The Benjamin Franklin Effect

[cof33]

Benjamin Franklin once competed with a man for office, and tensions ran high. Franklin wanted to make a friend of the guy, so he sent a letter requesting a book from him. This act led to them becoming friends.

Most people think that "you do nice things for the people you like and bad things to the people you hate." Well, in reality the opposite is true: "you grow to like people for whom you do nice things and hate people you harm."

What you guys think about it?should i ask favors from woman or is that beta?i know for a fact that woman do this all the time....

 

[Checkmate12]

Good post. I've heard of several studies mentioned that state that when you do something for someone (i.e. Buy them gifts, drive out of your way to see them, etc.) Your mind wants to be vaidated that the person you are doing these things for is of value to you and thus you start to view them as "worth it."

So I think getting a girl to buy you a souvenir when she goes on a trip, having her drive to your place occasionally instead of always picking her up show her that not only are you not a beta because you're not succumbing to her every whim and trying to "buy her" but in her mind youare gaining value.

 

[JoeMarron]

Getting a woman to invest in you is a commonly spoke of game tactic. It works for everyone though. The more someone does for you the better that person feels about you.

 

[expos]

Getting a woman to invest in you is a commonly spoke of game tactic. It works for everyone though. The more someone does for you the better that person feels about you.

But of course, their needs to be a fine line. You can quickly get into that nice guy/orbiter zone if you constantly shower them with praise and gifts.

Spoiling a woman leads to some pretty lousy behavior. Been there, done that, opened the business. You are creating an entitled user.

I think about the best coaches I had as an athlete, and what teams I was on that had the best results. The coaches who never praised us got the most victories. I'm not saying that they didn't pat us on the back...but they certainly kept us on our toes - only rewarding us when we did something extraordinary. A merely "good" performance didn't warrant praise. That led us to only do extraordinary things on the field and never settle for less.

How should relationships be any different? If your girl is acting great, reward that behavior. Enforce that rule.

 

[cof33]

I think expos didnt got it its about gettin favors from them....


I wasnt aware of this it seems legit but my doubt is if i do it to people who i barely know will it work?now that i think about it i feel somethin from the homeless people i help(and i dont help em all i feel some type of way bout the ones i do)...

 

[cof33]

plus is that a good way to break the ice wit woman?ask for favours?

 

[foolyoufool]

This "Benjamin Franklin" effect you speak of is known as Cognitive Dissonance in Psychology. The principle is that we want to always keep our actions in line with our beliefs, and when these two are out of sync we feel a sense of discomfort. To resolve this discomfort, one must either change their action, or change their belief.

In Benjamin Franklin's case, he made his enemy do a favor for him. Doing a favor would run contrary to his belief that "I don't like Ben Franklin," so he would feel mental discomfort. To resolve this discomfort, he changed his belief, "since I am doing Ben a favor, I must like him!" That's how it works.

You can use this to your advantage in many ways. If you think you're shy, and you force yourself to approach constantly, eventually you will believe that you're no longer shy. OR, you can change your belief by telling yourself that you love approaching women, and then to reduce the dissonance this would create, you would have to approach!

 

[JoeMarron]

But of course, their needs to be a fine line. You can quickly get into that nice guy/orbiter zone if you constantly shower them with praise and gifts.

Spoiling a woman leads to some pretty lousy behavior. Been there, done that, opened the business. You are creating an entitled user.

I think about the best coaches I had as an athlete, and what teams I was on that had the best results. The coaches who never praised us got the most victories. I'm not saying that they didn't pat us on the back...but they certainly kept us on our toes - only rewarding us when we did something extraordinary. A merely "good" performance didn't warrant praise. That led us to only do extraordinary things on the field and never settle for less.

How should relationships be any different? If your girl is acting great, reward that behavior. Enforce that rule.

Lol you got it backwards. No one is talking about spoiling women. I'm talking about getting them to do things for you.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

This "Benjamin Franklin" effect you speak of is known as Cognitive Dissonance in Psychology. The principle is that we want to always keep our actions in line with our beliefs, and when these two are out of sync we feel a sense of discomfort. To resolve this discomfort, one must either change their action, or change their belief.

In Benjamin Franklin's case, he made his enemy do a favor for him. Doing a favor would run contrary to his belief that "I don't like Ben Franklin," so he would feel mental discomfort. To resolve this discomfort, he changed his belief, "since I am doing Ben a favor, I must like him!" That's how it works.

You can use this to your advantage in many ways. If you think you're shy, and you force yourself to approach constantly, eventually you will believe that you're no longer shy. OR, you can change your belief by telling yourself that you love approaching women, and then to reduce the dissonance this would create, you would have to approach!

Great explanation. Nice thread.

 

[Poonani Maker]

This is why whenever a woman asks if she can help, you always let her help you, even if you can...get the door on your own, pick something up, etc etc.

 

[Uncharted]

I agree with everything above. You want her to do things for you. Whether you "order" her or simply ask her doesn't matter, although if you ask her it's easier for her to say no.

 

[bluenorther]

I'm training myself to let women do things for me, mainly at work... one client offered me half of the sammich her HUSBAND bought her. I took it! She's a babe, too. Yesterday another one wanted to bring me ice water, and I told myself "Just take it." I had my own that I'd brought.
The time I had to send a woman away, she was too downright distracting, in her stretchy tight pants and tank top. I thought I needed help and asked her to give me a hand, but it turned out I could manage on my own. She was modelesque hot.

 

[iamnobody]

Cognitive dissonance indeed. When you get a chick to do something for you, she will rationalize it as "Uh, I must really like this guy if I'm doing this for him". On top of that, it's a good anchor.
I usually get chick I like to do little things for me.

 

[jeffreylebowski]

Same goes with sex. Fail to escalate, a woman may start thinking "I'm not sleeping with him, so I must not be attracted to him."

 

[3countriesPlan]

b1tch buys you a candy bar and she thinks "whatever aint **** for money" and if that girl buys you a house she thinks "this guy is marriage material and yes he can do my sister too"