Recovery from AFC part 2
A LOT of people seem to think that confidence is plain and simply... What you do, and the more things that you are willing to do, the more confident you are.
While there is some truth in that, it isn't what having confidence is actually about.
To me, confidence is being in control of your own actions. Confidence is having patience and not checking your phone every Two minutes to see if that lush HB10 has text you. Doing what you want to do for you. Confidence is knowing your own strengths and your weaknesses and acknowledging them.
Confidence is having strong convictions and standing by them, whilst not thinking to highly of yourself to change your views based on experiences or new facts to arise. Once you truly accept the good, bad and the ugly about yourself, it opens the golden gateways to having true confidence and finding your way in life.
So how do you get Confidence...
There's no point lying to yourself or anyone else, it doesn't bother me if you lie, the only person it bothers is you.
Acceptance
The first thing to do is to write down all of your strengths and weaknesses, or even think of them in your head, whatever works for you.
For me, i'm clumsy as anything, heavy handed, I don't speak clearly sometimes and i sometimes come across a bit dopey depending what day it is.
On the other hand, i'm relatively good looking, in shape, can hold a conversation and maintain eye contact, know what I want and can handle the absolute majority of social situations.
You have two options here, you can either embrace your weakness's, realize they aren't that bad in the scope of things and make them part of your persona, or you can simply, work on them.
If your uncomfortable talking to women, try and naturally put yourself in situations where there are women around, or even just talk to one woman, even the smallest step leads to bigger steps.
You ever noticed when you've been playing a game and struggling so badly on a level you just can't do it! Then when you've done it once you can start to do it more frequently, it's the same with anything, once you've done it once, it does become easier and easier.
Control
Another massive key to confidence is knowing what your about.. Knowing what you stand for and sticking to it, equally its important not to think so highly of yourself that your always right and if something changes your view on a certain subject, be willing to change and grow.
Write down your values, your morals, aims, likes and dislikes, know you better than anyone else does.
Knowing what you stands for helps you remain in control.
Now when I say control, the last thing I mean is in control of other people. Controlling people is a massive sign of insecurity. I mean being in control of yourself and your actions. If you know what you stand for and what you believe in you naturally gain more control of your own actions, because you know what you are about. This helps you be congruent, not all over the place, because you know what you want, and when you genuinely know that, to stray away from what you want should be a massively gut wrenching experience.
Patience
Patience is a virtue is the common saying.. it really is, most people have a disease of wanting everything now.. Like I did when i came to SS, the magic pill mentality, I thought I was gonna see one sentence and BAM there you go, sorted, you can pull any woman and your an absolute badass!
Not the case, if you have patience, know and have the deep belief in you that you can do something, you will put in the hard work and dedication and have the patience to get there. This goes on any level, career, socially, mentally, financially and with da laydies!
On another level, specifically a relationship level, if you are patient, you KNOW what you want, your comfortable with it because you have realized what YOU want, you are patient enough to wait for the right woman, confident enough to know that she will be in contact with you, that YOU are the great catch.
To me, patience comes once you've accepted yourself, and once you've taken control of your own life.
Is confidence being 'Alpha'?
People scream 'The alpha male gets all the women' ...
Most Alpha males are naturally very confident, don't get me wrong, i'm not knocking being alpha for one minute.
The key to being confident is to be honest though... Be deeply honest with yourself... which you should have been already! Are you introvert or extrovert? Do you see yourself as a leader of the pack? Or are you kidding your self.
I've met quietly spoken introvert people who are the bravest and most deeply seated confident people I know, equally i've met introverted people who are nervous wrecks.
The same goes for extrovert, out going naturally 'alpha' people.
The point being and this is real important and the message of the whole post really Be you for you, that is the most confident thing that you can do
There is nothing less confident than trying to be something your not, be you, accept yourself and true confidence shall await you!
A LOT of people seem to think that confidence is plain and simply... What you do, and the more things that you are willing to do, the more confident you are.
While there is some truth in that, it isn't what having confidence is actually about.
To me, confidence is being in control of your own actions. Confidence is having patience and not checking your phone every Two minutes to see if that lush HB10 has text you. Doing what you want to do for you. Confidence is knowing your own strengths and your weaknesses and acknowledging them.
Confidence is having strong convictions and standing by them, whilst not thinking to highly of yourself to change your views based on experiences or new facts to arise. Once you truly accept the good, bad and the ugly about yourself, it opens the golden gateways to having true confidence and finding your way in life.
So how do you get Confidence...
There's no point lying to yourself or anyone else, it doesn't bother me if you lie, the only person it bothers is you.
Acceptance
The first thing to do is to write down all of your strengths and weaknesses, or even think of them in your head, whatever works for you.
For me, i'm clumsy as anything, heavy handed, I don't speak clearly sometimes and i sometimes come across a bit dopey depending what day it is.
On the other hand, i'm relatively good looking, in shape, can hold a conversation and maintain eye contact, know what I want and can handle the absolute majority of social situations.
You have two options here, you can either embrace your weakness's, realize they aren't that bad in the scope of things and make them part of your persona, or you can simply, work on them.
If your uncomfortable talking to women, try and naturally put yourself in situations where there are women around, or even just talk to one woman, even the smallest step leads to bigger steps.
You ever noticed when you've been playing a game and struggling so badly on a level you just can't do it! Then when you've done it once you can start to do it more frequently, it's the same with anything, once you've done it once, it does become easier and easier.
Control
Another massive key to confidence is knowing what your about.. Knowing what you stand for and sticking to it, equally its important not to think so highly of yourself that your always right and if something changes your view on a certain subject, be willing to change and grow.
Write down your values, your morals, aims, likes and dislikes, know you better than anyone else does.
Knowing what you stands for helps you remain in control.
Now when I say control, the last thing I mean is in control of other people. Controlling people is a massive sign of insecurity. I mean being in control of yourself and your actions. If you know what you stand for and what you believe in you naturally gain more control of your own actions, because you know what you are about. This helps you be congruent, not all over the place, because you know what you want, and when you genuinely know that, to stray away from what you want should be a massively gut wrenching experience.
Patience
Patience is a virtue is the common saying.. it really is, most people have a disease of wanting everything now.. Like I did when i came to SS, the magic pill mentality, I thought I was gonna see one sentence and BAM there you go, sorted, you can pull any woman and your an absolute badass!
Not the case, if you have patience, know and have the deep belief in you that you can do something, you will put in the hard work and dedication and have the patience to get there. This goes on any level, career, socially, mentally, financially and with da laydies!
On another level, specifically a relationship level, if you are patient, you KNOW what you want, your comfortable with it because you have realized what YOU want, you are patient enough to wait for the right woman, confident enough to know that she will be in contact with you, that YOU are the great catch.
To me, patience comes once you've accepted yourself, and once you've taken control of your own life.
Is confidence being 'Alpha'?
People scream 'The alpha male gets all the women' ...
Most Alpha males are naturally very confident, don't get me wrong, i'm not knocking being alpha for one minute.
The key to being confident is to be honest though... Be deeply honest with yourself... which you should have been already! Are you introvert or extrovert? Do you see yourself as a leader of the pack? Or are you kidding your self.
I've met quietly spoken introvert people who are the bravest and most deeply seated confident people I know, equally i've met introverted people who are nervous wrecks.
The same goes for extrovert, out going naturally 'alpha' people.
The point being and this is real important and the message of the whole post really Be you for you, that is the most confident thing that you can do
There is nothing less confident than trying to be something your not, be you, accept yourself and true confidence shall await you!
So much for "natural". While you MIGHT have a case, for somebody like the kid who played piano for the king of France ( think it was) at age 2, in all but the rarest of cases, any "mastery" comes from many years of focused practice.