The AFC in me must die

[N.Brixton]

To quickly set the premises, I stumbled upon Game materials back in 2008 when an engaged LTR of 2 yrs went bust. It was too late. Nevertheless, I used the energy to improve myself and appreciate the painful gift.

I'm in a budding relationship of 2 months. She's in her early 20's and I'm in mid 30's. I want both to have fun and perhaps something of mutual value out of our relationship. I tell myself to avoid thinking too far ahead and avoid past mistakes.

I still exhibit AFC behaviors occasionally; I kick myself every time after the fact. She might have smelled the AFC as nasty odor and noticed flaws on my frame. She's been acting somewhat distant and less enthusiastic yet still wants to hang out whenever I pull back a few days. We still hang out about 3 times a week and have sex. I don't know if she's merely keeping it going to observe me some more.

My first question, how much would women usually tolerate before "confirm" that you're not the whole Alpha package and resent the relationship? I do make mental notes of my mistakes and never intent to repeat.

Second question, could you point me to some more LTR materials besides the DJ Bible (read through it when joined SoSuave) to help me realize my Alpha potential?

It really sucks to realize that nearly all my guy friends around don't know these things and are happy to settle into a marriage/LTR that is "the best they could get." It scares the shyt out of me and don't ever want that. It's as if I don't have any friends to discuss.

P.S. Spinning plates makes sense. That being said, based on what I've read, some DJ get tired of that ever revolving lifestyle and observed that the type of women they attract may not always be of quality.

 

[TheCWord]

My advice for this specific situation is to not get your hopes up about a relationship with a 21 yr old. Even if she were dating a guy in his 20s, these girls are flaky and the modern girl 25 and under does not tie herself down - there's too much of Europe to explore and yoga to be done.

Most of these things fizzle out around the two month mark, so you'll know for sure soon.

I'd say go back and read Pook's Anti-Dump Machine posts in the DJ Bible - I think they are what you need right now. I say that because you have come here with the clear hope that this 21 year old will accept you and you're asking about what you can do to not lose her interest. The Anti-Dump Machine is great because it's not necessarily about banging as many girls as possible (sounds like you're more-so looking for a relationship), but it focuses on you screening and weeding out girls who are NOT SUITABLE FOR YOU.

If she's starting to act distant, then her high interest is waning. Anti-Dump tells you to let these girls go, because you only want to be with girls who have high interest. It's a way of protecting your heart. And if you're in your mid-30s and placing great expectations on a relationship with a 21 yr old, I have a feeling your heart is going to need all the protection it can get.

Good luck!

 

[N.Brixton]

Thank you TheCWord. I glanced through the Anti-Dump section last week briefly and wasn't ready to accept that the high interest would fade away so quickly.

I shall get to it right away.

Additional info: She texted earlier this week. "There's something important I need to ask you" my heart sank and asked her to call instead. She called to expressed her worry of me looking for a mate to settle. The mere thought of getting married so young scares her. She wants to give her career a chance after college and possibly date other men, although she thinks it'll be great if we're still together after college. I appreciate her honesty.

Anyhow, I laughed it off and told her to relax as I have no such agenda and we should only focus on having fun each day when together. It's mostly true as I've been burnt before and don't know if she's the one I want anyway. There are qualities I admire, and some that remain to be seen.

Basically she told me that she doesn't see a LTR in us and I'm ok with that. I want to maintain the relationship more as a training wheel for me to become more Natural with this Alpha mentality. Selfish of me perhaps.

I've backed off ever since. The AFC in me, like a devil on my shoulder, wants to maintain seeing each other often. Up to this point since we met, I rarely initiate contacts and intent to keep it that way.

I really need to slay this AFC in me that continue to sabotage my growth. I thought I had it by reclaiming the happy single self for the last few years. Now the real challenge only begun. It's quite frustrating.

 

[TheCWord]

You'll pull it together, Brix - but you'll do it on the next one. A lot easier to start fresh with a new plate than to try to make this one work.

This plate's broke, and the reason it's broke is because she sees past you - she feels you longing for an LTR, whether you admit it on SoSuave or not, and even if you laugh it off she's already spooked. A spooked girl is not a girl with high interest, and a girl without high interest is going to burn you.

Get out before you get burned!

 

[N.Brixton]

I appreciate you sharing the insights on the matter CWord. It's a hard pill to swallow and I felt it too. I made a stupid text this morning, joking about letting her go over trivial matters. It backfired of course. So retarded of me I literately punched myself and got that metallic taste in my mouth after sending out the text. Why did I say such thing lol!

 

[Greasy Pig]

As far as I can tell, she's already gone. Just scale back your interactions and work on improving yourself.
She'll either miss you and come running or she'll go. Either way, you win.

 

[N.Brixton]

Thank you Greasy Pig. I realize areas that need additional work and will continue to improve myself. Strangely enough, now I accepted that the relationship is possibly over, the sick panicking sensation in the pit of my stomach is greatly diminished with a certain hint of calmness. I hope it stays.

If things work out, great. If not, I learned something important regarding myself anyway. Either way, I win.

 

[N.Brixton]

Feeling nothing to lose, I initiated text this afternoon, an act of which I rarely do.

She didn't want to go anywhere today and wanted to stay in to watch TV. I dragged her out of the apartment for few hours and both had a bit of fun except one minor infraction that didn't faze me.

Earlier this evening, she texted to say good night and apologized for some over-reactions this afternoon. Knowing what I know now, a part of her past, I don't blame her. I text back that she's forgiven and that I appreciate the sharing of personal info.

I forgive, because the over-reaction was uncalled for, and I seize the opportunity to assert the upper hand. I thank her for the experience to get to know her better. Instead of telling her it's no big deal or saying her actions were understandable, I believe what I sent was a stronger message of love.