The Basic Guide to Workplace Dating

[terry32]

http://www.scribd.com/doc/139822003/The-Basic-Guide-to-Workplace-Dating

Over the past few years, I've been writing a book about workplace dating based on my own experiences. I'm now making it publicly available "as is" because I am no longer interested in finishing it. I'm beyond workplace dating now, and have other interests I want to pursue. Ultimately, the guide is written for men who are interested in workplace dating, and want some information about it from someone who's been there.

I want to mention that this guide is incomplete, maybe about 90% done. The spelling and grammar are okay, but the order and structure is not quite how I want it. I mostly just put the information down and did very little arranging. There are several things I wanted to add, reword or remove, and many of the ideas I did write about are not as perfectly worded as I would like, but I had to start with something. In short, it's incomplete.

If you're willing to read through the disorder and incompleteness, I promise you will find some gems that will allow you to successfully date women from your workplace without the drama. If you're familiar with the basic foundations of dating and you want to get started right away, then I suggest you read Chapters 4, 5, and 6 as they relate to Interest and Disinterest, Closing, and Pitfalls. You'll find several word-for-word examples I've used to close women at work. But even if you don't attempt to date at work, the guide will at least open your eyes to what's possible in the workplace.

If I had to sum up how to do workplace dating in one sentence it would be this: Target only those women who show an interest in you on a consistent basis, and of those women, date the ones who show the strongest interest.

You're free to use the information in the guide as a resource if you want to write your own book about workplace dating. Maybe someone would be open to completing it.

Even in the year 2013, with all the dating products available, workplace dating is still a very new niche, primarily because of the risks involved. So those who consciously attempt workplace dating will become the pioneers in that area, and can even start a profitable dating business.

Whatever you choose to do with the guide, I grant you greater success than myself in the world of workplace dating.

-Terrence

 

[doctorj]

how timely, just # closed a cute HB 7 in the smoking area below our office

 

[terry32]

Since uploading the guide, I've already begun receiving messages from those who are against workplace dating. They say things like, "don't **** where you eat", "there are more available women at the club", and "you could lose your job if you make a mistake."

These concerns are understandable and I address them in the guide, but I stand firm in saying that workplace dating is possible, easy, and you can do it successfully if you read the guide. I've been in contact with men who do workplace dating exclusively. They don't go to bars and clubs; they only date women from work. I was one of those men. I have dated, and had sex, with dozens of women from the places I've worked. If I ever went to the club, I never pulled because I already was seeing one or two co-workers at the time.

Take a moment to consider just a few of the things I've learned about workplace dating:

1. There are no time constraints. In the club, you only have a few hours to close the deal or you may never see your target again, but in the workplace she has to come back to the same place as you the next day, and the next day, and the next day. It's like the movie Groundhog's Day. Each day you get another chance to close the deal. So you have plenty of time and opportunity to plan your approach without feeling anxious about the 3-second rule. Women who I didn't close the first or second time around ended up closing me at a later time.

2. You are already in the comfort phase in many cases. Most men at work will notice that female co-workers will express an interest in them out of the blue, when they've worked together for so long. Actually, it's partially due to the fact that she's been around you all that time, getting used to your presence and behaviors, that you were building comfort with her without consciously doing so. Based on my experience, and those of several men I know, women tend to approach and close men at work more often than men. It's as if the roles between the workplace and the club are reversed. In the club, the men chase the women. In the workplace, the women chase the men. And because so many men are fearful of a harassment complaint, all that means is that there is virtually no competition at the workplace. It's sort of like being at a club with only women. You don't have to worry about anyone gaming your target, or pretty much any woman for that matter. And if that wasn't enough, you don't have to put as much effort into attracting women from work as you would do at the club. If you work at any given company for awhile, eventually you will find attractive women opening up to you when your were not consciously targeting them.

3. Women who are attracted to you will be attracted for a very long time. You know that one hot girl at work that you wanted to bang for the past several months? There are women who feel the same way about you for the same length of time. And if you're intuitive, you'll be able to pick up on their interest. Some women will flirt with you for many months in an effort to close you for a date. And because there are no time constraints, you have plenty of time and opportunity to close the deal when you want.

It's little things like these you will find if you can temporarily withhold judgement, read the guide once, and be optimistic about the possibilities. You might even recall instances where you could have been dating certain women at work, but you didn't realize the opportunity was there until after reading the guide. Either way, I believe you'll find that even if you still won't date at work, you will at least see that it's easier than what you thought possible.

In the year 2013, with all the dating products available, workplace dating is still a very new niche, primarily because of the risks involved. What this means is those who consciously attempt workplace dating will become the pioneers in this area, and can even start a profitable dating business. So I encourage you to choose success. No matter how many people voice all the risks involved, be optimistic and choose that you will be successful in workplace dating. If you do this, I promise you that not only will you experience the rewards that comes with dating in the workplace, but you will also be the first person that guys come to with questions about how to get the girl at work.

 

[donking]

heads up, don't know if you want to be trackable but your yahoo email is on the scribd doc. might be easy to ID

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

Thanks for the free book. You have some good tips.

 

[zekko]

Take a moment to consider just a few of the things I've learned about workplace dating:

1. There are no time constraints. In the club, you only have a few hours to close the deal or you may never see your target again, but in the workplace she has to come back to the same place as you the next day, and the next day, and the next day. It's like the movie Groundhog's Day. Each day you get another chance to close the deal. So you have plenty of time and opportunity to plan your approach without feeling anxious about the 3-second rule. Women who I didn't close the first or second time around ended up closing me at a later time.

2. You are already in the comfort phase in many cases. Most men at work will notice that female co-workers will express an interest in them out of the blue, when they've worked together for so long. Actually, it's partially due to the fact that she's been around you all that time, getting used to your presence and behaviors, that you were building comfort with her without consciously doing so. Based on my experience, and those of several men I know, women tend to approach and close men at work more often than men. It's as if the roles between the workplace and the club are reversed. In the club, the men chase the women. In the workplace, the women chase the men. And because so many men are fearful of a harassment complaint, all that means is that there is virtually no competition at the workplace. It's sort of like being at a club with only women. You don't have to worry about anyone gaming your target, or pretty much any woman for that matter. And if that wasn't enough, you don't have to put as much effort into attracting women from work as you would do at the club. If you work at any given company for awhile, eventually you will find attractive women opening up to you when your were not consciously targeting them.

3. Women who are attracted to you will be attracted for a very long time. You know that one hot girl at work that you wanted to bang for the past several months? There are women who feel the same way about you for the same length of time. And if you're intuitive, you'll be able to pick up on their interest. Some women will flirt with you for many months in an effort to close you for a date. And because there are no time constraints, you have plenty of time and opportunity to close the deal when you want.

There are good reasons not to date at work, but I wouldn't consider it a hard and fast rule. A lot depends on the circumstances. Guys here read not to date at work, so they have an automatic knee jerk reaction against it. While there are some cons, there are also some advantages, such as the ones you point out.

 

[Zarky]

I think the cons greatly outweigh the pros unless you don't give a crap about your specific job.

Yeah, if you're working at Pizza Hut one summer, feel free to bang as many co-workers as you want.

If you're working your way up a white-shoe law firm trying to make partner, banging co-workers is the absolute worst mistake you could ever make.

 

[Sonny Knight]

I will never sh!t where i eat !

 

[Uncharted]

The problem isn't banging coworkers. It's the drama caused after you STOP banging them. I know that I can act with indifference, but I can't guarantee how a woman would act.

 

[Deep Dish]

terry32:
Since uploading the guide, I've already begun receiving messages from those who are against workplace dating.

No, you haven't. You said the same exact thing here, word for word. Also, a google search of your e-mail address shows your name is Brian, not Terrance, unless your name is Terrance Brian.

The book could have been written in one page. It doesn't address the pitfalls after the bang, thus putting to a lie about "These concerns are understandable and I address them in the guide."

Uncharted:
The problem isn't banging coworkers. It's the drama caused after you STOP banging them. I know that I can act with indifference, but I can't guarantee how a woman would act.

This.

 

[TheStig]

I think the cons greatly outweigh the pros unless you don't give a crap about your specific job.

Yeah, if you're working at Pizza Hut one summer, feel free to bang as many co-workers as you want.

If you're working your way up a white-shoe law firm trying to make partner, banging co-workers is the absolute worst mistake you could ever make.

I really think this is all that needs to be said on the topic. If it's not a career, and a job you won't be spending a long period of time at, do whatever you want. If it's a career you actually care about and take seriously....you best not.

 

[terry32]

Thanks for the feedback guys. I updated the guide based on your questions and organized it enough to create chapters for communicating your intentions and ending the courtship. But to address your concerns here:

No, you haven't. You said the same exact thing here, word for word.

Actually, I said the exact same thing elsewhere. As you can see, the guide has received hundreds of hits within the last few days. Yes, people have responded to me with the risks of workplace dating.

Also, a google search of your e-mail address shows your name is Brian, not Terrance, unless your name is Terrance Brian.

I changed my contact email to something workplace-dating related, however Terrence is my real name. Brian is a nick name. But a real or nick name does not detract from the message in the guide.

The book could have been written in one page. It doesn't address the pitfalls after the bang, thus putting to a lie about "These concerns are understandable and I address them in the guide."

The problem isn't banging coworkers. It's the drama caused after you STOP banging them. I know that I can act with indifference, but I can't guarantee how a woman would act.

This.

Yes it is addressed, just not in the pitfalls section. But because a few of you have put emphasis on this issue, I did update the guide to make it a little more clear, but much of the info can found in the "Communicating Intentions" chapter, not Pitfalls. To mention it here:

To be on the safe side, when selecting a target, choose the "good girl" type. You want to look for someone who is consistently open and friendly. Someone who seems to never get annoyed or upset about anything. A woman who keeps her cool. Even finding one that alternates between being friendly and being moody is not good enough. You want a woman who is consistent in good behavior.

You want to target "good girls" for two reasons: 1. Because relationships with open, friendly women is just plain easier. And 2: Because in the event something goes wrong during the courtship, or you need to end the relationship, these women are far less prone to react vindictively. As long as you've been up front about your intentions and been respectful towards her, she will be very understanding when the courtship ends.

As it relates to ending the relationship, If you let her know up front that you're not looking for a serious relationship, that you enjoy the freedom of being single, or that you like to date other women, if she still continues dating you, and you stop banging her later on, at least she knew up front that it was coming. Here are a few statements you can make to end the courtship:

You: “I’m no longer interested in dating right now because I want to focus on my career (or school).

You: “I enjoy the freedom of being single, but I still want us to be friends. I think you’re a wonderful person, and I like talking with you from time to time.”

As long as you treat her with friendliness and courtesy in the workplace, she will be far less prone to reacting vindictively because you were a good, honest guy from the start.

I think the cons greatly outweigh the pros unless you don't give a crap about your specific job.

Yeah, if you're working at Pizza Hut one summer, feel free to bang as many co-workers as you want.

If you're working your way up a white-shoe law firm trying to make partner, banging co-workers is the absolute worst mistake you could ever make.

I really think this is all that needs to be said on the topic. If it's not a career, and a job you won't be spending a long period of time at, do whatever you want. If it's a career you actually care about and take seriously....you best not.

I understand this perspective, but I don't fully agree. It's really all a matter of choice. I wrote the guide explaining the safest way to date in the workplace, but I also wrote it for those who want to push the envelope. So even in white-shoe firms, you have the choice to 'play it safe' and date no one, test the waters by dating entry level employees, or you can break the rules of the guide and target a manager in the firm.

Whatever the choice, I'm asserting that there are women in all levels of the company who are open to dating in the workplace who will respect you before, during, and after the relationship. And it's relatively easy to recognize these women. I encourage you to be open to the possibilities.

 

[Zarky]

Right. Some b*tches will create a huge problem if you even seem to be coming on to them. Or suppose you end up screwing a chick that the boss had his eye on, or a chick who later goes to work for a rival company and now you're associated with her in a way you don't want to be, etc. etc. etc.

There's a TON of politics in a workplace environment. The difficulty is not in finding a chick to bone, it's finding a chick to bone who won't, eventually, cause your career downfall.

 

[terry32]

Thanks guys. I updated the guide based on your concerns and organized it enough to create chapters for communicating your intentions and ending the courtship. But to address your concerns here:

To be on the safe side, when selecting a target, choose the "good girl" type. You want to look for someone who is consistently open and friendly. Someone who doesn't get easily annoyed or upset. Someone who avoids arguing and criticizing. A woman who keeps her cool and tries to maintain good relations with others. Even finding one that alternates between being friendly and being moody is not good enough. You want a woman who is consistent in good behavior.

You want to target "good girls" for two reasons: 1. Because relationships with open, friendly women is just plain easier. And 2: Because in the event something goes wrong during the courtship, or you need to end the relationship, these women are far less prone to react vindictively. As long as you've been up front about your intentions and been respectful towards her, she will be very understanding when the courtship ends.

As it relates to ending the relationship, If you let her know up front that you're not looking for a serious relationship, that you enjoy the freedom of being single, or that you like to date other women, if she still continues dating you, and you stop banging her later on, at least she knew up front that it was coming. Here are a few statements you can make to end the courtship:

You: “I’m no longer interested in dating right now because I want to focus on my career (or school).

You: “I enjoy the freedom of being single, but I still want us to be friends. I think you’re a wonderful person, and I like talking with you from time to time.”

As long as you treat her with friendliness and courtesy in the workplace, she will be far less prone to reacting vindictively because you were a good, honest guy from the start.

When the subject comes up about office politics and women being *****es, I would like to say that there are women in all levels of the company who are open to dating in the workplace who are friendly, and will respect you before, during, and after the relationship. And it's relatively easy to recognize these women. This is part of the reason why I try to stress being optimistic. When you choose to be optimistic, you create situations where things just work out for you. But if you continually expect the worse and think others are out to get you, without the slightest attempt to think more positively, then you miss out on rewarding opportunities.

I tell you workplace dating is easy, even effortless at times, and there are people (women, managers and other co-workers) who are open, respectful, and understanding. When you choose to be optimistic, these people will want to increase the joy and success in your life, that comes in part because you're involved with a female co-worker.

Once I fell into one of the pitfalls. When I sat down with the HR administrator, she told me what happened, and then proceeded to tell me how to talk with women in a way that makes them more open and receptive to me. Then she let the issue go with a warning. It wasn't even put in my company record. Can you imagine!? Here I am, thinking I'm about to lose my job, and the person who has the power to fire me is giving me tips on how to score with women. So I tell you, when you're optimistic about your success, people at all levels of the company resonate with that and they will want you to succeed.

But if you're still apprehensive, you are not asked to consciously attempt workplace dating. Instead, simply read the guide, and as you do I encourage you to be a little more open and optimistic about the possibilities.