TEXTING KILLS RELATIONSHIPS Update: Living With My Female Cousin Has...

[Harry Wilmington]

Hey guys:

So, I save the majority of my discussions about relationships now for my podcast (there are now 84 of them and counting - click the link below to hear some of them), but I recently responded to a post up here about a guy who had been texting this girl that lived far away from him, and the response I gave - as is my mantra - is "TEXTING KILLS RELATIONSHIPS."

Someone responded to that response by pointing out to me that the majority of young cats on here (note: who says "cats" anymore?? that sounds like old man speak to me!) say that girls only talk via text these days.

Now me, I don't believe that just because everyone else is doing something that I need to be doing it. So what if a bunch of girls are "claiming" they only want to hear from a guy via text? As we've said time and time again on these boards - as well as has been my own experience - just because a woman SAYS she WANTS something doesn't mean that it's something she NEEDS to be turned on. So, they may THINK they want to hear from a guy via text messaging, but at the end of the day hearing a person's voice and/or interacting with them in person will always be the BEST ways of building up a girl's attraction to you. Again, I have an eBook and a podcast program that explains all this, so I won't go into detail here.

With that said: I don't know at what point 31 became old, but for argument's sake, let's say I am out of touch, and that I don't get this whole "texting" thing. Okay, fine - let's get the perspective from someone else, like say, an actual girl.

For the past 3 months now I have been living with my girl cousin. I live in LA and she wanted to move here, so I said she could stay with me for the first couple of months while she worked her job and made enough money to get her own place. My cousin is 24 and, when she's not at work or having conversations with me, she is on her phone texting away ALL THE TIME. She's also into the newer apps like Tinder and whatsapp, where she basically has guys that are constantly messaging her.

Based on having observed her usage of the phone, I can tell you with out any kind of doubt whatsoever that TEXTING IS KILLING YOUR CHANCES WITH WOMEN.

Does my cousin like texting on the phone? Yes - but mostly with her girl friends. Which means if she's texting a guy constantly, it usually is because she's NOT trying to date him and sees him almost like a girl friend of hers.

Does she message back and forth with guys on these various dating apps in the hopes of going out on dates with them? Yes, she does. So, how many of them has she actually gone out with from all this messaging?

ZERO.

I asked her about a few of the guys she was messaging and why she didn't go out with them despite her having long messaging conversations with them. Her answer? In a nutshell: these guys were spending so much time text messaging her in the hopes of building up her interest that they never got around to ASKING HER OUT. Well, at least most of them - for the few that did, by the time they finally got around to asking her out she had lost interest in them. Furthermore, she said that had they sent just a couple of messages back and forth before he asked her out, she would have been more apt to going out with them; however, because they waited so long, she became bored with talking to them and was already looking at talking to the next guy - one she hoped would hurry up and get off the phone with her by asking her for an actual in-person date.

Now, I'm sure people will come on here and argue that these points aren't relevant since I'm related to the subject. But I got news, guys: she's not the only one that thinks these things. I've had female friends, relatives, and people I'm not familiar with but are friends of other friends of mine say the same thing: that guys are spending too much time on the phone texting away at them and not actually having the guts to ask them out. They're being flirty, they're hinting at the idea of them going on dates, but all they keep doing is texting - almost as if they're waiting for the GIRL to ask them out because they don't want to ask and risk rejection.

And frankly, it's pathetic.

Now, does this mean you should do away with texting altogether? YES. LoL, okay, just kidding - despite my mantra, I do text from time to time in situations where it's necessary to do so (i.e. the girl is at work and you're setting up dinner plans for that night). However, the reason I say "TEXTING KILLS RELATIONSHIPS" is because I want to drill into your guys' head the idea that texting is the WORST way to try and build up interest. The only time you should be using it is to set up plans with a girl - that's IT. All this extra stuff you're doing via text to try and build interest - not only is it not working, but it's not NECESSARY. If a girl likes you she wants you to build up her interest in you in PERSON, not via a screen with some typed out letters on it.

Anyway... hope this helps!

-Harry Wilmington

 

[VladPatton]

I agree 100%. Send the damn text, see if she wants to meet with you, go out if yes, next her if no. That's it. Be pragmatic, simple, direct, and don't beat around the bush. It's like polishing your rifle all day, but you never shoot the fücking thing and expecting to make a great killing.

I swear this social media Twitter Facebook Instagram büllṣhit is beginning to be a girls' medium more and more every day.

 

[Big Nuts]

I only text...nothing else..no FB and all the other crap.....still lots of P00n.

 

[JoeMarron]

Acting Like A Pvssy Kills Relationships, Indecisiveness Kills Relationships, Neediness Kills Relationships, Talking On The Phone 24/7 Kills Relationships.....

 

[thatfeel]

Acting Like A Pvssy Kills Relationships, Indecisiveness Kills Relationships, Neediness Kills Relationships, Talking On The Phone 24/7 Kills Relationships.....

lol OP got wrecked

 

[Jariel]

I've had the opposite experiences. I've always used texting to build rapport, put girls at ease and also for sexual escalation.

I've met with girls I've been texting and has sex within an hour or two because I'd already got them horny and laid all the groundwork.

I believe it's about knowing how to text. In my experience, girls from dating sites and girls who barely know you aren't going to rush to meet you because you're just another guy with no distinguishing qualities. But if you can find a connection, bring out their passions, build a rapport, then you set yourself apart.

 

[Maximus Rex]

II've always used texting to build rapport, put girls at ease and also for sexual escalation.

I've met with girls I've been texting and has sex within an hour or two because I'd already got them horny and laid all the groundwork.

How are you so sure it wasn't do to something you said or did in your initial conversation?

I believe it's about knowing how to text. In my experience, girls from dating sites and girls who barely know you aren't going to rush to meet you because you're just another guy with no distinguishing qualities. But if you can find a connection, bring out their passions, build a rapport, then you set yourself apart.

Elaborate on this point.

 

[apprenticedj]

I had to double check that I didn't write this post. I'm also letting my 24 year old female cousin live with me and she's taught me ALOT! Namely:

We give chicks way too much credit.

You can analyze every action, over and over again, from every possible angle and still not come to an understanding. I've learned, from her, that if they're attracted to a guy he's in like Flynn. He just needs to seem casual, not too eager, like he has a plethora of vaginal options and he can get it easy. If they're NOT attracted well sorry to say fellas you're up sh*t creek without a paddle. Be prepared to work much harder for possibly nothing.

 

[SamTheHobit]

I actually agree with the OP.

And it makes sense.

The only time texting will seem to work is because she's already interested.
And minimal texting will also work because she's already Interested.

And both will have the opposite effect if she's not interested.

I'm sure judge nimzo will agree.

Forums like this wouldn't even exist if we could recognize true interest.
And I guess alot of women fake interest for attention fixes so you gotta identify that aswell.

Getting a date with a girl isn't supposed to be a fvcking obstacle coarse.

Embrace rejection and move on.

 

[Jariel]

How are you so sure it wasn't do to something you said or did in your initial conversation?

My standard routine is to initiate conversation via text messages, show interest in them, get to know what they're into, who they are, just let them know I'm interested in them as a person - not really an act because I actually do enjoy getting to know people. Then I'll subtly raise some sexual topics and judge how they respond and how far I can push it. If I can get to the point of full on sexual fantasies, it turns them on like crazy. Most women love sex talk as it engages their mind, which is a huge part their arousal. The tension builds like crazy.

When we meet for the first time, it starts out quite tense, as though you're speaking for the first time. So I play it cool, go through the usual introductions, build comfort, laugh, chat etc. But then I'll start making references to the text messages. Most of the time they get all shy and embarrassed, but they know what we've been speaking about and they know where it's going. Escalation is so easy from that point because they've got days worth of fantasies and tension.

Elaborate on this point.

A LOT of girls have told me they feel comfortable with me, because unlike most guys they've spoken to on dating sites, they feel like I'm not just after sex and respect them as a person. In other words, it just helps to lower their defences and allows them to surrender to their fantasies without feeling cheap.

Where texting usually backfires, at least in my experience, is when you just can't establish a rapport. Some chicks won't give you anything to work with so you just keep going back and forth with "hi, how are you?" or "How was your day?" and that runs conversation into the ground and destroys all excitement. But saying that, I'm sure that's what many guys do and why they get nowhere.

 

[bukowski_merit]

Kills relationships? Yeah, constant texting kills relationships. But only if you're in an actual relationship with that woman, and only if it's constant banter.


For the early stages; Pre-Bang - It's golden for seperating yourself from other men by turning her on (with just your words)....


And to the people who think "well, if she gets turned on by your words, and comes over and fvcks you - she was already into you."

I ask you this... If you believe that (and you shouldn't) - what you're saying is - I should have skipped all that and just told her to come over and bang and she would have. You're saying I should have went on a date with her instead; a date where she probably would have been more reserved, and possibly not ended up at my place....

That is... silly....

Texting is either effective or ineffective for accomplishing the objective. The result is all that matters; anything else is pure mental masterbation.


---

To simplyfy things - let's estimate that I've banged 50 women purely by turning them on through text (I've banged more than this, but this # represents women I've banged on 1st dates who came over my house solely with the intent to bang.)

You guys who are saying that texting will hurt your chances with a woman are essentially saying - all 50 of those women already wanted to bang me and that the sexual texting had nothing to do with scoring the lay.

So, what you're saying is from the very beginning - I could have just said, "let's bang! come over now!" and I'd still have 50 lays.

Yeah....

Right...


I feel like someone is going to say "no, you should have just went on a date with her. She probably would have still banged you."


But you're not paying attention.... If texting is ineffective it shouldn't be able to do the same job as a 1st date....