the "BPD ex" project

[Die Hard]

Not very funny, Danger. Just because we have different opinions about the question whether I am able to stay out of her clutches, doesn't mean you have to mock me. I've come here to sincerely ask your help/advice and I haven't insulted you or anyone else, there's no need to start acting like this. As I said, I respect all of your opinions and I know you want the best for me. I just strongly disagree with what some of you think about me, that should be no problem right? Or do I have to agree with everything you say and accept it as the truth without having my own opinion?

I feel like some of you are starting to consider me as a clown or something...just because I am 100% convinced of something while you are not! I'm not gonna go on this mission anymore anyway, so be happy that (in your mind) you have been able to prevent me from hurting myself. No reason to think less of me just because I'm convinced of something that you are not convinced of.

Anyway, I'm gonna end this thread. I gave up on my plan so there's no need to get into discussions any longer, especially since people are starting to treat me less just because we disagree. Hopefully people will still want to help me out and give serious responses in my other threads? :nervous:

Have a good one, guys!


P.S. I'm not that mynameisnobody guy. I don't know why Danger thought I was, but it's bullocks. I just read you PM, Danger. Hopefully you'll wanna admit here that you were wrong about that?

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Not very funny, Danger. Just because we have different opinions about the question whether I am able to stay out of her clutches, doesn't mean you have to mock me. I've come here to sincerely ask your help/advice and I haven't insulted you or anyone else, there's no need to start acting like this. As I said, I respect all of your opinions and I know you want the best for me. I just strongly disagree with what some of you think about me, that should be no problem right? Or do I have to agree with everything you say and accept it as the truth without having my own opinion?

I feel like some of you are starting to consider me as a clown or something...just because I am 100% convinced of something while you are not! I'm not gonna go on this mission anymore anyway, so be happy that (in your mind) you have been able to prevent me from hurting myself. No reason to think less of me just because I'm convinced of something that you are not convinced of.

Anyway, I'm gonna end this thread. I gave up on my plan so there's no need to get into discussions any longer, especially since people are starting to treat me less just because we disagree. Hopefully people will still want to help me out and give serious responses in my other threads? :nervous:

Have a good one, guys!


P.S. I'm not that mynameisnobody guy. I don't know why Danger thought I was, but it's bullocks. I just read you PM, Danger. Hopefully you'll wanna admit here that you were wrong about that?

I'll tell you what, son of "my name is nobody", if you were really confident in your actions you'd blow our assumptions about your character off with no problem. If you're insecure about how we think you should go about this little vagina crusade then there's no way you're going to control the frame when it comes time to seal the deal. There ARE other motives behind what you want to do. Your ego is showing.

 

[Die Hard]

Sigh....

What is your problem?! Why do you call me "son of mynameisnobody"? If your advice or comment is supposed to be meant serious, then why do you start it off with such a childish remark? Who the f*ck do you think you are anyway, accusing me to be some person I'm not or comparing me with him? (I haven't read any of his posts but it's obvious that he's some sort of troll who everyone dislikes) What did I do to be treated like this? I come here for advice and then, just because I'm convinced of something while you're not, I get to be treated like this? Wow, f*ck you and your help then! I don't even want advice from people who act like this, you're obviously a lesser person than I am if you act like this. I intend to learn from people who stand above me, not little kids like you. At least Jophil just shared his opinion with me and tried to keep it at that, without getting condescending (although he kinda called me a liar in so many words, since he said I will go through with the mission even when I clearly said I won't).

Actually, your reasoning doesn't make sense, Thundermaverick. And I would be willing to explain why, if you were being sincere with me. But I don't get the feeling you want to help me or that your intentions are positive. Or else you wouldn't make that first childish remark at the start of your post. If you're really on this forum to help others and be helped by others (like it should be), then act like it. I get the feeling you simply enter this conversation because my (misplaced in your eyes) self confidence about being able to stay out of her claws annoys you and you wanna put me into place... Talk to me as a grown up and I will react as a grown up. If you can't do that then go f*ck yourself, @sshole. So what's it gonna be?

Actually, this thread has become a good way of getting to know the forum members around here. Now I know whose opinions I should value in the future and whose opinions I should throw away with the trash. So please, if there are more people who feel like acting condescending to me just because I'm convinced of my ability to stay out of the claws of my BPD ex, speak up!


P.S. Let me take this opportunity to thank the guys who did give me their honest opinion with good intentions.

 

[jophil28]

The best revenge is leaving your BPD to suffer the consequences of her own actions. Their lives are sad enough as it is.

This ^^.

I would add that,unfortunately, taking this approach rarely affords you the ego satisfaction of being witness to her next disaster, however, be assured that she will do it all again with some other naive guy, with the same results. Same woman, same pathology, same outcomes.
Relationships are never successful with BPD women (unless the guy is equally sociopathic).
Cluster B women specialize in destruction, both to themselves and their gullible victims.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

There is an old tale in AA from the late 1930's about a particularly stubborn and egodriven 'customer' who refused to quit drinking even though he frequently attended meetings. He continued to do it 'his way' thinking that he could just use the meetings as a safety net to support him in his determination to pursue a life of 'controlled drinking'.
He believed that he was 'different' and that abstinence was not for him because he had 'control' over the worst of his drinking . The evidence,of course, said that his life was unmanageable, but denial is a powerful force.

Anyways, BILL W became frustrated at this man's refusal to get into the program and irritated because this man was consuming the time, energy and resources of the group, so he went to the guy and said, " I think that you might be just a social drinker and maybe you do not have a problem. Go out and continue drinking."

Of course the guy did just that.

This^^^

 

[Die Hard]

Die Hard,

MNIN was our resident BPD case. He had a woman that he would REFUSE to let go, thinking he was always going to be the one to win.

In this thread it has become apparent that you are not him, simply because your writing style is different.

Having said that, my point may be painful and mocking, but it is still a valid point. As much as I would like to try and help you with getting revenge on your ex-BPD (believe me, I have often thought about doing the same with mine, who I only just dumped very recently after two years of hell).....us helping you would only hurt you. It would encourage you to stay with her and you will continue to be emotionally scarred from your interactions.

Really, the only way to win is to walk away and live a good life. Maybe you feel differently and if so, then go ahead. I doubt anyone here will help you down that nefarious path, even if they thought there was the slightest remote possibility it would work out in your favor.

The best revenge is leaving your BPD to suffer the consequences of her own actions. Their lives are sad enough as it is.

CAN YOU READ??



A quote from my first post, the very post I began this thread with!

Not for revenge's sake (that would actually mean I'm not in control of myself)

A quote from my third post:

Let me repeat, I do not do this out of revenge!

From my fourth post:

I was very clear that this is not about revenge

You guys are un-freakin-believable and displaying textbook cases of a phenomenon called "psychological projection": imagining that others have the same feelings or motives as yourself, rather than what they really think. It's obvious that you yourself (and this counts for you as well, Jophil) are not able to let go of the "win or lose" way of thinking, the "I control her or she controls me" way of thinking and you're simply projecting this onto me. Here's another quote from one of my posts:

Jophil, you said she wins all round. That she will regard sex with me as proof of her ability to hoover me back at will. But I'm not part of that game, I don't think in terms of winning or losing, it is not a battle for me.I don't care if she thinks she can hoover me back at will, that's her way of thinking, she sees it all as one big opportunity to have power over me. I don't enter into this kind of thinking.

But I guess your minds have selectively forgotten all these quotes the moment you read them, because your minds are too busy projecting their own way of thinking onto me and won't allow themselves to become conscious of any of my statements that could point to the realization that my way of thinking really is different from yours, because that realization is somehow incompatible with the way you perceive yourselves, I guess... Could it be possible that you just can't deal with the idea that this guy (me), who is far from being a DJ, somehow does have the ability to not long for revenge at his BPD ex..while you yourselves, real DJ's, can't prevent yourselves from longing for revenge on a BPD ex? Is that what's going on here, guys? You know damn well that, even though you've broken up with her, she really is an enemy you can't defeat. You can only run from her...you had only two choices: keep battling her with no other result than losing more energy, or...........withdrawing from battle, which means as much as accepting defeat... And that frustrates the living hell out of you, it confronts you with your own powerlessness and you want that to dissapear, you don't want to be weak and powerless and not in control. You cannot accept defeat! Therefor you will always stay vengeful and keep thinking in terms of winning/losing. If you'd f*ck her, you would not be able to just f*ck her, the f*cking would automatically be a part of the winning/losing game, you can't disconnect the two. Now if you'd meet someone who did somehow acquire the ability to disconnect these two, someone who is really at peace with the powerlessness inside of himself that his BPD ex represents...would you be able to praise him for it and be happy for him? Or would the fact that he has done what you cannot do (yet), frustrate you and therefor make you try to discredit him?


So let me try once again...

My objective is simply to f*ck her once, because she's a HB9 and my c*ck likes to be inserted into HB9 p*ssies.

What is your reaction to this? (Hint: projecting your own way of thinking on me and therefor telling me that I really just want to f*ck her to get even and compensate all the damage she once inflicted on me...is not the right reaction! )


EDIT: Oh really, Danger? You tried to be nice??? Up till your last post, your posts weren't exactly nice... On the contrary, I was the one being and staying nice in response to all the condescending comments I got. Now I show my teeth coz I've had it with the sh*t going on in this thread and you start to cry? Pffff... And you're just taking the "Want to get back at her" out of context, I've stated very clearly that "getting back at her" would just be a nice extra attached to f*cking her. You've been reading in my posts only what you wanted to read, all the time. Even now you keep talking nonsense, like "if you think you can win, then go ahead" I've said a thousand times that I don't think I can win, just that she can't get to me. Remember what I said about having a solid defence but weak offense? I suck at seduction skills, I do know how to stay out of her web. So, like I also said thousands of times before, I'm not going ahead coz I need some good advice on seduction skills from you guys. Hence, I created this thread...but all I do here is defend myself against people projecting their way of thinking on me instead of getting the advice I need to pull off my plan to f*ck her.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

you will always stay vengeful and keep thinking in terms of winning/losing. If you'd f*ck her, you would not be able to just f*ck her, the f*cking would automatically be a part of the winning/losing game, you can't disconnect the two.

Uh huh..

If I could just get to f*ck her and leave her after that, it would be the biggest victory I can imagine.

If it's not a game why would you want victory?

 

[realsmoothie]

I'm confused. He's looking for a victory, but it's not about revenge? What is it about, then?

 

[ThunderMaverick]

I'm confused. He's looking for a victory, but it's not about revenge? What is it about, then?

It's not a game to him - He said it himself. Victory doesn't have anything to do with a game. What he's involved in is a WAR. He wants victory in this war with his BPD ex. It's the only way he'll gain control again. He really thinks putting some good d!ck down is going to have her craving more, but he's mistaken; he's not the only c0ck to play with in town.

I'm giving you sound advice and tough love here - no one who wants peace and control in his life goes and puts himself in the line of unnecessary fire. For what? Pu$$y? USED PU$$Y at that! You stopped pursuing it because you knew it was a st00pid idea.

If you're so confident in yourself you would have went for it and not listened us keyboard Don Juans here. You would have laughed us "mature men" off because how could we possibly understand the greatness that is your self confidence?

You listened to us though. Strange.

 

[Die Hard]

My objective is simply to f*ck her once, because she's a HB9 and my c*ck likes to be inserted into HB9 p*ssies.

What is your reaction to this? (Hint: projecting your own way of thinking on me and therefor telling me that I really just want to f*ck her to get even and compensate all the damage she once inflicted on me...is not the right reaction! )

Let's see...four people made an attempt. Here are the results:

Danger: FAIL
My name is nobody: FAIL
ThunderMaverick: FAIL
Realsmoothie: FAIL

Next, please...

Let me allow you one last satisfaction, playing along with your games of making me jump through all kinds of hoops in order to prove I'm not guilty of your self-made "truth" you're trying to force onto me...

If I could just get to f*ck her and leave her after that, it would be the biggest victory I can imagine

I'm not f*cking girls regularly, on the contrary.... So since I decided to become a DJ, I will consider the very first girl that I seduce and f*ck, as my first "victory" on the road to become a DJ. The first girl I f*ck from now on, will be my first victory as a changed man! Now if that girl also happens to be my former BPD ex who caused me lots of trouble in the past, it would turn my first victory into a MAJOR victory! Oh look, he said it, he said the words, he admitted that he's trying to get even with her for the trouble she caused him in the past! Yeah, go ahead, you morons, jump on each and every sign that might prove your false assumption about me...you're that pathetic, I know... But as I said before, this special feature that comes with f*cking her, is just an extra. It's certainly not the prime reason why I wanna f*ck her and it certainly won't become so during the process of seducing her. But I've already said so before and you won't believe me anyway (not because you're stupid but simply because you don't WANT to believe it), so I hope you've enjoyed this paragraph, because it was the last time that I've jumped through your hoops, you bunch of losers. By the way, if I can f*ck one of the girls at work first (before the BPD ex), of course I will do that! But I know..I know: you are convinced that BPD is special to me and therefor you're absolutely convinced that I'll postpone the other girls just to turn BPD into the first girl I f*cked since beginning my journey to become a DJ...right? Admit it, you really are that pathetic...you'll just consider each and every assumption you have as the truth, because deep down you're just a pathetic moron who lacks self confidence so much that he has to advice others all the time, knowing others need his advice, in order to prove to himself that he's worth something. But what if one of those others tells him he's wrong with his advice? Ouch, that hurts, doesn't it? Suddenly your position as "advicer" (and therefor your self-worth) is being compromised!! Now that can't be allowed, hmm? So you'll just try to reassure yourself that you're not wrong but the other guy is wrong, and you'll even mock him and be condescending to him, whatever it takes to not burst your own bubble. Pathetic....



Anyway, for the people who can simply read and understand my intentions regarding this mission, without projecting their own thoughts/feelings on me: I just wondered about this "approach". Suppose I just send her an email back, saying:

"If a girl gives me her phone number, I take that as a sign of interest and naturally expect that we will go on a date in the near future..."

And see how she responds. Or maybe even add something like: "So before I call you, I'd like to know if you can live up to my expectations..."

If she doesn't take the bait and tries to shift my attention away from the issue by talking about other things in her reply, I'll just ignore her and break all contact. She will realize that I won't enter her games and won't continue to communicate with her until she confirms my "expectation". Take it or leave it, would be the message...

As I said: I'm not the greatest at this stuff so feel free to point out why this approach would or wouldn't be smart in your eyes. I feel like simply calling her on her mobile, like she suggested, would be simply giving in to her expectation without putting a demand of my own on the table, so to speak. She should earn the fact that I decide to call her, she should give me something back in return, right? I haven't called her in 3 years so I'm sure that she would interpet me simply giving in to her expectation without a "demand" of my own almost as a "direct surrender" from me. What do you guys think?

 

[ThunderMaverick]

you will always stay vengeful and keep thinking in terms of winning/losing. If you'd f*ck her, you would not be able to just f*ck her, the f*cking would automatically be a part of the winning/losing game, you can't disconnect the two.

Uh huh..

If I could just get to f*ck her and leave her after that, it would be the biggest victory I can imagine.

If it's not a game why would you want victory?

You didn't seem do address your contradiction when I pointed it out. I want you to address it.

 

[realsmoothie]

he doesn't want to address it, because then this thread would be dead and no one would pay attention to his little game.

 

[horaholic]

My turn to chime in.... I dumped my BPD over 4 years ago. She never gave up. She would call every two weeks or so, even if I would tell her to fvck off, and hang up on her. Every once in a while, she would catch me when I was in a drought, and I would pretend to believe whatever lie she was throwing at me, (which, she would always eventually convince me of most of them) and bang her for a month or so, til she fvcked up, and I would NC her for 6 more months, then do the same thing. Did I mention this has been going on for FOUR FVCKING YEARS? I sure as hell dont come on here and ask for advice on how to handle her, cuz I know Im playing with fire every time. After four years of being burned, I have developed a callous on my heart where I can handle her now. She used to live an hour away from me, so it was very easy to keep her at a distance.

A couple of months ago, she called, and I was horny, so I banged her. She was in the middle of moving less than I mile from me. She hired me to paint the inside of her new house, which really helped me out, plus getting ******* breaks was pretty cool too. It turns out that her living so close to me isnt as bad as I thought it wouldbe. She doesnt hang out at my places, and we keep a good distance. If gotten pissed at her a few times, where we wouldnt talk for a couple weeks. Now, we have more of a true FB thing. We dont hang out very often, I dont give her the opportunity to lie to me. I told her even though we werent in a relationship, I would not hang out with her if there were any other guys in her life, including ones she calls friends. She insists that she has too much baggage for any relationship, and guys keep wanting more from her and getting wierd, so she wants to avoid them all. Im considering this a lie on her part, but so far if she does have other guys, she's hiding it very well, which is fine with me. We actually get along better now than we ever have. Right now, she is going to AA and not drinking much, but Im sure that will not last. We hang out a couple times every couple weeks. She takes me out, buys me dinner, fvcks me silly, and I go back to my life, like she's not even around. It has taken me 4 years to get to this point, where nothing she can do fazes me anymore. It the slightest hint of disrespect, I immediately bail, and lose her number. She'll call in a couple weeks and apologize, and we repeat the cycle.

In the position Im at, I manipulate her, and I have no symathy, or heart for her, making me effectively a sociopath when it comes to her. I dont expect anything from her, and I am free to do whatever, and whoever I want, while getting sex from her sporadically. That is the hard part: refraining from seeing her too much, because we have the most incredible sex ever, and I could literally bang her 2-3 times a day, and never get tired of it. Hell, its been five years, and we're still bunnies, like we've never skipped a beat.

IF you are at the point where Im at, you can do this. I highly doubt you've been burned enough times by the same girl to get there, though, but maybe in three more years of heartache, you will be ok. But the question I ask is; Why do you come here, and ask for advice/validation? How do you expect us to react to you. I'll say it too: DONT DO IT. My situation is extremely rare, and she still might find a way to burn me again, but I sure as hell wont come crying on here about it, cuz I'm the dumbshyt that took the bait time and time again. I THINK I have her, and my emotions in check, but you never know. BPD chicks are sirens. Almost literally believe that they are demons sent from hell, to teach/punish men about succumbing to their lust.

Once, again: DONT DO IT.

 

[Die Hard]

Thanx for the last 4 responses, finally some feedback that sounds a bit more reasonable.

@ horaholic (nice name haha): you're the first one who seems to understand where I'm coming from because you find yourself in the same unique situation. You've also reached that point where she can't get to you anymore. Just like you, I've only reached that point since 2.5 years after thebreakup. I still got burned quite some times after the break up but it was like each time I got better at letting it go. Finally, at some point I could just notice myself being able to let it go easily every time she started her games on me. I feel business-like when I talk to her, in control, like when you have to argue with a child. I don't really see her as equal, I almost think of her as some sort of clown when she tries to play her games on me and strongly feel like "been there, done that" when she tapplies her tricks. So you're really wrong when you say I might just reach that point after three more years of heartache from today, I have reached that point already! It's just goddamn annoying if people can't believe this because they haven't been able to ever reach that point themselves and therefor think it's impossible someone else has. You're the only one in this thread who is in the same situation as me, I guess. Still, I would never do what you do, I would never have more contact with her after that one f*ck. I don't blame you for continuing contact with her but me personally, I would feel like I'm lowering myself. I think her personality is below my standards, I would feel like there's something wrong with me if I chose to have regular contact with her. I'd rather have regular contact with girls who I respect a bit more, I cannot respect her for who she is... But I'm not negatively judging you or your choices, everyone should do what he likes, right? I just wanna f*ck her once and break off all contact afterwards, that's it. Anyway, thanks for sharing your story. Even though I still haven't had any useful advice since the start of this thread (can you believe I've spent so much time to this thread already and still have ZERO feedback to the original question that made me open this thread?), it's interesting to hear a story of someone in the same position.

@ theunflushables:

The fact that you want to fvck her out of any other hb9 in the world

what makes her so special that you'd rather **** her than a new and sane hb9?

I really don't know why it's so hard to just read what I say instead of making up things that I didn't say... Both quotes are simply not true! I don't get the feeling you do it on purpose, but I can't believe how you are able to draw these false conclusions from my posts...it's just fascinating!!

@ drak_ool: I advice you to read my explanation about defensive skills and offensive skills again. You either didn't read it or you didn't get it, since you still think of those two seperate things as if they are one and the same.

@ my name !s nobody: She wanted to fvck me when we were in a relationship and she really wasn't begging for it at that time. So your theory about it only being possible when she begs me for it, doesn't seem waterproof to me. On what basis do you draw such a conclusion anyway? And even if you're right: if BPD's only have sex with their exes when they feel like beggin him for it...who says it's impossible for her ex to create this begging in her when it's not there yet? I don't think your theory is based on much thought...



Anyway, not trying to be rude here, since the last few responses seem very reasonable and well intended, but...it would be really nice if by now someone finally told me how he would approach this mission. The least you could do, is comment on the possible plans I presented myself (about sending her an email back and begin "negotiations" lol), you could at least comment on that, instead of arguing about the question whether it's possible to get in her pants without getting trapped in her BPD web. The focussing you guys do on this matter of "is he or isn't he able to stay out of her web?" is a bit exaggerated, don't you think? Suppose I followed the plan I shared with you in my last post: send the mail, tell her I expect to get a date, and break off all contact if she doesn't take the bait... Jesus, even if you doubt my general ability to stay out of her web , do you really think I am not able to stay silent when she doesn't take the bait? Do you even realize that this short interaction would already be half of the mission? You guys seem to think that this mission is unquestionably gonna be a long one, with many conversations between her and me, taking up many meetings etc. which all gives her opportunities to suck me in her games. That's just stupid...If this plan were to succeed, obviously it would have to be a short and overwhelming campaign, a "blitzkrieg", "shock and awe" style, don't you think? It seems you can't even realize this because all you think to yourself is: "This guy is going after a BPD! Red alert, red alert!" and all you can think of is the great dangers associated with BPD's, to the point where you can't even think realistically about a possible plan of approach anymore, it seems...

This thread and the way people behave in it certainly is weird :crazy:

 

[ThunderMaverick]

you will always stay vengeful and keep thinking in terms of winning/losing. If you'd f*ck her, you would not be able to just f*ck her, the f*cking would automatically be a part of the winning/losing game, you can't disconnect the two.

Uh huh

If I could just get to f*ck her and leave her after that, it would be the biggest victory I can imagine.

If it's not a game why would you want victory?

This is the third time I've asked you this question and a third time I've caught you contradicting yourself. You've ignored it.

These are perfectly valid points I brought up because it shows a schism in your motives and character.

If he won't address me, I suggest someone copy and paste this post so maybe he'll answer to someone who seems less threatening?

 

[Die Hard]

Sorry, I'm done answering questions. You assume I can't stay out of her web, while I know I can. Case closed. So please, either give me advice on how to approach her or leave this thread alone.

 

[Die Hard]

No hard feelings, theunflushables. I know your intentions are good, you try to protect me against myself. Unneccesarily, I must add!! But still, you mean it well and I respect that. Cheers!

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Why don't you take your questions to the regular discussion forum or at least the high school forum? You're not answering questions dealing with your true motives and you expect advice? You get what you put out, you know. The "mature men" aren't going to help a man who's being sketchy in his actions.

If you're brave enough to address what we've asked you then maybe we'd be better equipped to help you.

Just saying.

 

[Die Hard]

Uhmm...at this point, I think you need help more than I do . Since no one seems to be willing to anwer my request for help, I've simply given up on my mission (sorry to burst your bubble, I know you want to desperately hold onto the belief that I cannot give up on it). So I'm fine... But YOU however, seem to be really worked up. You're even stalking me over it in other threads now! Seriously, kid...you're showing disturbing behavior.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Well you did the right thing. Good for you.