I met this chick at school about six months ago and we started talking a bit. Since then I've gotten to know her better, but I feel like I have moved too far into the "friend" zone to go anywhere with this. Of course I failed as always to even try to take any action and hook up with her. She is what I would call super-hot and super-out-of-my-league. Anyway, body language signs would seem to indicate that she is interested : touching, getting really close when she's around me, smiling alot, etc. I just can't tell if she wants to be friends or would want to take it further. I see her alot so I hesitate to make the mistake of it not working. It seems like it would also seem weird, to her and me, to, after all this time, try turning things up a few notches. Anyway, I hope this made sense, I would appreciate if anyone could offer me advice, feedback, or just slam me for being a dumb-ass about all this. Thanks.
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The "Becoming Friends" Dilemna
- Thread starter Ian19
- Start date
What you might wanna do to break the friend trap is to keep in touch, but stop making so much time for her. If she responds by reaching out more, then you have a shot if you play your cards right (that's another story). If she acts indifferent, then she doesn't give a 5hit about hooking up with you. You have to understand that a lot of women will have deep discussions with anyone that offers an ear. If the idea of making less time for her makes you wince when I write it, then your dead in the water. Anything you do that can be enterpreted as a metal ball rolling towards a magnet is bad. You'll be LJBF'd in no time that way.
Ask yourself a couple things...
When you two get together is it because you initiated it or she made an effort? If it was her that initiated it, were you over accomodating to the idea? You know what I mean right? I mean as if Bob Barker said "Come on down!"
If you feel like the next contestant then you won't get near the poontang showdown. Make her work MORE for your attention than you do for hers. If not then go away, cause your not getting jack.
Ask yourself a couple things...
When you two get together is it because you initiated it or she made an effort? If it was her that initiated it, were you over accomodating to the idea? You know what I mean right? I mean as if Bob Barker said "Come on down!"
If you feel like the next contestant then you won't get near the poontang showdown. Make her work MORE for your attention than you do for hers. If not then go away, cause your not getting jack.
By the way Ian, you might be on the ugly side but women aren't as superficial as men. Let me tell you about my mother. In her younger days (20's early 30's) she was a 10. Guess what? She had a few boyfriends on the troll looking side. Good looking women do date less than 5 men. Believe me it happens all the time. They don't date any man that is walking around with self esteem issues though. Get over feeling like you can't have a good looking women, because you most certainly can. The key is to be tough, be a man, take charge, be confident, and go for what you want. The fact of the matter is if your less than 5 your gonna get turned down a lot. You won't get turned down every time though so suck it up pal.
Do me a favor, don't say why me or over obsess when women turn you down. Just remember it's because your still learning the skills and your not exactly fabio. Move on and try again.
Do me a favor, don't say why me or over obsess when women turn you down. Just remember it's because your still learning the skills and your not exactly fabio. Move on and try again.
Friends zone is only a bad place to be in two cases.
1) It comes with the words "just" or "only" or sometimes the phrase "like a friend". This is where she is telling you she is removing sex from the equation.
2) You find yourself so in awe of a girl that you feel you are not good enough. You remove sex from the equation. Often the girl really did like the guy in this case but once he removes sex she often loses interest.
My advice is to gradually increase the physical chemistry and if you hit a snag where she isn't ready for that or doesn't think of you like that etc then pull back. Try and be as emotionally not involved as possible. Don't pull back emotionally just don't be around as much, but be very emotionally open when you are.
Guys that pull back emotionally often show weakness.
1) It comes with the words "just" or "only" or sometimes the phrase "like a friend". This is where she is telling you she is removing sex from the equation.
2) You find yourself so in awe of a girl that you feel you are not good enough. You remove sex from the equation. Often the girl really did like the guy in this case but once he removes sex she often loses interest.
My advice is to gradually increase the physical chemistry and if you hit a snag where she isn't ready for that or doesn't think of you like that etc then pull back. Try and be as emotionally not involved as possible. Don't pull back emotionally just don't be around as much, but be very emotionally open when you are.
Guys that pull back emotionally often show weakness.
NewMan
Master Don Juan
Ian - this is one for the lesson books - your young, so it's not all lost.
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but I feel like I have moved too far into the "friend" zone to go anywhere with this.
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Mistake number 1. You moved to much into the friends zone - mainly because:-
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She is what I would call super-hot and super-out-of-my-league.
*********
Yeah - you've got a low self esteem. You think you can't get a hot looking chick - and thats where you are wrong. But because you didn't think that you could get this chick, you didn't make a move on her. Thats a big mistake. If your hungry and someone puts a steak in front of you, you'd better go eat it.
Listen,
For the record - I'm not hot. I'm average. I'm short. Not the best looking guy in the world - but I've dated hotties. I've had hot girls in LTR's and for the short term. It's all about confidence - and taking oportunites.
What do you do now?
I would recomend you hold of seeing her and talking to her for a little while. Don't ignore her, just be "busy". If she calls talk to her, but if she doesn't, don't you initiate the phone calls.
Then the next time you see her, you've got to up your game and be touchy feely - lot's of kino. There's going to be an oportunity to kiss her - and you have to take it. You have to kiss this chick - if it doesn't work out, no big deal, but then at least you will know.
********
but I feel like I have moved too far into the "friend" zone to go anywhere with this.
********
Mistake number 1. You moved to much into the friends zone - mainly because:-
*********
She is what I would call super-hot and super-out-of-my-league.
*********
Yeah - you've got a low self esteem. You think you can't get a hot looking chick - and thats where you are wrong. But because you didn't think that you could get this chick, you didn't make a move on her. Thats a big mistake. If your hungry and someone puts a steak in front of you, you'd better go eat it.
Listen,
For the record - I'm not hot. I'm average. I'm short. Not the best looking guy in the world - but I've dated hotties. I've had hot girls in LTR's and for the short term. It's all about confidence - and taking oportunites.
What do you do now?
I would recomend you hold of seeing her and talking to her for a little while. Don't ignore her, just be "busy". If she calls talk to her, but if she doesn't, don't you initiate the phone calls.
Then the next time you see her, you've got to up your game and be touchy feely - lot's of kino. There's going to be an oportunity to kiss her - and you have to take it. You have to kiss this chick - if it doesn't work out, no big deal, but then at least you will know.
If you want to talk, talk to your friends. If you want a girl to like you, listen to her, ask questions, and act like you are on the edge of your seat.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
Thanks everyone. Your posts helped me kind of put this all into perspective. I'm going to try to gradually turn up the notch and see where things go. I'm an idiot at reading any kind of signs, so if she was trying to send the signal that she wanted more, I would probably be oblivious to it.