The Balancing Act

[Dash Riprock]

Curious about this one...

Women love mystery, intrigue, peeling the onion, almost dredging the info out of you. ALL DJs know this. Don't reveal too much too soon and kill the mystery for them.

BUT...

Women also need to feel a certain "emotional connection" similar to the way a guy needs to feel "physical attraction" if things are to advance.

So be TOO mysterious, she doesn't feel the connection and her IL may take a dip. Tell her about yourself, be open and talk about feelings (telling her you like her, feel great around her, other AFC/semi-AFC stuff) *cringe* and her IL may also take a dip. Kind of a double-edged sword.

I'm trying to think just HOW I approached and balanced this with other women who I really liked/past LTRs and just cannot come up with anything.

Thoughts?

 

[azanon]

It does seem a bit contradictory. My personal assessment of that has been to simply do as you say; strike some sort of arbitrary balance. The extreme closed-off guy has a big PUA sign in big letters around his neck. On the other hand, the man that hands her a resume even before she asks, entitles said resmule in bold letters 'HI I'M AFC AND I WANT TO PROVE THAT BY SHOWING YOU THIS RESUME IN AN ATTEMPT TO QUALIFY MYSELF DUE TO MY INSECURITY'

Tell a bit, hold back a bit. Just do both.

 

[joekerr31]

AFC = reveals 100% of himself = desperate, lonely and needy, looking for a surogate mother, low self esteem, trying to hard to impress

DJ = reveals 30% of himself = confident and open, looking for a mate, independent but not closed off, willing to share things that can be used against him (creates sense of strength, as well as builds trust)

wanna be DJ = reveals 0% of himself, fraud looking to get laid.

its all about not coming off looking like a fraud or being too needy.

 

[azanon]

That's a good way of looking at it Joekerr. Cudos.

 

[Vulpine]

Only share things about yourself Sunday mornings between 9 and 11, or, Wednesday evenings between 5:50 PM and 6:32 PM.

 

[joekerr31]

Only share things about yourself Sunday mornings between 9 and 11, or, Wednesday evenings between 5:50 PM and 6:32 PM.

another strategy is only share stuff with her when you are sitting on the can taking a dump.


"ya so when i was 12 my parents got divorced...uuuughhhh (plop)....that was pretty hard to deal with...uuuughhhhh (plop plop plop).....but i got through it ok....(plop plop) wtf I didn't eat corn last night..... i still love my parents.. flush."

try it and tell me if it works

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Women also need to feel a certain "emotional connection" similar to the way a guy needs to feel "physical attraction" if things are to advance.

Advance to what? The hot coed in the foam cannon party ƒucking the guy she met half an hour earlier in Cancun on spring break didn't need much more than "physical attraction" to 'advance' to sex.

An "emotional connection" may be needed for a woman to advance to an intimate relationship, but not sex. Any woman telling you differently is selling you something. I'm sure that's going to sound harsh, but the emotional connection line is really nothing more than fillibustering. Have a read of this: 237 reasons people have sex.

Top 10 Reasons Why Women Have Sex
The researchers broke down the leading reasons why men and women have sex. Eight of the top 10 reasons were shared by men and women.

Here are women's top 10 reasons for having sex:

I was attracted to the person.
I wanted to experience the physical pleasure.
It feels good.
I wanted to show my affection to the person.
I wanted to express my love for the person.
I was sexually aroused and wanted the release.
I was "horny."
It's fun.
I realized I was in love.
I was "in the heat of the moment."

Top 10 Reasons Why Men Have Sex
In the study, men's top 10 reasons for having sex are quite similar to the women's list. Here are men's top 10 reasons for having sex, according to the study:

I was attracted to the person.
It feels good.
I wanted to experience the physical pleasure.
It's fun.
I wanted to show my affection to the person.
I was sexually aroused and wanted the release.
I was "horny."
I wanted to express my love for the person.
I wanted to achieve an orgasm.
I wanted to please my partner.

 

[Dash Riprock]

AFC = reveals 100% of himself = desperate, lonely and needy, looking for a surogate mother, low self esteem, trying to hard to impress

DJ = reveals 30% of himself = confident and open, looking for a mate, independent but not closed off, willing to share things that can be used against him (creates sense of strength, as well as builds trust)

This is a good answer, JoeKerr.

Obviously I've struck the balancing point in LTRs, as I've had a fair number in my years, only I think the "revealing" part has been subconscious based on my comfort level with the chick hence I just cannot recall.

For me, chicks have generally fallen into two categories right off the bat:

1-Uber hot chick; quick, hard, porno-type sex, blow-torch type attraction = gut says reveal little (these never go anywhere) but MAN is this type awesome in the short term

2-Girl next door type; good looking but not Maxim type, fun, friendly (all my LTRs have been with #2's except one who was a #1 Maxim type, but it was also Bowe vs. Holyfield with her much of the time in 4.5 yrs) = gut says easier to talk about certain things.

Maybe because you don’t care as much about # 2, so you send this “no big deal” message/attitude and take more chances because she’s not as hot so we let down our guard a bit more *unknowingly*...

 

[Dash Riprock]

After exhaustively compiling a list of the 237 reasons why people have sex, researchers found that young men and women get intimate for mostly the same motivations.

"Young men and women" being the operative phrase here. My dating range is 30-37.

Yeah, this would hold true for the 18-25 y.o who, as you mentioned, IS partying in Cancun (first time I got laid was in Daytona Beach, Spring Break at 17, lol) Probably a more relevant article for the <25 y.o. DJ Discussion board, but good info anyway. Good to know young girls are still superficial and will fvck at the drop of a hat if you’ve got muscles, good looks, and even remote game…lol

BUT...

For the woman who has gone down that path, maybe once they get to be around 30, things may be a bit different. Do they have "flings" just based on physical attraction? Yes. But not at the rate of what this article states and when they were <25 y.o. or so. Their free-wheeling attitude is usually replaced by their biological clock and instread of frequent porno-sex they are looking for a steady.

As they mature, they learn what KEEPS a man--and putting out immediately or even early, doesn't usually keep a guy around long-term for the woman. I must admit, though the girl that puts out right away is a "score" she's really lost "possible mate" points, in my book anyway.

Just my 25 years dating experience speaking here, but the chicks who DO put out right away usually:

-never work out in LTRs
-display characteristics of low self esteem, self-conscious bimbos, usually with a host of very visible psychological issues
-WANT a relationship, but can never figure out why they can't keep a solid DJ-type guy and so they keep going through and dating AFCs, getting used, using AFCs, etc.

Sure there are exceptions to every rule…and this years Super Bowl match up will be the Oakland Raiders vs. the Houston Texans, possible, not likely though.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

DASH, read the case study PDF here.

The initial demographic was between the ages of 17 - 52, not just youngsters. Also bear in mind this study was done at the University of Texas, not by Cosmo or Maxim magazine. Sampling and methodology was very tight.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Rollo, further down in the article it states:

Meston and colleague David Buss first questioned 444 men and women - ranging in age from 17 to 52 - to come up with a list of 237 distinct reasons people have sex. They ranged from "It's fun" which men ranked fourth and women ranked eighth to "I wanted to give someone else a sexually transmitted disease" which ranked on the bottom by women.

Once they came up with that long list, Meston and Buss asked 1,549 college students taking psychology classes to rank the reasons on a one-to-five scale on how they applied to their experiences.

"None of the gender differences are all that great," Meston said. "Men were more likely to be opportunistic towards having sex, so if sex were there and available they would jump on it, somewhat more so than women. Women were more likely to have sex because they felt they needed to please their partner."

But this is among college students, when Meston conceded "hormones run rampant." She predicted huge differences when older groups of people are studied.

Once again, as the researcher states, I think there is a distinct "shift" re: sex, emotional needs, LTRs, etc., in a woman's brain around 30 y.o. or so.

BUT, this gives me added ammo for pursuing CU co-ed hotties at my gym, yee haa!

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Ah, dammit, my bad, the 17 - 52 demographic was the control group for generating the responses. Still, they had to have a broad demo for the reasons to choose from.

 

[blueguy]

If I think back to my past relationships before I used to consciously think about this stuff, I remember for the most part I only had a lighthearted interest in the girl as a means for sex. Because of this - the girl wanting more - she would ask me questions - me not wanting to answer - while I would just flirt and lead things to the bedroom. I'm sure I knew in the back of my mind I was only giving them bits and pieces to keep them on an emotional string barely long enough to keep them interested. This is one of those things that just comes naturally if you have goals in your life and are not desperate for a relationship.

 

[Luveno]

I don't find it surprising that men more often want to please their partners, but women do not. Perhaps this explains why we must spin plates so much,no?

 

[Vulpine]

I don't find it surprising that men more often want to please their partners, but women do not. Perhaps this explains why we must spin plates so much,no?

To me, it only mirrors the FACT that women have been completely ƒucked in the head by the feminist movement.

Men still care to please women, women feel entitled to that pleasure... (a.k.a. "the princess syndrome") ... and don't feel the need to reciprocate.

Thanks Sex in the City!

Yes, spin plates.

 

[blueguy]

DJ = reveals 30% of himself = confident and open, looking for a mate, independent but not closed off, willing to share things that can be used against him (creates sense of strength, as well as builds trust)

Quite a manipulative tactic; sharing tiny bits of harmless negative info to prevent looking like a fraud. Yet I know most guys naturally do this.

 

[joekerr31]

Quite a manipulative tactic; sharing tiny bits of harmless negative info to prevent looking like a fraud. Yet I know most guys naturally do this.

no no, you misunderstood. not negative or positive - just personal info.

you gotta drop that sh*t slowly. a little here a little there. you give her a little and then see what she does with. does she use it to start trying to control you or does she start treating you even better?

if you share a little, get a 'little' closer to her and she rewards you for that with better treatment, then give her a little bit more.

you can call it manipulative, but if you drop it all at once - you know, that night where you have a 6 hour talk and the two of you share everything about yourselfs etc. - and she'll dump your *ss in 2 weeks. why? because suddenly you feel like you are one of her girlfriends. what she thought was a strong, powerful, confident man has suddenly become this river of human frailties.

and while in the moment they often will react positively to such things, ultimately it messes everything up.

but if you go slowly her IL in you will continue to rise and rise until she feels like her life is empty without you in it.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo Troops,


I've found that most women in my past who have NOT wanted to reciprocate sexual pleasure were either NOT interested in me in particular, or just NOT very particuarly interested in sex in general.

And on the other hand, I have found that women who were interested in me would go to ANY lengths to please me sexually-------even though, by taking note of some of their "techniques" I KNEW that they really weren't THAT "experienced" sexually.

Again, it would seem that a woman's TRUE interest level in YOU is the deciding factor in her enthusiasm (and subsequent PERFORMANCE) towards you sexually.

And to Dash, specifically:

Dude, I have found that acheiving the balancing act of revealing who you are, or maintaining the "mystery" is always SITUATIONAL. Everybody has given great thoughts on this already so far, but the only thing I will add is THIS:

As you continue to simultaneously build attraction and demonstrate value toward any particular woman, ALWAYS remember to use the X-Files approach to maintaining a woman's interest in the relationship:

What do I mean by this? Well, any fan of THAT old show remembers that one of the keys to that show's popularity was that WHENEVER they wrapped up one story line and solved an ongoing mystery....they ALSO unraveled ANOTHER story line and CREATED a brand new "mystery".

And I'm SURE you get my point, soldier....


Peace...one day.

 

[STR8UP]

I have never had a woman leave me for lack of sharing myself.

And pretty much every chick I have been with over the past ten or more years has "complained" (some of them incessantly) how I didn't divulge much information.

If she leaves you you're either taking it too far or she wasn't really into you to begin with.