The difference between an ATTRACTIVE woman and a woman you are ATTRACTED TO

[STR8UP]

The quote below touches on how a mature man differentiates between a woman who is attractive and a woman who he is attracted to was posted by Deep Dish in another thread, and I thought it deserved a thread of its own.

The evening highlighted the trend I've noticed over the years. I can be in a bar with scores of arguably beautiful women and yet of them all I might be attracted to one or two. Young guys are notorious for basically wanting to hump anything which moves, two arms and two legs optional, but as we get older, men's eyes wise up and become a whole lot more selective.

Until you mentioned this I hadn't really stopped to think about it in that way. It's so true....when you get a little older you develop a certain level of confidence, wisdom, and whatever else that allows you to differentiate between a hot chick and a chick who is worthy of your time. I think this also ties in quite a bit with my recent post about female friends.

I have a feeling that some guys have a problem hanging out with women because to them it's either "I wanna fukk her" (ruled out as a friendship candidate) or "I want nothing to do with her sexually" (possibility for a friendship).

Of course when I was younger I looked at pretty much all attractive women as objects that I wanted to fukk. Nowadays I can acknowledge the physical beauty of a woman without thinking to myself "MAAAAAN I WANNA NAIL HER!".

It's funny too because today I can have a woman blatantly hitting on me, and if there isn't something really special about her that catches my eye OTHER than her physical appearance, I could take it or leave it. I wouldn't kick her out of bed if she were to do ALL the work, but at the same time I have no desire to put any effort into sexing her or having a relationship with her. If we can be friends....I'm cool with that too.

Right now I can think of several women who have obvious interested in pursuing something with me, and several more who could be seduced with very little effort on my part. But you know what? With the exception of possibly ONE (I say possibly because she still hasn't shown me enough to really impress me) I could really care less about getting my pee-pee wet, even though I haven't had sex in awhile. It's all about realizing that you want sex, companionship, or whatever it is you seek from the opposite sex, but you do not under any circumstances NEED anything from them.

Hell, last weekend I had a party where I had a 22 yr old model asking why I don't have a girlfriend, making comments about me and another girl, even flashing me her t!ts later in the night before she started talking about needing to get laid.

In my younger days I wouldn't have been able to control my raging hard-on. Now I realize that a) I have to work with her occasionally so I don't want to jeaopardize my business relatinship and b) She's hot and all, but she just doesn't have what it takes to make me want to pursue her.

Ahhhh....it's great to be a "mature" man!

 

[STR8UP]

Holy sh!t, 142 views and ZERO responses?

 

[mzilla2]

I think you summed it up.
When you're younger you're run by the p@ssy, and anything looks good.
Some men grow up and become discriminating, others never do.

 

[Desdinova]

It's amazing how our experiences in the world of dating will form how we qualify women, and how their personalities can literally move them up the attractive scale, or way down. I can't count how many physically attractive women I've had the opportunity to date disqualify themselves when they mention their son or daughter. Then there's the ones who have the ex-husband, the ones whos age ends in the word "teen", and the list goes on and on.

When we get tired of the same old 5hitty baggage that so many women carry is when we begin to truly enjoy the single life. Then, when you come across a woman who has little baggage, no drama and thinks you're the greatest man who ever lived, it all makes her as a woman so much more enjoyable.

Eye candy will always be around to look at, but maintaining your happiness is much more rewarding, whether it be with a good woman, or no woman at all.

 

[Infraction]

True, but if we wouldn't wise up that would scream 90% divorce rate.

 

[noway]

pretty vs attractive

the way i see it ,is as follows...a pretty woman is normally a younger woman who is very easy on the eye...great shape,great smile ,great everything...as long as you can see her ,can you literally not keep your eyes of her...she is magnetic!...problem is ,the moment she is out of your sight, do you forget about her and start looking for the next woman to feast your eyes on

an attractive woman is easy on the eye too,but there is more to her than just looks...she has a certain attitude that pulls you in...in my case,a kind ,calm demeanour amongst others, does it...the moment she is out of eye sight,do you really want to get to know her!

in other words,the one you want to get in the sack and then leave,and the other one you want to get in the sack and then stay

 

[grinder]

It’s hard to underestimate the value of the ability to screen women. I don’t know if it takes more maturity, experience, or both.

It’s the classic costs/vs/benefit scale that applies to so many things.

Figuring out how much trouble she’s going to be and then, whether you are willing to pay the price. If you can do that you can save yourself a lot of time and headache.

 

[STR8UP]

Figuring out how much trouble she’s going to be and then, whether you are willing to pay the price. If you can do that you can save yourself a lot of time and headache.

Man does that hit home!

Several years ago I would have been stumbling over myself trying to hook up with women who today are trying to get with me. Nowadays I look at it with a rational eye. I might be attracted to someone, but before I proceed I ask myself whether or not it's going to be a decision that is good for me in the long term, not just for the moment.

 

[RedPill]

This is a good topic. It goes back to the timeless quantity vs. quality discussion.

Like grinder suggested, every potential woman carries an opportunity cost. How much time, money, and energy will it cost me to keep her around as a plate? That's the million dollar question that goes through my mind when I've got another chick on the hook.

For myself, I'm very focused on my career right now, so in order for me to put any effort into spinning her, she's gotta be very low-cost to maintain. Of course, the irony in this mentality is that it makes you all the more attractive because you genuinely don't give a sh1t about her reality.

I think the more involved we are in proactively building the world we want for ourselves, the more perceptive we become to opportunity costs - especially when it comes to the resource of time. In my opinion, one of the fundamental flaws in the AFC's game is that he places little value on his time. He'll chase after any half-way decent looking chick who's willing to fvck, and allow her to monopolize his time with the silly whims she demands to keep her interested.

As it's been said in this forum a dozen different ways, when you know what you're looking for, it makes finding it a whole lot easier. When life experience makes you acutely aware of your resources, conditions, and what it is you're trying to achieve, you open a new eye to qualifying women. You see that more women than not, despite their hotness in the present, will complicate instead of enhance your life. I think this accounts for the phenomenon of increased selectivity described by Deep Dish.

 

[STR8UP]

Like grinder suggested, every potential woman carries an opportunity cost. How much time, money, and energy will it cost me to keep her around as a plate? That's the million dollar question that goes through my mind when I've got another chick on the hook.

It's good to be able to stay conscious of the impact a female or females can have on your life. Too many men chase women aimlessly without thinking for a second about what it's going to do to their life.

For myself, I'm very focused on my career right now, so in order for me to put any effort into spinning her, she's gotta be very low-cost to maintain. Of course, the irony in this mentality is that it makes you all the more attractive because you genuinely don't give a sh1t about her reality.

Yea, when someone talks about "spinning plates" I have to think that finding a relationship is a priority in their life. I definitely understand the value of having options when it comes to women, but at this point in my life having to work 60+ hours per week even maintaining ONE casual relationship can prove difficult. I just don't have the time or the energy.

The irony here is that I am so focused on other stuff that I don't have to find women, they find me.

That's when the scale has to come out to decide whether or not I can or should devote time to a particular woman.

When life experience makes you acutely aware of your resources, conditions, and what it is you're trying to achieve, you open a new eye to qualifying women. You see that more women than not, despite their hotness in the present, will complicate instead of enhance your life. I think this accounts for the phenomenon of increased selectivity described by Deep Dish.

I think you've coined a new term....."increased selectivity".

Man, that's what I am looking for, that small percentage of the female population that will bring more to the table for me than they take away. And as much as I say that I really don't want a relationship, I would take it in any form if it were the right girl.