The Alpha way to handle a request for exclusivity?

[d0g]

Hi everyone,

Things are going well with my favorite plate, and I suspect that fairly soon she's going to ask for us to be exclusive. I'm okay with this, but I want to handle this request properly when it comes.

So what is the best way to do this? I certainly don't want to come across as overly eager to be exclusive with the girl, but I also don't want to appear so distant that she's left wondering that I don't like her.

One option I've thought of is this:

----

Her: What are we? I'd like us to see each other, only.

Me: <looking thoughtful> When I agree to be exclusive with a girl, I take it very seriously. I need to think about this. I'll give you an answer next week.

... one week later ...

Me: I've thought about what you said last week, and I think we should try out being exclusive.

----

What do you guys think? How do you handle this request? Is it better to just do something like this:

----

Her: What are we? I'd like us to see each other, only.

Me: Okay.

----

(To the inevitable, "but why would you want to date a plate exclusively when you have the variety of several plates now?": I don't like the idea of my girls getting laid by other guys, and there's no way I can swing a deal where the girls are exclusive with me, but I'm not exclusive with them. So I'm happy to pick the top plate, and make her mine, until such time as I'm not happy with her anymore.)

-- d0g

 

[skinnyguy]

tell her you guys are exclusive and then go fvck 10 of the baddest b!tches behind her back

 

[GotED?]

Make sure you are absolutely satisfied with your frame in the relationship and she truly is fancied by you, and she fulfills most of your requirements (well, you do know what you want in a woman, right??).

Inexperienced men waste a lot of time being in chaotic relationship without rigorous filtering of women (takes MANY NEXTING to find the right one), and take whatever woman's shows interest and jump in with eyes blindfolded.

The time you waste with the wrong woman is time lost finding the right one for you.

Exodus

 

[Turuwal]

I assume you have done your homework and are happy with exclusivity and also know the best you will get is an *assurance* of exclusivity.

Here is how I would do it. Field tested turning a housemate FB into a five year relationship.

1. Say nothing
2. Joke it off as a sh!t test when it comes up
3. At some opportune time, pick up a girl in front of her
4. When she gets angry, start trying to get her involved like for a threesome
5. When she walks away, follow her
6. While she is angry, ignore her
7. When the tears start, tell her how the other girl means nothing to you and that you want to be with her
8. Repeat step 3 (but never going as far as the first time) whenever her behavior requires it

I believe this works because of the frame you have set up the first time you do the whole thing. Future uses of this keep her in line because she will always remember the dread and fear from the first time.

A critical part is that you give her nothing while she is angry. Tears are ok for an exclusive relationship. Just know that tears and anger are *both* forms of manipulation but tears are preferable.

 

[CrimsonPanther]

1st thing of the alpha way: don't ask on a forum what the alpha way is

if you asked however, just do what you feel man. if you wanna be exclusive, the alpha way is to go with it. if you are not okay with it, refuse. over analyzing these kind of stuff is anything but alpha.

good luck!

 

[Mr.Positive]

Make sure you are absolutely satisfied with your frame in the relationship and she truly is fancied by you, and she fulfills most of your requirements (well, you do know what you want in a woman, right??).

Yes, the old saying goes you buy a relationship, not build one. Things have to be going so well together, that she is exactly what you are looking for, at this very moment, for exclusivity. If there are things you wish she would "change" about herself, chances are she won't after being exclusive.

I'm in this same situation with one gal. As far as compatibility, we are perfect for each other. Absolutely no game playing, no drama, she's fit, beautiful, feminine and we have tons in common.

If she brings up being exclusive, I'll will definitely say yes. But I won't bring it up as tempting as it is.

As far as answering her. Just let her talk and don't say anything. When she's done asking...just smile, look her in the eyes. Then say "let's celebrate." Pick her up and carry her into the bedroom and ef her brains out.

 

[usernamedox11]

This alpha balpha **** is annoying. If the girl likes you enough, she'll bring it up herself at some point. Just wait for her to bring it up because then you know she has high interest.

 

[SgtSplacker]

If you do commit don't be all happy about it. She's just limiting you now so she needs to step things up a bit. This was HER idea so she needs to put in more effort to convince you this is not a mistake on your part.

For sure let her know you will not be cutting your friends off, female or otherwise. This is critical to keeping her on her toes and interested in you. YOU are the prize, don't let her turn things around. I bet she'll try. And go out with those female friends every so often and be sure to let her know..

It's critical you keep your frame here. This is something she wanted from you, not the other way around.

 

[MrNiceGuy23]

Don't tell her you need a week to think about it, that is just rude for something like that. Not to mention if I ever asked a girl to be exclusive and she told me she needed a week to think about it I would drop her immediately. Needing a week to think makes her think you have other prospects you're going for and then defaulting to her when they fail. Just respond honestly, don't do cartwheels in celebration, just be calm and tell her you agree.

 

[zekko]

And go out with those female friends every so often and be sure to let her know.

What female friends are those? You mean his other fvck buddies? Then he isn't really exclusive, is he?

 

[Sofomore]

@zekko most young people have friends of the opposite sex. Yes, platonic friends.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Whenever a girl asks me "So, what are we?" I know that means she wants to be the girlfriend. Back in my AFC days I would have been quick to say "I dunno... wanna be my girlfriend?" And BAM! Power on my end instantly gone 'cause my answer was too quick and seemed eager.

Nowadays, when a girl asks me this, instead of giving a positive YES answer, I go into what I call "relationship negotiations." Basically, I lay out questions that let her know I'm needing of certain things in order for her request to work. Then, once I feel she understands the things I'm asking of her in order for me to feel comfortable with her in a relationship-situation, I give her the okay. Doing it this way, I have found, allows for me to say "yes" while also letting her know my boundaries and/or needs to make this thing work.

Here's a sample conversation of how this might go down:

Her: "So... what are we?"
Me: (Playing dumb) What do you mean?
Her: Well, we've been seeing each other for x-amount of months, and I'm not currently seeing or sleeping with anyone else, are you?
Me: Not at the moment...
Her: Okay, so... should we put a title on whatever this thing is we're doing?
Me: (Playing dumb) Are you saying you want to be my girlfriend?
Her: I dunno... maybe...
Me: Hmmm (dead silence for a few seconds - I like to add in uncomfortable silences for effect)
Me: Okay, so if we were to be a couple, how would that change things?
Her: What do you mean?
Me: Well - I like how things are right now; if we become a couple, are things going to change dramatically? For example: we hook up on a regular basis now, and I've heard when people couple up they start doing that less. Do you think that would happen with us?
Her: Oh, of course not
Me: Hmmm... okay, so far so good. Now, what about things like me needing my alone time, or wanting to do the occasional "guys night out" - once we're dating, is me needing these things going to be a problem?
Her: Um... no, I don't think so, I want you to have time to yourself and with your friends
Me: Okay then...

(At this point, anything else you feel could be a potential issue in terms of things you like to do and/or need, bring them up. Better to do it now than try to negotiate it later on)

Her: So, can we be a couple?
Me: Hmmm.... (think for a few seconds). Y'know what? What the heck, let's try it out and see what happens!

Now, answering it this way does a few things: it lets her know you want to be in a relationship with her based on the conversation you just had, but at the same time it lets her know this is, essentially, a trial run, meaning you're willing to stop it if it's not working for you. It makes you seem less desperate and needy to be in a relationship with her, and should keep her on her toes to make this thing as easy for you as possible. This doesn't mean she won't throw in the occasional "girl emotional breakdown" or "random petty argument," but it DOES mean those things happening should be minimal, and her putting in effort to make you happy should be higher in ratio.

That's all I got - hope this helps!

 

[j.619]

Whenever a girl asks me "So, what are we?" I know that means she wants to be the girlfriend. Back in my AFC days I would have been quick to say "I dunno... wanna be my girlfriend?" And BAM! Power on my end instantly gone 'cause my answer was too quick and seemed eager.

Nowadays, when a girl asks me this, instead of giving a positive YES answer, I go into what I call "relationship negotiations." Basically, I lay out questions that let her know I'm needing of certain things in order for her request to work. Then, once I feel she understands the things I'm asking of her in order for me to feel comfortable with her in a relationship-situation, I give her the okay. Doing it this way, I have found, allows for me to say "yes" while also letting her know my boundaries and/or needs to make this thing work.

Here's a sample conversation of how this might go down:

Her: "So... what are we?"
Me: (Playing dumb) What do you mean?
Her: Well, we've been seeing each other for x-amount of months, and I'm not currently seeing or sleeping with anyone else, are you?
Me: Not at the moment...
Her: Okay, so... should we put a title on whatever this thing is we're doing?
Me: (Playing dumb) Are you saying you want to be my girlfriend?
Her: I dunno... maybe...
Me: Hmmm (dead silence for a few seconds - I like to add in uncomfortable silences for effect)
Me: Okay, so if we were to be a couple, how would that change things?
Her: What do you mean?
Me: Well - I like how things are right now; if we become a couple, are things going to change dramatically? For example: we hook up on a regular basis now, and I've heard when people couple up they start doing that less. Do you think that would happen with us?
Her: Oh, of course not
Me: Hmmm... okay, so far so good. Now, what about things like me needing my alone time, or wanting to do the occasional "guys night out" - once we're dating, is me needing these things going to be a problem?
Her: Um... no, I don't think so, I want you to have time to yourself and with your friends
Me: Okay then...

(At this point, anything else you feel could be a potential issue in terms of things you like to do and/or need, bring them up. Better to do it now than try to negotiate it later on)

Her: So, can we be a couple?
Me: Hmmm.... (think for a few seconds). Y'know what? What the heck, let's try it out and see what happens!

Now, answering it this way does a few things: it lets her know you want to be in a relationship with her based on the conversation you just had, but at the same time it lets her know this is, essentially, a trial run, meaning you're willing to stop it if it's not working for you. It makes you seem less desperate and needy to be in a relationship with her, and should keep her on her toes to make this thing as easy for you as possible. This doesn't mean she won't throw in the occasional "girl emotional breakdown" or "random petty argument," but it DOES mean those things happening should be minimal, and her putting in effort to make you happy should be higher in ratio.

That's all I got - hope this helps!

Gold

 

[d0g]

Whenever a girl asks me "So, what are we?" I know that means she wants to be the girlfriend. Back in my AFC days I would have been quick to say "I dunno... wanna be my girlfriend?" And BAM! Power on my end instantly gone 'cause my answer was too quick and seemed eager.

Nowadays, when a girl asks me this, instead of giving a positive YES answer, I go into what I call "relationship negotiations." Basically, I lay out questions that let her know I'm needing of certain things in order for her request to work. Then, once I feel she understands the things I'm asking of her in order for me to feel comfortable with her in a relationship-situation, I give her the okay. Doing it this way, I have found, allows for me to say "yes" while also letting her know my boundaries and/or needs to make this thing work.

Here's a sample conversation of how this might go down:

Her: "So... what are we?"
Me: (Playing dumb) What do you mean?
Her: Well, we've been seeing each other for x-amount of months, and I'm not currently seeing or sleeping with anyone else, are you?
Me: Not at the moment...
Her: Okay, so... should we put a title on whatever this thing is we're doing?
Me: (Playing dumb) Are you saying you want to be my girlfriend?
Her: I dunno... maybe...
Me: Hmmm (dead silence for a few seconds - I like to add in uncomfortable silences for effect)
Me: Okay, so if we were to be a couple, how would that change things?
Her: What do you mean?
Me: Well - I like how things are right now; if we become a couple, are things going to change dramatically? For example: we hook up on a regular basis now, and I've heard when people couple up they start doing that less. Do you think that would happen with us?
Her: Oh, of course not
Me: Hmmm... okay, so far so good. Now, what about things like me needing my alone time, or wanting to do the occasional "guys night out" - once we're dating, is me needing these things going to be a problem?
Her: Um... no, I don't think so, I want you to have time to yourself and with your friends
Me: Okay then...

(At this point, anything else you feel could be a potential issue in terms of things you like to do and/or need, bring them up. Better to do it now than try to negotiate it later on)

Her: So, can we be a couple?
Me: Hmmm.... (think for a few seconds). Y'know what? What the heck, let's try it out and see what happens!

Now, answering it this way does a few things: it lets her know you want to be in a relationship with her based on the conversation you just had, but at the same time it lets her know this is, essentially, a trial run, meaning you're willing to stop it if it's not working for you. It makes you seem less desperate and needy to be in a relationship with her, and should keep her on her toes to make this thing as easy for you as possible. This doesn't mean she won't throw in the occasional "girl emotional breakdown" or "random petty argument," but it DOES mean those things happening should be minimal, and her putting in effort to make you happy should be higher in ratio.

That's all I got - hope this helps!

Harry, it's great to see you back here, just when I needed good counsel. Excellent advice! I'm going to try to follow this approach when the question inevitably comes.

 

[d0g]

"You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Harry Wilmington again."

 

[d0g]

SgtSplacker, MrNiceGuy23: Thanks for the advice. It's good to have your guys's perspectives as well.