The boyfriend bomb

[window]

I get really pssed off when I meet chicks and inside 1 minute of convo they mention their boyfriend. I know they are saying they're unavailable but it irritates me because sometimes I'm not even interested and it makes me feel like a chump. I'm sure you've all had it so what do you guys do in this situation to maintain posture / frame...

 

[Crow]

It's preferable to her dropping the bomb after you've been spending time on her or worse yet, when you find out without her telling you and then actually thinking the guy is actually pretty nice. I hate to be the agent for bringing that kind of pain on someone else.

Of course, having said that, sometimes girlfriends with boyfriends are the best kind.

 

[Colossus]

Yeah it is irritating, I hear ya. Just carry on like you already knew, but dont waste too much time talking to her after that. I wouldnt, anyway.

 

[zekko]

I get really pssed off when I meet chicks and inside 1 minute of convo they mention their boyfriend. I know they are saying they're unavailable but it irritates me because sometimes I'm not even interested and it makes me feel like a chump.

I've had this happen to me before, although usually they mention their husband. The girls are very hot, and probably used to getting hit on. And sometimes they bring up their husband right away, almost as if to say "don't get any ideas, I'm taken". And I'm thinking "don't flatter yourself, I wasn't going to hit on you anyway".

It doesn't make me feel like a chump, but it does irritate me a bit because of their assumptions. I suppose it's just their natural defense shield to keep guys at a distance.

 

[Megaman XIV]

EVERY pretty girl has a boyfriend.

EVERY average girl has a boyfriend.

Even fatties and uglies have boyfriends!

Unless you're really interesting and you can make these girls forget that they got one, you'll catch this line.

 

[Falcon25]

When they say that, just say "I really don't care if you have a boyfriend. I have two girlfriends. I'm not interested in you. I was just trying to be friendly." Peace.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Don't let it phase you. If she says she has a boyfriend, act like she said she's got a pet kangaroo. Interesting, but so what?

Too many guys expect conscious, clear, verbal permission to sarge. Ignore her words, pay attention to her emotions and actions, and sarge on.

She very well be saying she has a boyfriend to subconsciously try to qualify herself to you, as if to say she is desireable. Girls without boyfriends anyway are questionable, as they may be batshyte crazy psycho Norman Bates in disguise.

You could even say that her saying she has a boyfriend is an indication that you are doing OK in the conversation, and an indication that she wants you to keep sarging.

 

[tihash]

I take it as a good thing, and walk away. It is good that she said it because I don't have to waste one additional minute of my time with a girl who is not interested.

 

[drak_ool]

"and so does my girlfriend" is a good quick line to throw right back at them (props to Roissy).

Them throwing the line at you doesn't make you a chump. You getting pissed off about it, on the other hand, reeks of AFC...

 

[Colossus]

She very well be saying she has a boyfriend to subconsciously try to qualify herself to you, as if to say she is desireable. Girls without boyfriends anyway are questionable, as they may be batshyte crazy psycho Norman Bates in disguise.

You could even say that her saying she has a boyfriend is an indication that you are doing OK in the conversation, and an indication that she wants you to keep sarging.

I agree you shouldnt let it phase you, but IMHO, I think women say this for one of two reasons: 1) they actually have a boyfriend, or 2) they say it reflexively to buffer an unwanted or random advance.

So if it's a cold approach, then yeah, she might just be tossing it out there to buffer you. Keep in mind however that ALL pretty women have a bf or are "in-between" bfs, and even most average girls.

But if it isnt a cold approach, i.e. you have some rapport with her, then I would just take it like you already knew and not waste too much effort after that. Unless she is coming on strong, this isnt usually a winning battle.

 

[Andy_Dufresne]

Really? When is the wedding?

 

[Jeffst1980]

If you eject right away after hearing that, or try to insist to her that you weren't hitting on her, it reeks of desperation. A better idea: Engage her in friendly conversation for a bit and use her as social proof. She probably has some attractive single friends, and if you seem like a good guy to her, she will GLADLY introduce you (women that are taken LOVE fixing up their friends).

You will miss out on a lot of opportunities if you refuse to talk to women that are taken. Don't run game on them if they seem sincere; that will ruin your chances of ever getting with her friends. Just come of as a nice guy, and save the pick up stuff for her single friends.

 

[Die Hard]

Raise your eyebrows a little and say: "So you've got him convinced that you're the best deal for him?"

She'll probably answer "yes"

Next, act like you're thinking to yourself "Man, this guy got scammed! She's just mediocre!" but you don't wanna show her this thought (at least, that's what you act like!). Then you give her a quick condescending smile (which communicates your thought after all) and say "Okay....." After which you quickly change the subject ("anyway, what do you think of this club blah blah") as if you suddenly realized that she could read your thought and wanted to prevent her from addressing it.

The trick is to do this convincingly, she really has to believe that you're trying to hide your "thought" but it showed on your face and in the way you said "Okay...." after all.

 

[DJDamage]

I agree you shouldnt let it phase you, but IMHO, I think women say this for one of two reasons: 1) they actually have a boyfriend, or 2) they say it reflexively to buffer an unwanted or random advance.

I would add a 3rd one and say that it can serve as a filtering mechanism for guys with a weak game. Sometimes a woman may not have a boyfriend but hates being single so she tells those who listen about her invisible boyfriend where in actuality she is just slutting it out at this moment. Also gauging her IOI's during a convo can indicate whether she is interested and wants you to step up your game because her relationship is on the rocks and she is looking to branch swing but won't do it if you don't have the balls to do anything about it.

Sometimes when women say "I have a boyfriend" and you meet them in a bar or a club you really have to wonder why isn't their dude there with them.

 

[zekko]

I usually just ignore their comment and continue to talk to them as normal.
BUT, I'm not hitting on them anyway, so I'm not trying to present that as a strategy.

 

[jophil28]

" I have a boyfriend " is a dissuading device. It is a deliberately placed obstacle that she has constructed to block your plan to seduce her.
Most of the time she is telling you the truth. She does have a b/f.
Some other women use the boyfriend bomb as a way to tell you that she does not find you attractive and you are wasting your time. And mostly you will be beating you head against a brickwall if you persist in trying to game her.
However for those of you who love a challenge. and who are willing to spend your time playing mindgames with resistant women , try this...

She,' ...i have a boyfriend.."

You," OK. HE is probably a cool guy, BUT just in case it does not work out, write your number down here..."

Now here is the rub -
IF she then agrees to give you her #, you have just met a woman who is telling you that she either lies about her status, or she is willing to cheat on her b/f, or both.

That qualifies her to be a FB at best.

 

[window]

I'm talking about the first 2 - 3 minutes of convo...so they dont actually for e.g say "I have a boyfriend" as a refutal to you asking for a phone number...you'll be just talking to them and they'll drop the boyfriend into the conversation out of left field. Personally I find it insulting. It's like wtf ? I wasn't even interested.

What really irratates me though is when a chick shows interest but currently has a boyfriend. It's almost as if they believe they have the right to do this (currently have a guy but then branch swing to another). I find it so arrogant. I'm thinking sorry babe I dont do branch swinging hos. :nono:

 

[drak_ool]

What really irratates me though is when a chick shows interest but currently has a boyfriend.

I definitely understand what you mean. I find it very irritating when a girl stares at me/smiles at me/flirts with me with her bf right by her side. While I don't have a problem fvcking a girl with a boyfriend, I find it insulting to men in general that she will show such blatant disrespect to her man in public.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

What you're describing is the Boyfriend Disclaimer, also known as a Proactive LJBF. The Boyfriend Disclaimer rejection occurs when a woman slips the information of her unavailability (due to the BF) covertly into casual conversation. I've covered this countless times with frustrated guys asking me why a woman would tell him she had a boyfriend in the middle of a sarge. It simply a communication device with the latent purpose of proactively rejecting him (where a LJBF is a reactive rejection).

The idea behind the Boyfriend Disclaimer is that you've telegraphed your interest in her overtly enough that she wants to save herself the potential embarrassment and discomfort of having to needlessly go through the process of you asking her out. As I said, it's proactive - "Hey lets save us both the trouble of you trying to hook up with me and get to the part where we agree to just be friends." This is a very common practice for exceptionally attractive women who, through frequency, more readily read the approach behaviors of guys who are attracted to her.

That said, unless there's a ring on her finger, every woman is single. C&F is amazingly effective in defusing a BFD when used to draw attention to it as a tactic. Don't let a BFD thwart your sarge. Often enough it's a bluff she's not used to being called on, turn that to your advantage, but do so cleverly.

 

[squirrels]

Every attractive woman has a boyfriend. For her NOT to would mean she would look undesirable in front of her friends.

That doesn't mean she's necessarily happy with him.

In fact, you can probably ignore it the first time she mentions him. If there's a second mention, then ask the important follow-up questions:

"How's that working out?"
"So you're 'serious' with him?"
"Where is HE tonight?"