Shyyhs said:
"grab your balls" seems to be an overly vague PUA cliche.
You know I used to feel the same way. You hear things enough times and they lose their power. But allow me to elaborate a bit, since you seem pretty open to learning something different. I'm going to pick apart your game a bit and show you that balls are your missing ingredient.
Actually, that does sound a bit offensive and cliche.. from now on lets call it "backbone"
When it comes to a stranger, for which I don't have what I'd call a purpose, I have a difficult time with.
This tells me you are afraid of several things
• Your own intentions
• What people will think
• Potential rejection
Right now there is nothing clear in your head.. you are freezing up on approaches because you havent learned that everyone is just like you.. talking for a purpose, to their bosses, clients and tons of people they dont even want to be dealing with.
They key to opening people is putting purpose in its place. You don't need to make any profound comments, funny jokes or sing/dance for them. In a world of forced conversations and business talk, sometimes its nice to just shoot the breeze.
Talk about anything on your mind, things that strike you about the environment you share with people. My best openers have always been situational, which requires an observant eye and an attitude that says "I feel like talking about this and sharing a moment with someone"
You know you'll see some people go up to a stranger, say a sentence and the stranger reciprocates and BOOM they're in a conversation. When I try this, people don't reciprocate. I'm trying to push the conservation along, but the other people just don't want to actually contribute. And I'm standing there with these awkward long moments of silence.
Perhaps you are not really tuning into something they can relate to. It's hard to say without you providing concrete examples, but it sounds to me like your biggest problem is feeling comfortable enough in your own skin to really vibe with people.
One mentality that has worked particularly well for me is treating the world like my living room. Put yourself in the relaxed state you find yourself when you arrive at home... you know that deep breath you take when you have finally arrived and taken off your coat?
Imagine that you are right there and a your roommate's friend (who you've never met) happens to be sitting on your sofa... do you feel nervous talking to him, or try to come up with topics in your head? Of course not.. it naturally happens because you are in your domain. The trick is to extend your domain beyond your front door.
The guy who opens people with one sentence understands how to treat strangers as if he already knows them.
This is easier said than done, and once again requires backbone because there are a lot of social barriers out there and it's a leap of perception to transform the bus stop into your living room.
I think that's the deep down issue I have and it's exposing myself, the real me.
Once again this is irrational fear talking. You project your insecurities on people and walk into interactions expecting judgement. With this kind of heavy energy about you, it really doesn't matter what you say.. a crash and burn is inevitable.
This means you have a lot of work to do. You are not proud of the man you are for some reason and you need to explore why that is. Are you living the life you want to be living, or at least on the path you'd always imagined?
What is it you expect from yourself.. what do you want out of life.. do you have the courage to achieve it? Where is that strong personal center you call your backbone?
