The thread by @ImTheDoubleGreatest! about inner vs outer got me thinking about how we improve and what is important in terms of improving in the long term. Whilst I believe that improving your inner self is the most important thing to do, it is useless without improving in other areas. Without further ado, here are the 4 pillars of self improvement.
1: The internal a-k-a changing your thought processes.
Guys don't come to SoSuave because they are swimming in women & too successful. They've generally been through a toxic relationship and/or have struggled to get women. I came here ten years ago after a series of rejections from girls I liked & I felt awful about it. Each of us has our own story as to why we came here.
I've found that Cognitive Behavioral therapy helps me. I signed up to this site: https://moodgym.com.au/
It is very simple, but when applied to how you think, it really helps.
2: Gaining information.
There is a wealth of information on SoSuave & elsewhere that give us a blueprint for success. It is easier to learn a lot from foresight, I've found the below in particular helpful:
The book of Pook - http://www.djbible.classicalgasemissions.com/book_of_pook.pdf
The rational male - https://therationalmale.com/the-best-of-rational-male-year-one/
The DJ HS Bible - http://web.archive.org/web/20111019174702/http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=33715
Icepick's post on being perfect - http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/stop-being-perfect.21189/
Killapetehogs Lesson's I am Learning - http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/lessons-i-am-learning.101699/
Senor Finger, Weapons of mass seduction - http://www.djbible.classicalgasemissions.com/wms.pdf
@guru1000 post on frame - http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/frame.236658/
How to win friends & influence people - Dale Carnegie
How to stop worrying & start living - Dale Carnegie
The One Thing - Gary Keller (As recommended by @Atom Smasher )
The Daily Stoic (As recommended by @resilient )
The 48 Laws of power - Robert Greene
Awaken the giant within - Tony Robbins
Don't Sweat the small stuff - Richard Carlson
Start with why - Simon Sinek
The 4 hour work week - Tim Ferris.
The power of habit - Charles Duhigg
Freakonomics - Steven Levitt.
I'll post more stuff I find useful in this thread as time goes on!
3: External self improvement.
Improving your internal thought process & learning the blueprint for success is pointless unless you consistently apply what you've learned to your actual life.
The best first step is to set some goals, then set about working towards them. This also actualizes the thought processes you worked on in pillar 1.
These goals should challenge you & new ones need to be set when you've met your first goal.
If you aren't doing so already, there are some general principles outlined below that help you generally improve externally:
YOU GOTTA BE CLEAN.
Shower daily, make sure your clothes are washed & ironed. No-one likes a scruff.
STAND TALL AND PROUD
You've got to be proud to be you, there is only one of you in the world, you are unique. Slumping over is not a good look and does not make a good first impression to anyone.
RELAX YOUR EYES/FACE
I found that when I was an AFC I was unbelievably tense. My eyes jittered everywhere and I didn't look relaxed. Try meditating at least once a day to relax your mind and in turn your body.
SPEAK CLEARLY, CONCISELY & LOUD.
You want to be heard? Better speak up! Record/video yourself and practice in the mirror if you are uncomfortable. If you aren't comfortable speaking to yourself, other people aren't going to be comfortable in your presence.
HAVE A UNIQUE SENSE OF STYLE
I personally like to dress with a checkered shirt open with a nice top underneath, nice jeans & trainers. If you are struggling & have absolutely no fashion sense, look at the mannequins in shops, they are what is in fashion at the moment.
HIT THE GYM
Check out the vault from the health & fitness section here: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/the-vault.126233/
Use the above along with the plethora of information in the above books/posts & you will have an armory of knowledge to get where you need to go!
4: Meditation.
The benefits of meditation are extensive, as detailed in this article:
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/19/meditation-benefits_n_5842870.html
I've been using the Headspace app for the best part of a year now & I've found it really helps me unwind & get things in perspective. It's only $10 a month & only takes up ten minutes of your day. For me it isn't an option not to meditate daily anymore.
To conclude:
Up until very recently, I would try one pillar whilst dropping another. The end result: I end up back on here upset & back to square one.
I would go out and self improve, but still have negative thought processes. I would profess I'm not coming back to this site because I'm going to 'get on with my life'. Sound familiar?
I've realized that I have to work on every aspect of my life and that is the only way to legitimately self improve. Each pillar bounces off one another, without one of them, the structure crumbles.
1: The internal a-k-a changing your thought processes.
Guys don't come to SoSuave because they are swimming in women & too successful. They've generally been through a toxic relationship and/or have struggled to get women. I came here ten years ago after a series of rejections from girls I liked & I felt awful about it. Each of us has our own story as to why we came here.
I've found that Cognitive Behavioral therapy helps me. I signed up to this site: https://moodgym.com.au/
It is very simple, but when applied to how you think, it really helps.
2: Gaining information.
There is a wealth of information on SoSuave & elsewhere that give us a blueprint for success. It is easier to learn a lot from foresight, I've found the below in particular helpful:
The book of Pook - http://www.djbible.classicalgasemissions.com/book_of_pook.pdf
The rational male - https://therationalmale.com/the-best-of-rational-male-year-one/
The DJ HS Bible - http://web.archive.org/web/20111019174702/http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=33715
Icepick's post on being perfect - http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/stop-being-perfect.21189/
Killapetehogs Lesson's I am Learning - http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/lessons-i-am-learning.101699/
Senor Finger, Weapons of mass seduction - http://www.djbible.classicalgasemissions.com/wms.pdf
@guru1000 post on frame - http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/frame.236658/
How to win friends & influence people - Dale Carnegie
How to stop worrying & start living - Dale Carnegie
The One Thing - Gary Keller (As recommended by @Atom Smasher )
The Daily Stoic (As recommended by @resilient )
The 48 Laws of power - Robert Greene
Awaken the giant within - Tony Robbins
Don't Sweat the small stuff - Richard Carlson
Start with why - Simon Sinek
The 4 hour work week - Tim Ferris.
The power of habit - Charles Duhigg
Freakonomics - Steven Levitt.
I'll post more stuff I find useful in this thread as time goes on!
3: External self improvement.
Improving your internal thought process & learning the blueprint for success is pointless unless you consistently apply what you've learned to your actual life.
The best first step is to set some goals, then set about working towards them. This also actualizes the thought processes you worked on in pillar 1.
These goals should challenge you & new ones need to be set when you've met your first goal.
If you aren't doing so already, there are some general principles outlined below that help you generally improve externally:
YOU GOTTA BE CLEAN.
Shower daily, make sure your clothes are washed & ironed. No-one likes a scruff.
STAND TALL AND PROUD
You've got to be proud to be you, there is only one of you in the world, you are unique. Slumping over is not a good look and does not make a good first impression to anyone.
RELAX YOUR EYES/FACE
I found that when I was an AFC I was unbelievably tense. My eyes jittered everywhere and I didn't look relaxed. Try meditating at least once a day to relax your mind and in turn your body.
SPEAK CLEARLY, CONCISELY & LOUD.
You want to be heard? Better speak up! Record/video yourself and practice in the mirror if you are uncomfortable. If you aren't comfortable speaking to yourself, other people aren't going to be comfortable in your presence.
HAVE A UNIQUE SENSE OF STYLE
I personally like to dress with a checkered shirt open with a nice top underneath, nice jeans & trainers. If you are struggling & have absolutely no fashion sense, look at the mannequins in shops, they are what is in fashion at the moment.
HIT THE GYM
Check out the vault from the health & fitness section here: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/the-vault.126233/
Use the above along with the plethora of information in the above books/posts & you will have an armory of knowledge to get where you need to go!
4: Meditation.
The benefits of meditation are extensive, as detailed in this article:
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/19/meditation-benefits_n_5842870.html
I've been using the Headspace app for the best part of a year now & I've found it really helps me unwind & get things in perspective. It's only $10 a month & only takes up ten minutes of your day. For me it isn't an option not to meditate daily anymore.
To conclude:
Up until very recently, I would try one pillar whilst dropping another. The end result: I end up back on here upset & back to square one.
I would go out and self improve, but still have negative thought processes. I would profess I'm not coming back to this site because I'm going to 'get on with my life'. Sound familiar?
I've realized that I have to work on every aspect of my life and that is the only way to legitimately self improve. Each pillar bounces off one another, without one of them, the structure crumbles.