The Badboy Myth

[Señor Fingers]

I encountered a lot of girls who were "Oh a player. And he things he can get me. I make him suffer".

LOL!

I always had fun with these types of girls, simultaneously downplaying myself, but in the c0ckiest fashion imaginable. (Acronym junkies would call this DHLV)

HER: Ahh, so you're one of those players huh
ME: It's all a act. Between you and me, I actually have no idea what women want. Last week I tried flowers and that was a disaster, so this week my money's on teddy bears... that is what you guys want right?
(segway into convo on what women say they want vs what they actually want)

Any reference to my prowess with women was usually met with a tongue-in-cheek response of my own ineptness, which in reality is just sub-communicating how awesome I am.

But I don't stay in this mode and become her dancing clown either. It's just a catalyst to divert that critical energy into other stimulating topics that women cannot resist. (Their ideal mates, the things that turn them on, etc). It takes the focus off me being a player and simultaneously let's me qualify her.. win-win!

This is what I mean when I talk about the CENTER. You are operating off your own desires, totally ignoring the filters of what you think other people want.

Think about it.

The AFC assumes women want ALL of his attention and adoration and this influences the character of his approach. In return women blow him off as a spineless wuss, and the cycle continues.

The PUA also makes assumptions about women, what they want, the things they respond to, really ANYTHING that would serve as a tool for him to get "in there". As a result, they get really good at screwing lots of girls, but throw some emotional attachment into the equation and their whole game falls apart, cause they are just chasing impulses and totally out of touch with their needs.

Both of these individuals are pseudo-men in my book, because their whole motivation is what SHE wants.

I can tell you that the precise moment I considered myself a Man in the eyes of women, was when I finally decided to address MY needs... setting high standards for myself, and by default the women in my life.

It's like one day you just wake up and realize that the only person you have the power to make consistently happy is yourself.

Check out my Choose or Lose thread for further ramblings on the subject.

 

[DanelMadr]

LOL!

I always had fun with these types of girls, simultaneously downplaying myself, but in the c0ckiest fashion imaginable. (Acronym junkies would call this DHLV)

HER: Ahh, so you're one of those players huh
ME: It's all a act. Between you and me, I actually have no idea what women want. Last week I tried flowers and that was a disaster, so this week my money's on teddy bears... that is what you guys want right?
(segway into convo on what women say they want vs what they actually want)

You know thats the problem - being Genuine Good Guy you would have to turn around, because you would be laughing your azz off how stupid/naive/cheeky she is. But you bite your tongue and come with something funny to say, because you want that girl like a real player

The AFC assumes women want ALL of his attention and adoration and this influences the character of his approach. In return women blow him off as a spineless wuss, and the cycle continues.

The PUA also makes assumptions about women, what they want, the things they respond to, really ANYTHING that would serve as a tool for him to get "in there". As a result, they get really good at screwing lots of girls, but throw some emotional attachment into the equation and their whole game falls apart, cause they are just chasing impulses and totally out of touch with their needs.

Both of these individuals are pseudo-men in my book, because their whole motivation is what SHE wants.

Definetely.

I can tell you that the precise moment I considered myself a Man in the eyes of women, was when I finally decided to address MY needs... setting high standards for myself, and by default the women in my life.

It's like one day you just wake up and realize that the only person you have the power to make consistently happy is yourself.

I hate to admit it, not considering myself typical Nice Guy but it helped me to read about this in "No More Mr. Nice Guy". To love yourself (and I dont mean some narcissistic love, just to be honest, respectful and forgiving with yourself) is a condition to be able to really love others as opposed to emotional leech of a Nice Guy.

Side note on "Bad vs Center":

All true. Only problem is The Bad Boy has big, neon sign of Confidence - a little bit fake but still a big sign. The strong man has only the air and essence of true and healthy confidence around him. The girl has to be in his presence for a while to sniff it. And the first minutes are crucial.

So they chose the Neon Sign unless they have some experience - bad experience.

And Bad Boys are fun - you can let them go easily- after all they are bad. Normal Strong Guys are marriage material. What will "Independent" and/or young woman chose?

Plus an interesting, insightful and very honest post by a girl :

If you seem so nice and sensitive that women suspect you might be a little awkward and hesitant in the bedroom, then that could be a little offputting.

Whenever I read these nice guy discussions I think of one particular night when I was being chatted to by a very nice (but not terribly exciting) guy. And then his friend walked in. Without being introduced, the friend threw his arm round me, started giving me the spiel and gave his Nice Guy friend a "see you later, run along" brush off.

I'd just come out of a long relationship (which ended really badly) and my instant thought was this guy could definitely put a sparkle back in my eye. But then I saw a look on Nice Guy's face that told me "this happens to me time and time again. I'm talking to a woman, then he just walks up and takes over. I never get the woman."

So I brushed off alpha stallion who would have put a twinkle back in my eye, and I agreed to go on a date with Nice Guy. Who duly spent most of the date complaining about what a gold digger his ex had been, and how she ditched him for a guy with a better car.

I really did regret going on that guilt/pity date instead of just ignoring the "this always happens to me" expression...and going for it with the hot friend who would have helped me get over my ex in a flash of lightning. Instead of leaving me in that post-bad-and-depressing-date pining for the ex state.

So was I being the female equivalent of the nice guy? Doing the dutiful "kind" thing. Would it have been *****ier....but also hotter and sexier (from a male perspective) for me to have just ruthlessly detached myself from Mr Nice's company and raced off to have rampant sex with his more confident and charismatic friend?

I think it would have. What I'm trying to say is that some people (male and female) are very in touch with their basic instincts. They go for what they want, and they don't let other people's feelings block them. How things work out for those people from a long term relationship perspective is a different matter....but of course it stands to reason that in the survival of the fittest arena of sexual attraction, they have the upper hand.

 

[ElChoclo]

There are no nice guys versus bad guys, there are only men.Some have ineffective coping strategies, others have effective ones.

 

[ProDJ26]

So let me get this straight....

I have to choose out of the three paths?
(Me and my old HB just broke up) lol

"The young hero takes his sword, and looks at the three paths,
he decides to take the middle road embarking on a journey that will change his life forever...."

 

[Nighthawk]

False trichotomy!

 

[2.0]

That post was pretty long considering it never really went anywhere....

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Many bad boys are wounded birds. As David D said, we can absorb their good traits without becoming abusive like bad boys.

If you live your life with your heart and wallet exposed, you have to be willing and prepared to be hurt and to lose your wallet as well. A saint walks on the street. The thief sees no saint but a wallet. To a thief the wallet is essential for his survival. The reality is that thieves and robbers exist. In our world they don´t just take your wallet. Worse yet, they wull rob you your faith and belief in the goodness of mankind and leave you bitter inside. Thus it´s essential to acknowledge the existance of brutality and shield yourself from the harm with Thick Face, while using the spear of Black Heart to wane unavoidable battes.

This quote is so important, we have to be careful not to become bitter and spread the evil around us.

 

[f283000]

(2) Using this perspective to seduce only deepens your misleading beliefs. Assh0les will definitely get laid, but you won't find a quality woman among the bunch! They will all be psycho nut-cases, mental midgets or just plain wh0res.

This sentence needs to be reworded. The women assh0les get are def in the uper hb 7-9s but looks does not make a quality woman. A quality woman is a woman that would make a good wife, a good mother, has some sort of morals and will treat you as #1 and make you feel #1. Most guys only care about looks so your wording of the type of women assh0les make is kinda misleading.

I just thought this needed to be said because assh0les do pull from women from the higher hb scale which is the only thing most guys want.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Instinctively Bad Boys follow these concepts>>>
http://shrink4men.wordpress.com/200...cess-25-points-for-women-and-men-to-consider/

1. You are not a princess. You do not deserve to be treated like royalty just by virtue of your sex. You deserve to be treated no better or worse than you treat others.

2. You are not any more “special” nor any more “entitled” than anyone else. You don’t deserve special privileges and nobody “owes” you anything by virtue of who you are or because of your gender.

8. Your husband/boyfriend does not “owe” you. He shouldn’t be expected to financially support you and shower you with gifts unless you’re willing to reciprocate and equally support him without question or complaint. You’re neither his child nor his dependent. You’re supposed to be his equal partner.

15. Your husband/boyfriend is not responsible for your happiness. It isn’t his job to make you happy; that’s your job. Just as he is responsible for his own happiness. He’s supposed to be your equal partner, not your emotional wet nurse.

16. The desire for sex in a committed, loving relationship is healthy and natural. Using sex to control, shame or hurt your husband/boyfriend by withholding affection or making sex transactional is unhealthy and wrong.

This is so powerful, that´s the mindset of badboys and why they are so attractive, they are the "prize" because that´s how they see women. :rockon:

Another thing is this>

Women who had an emotionally abusive, distant and/or intrusive parent(s) who believe love is supposed to hurt and, on some level, get turned on by the abuse. These women equate the conflict, crisis, chaos, conditional or transactional love/acceptance, and the exquisite tension of trying to please the man while avoiding his wrath with “chemistry.” If these women are able to enter into a relationship with a healthy man in which the tension is absent, it feels “off” to them. They generally can’t articulate what’s missing. They’re drawn to these men because they’re seeking an emotionally corrective experience, which is never going to happen. “If only I can make Emotionally Abusive Jack love me and be nice to me, it will mean that I really am a good person, deserve to be loved and then everything will be ok.” *It doesn´t matter the gender.

Nice guys hate conflict, bad boys love it or don´t care if it happens or not. As Pook said "perfection is boring". DD calls this sexual tension, Bboys have this aura around them.