The cheek

[Die Hard]

Had a first date, there was good chemistry but near the end of the night I could feel the tension drop, as if there came a distance between us. Don't really know what caused it, I guess I may have waited too long with going for the kiss or whatever...

So at the end of the night, as we said goodbye, I went for ther kiss after all but she denied and gave me the cheek.

It's messing with my mind, I was doing everything right that night and felt like I had her, she seemed very into me. Nights like those always end with a kiss close, it seems contradictory that things were going so well all through the night but then the end was just the opposite and she kinda friend-zoned me.

Talk some sense to me, guys.

 

[Married Buried]

It's not a big deal... she might just want you to think she's not a slut. Even though we all know she is getting porked by someone, she is just looking for something new.

Do the standard wait a few days and call. What else happened on the date? Need more details.

 

[Die Hard]

Double post, see below.

 

[Die Hard]

Meh, I don't wanna put too much thought into this. Like I said, it's messing with my mind and the fact that my interactions with a certain girl mess with my mind is a bad sign in itself.

But I appreciate your willingness to give me advice, Married Burried. So a little update and then I'm gonna leave this thread alone:

As for the rest of the date, it was very positive. Went for drinks etc. Lots of IOI's, she wanted to know everything about me, especially about what qualities attract me in girls, she asked tons of questions about what I search for in a girl. Held hands and put arms around each other during walking, all without holding back, without awkwardness, it all felt right. Lots of flirting and teasing, verbal as well as through our bodies. Kino escalation was developing very well, the kiss would've been a logical next step. But there were other people around, I kinda waited for the right moment to do the kiss close.
Then at some point, she started to become distant, mostly thorugh body language, and it felt like the chemistry between us went away. This happened pretty fast... Not soon after that, we both had to go home and when we said goodbye she gave me the cheek.

She sent me a message an hour ago, telling me she had a fun time with me but wants to keep things casual. I replied very briefly and told her that's okay.


I become involved with BPD/Cluster B chicks a lot, I have suspicions this is another one. I believe she likes me, but giving me the cheek and telling me she wants to keep things casual might just be the "push" from the typical push/pull, hot/cold behavior. It messes with my mind, which doesn't happen to me easily. But that's exactly what BPD's do, display hot behavior, then suddenly become cold, causing you to feel mindfvcked...


In conclusion: So either I really blew it by not escalating and this made her interest level drop so hard that she lost ALL interest, ultimately deciding to put me in the friend zone (in which case I should go no contact and forget about her). Or she does have high interest but she's BPD and sucking me into the pathological BPD cycle (in which case I should go no contact and forget about her).

So, fvck this...

 

[Huffman]

What can sometimes work:

When you notice the date is growing cold, you make it clear that she is the cause of it. So you become just as reserved as she is, and if the date doesn't turn around, then ultimately you leave early.

You don't want to stay in a situation for too long where she is bored and you are the (perceived) cause of it. So instead you turn it around 180°. Show that you're also bored with her right now, and that she'd better put in some effort (or at least be insecure about it). Then you can offer her another chance. At the least, this can mask your own insecurity

 

[Married Buried]

What exactly did her text say and what exactly did you reply?

Her: i had fun but want to keep it casual.

You: thank god. I thought you were going to ask me to marry you.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Diehard,
The date went on for too long,maybe you bored her,maybe she is a boring person anyway,perhaps you are just not her type...Action Dates say,Dancing,a fun fair or Skating are far better...Most of us here are thinking people,people with opinions,when the Woman is just reactive,has no real interests then the date just fizzles out.

 

[Çharismo]

Relax.

Your thinking waaaaay too over the top about this.

Relax man and try to enjoy the process.

If she doesn't like you no biggie there are plenty of other ladies out there for you...don't get stressed out.

From what you have posted I see a lot of positive signs on the date so that's good and it doesn't seem like you did anything wrong.

She wants to keep things "casual" basically keep up the gentle persistence and don't get desperate.

Remember women can be very fickle.

Unless she literally says "we should be friends" I would keep pursuing her and make sure I get rejected.

Don't push for a relationship or a commitment.

Make sure you are talking to other women. :flowers:

 

[VladPatton]

That sux, and it's a total downer. Try again on date #2 and see what happens. If you still get the cheek, abandon ship and that's that.

Good luck!

 

[Peña]

Don't BPD's come on strong the 1st date?

 

[Vulpine]

Don't BPD's come on strong the 1st date?

Yeah, they make it seem far too easy. I didn't see any stories about "my ex was abusive" or crap like that, so, probably not BPD.

Dude, she probably had sh¡t breath and TPS reports due at work the next day.
Plus, she's very likely to have read some Cosmo article that told her to play silly games to "drive him wild". I don't know about you guys, but thank you anyway Cosmo, I prefer to be not so ƒucking frustrated by crazy sh¡t that I go off the reservation to such an extent that I end up feral or in the loony bin.

When it finally comes time to ƒuck her, only poke your d¡ck against her butt cheek.

It will "drive her wild".

 

[Die Hard]

Yeah, they make it seem far too easy. I didn't see any stories about "my ex was abusive" or crap like that, so, probably not BPD.

Dude, she probably had sh¡t breath and TPS reports due at work the next day.
Plus, she's very likely to have read some Cosmo article that told her to play silly games to "drive him wild". I don't know about you guys, but thank you anyway Cosmo, I prefer to be not so ƒucking frustrated by crazy sh¡t that I go off the reservation to such an extent that I end up feral or in the loony bin.

When it finally comes time to ƒuck her, only poke your d¡ck against her butt cheek.

It will "drive her wild".

Repped

 

[sodbuster]

IF you don't go for the kiss {and she KNOWS you've been around} it will drive her NUTS....instead it's you that's going nuts trying to analyze it

 

[Atom Smasher]

Don't BPD's come on strong the 1st date?

Not necessarily. They can start the rejection antics very early.

Die Hard's reaction may well be because she's BPD as they have an absolutely uncanny way of sucking a man's spirit out of him. The BPD vortex is so powerful that it seems absolutely supernatural.

We don't know if this particular woman is in fact BPD but the possibility is there given his unusual reaction to her antics, for lack of a better word.

 

[Mike32ct]

Dear Diehard,
The date went on for too long,maybe you bored her,maybe she is a boring person anyway,perhaps you are just not her type...Action Dates say,Dancing,a fun fair or Skating are far better...Most of us here are thinking people,people with opinions,when the Woman is just reactive,has no real interests then the date just fizzles out.

I was thinking this too. Sometimes I would let a date go on too long because I was having a good time, but I would lose points with the female because she would get bored. Sometimes it's better to shorten the date and leave her wanting more.

 

[Tenacity]

Die Hard,

This could be anything man, it could be that she's not into you, it could be that she wants you to not view her as a slvt, it could be that her breath smelled, it could be that she's seeing someone on the side, it could be that she just wanted to use you for a good time........

It could be anything. It's all a numbers game dude. If you are attractive and have your shyt together, you are going to FVCK some (win some), LOSE some, and be PATIENT with some.

I'm very direct and I'm like that to filter chicks out that aren't interested or who will be taking WAY too long to get to sexual shyt, as I don't believe I receive much value from my time with women anyway (sex and companionship only), so if she's NOT giving any sex but only companionship, that chick is getting filtered off.

On the first date I'm usually always trying to do something sexual from the touching, to the rubbing, to the sexual conversation because what I've learned is that IF the girl is into me....she'll have no issues with it...but if she's NOT into me then she will be pissed off by it.

I want to filter them as fast as possible because it's all a numbers game man and their VALUE to my life is so fvcking low, that I just want to use the amount of resources I'm investing into them (time, energy and date money) very wisely and efficiently.

 

[sodbuster]

Tenacity , re-read your comment above...... When you complain about the lack of quality women who haven't slept with the whole 'hood, don't have kids, etc. Aren't YOU screening them OUT of your dating life? Just because she doesn't fall for you line of sh1t and isn't falling all over you on the first couple dates? It COULD be you have a church girl who hasn't fallen for OTHER guy's lines either.... and WILL make a good wife.

You can't restrict your dating to Ho's and be looking for a housewife......