The almost tragic truth about guys that end up being successful at cold approach.

[corrector]

so basically, be a slave to another government and a woman?

No, we become the passport bros.

 

[CornbreadFed]

No, we become the passport bros.

So let's say you find yourself a Filipina girl. You can go there, but you will need to learn the culture and language enough to know the legal system and that's excluding non-citizenship rights that you will have. So yes, you will essentially be tied down to this woman if you decide to move to the Philippines. If you bring her back to your country, you risk her using you for a passport/money and leaving you down the road.

 

[Gamisch]

Yes, that matters. You have to look approachable - I don't think guys realize that in most cases a woman that perceives a man as attractive might be initially intimidated by him. She will assume he does well with women (on her level - whatever she views herself to be. or higher) and why would he like her. Open body language, looking pleasant, good eye contact (she has to know you are looking at her) all help in bringing out her interest.

I was reading your exchange with SW and while I agreed with a good amount of what he said, let's be real, we sometimes pile on the women too much and say it is because of this and that (something about their behavior) while ignoring the average guy doesn't really help himself. The average guy lacks imagination, does what everyone else is doing/can't think for himself (in short has no personality or a bland one), is unsure of himself around women and thinks he's largely undeserving. You can put the average guy into all the different venues, events, fitness classes with favorable ratios and of course it doesn't matter. A lot of them simply blend in with the furniture and you hardly notice them (due to their lack of presence). Put the right guy in those environments and he slays. Many men simply believe that women, especially attractive one's, are doing them a favor by giving them a chance. They have a poor estimation of themselves and it is no surprise why things don't work out. Even if there is initial interest, it's not long before it dissipates because why would someone (the woman in this case) feel attraction for someone that views himself as beneath her? Someone who will slavishly be at her every beck and call?

Jesse's post was good I thought. Just like a job needs certain skills/tools in order to be a success, cold approaching requires certain traits to be fruitful. Yes, some men are better primed to be successful at it than others. Good looks, charisma, chatty nature and wit help. Good looks are essential - because when it is successful the woman had wanted the man to approach anyway. At this point it is being able to have a conversation with another person - try to have them do most of the talking, ask about themselves etc.

My point exactly.

A smile and a wink can go a long way...I swear, it's because of @SW15 his comments about earbuds I started thinking about this. Forgot my headphones once, and left them home ever since.

Because unconsciously you'll see a womam with earbuds and you'll already admit defeat. It is a barrier , I know. But all it takes is 1 second to remove at least one ear bud. Its not a Berlin Wall you gotta cross.

I geuss we a have this fight in our own mind at times:

 

[corrector]

So let's say you find yourself a Filipina girl. You can go there, but you will need to learn the culture and language enough to know the legal system and that's excluding non-citizenship rights that you will have. So yes, you will essentially be tied down to this woman if you decide to move to the Philippines. If you bring her back to your country, you risk her using you for a passport/money and leaving you down the road.

Allot of other people are doing this. As with anything in life, there is always a risk of something going wrong no matter what you are doing.
I'm not going to stop driving because I look at the statistical probabilities of getting into an accident. Anything dealing with women involves risk. At least you'll get some action while you are dealing with her.

 

[SW15]

earbuds...Its not a Berlin Wall you gotta cross.

Women do use earbuds to reduce approaches and they notice a reduction in approaches when they utilize earbuds.

You might get some harsh rejections approaching women with earbuds. At best, many women will be annoyed that you disrupted them and will be less receptive to your verbal message and presence. Some women will ignore completely.

The best to workaround earbuds is to look like a top tier guy, commonly called a 'Chad'.

 

[Gamisch]

Women do use earbuds to reduce approaches and they notice a reduction in approaches when they utilize earbuds.

You might get some harsh rejections approaching women with earbuds. At best, many women will be annoyed that you disrupted them and will be less receptive to your verbal message and presence. Some women will ignore completely.

The best to workaround earbuds is to look like a top tier guy, commonly called a 'Chad'.

Ofcourse you have a point. Society changed for the worst now everybody is always on their phones and shyte. People go to the bar and instead of having conversations they'll still look at their damn phones all the time.

So imo a DJ (again) must swim against the current. Stop wearing headphones , stop looking at your phone all the time in public. Be observant, it's a really small thing but it does make you stand out a yet little more.

 

[IKO69]

My point exactly.

A smile and a wink can go a long way...I swear, it's because of @SW15 his comments about earbuds I started thinking about this. Forgot my headphones once, and left them home ever since.

Because unconsciously you'll see a womam with earbuds and you'll already admit defeat. It is a barrier , I know. But all it takes is 1 second to remove at least one ear bud. Its not a Berlin Wall you gotta cross.

I geuss we a have this fight in our own mind at times: View attachment 10461

It has been some time since i've gone to a commercial gym (I bought a bunch of fitness equipment during the lockdown) but I do understand that point about the earbuds. Women do wear them to keep most guys away, for whatever reason maybe they have a boyfriend or not, but you simply don't know if you would be the exception - so you can't get discouraged. You just have to remember: the way a lot of them dress, how tight fitting their clothes are, they are definitely looking for attention (male attention).

At pretty much all the gyms i've ever been a member of they were pretty sterile environments, seemed like guys were even scared to interact with the women. I've never gamed a woman in the gym directly but a couple of times I did run into a member at a Walgreens or something and she would say "hey I think I know you from the gym. Do you go to X" blah blah. A few of these were "earbud girls" that I definitely checked out.

The earbuds don't matter if she finds you attractive. Quite a few times I have blatantly checked out a woman wearing them and if it seemed like it was welcomed, I opened her. The earbuds came off and that was that.

 

[SW15]

So imo a DJ (again) must swim against the current. Stop wearing headphones , stop looking at your phone all the time in public. Be observant, it's a really small thing but it does make you stand out a yet little more.

At my gym, most men don't wear headphones/earbuds. At my gym, I would estimate maybe 15% of men wear headphones/earbuds and 85-90% of women wear them.

It has been some time since i've gone to a commercial gym (I bought a bunch of fitness equipment during the lockdown) but I do understand that point about the earbuds. Women do wear them to keep most guys away, for whatever reason maybe they have a boyfriend or not, but you simply don't know if you would be the exception - so you can't get discouraged. You just have to remember: the way a lot of them dress, how tight fitting their clothes are, they are definitely looking for attention (male attention).

Many of the earbud/headphone wearers at the gym are women with boyfriends/husbands but there are plenty of unattached women wearing earbuds/headphones.

The gym isn't the only place where earbuds are prevalent. Women commonly wear earbuds/headphones on outdoor walking/hiking paths and walking dogs at parks.

In 2017-2019, I was seeing more earbuds at the grocery store. I think women were wearing earbuds to the grocery store to reduce grocery store approach. I haven't seen as much earbud wearing at the grocery store in the last 12-18 months or so, once indoor game started to pick up again after indoor masking killed indoor approaching for a good 2 years.

At pretty much all the gyms i've ever been a member of they were pretty sterile environments, seemed like guys were even scared to interact with the women. I've never gamed a woman in the gym directly but a couple of times I did run into a member at a Walgreens or something and she would say "hey I think I know you from the gym. Do you go to X" blah blah. A few of these were "earbud girls" that I definitely checked out.

I haven't seen a lot of approaching going on at my gym. I've had the same main gym for a while and have supplemented over the years with some secondary fitness studios for classes in order to find some new women at times.

I don't think there's a lot of general gym floor approaching at a lot of gyms, especially the larger corporate chain gyms.

I could envision an approach happening at a Walgreens or other grocery store where two people from the same gym randomly see each other. It's not common in bigger cities but it can happen. Sometimes, a gym is right next to a grocery store and people might go to a grocery store immediately following going to a gym.

 

[BadBoy89]

It's normal to find women isolated in a grocery store, bookstore, or even at a mall. The mall is more difficult because there are women who will go to the mall with 1-2 female friends as compared to the grocery store with 1-2 female friends. Fitness classes are often places where women show up alone and can be isolated in an approach easily. However, as I have mentioned before, women in general are not in a sociable mood before/after fitness classes despite the great ratios and lack of earbuds.

Along with their 6’2 boyfriends. Any girl, especially a gym girl who is usually hot and in shape, who has any sort of look to her and is under 30, is taken fast by the genetically blessed.

The whole point of Sosuave is get with hot girls under 30 with 0 divorces and 0 kids who arent sluts. Thats all we want here.. Not that the older crowd won’t take women in their mid 30s, and despite the fact that there may be competition for childless women in their mids 30s, but instinctively, men know how to act around older women and shouldn't need Sosuave.

Its a man’s DNA to go after young hot sexy women, just like it’s in a woman‘s DNA to go after taller men. It’s why women hate older men dating younger men, they freak out about Leonardo with his 25 year olds. Older women say: ‘It’s disgusting, it’s gross, he should act his age,”. Well no, it’s not. You are just angry because you lost your sex appeal and therefore you lost you power, and there is nothing you can do to get it back. So you have to criticize what others do to make yourself feel better.

Women: your leverage is your youth, your looks, and your fertility. Men don’t care about much else.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Ever since getting into seriously daygaming more than a year ago and now looking to get back into it, I have noticed an almost tragic nature to cold approach and the people that usually get into it. After having winged with more than 10 different guys and seeing just how hopeless they were despite doing cold approach for a while, I realize that there is almost this tragic characteristic most of us do not notice about cold approach at first.

Why the vast majority of dudes who get into pickup and do "game sessions" are helpless.

I am ready to call out, most guys out there "sarging" are completely screwed and won't see serious success with women. The ones who go out every weekend to do "daygame sessions" are not going to see actual success (lays) from daygame for one reason. Most of them missed a critical step in their social development and it shows. It shows in how they come off to others, to the general public, and even to any socially adjusted guy. It does not matter what "game technique" they use or how many approaches they do, they are screwed and for them to continue to "cold approach" is to their detriment.

It is to a point right now where after going through more than 10 wings, I am officially done meeting wings on a pickup community. I could never introduce these guys to my normal friends because of how weird, strange, creepy, toxic, and low value they are. That is my point, you could not actually introduce these guys to someone who is cool with good social skills and especially not a hot girl and her friends because it would lower your value to do so!

Almost all of these guys have a major toxic trait to them that they are not even aware of. A lot of them, despite "taking action", come off in such a way that any socially adjusted person would want to run away from. These guys are a net drain to the people around them and almost all women instinctively pick this out. I can go more in-depth about some toxic traits I have noticed but it is safe to say that these men are toxic and missing key steps in their social development.

This applies to about 90% of dudes who get into PUA and go out "sarging".

This is why you have guys that do 100s of approaches but get no lays and have little to show for it, there are key things missing in their social development.

A socially adjusted guy won't have these issues but then again, socially adjusted guys rarely go into cold approach.

In most cases, a socially adjusted guy already made his friends in high school and college. Most of the times, socially adjusted guys are happy with an LTR and a loving girlfriend. Socially adjusted men end up meeting a girl through their friends or their circles and they end up with her long-term. Most of these men do not really have the need to get laid a lot because to them, an LTR is more satisfying.

So what guys actually end up being successful at cold approach?

If there is one thing I have found in guys that ended up being successful with cold approach to where they regularly got laid off of it, it is the fact that they were actually socially adjusted guys that happened to hit a rough patch at some point in life. Like these guys could have easily been the popular kid in school but some bizarre circumstance in their life happened which stopped them from even having a chance. Maybe they were home schooled, their parents were divorcing so their life took a hit, or they had a major thing happened that prevented them from happily socializing.

All the building blocks are already there. You can sit down, talk to these guys like normal people, and they can also relate to strangers in general in a way that most men that do cold approach cannot. Women pick up on this almost instinctively which is why these guys actually end up seeing lays from daygame and nightgame when they cold approach.

You can introduce these guys to your normal friends and hot girls you know and it will either be neutral to your status or elevate it. The only thing that was different for these guys compared to a Socially Adjusted guy is that they happened to fall into a tough time which stopped them from reaching their social potential but all the building blocks were there.

So what can the typical PUA student actually do?

I think most guys who get into Pickup should avoid cold approach at the start. These guys are better off learning how to socialize and connect with people. A lot of these guys can benefit from social hobbies that are more focused on social interactions but not necessarily getting laid. They are better off learning what is socially strange and off putting and what is desirable behavior.

Unfortunately, after a certain age, this becomes a lot tougher to learn. After 30 in most cases, men get so set in their ways that they cannot learn this.

If most guys spent a couple of years learning how to make small talk, socially connect with people, and how to make friends, they would have a better foundation for PUA and game actually not come off as weird, awkward, or strange when talking to women in public.

If you go out in ny I’ll wing you

 

[IKO69]

To be really successful, you also have to be able to separate your ego from the approaches, which most guys are unwilling to do. Most guys fear being told "no"- this crushes their self esteem & they've come to accept this as meaning their night/day is over. It's the furthest thing from the truth but it's difficult for a lot guys to shake the feeling that when they see a nice looking woman she is automatically "out of their league" and for sure will reject (obviously you don't really know until you take your shot).

Now it is true that some men are more primed for success than others @ cold approach and I don't personally think it's a good route for most men to go down having down it myself. You will honestly deal with A LOT of REJECTION if you are approaching indiscriminately, but there are times when you simply won't have a choice --> I believe that if you see a woman that makes you go godddamn you gotta go for it. I'll tell you guys one of my moves that I used. I started doing this when I was living in San Diego but found greater success here in South Pointe. I would go out for runs and if I saw a woman that made me go goddamn I run up beside her. I would point to her headphones so she could take them off and I would ask where she was going. When the approach wasn't welcome I would either be completely ignored or she would ask why I was talking to her (hahaha burn) at which point I would say something like oh I thought you were someone I knew sorry (lolol). If the reaction was good or at least neutral I would then say something like "we're going to be running together for some time, will have plenty of time to get to know each other and for you to see that I'm a great guy". If she actually told me where she was heading then I would say "what a coincidence I happen to be running there too. I guess you're stuck with me then?" Depending on what she said I would then follow up with saying that at some point on our run I was going to ask for her telephone number. I would say all this with a humorous/joking tone *this part is critically important*. When it was successful it almost seemed to follow the same pattern: the woman would be extremely taken back at first but would burst out laughing. When that happened I knew it would work. Sometimes I got playful "pushback" too and she'd say "ohh someone is ****y" but it was just the same, it would be a success. Just had to counter with something like "oh well that's okay i've been called worse". Be bold, playful with a touch of audacity and you'll be fine - you can apply the above to most situations just be creative.

The one's that this worked on had a HIGH LEVEL of attraction, practically worshipped the ground I walked on. They told me it was because they admired my courage. A lot of really good looking women are not hit on that much, at least as much as you might think. I know someone is gonna point out to me all the whales on online dating sites get a **** load of messages from simps. Yes, they get stuff from rando's and ignore probably 95% of them. Super hot women are not on there and have to deal with what I described previously: intimidation. Many men will simply not try because they are afraid of being told no. The muggs that usually *do* shoot their shot with hot women will typically be unattractive and/or cornballs - like holler at them in their cars from 20 ft. You see this crap in Miami often.

 

[SmoothSmooth]

Agree with OP and the trait you’re looking for is ‘empathy’
Guys good with women have above average levels of empathy - the ability to pick up on emotional cues, put yourself in the others shoes etc cold approaching a stranger means you have to be in the top 10% of men with EMPATHY as your task is simultaneously building rapport/comfort with a stranger and figuring out how to induce excitement/high value emotions at the same time. You need the ability to ‘vibe’ basically.

The vast majority of guys who go into cold approach are either NPD or sociopathic, which means they LACK empathy. Ie they are in the bottom 10% of society with empathy. At best they use tactics like lovebombing, lying etc to try and MIMiC empathy, but it will come off as creepy unless the guy is glaringly good looking to the point there is a halo effect. The reason why the majority of guys who get into cold approach/pua have this personality disorder is because they looking at cold approach as a means of getting ‘narcissistic supply’ (look it up) rather than actual healthy interactions with women. Most of these guys are completely deluded and fail at it, but will lie to others (like the many pua coaches that hired models etc to trick others into believe they are successful players).
However there is a small 5% of men in the community are genuinely just alpha male types that are well adjusted and just want to date hot women

 

[pipeman84]

I'll tell you guys one of my moves that I used. I started doing this when I was living in San Diego but found greater success here in South Pointe. I would go out for runs and if I saw a woman that made me go goddamn I run up beside her. I would point to her headphones so she could take them off and I would ask where she was going. When the approach wasn't welcome I would either be completely ignored or she would ask why I was talking to her (hahaha burn) at which point I would say something like oh I thought you were someone I knew sorry (lolol). If the reaction was good or at least neutral I would then say something like "we're going to be running together for some time, will have plenty of time to get to know each other and for you to see that I'm a great guy". If she actually told me where she was heading then I would say "what a coincidence I happen to be running there too. I guess you're stuck with me then?" Depending on what she said I would then follow up with saying that at some point on our run I was going to ask for her telephone number. I would say all this with a humorous/joking tone *this part is critically important*. When it was successful it almost seemed to follow the same pattern: the woman would be extremely taken back at first but would burst out laughing. When that happened I knew it would work. Sometimes I got playful "pushback" too and she'd say "ohh someone is ****y" but it was just the same, it would be a success. Just had to counter with something like "oh well that's okay i've been called worse". Be bold, playful with a touch of audacity and you'll be fine - you can apply the above to most situations just be creative.

The one's that this worked on had a HIGH LEVEL of attraction, practically worshipped the ground I walked on. They told me it was because they admired my courage. A lot of really good looking women are not hit on that much, at least as much as you might think.

Hey, thanks for giving a detailed example of how you cold approach.
My question is, what happened with the ones (plural?) that it worked on? Why aren't you in a relationship especially when considering the part I bolded ?

 

[IKO69]

Hey, thanks for giving a detailed example of how you cold approach.
My question is, what happened with the ones (plural?) that it worked on? Why aren't you in a relationship especially when considering the part I bolded ?

Sure. Things happen in life. Two of them moved away because of important opportunities (career). We still keep in touch from time to time. Some of the other one's I dated or a period and I dumped them, that's how it goes sometimes. Not really sure what you took issue with.

 

[pipeman84]

Sure. Things happen in life. Two of them moved away because of important opportunities (career). We still keep in touch from time to time. Some of the other one's I dated or a period and I dumped them, that's how it goes sometimes. Not really sure what you took issue with.

IMO, with very few exceptions, only women with lots of issues/hoes (in other words, not relationship material) are amenable to cold approaching. Your story reinforced my opinion.

 

[IKO69]

IMO, with very few exceptions, only women with lots of issues/hoes (in other words, not relationship material) are amenable to cold approaching. Your story reinforced my opinion.

Complete nonsense. You do understand that many couples have and will continue to meet under the circumstances of a "cold approach"? Someone is going to have to go over and break the ice. It's not always the case that someone is going to be introduced by someone or whatever you think is the appropriate "way".

Be real, it sounds like you have issue with it because you don't do it yourself/are likely afraid. In turn you say the women are horrible and/or have issues because they aren't giving you the time of day. In life many times you will have to take action if you want something to happen. Not be passive, waiting around, hating on the people that are actually putting in the work. Good luck with whatever you're doing.

 

[SW15]

To be really successful, you also have to be able to separate your ego from the approaches, which most guys are unwilling to do. Most guys fear being told "no"- this crushes their self esteem & they've come to accept this as meaning their night/day is over.

Agree. Thicker skin and a lack of an emotional reaction to rejection helps a lot with approaching strangers.

it is true that some men are more primed for success than others @ cold approach and I don't personally think it's a good route for most men to go down having down it myself. You will honestly deal with A LOT of REJECTION if you are approaching indiscriminately, but there are times when you simply won't have a choice -->

If a man doesn't have a good social circle, he's going to either have to choose between approaching strangers or the tech-based methods. Approaching strangers is better choice among 2 bad choices. Most men in the last 15 years have been choosing the tech-based methods. Approaching strangers was also challenging before the tech-based methods became de-stigmatized. Relying on approaching strangers alone in 2005 was not an easy path, which is why a book like "The Game" was published in 2005.

 

[Plinco]

@Jesse Pinkman

What's the essence of being socially adjusted?

 

[Epicwinguy]

Is there a way to fix their social problems if nobody can really put into words what exactly the problem is?

 

[itouchyou]

I'm very curious to understand this "it" factor that some guys missed in terms of social development in their earlier years. Makes me wonder if I missed it too lmao. Never had issues making friends but did have issues expressing interest in women when I was younger due to low self esteem.