The Courtship Zone

[Juan_Man]

Just to start off the new forum, I wanted to pose a question regarding the whole process of whooing a girl from a potential girlfriend into an official girlfriend. I believe that most of us who have fallen into The Frienship Zone, at one point, may have had a chance with a girl but did something that messed things up, lost our chance, and we got the friendship as a consolation prize. I officially designate this point as The Courtship Zone. I think that we all can benefit from each other if we can share some experiences, tips, and advice as we start making our move on girls we would like a relationship with. Here are a couple of subjects that I think we can discuss and how to defeat any obstacles that step in our way?

1. What kind of activities should you set up with the girl in order to make things exciting?

2. How do you react when you see another guy interacting with her, even better than you have been doing? In other words, how do you handle seeing another guy stealing the spotlight?

3. What if you don't click with her female base of friends or what if one of them has it in for you?

4. How do you react when the girl seems to be losing interest? What are the warning signs? Can you recover? If so, how?

5. Should you talk to other girls while you are pursuing the main target? If so, how many and how should you interact with them? What if you are just too busy or too financially strained to go on dates with other girls?

6. How should you drop hints about wanting a monogamous relationship? Should you drop hints?

These are just some questions that can get a discussion going. Feel free to bring up subjects of your own. I think this has the makings of being great Bible material. Let's all help each other out so that we can succeed in The Courtship Zone.

 

[Juan_Man]

Does anyone have anything to contribute?

 

[Macgyver]

Ask her out for a date.

 

[ADifferentKindofDJ]

Great topic. I think what you're getting at is developing chemisty between the two of you. Mostly it's not something you can do, but has to already be there. But I do believe you can help it along. The first thing I do when entering the 'Courtship Zone' is make sure the is a girl I really would like to go further with. Most importantly don't get the 'love bug' yet. Be calm, in control, charismatic, confident, and courageous.

1. What kind of activities should you set up with the girl in order to make things exciting?

Don't care about what she wants to do. Follow the old rule of going on action dates. I try to gain info about what she likes and add it to what I want to do. I personnally like to go for walks, museums, art shows, ect, i stay away from dinner and movie type dates. Here's an example: I wanted to take a tour, so I picked one that had some interesting history and paintings, because I knew she liked that. Maybe she likes to go for walks in the park. Well take her to a park that has an incredible veiw. She'll never forget it. Also, if you haven't done any research about your area and what there is, you'd better get to work.

2. How do you react when you see another guy interacting with her, even better than you have been doing? In other words, how do you handle seeing another guy stealing the spotlight?

Don't give a sh!t. If she's wants to go with him she loses you. If it bothers you that much maybe she's not worth your time. She may not be the type yo're looking for. You may be looking for someone who is more reserved or something. As for myself I like girls that can talk and have a good time. In the end they go home with me. I don't think I could date a bore. Plus you're trying to create some chemistry between you. That starts with trust.

3. What if you don't click with her female base of friends or what if one of them has it in for you?

This is a tough one, but i think that she probably has told them all about you and if you're doing things right then you won't have to worry. Just do what you did with her and find some common groud between you and her friends and go from there. They may see you as taking their friend away. It's almost as if you are dating her friends now, find out about them the same way you did her. Maybe flirt with them too, girls like to feel special. I always tell my GF that Friday night is hers I don't care what she does. (I think this is part of the answer to number 5.)

4. How do you react when the girl seems to be losing interest? What are the warning signs? Can you recover? If so, how?

If she's losing interest, you have to think about if she's worth your time, or the right girl for you. Again don't get the 'love bug' yet, keep your self in check. Most guys mess it up here. I know I did many, many times. As for warning signs, I think they are not hard to figure out. When just being with you makes her light up like a christmas tree you're doing fine. You could even test her interest level by taking her on a semi-boring date. Can you recover? Do you really want to work that hard? Do you really want to keep her interested? Then be willing to drop her like a fly when she's doen something wrong or you've found out she's not the one for you. She'll sense it and act accordingly. And what ever you do don't talk about the fact she's losing interest.

5. Should you talk to other girls while you are pursuing the main target? If so, how many and how should you interact with them? What if you are just too busy or too financially strained to go on dates with other girls?

Yes you should talk to other girls. This tells her that more than one girl wants you. This will help with her interest level. Of course if you're already witht the 'main target' then getting numbers is a no no. BTW... she doesn't have to know that you are not going on other dates, she only needs to think that you could be. (Money problem solved.) Plus who really has time to date that much. You probably have other stuff to do.

6. How should you drop hints about wanting a monogamous relationship? Should you drop hints?

Let her do it. She will if she thinks that you are seeing other girls. I mentioned one time that a buddy and I we're scoping out the bar one night for a girl for him. She was quick to point out that she shouldn't be picking up other girls. I guess you could say that I unknowingly dropped a hint.

Lastly, remember that not every girl is going to be good for you. You want to court girls that have true potential for a relationship. there are a ton of women out there, you're only job is to figure out how to meet them. When you can do that you'll be right on target.

ADKdj

P.S. You may want to read/re-read the stuff Anti-Dump has posted. Pook did a great post on Anti-Dump's machine. Life changing stuff. Atleast for me.

 

[Juan_Man]

Good stuff.

 

[flexion_]

I think most of us look at it like you are either 2 categories with women.

1) the guys she is screwing.
2) the other friendzone people.

I think you are proposing a grey area in between. The problem with this is a false sense of hope you will instill on guys who think they are in this grey area but are actually in the friendzone. I do hear what you are saying but just not sure if its a better approach for most newcomers to the board.

 

[Juan_Man]

I think most of us look at it like you are either 2 categories with women.

1) the guys she is screwing.
2) the other friendzone people.

I think you are proposing a grey area in between. The problem with this is a false sense of hope you will instill on guys who think they are in this grey area but are actually in the friendzone. I do hear what you are saying but just not sure if its a better approach for most newcomers to the board.

I actually disagree. While it may be true that there are some guys that didn't have a chance from the get go, I still think that some guys were seen as potential boyfriends by the girls they liked but they messed up somehow in terms of their actions. I think that these guys were in a type of purgatory where they could have either gotten the relationship (heaven) or the friendship (hell), depending on how they behaved around the girl they liked.