Colossus
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Jan 22, 2005
- Messages
- 3,505
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I posted this awhile ago on the MM forum, but I though it would fit well in the DJ Tips section. These are just my personal rules; gleaned from my own experiences and the wisdom other Men. Feel free to post your own or add to the list.
In order of importance:
1. Know thyself. Know yourself through experience. What you want, don’t want, strengths, weaknesses, negotiables and non-negotiables. This goes far beyond likes and dislikes. It can only come through experience and reflection. Be sure of yourself and strive to master your impulses. Don’t be afraid to try new things. Remember that rejection is better than regret.
2. Never, EVER compromise your identity or self-worth to please or mold to a woman (or anyone for that matter). Women cannot respect a man who will bend himself to fit his perceived image of her ideal. It is not worth your dignity to compromise your identity for anyone.
3. If your woman is not adding positively to your life, move on. Most of the time you will just know. However, sometimes your own issues or discontent may get in the way. It could be rough period in one or both of your lives. If you have given yourself (and her) an honest, reflective appraisal and you still come to the conclusion she is a negative addition to your life, it is time to move on.
4. Realize that the most powerful weapon you have, next to self-mastery, is your ability to walk away. You always have the ability to walk. That being said, be careful not to get yourself into a position where you have no other options to go to. To use a climbing analogy, don’t climb yourself into a position you can’t climb out of. It may look inviting, but sometimes that ‘ledge’ can become a trap. Always have your bases covered. It’s your ass.
5. The fear of being alone is a powerful thing. It can keep men in relationships that are stale, destructive, or a waste of time. Be honest with yourself about it. Remember that times of solitude are not only necessary but essential to masculine growth. Much like an Indian father would send his son into the wilderness as a rite of passage, so must you spend some time alone to reflect on your past endeavors and failures. In my experience, distance brings clarity.
6. In my own opinion, the measure of ‘quality’ for a woman is not her upbringing, chastity, personality, or looks. These are simply preferences. Quality in my eyes is measured in the depth of respect she has for her man. (Credit to Latinoman for this insight.)
7. This is elementary, but in dating it is very unwise to put all of your eggs in one basket. Never imply exclusivity unless YOU are confident in her demonstrated respect for you, and her matching to your personal preferences. This takes time.
8. Have a firm set of NEGOTIABLES and NON-NEGOTIABLES. Only you can set these. Make sure they are reasonable and are not based in spite for something that someone else has done to you in the past.
9. Beware the power of the word. Your words have the power to edify, create, and preserve, or the power to utterly destroy. The things that come out of your mouth (or keyboard) have greater repercussions than you might think. A harsh word uttered in anger can erode a relationship like a river through sand. Once something toxic has been said, it is impossible to erase, unless that person chooses to forgive you.
10. Last but certainly not least, be cautious with your sexuality. It may sound parental, but nobody thinks they will get caught until they do. You can take that to the bank.
In order of importance:
1. Know thyself. Know yourself through experience. What you want, don’t want, strengths, weaknesses, negotiables and non-negotiables. This goes far beyond likes and dislikes. It can only come through experience and reflection. Be sure of yourself and strive to master your impulses. Don’t be afraid to try new things. Remember that rejection is better than regret.
2. Never, EVER compromise your identity or self-worth to please or mold to a woman (or anyone for that matter). Women cannot respect a man who will bend himself to fit his perceived image of her ideal. It is not worth your dignity to compromise your identity for anyone.
3. If your woman is not adding positively to your life, move on. Most of the time you will just know. However, sometimes your own issues or discontent may get in the way. It could be rough period in one or both of your lives. If you have given yourself (and her) an honest, reflective appraisal and you still come to the conclusion she is a negative addition to your life, it is time to move on.
4. Realize that the most powerful weapon you have, next to self-mastery, is your ability to walk away. You always have the ability to walk. That being said, be careful not to get yourself into a position where you have no other options to go to. To use a climbing analogy, don’t climb yourself into a position you can’t climb out of. It may look inviting, but sometimes that ‘ledge’ can become a trap. Always have your bases covered. It’s your ass.
5. The fear of being alone is a powerful thing. It can keep men in relationships that are stale, destructive, or a waste of time. Be honest with yourself about it. Remember that times of solitude are not only necessary but essential to masculine growth. Much like an Indian father would send his son into the wilderness as a rite of passage, so must you spend some time alone to reflect on your past endeavors and failures. In my experience, distance brings clarity.
6. In my own opinion, the measure of ‘quality’ for a woman is not her upbringing, chastity, personality, or looks. These are simply preferences. Quality in my eyes is measured in the depth of respect she has for her man. (Credit to Latinoman for this insight.)
7. This is elementary, but in dating it is very unwise to put all of your eggs in one basket. Never imply exclusivity unless YOU are confident in her demonstrated respect for you, and her matching to your personal preferences. This takes time.
8. Have a firm set of NEGOTIABLES and NON-NEGOTIABLES. Only you can set these. Make sure they are reasonable and are not based in spite for something that someone else has done to you in the past.
9. Beware the power of the word. Your words have the power to edify, create, and preserve, or the power to utterly destroy. The things that come out of your mouth (or keyboard) have greater repercussions than you might think. A harsh word uttered in anger can erode a relationship like a river through sand. Once something toxic has been said, it is impossible to erase, unless that person chooses to forgive you.
10. Last but certainly not least, be cautious with your sexuality. It may sound parental, but nobody thinks they will get caught until they do. You can take that to the bank.
