complaining.
 
Last edited:

j0n024

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 21, 2007
Messages
1,032
Reaction score
10
Location
Texas
I think it is pretty good, you have a a knack for writing and detail....I would like to read more.
 

KarmaSutra

Banned
Joined
Oct 13, 2005
Messages
4,821
Reaction score
142
Age
51
Location
Padron Reserve maduro in hand while finishing my b
Youngblood, don't let these tools dismay you from writing or doing whatever you enjoy. I like it. You've set a good pace right off the bat and there is a dangerous subtext. One suggestion is to not focus on the protagonist as a DJ but as a man searching for himself. Don't box your characters in. Instead, give them free reign to roam around your subconscious, you'll be surprised what they do next.

Keep it going.
 

Axcell

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 12, 2007
Messages
520
Reaction score
6
Haha, keep it up. Pretty detailed, as if I am reading an english paper.
 
Top