texting before the next date?

[thebiglimp]

ok apologies for making a series thread relating to my ongoing situation. here's my question- how often to text the girl after the second date has been set? i'm unsure because one, the exact day has not been specified, and two, i'm probably sidelined for my neediness.

the next date has been 'promised' as the following exchange will show.

after agreeing upon the details of the date
me: let me know what day works for you.
her: sure i'll let you know. you're free most of the nights?
me: yes, fortunately. (we're both freelancers)
her: cool, i'll let you know.
me/her: good night.

so how long should i wait till i text her about the date. or to text her at all about anything?

 

[Dhoulmagus]

Whenever you feel like it

 

[Roni_88]

No such thing is promised there, just an initial agreement that can lead to anything good or bad. Text whenever you want for a specific date..with time and a place convenient for you.. keep the texting short and dont engage even if she does it. If she is realky interested she will agree or counteroffer right away.

 

[thebiglimp]

well the agreement was that she first suggested couple places for meet, ending with 'any ideas?'. i countered with another one and was met with enthusiastic yes, let's do that. that's when i asked for the best day. so the specific event and place has already been set. it's the lack of 'when' that makes it uncertain for me.

 

[Tictac]

me: let me know what day works for you.
her: sure i'll let you know. you're free most of the nights?
me: yes, fortunately.

__________

NEVER do this. Set a day and time. If she can't do that and doesn't give give a day and time alternate, back off.

 

[thebiglimp]

so what should i do next? text her couple days later setting up the time?

 

[djthiago1]

__________

NEVER do this. Set a day and time. If she can't do that and doesn't give give a day and time alternate, back off.

What this guy said, ask for the DAY and TIME.

 

[nismo-4]

Tell her the day and time, then back off. If she flakes, delete her instantly.

 

[LMFAO]

Agree this is a definite no no. Don't use the words "let me know". EVER.

Those are words women use for flaking. Instead of putting a pen1s into her mouth, you are putting flaking words in her mouth.

Just arrange a date. Simple as "what's your schedule like this week?".

Given the above just go no contact until she contacts you, assuming she does.

Just play it better next time. Lesson learnt.

 

[djthiago1]

Agree this is a definite no no. Don't use the words "let me know". EVER.

Those are words women use for flaking. Instead of putting a pen1s into her mouth, you are putting flaking words in her mouth.

Just arrange a date. Simple as "what's your schedule like this week?".

Given the above just go no contact until she contacts you, assuming she does.

Just play it better next time. Lesson learnt.

I prefer giving the day and time and then let her counter offer in case she can't go instead of asking "what's your schedule this week", imo asking this makes you look too available.

 

[Stugots26]

When a woman gets in touch I assume she wants to see me and ask when she's free. This forces her to open up her availability to you and tell you when she has no plans - if she flakes or makes excuses later on to cancel, you can weigh this against what she said was her availability and you'll know whether she was bullsh1tting you.

Why asking when she's free works so well is it's a double-edged sword. Either:

1. If she gets in touch and you ask her when she's free and she's really interested, she'll let you know her true availability and you'll have no trouble

OR

2. If she's playing games and gets in touch, you asking her when she's free is a clever bluff, because it forces her to begin getting off the fence - if you try to make a date and she backs away, then you shrug it off and take it as having called her bluff - whatever

I live by two rules - feel free to hold women accountable to what they say, BUT judge them by their actions, not their words.

According to the text exchange, she said she'd let you know her availability. So you back off until she does. If she gets in touch with you eventually about something else, you immediately redirect the conversation without answering any of her questions and hold her to her word, "So did you figure out your schedule? When are you free?"

This communicates that you'll give her her freedom, but you're holding her to her word. She's got the text conversation in her phone, so she'll be able to see the previous exchange and know that you're not giving her any wiggle room. She has to know that her very next communication with you has to go to making the date you tried to make, and if not, she can fvck right off. You're a man of action, and she can't be wasting your time.

 

[thebiglimp]

another thing is, the first meeting was for hookup which i was too drunk to initiate, even when she let it be known plainly that she wanted to go to the second base that night, and as a hookup. (man, i was hammered... i don't even remember how i walked out of the bar)

even on planning for the second meet, she let it be known clearly that she was not ready for dating, thus making this another hookup.

so there's no emotional involvement in her part. does that change the rules a bit? should i be more assertive in this case? i'm thinking of just texting her tonite with a suggestion for a day when to meet.

 

[nismo-4]

If the interest is there, don't shoot yourself in the foot.

I use the one strike rule for new women. One flake means deletion from all platforms. Blurs get the same treatment. Actions speak louder than words. Words don't mean sh*t.

Only use the phone to arrange a date. Even after the conversation, don't hold your breath. I show that I mean business, I ain't here to be your f**kin' orbiter or female friend.

 

[thebiglimp]

so.. wait or text back within tomorrow with a time of the meet?

 

[LMFAO]

Do not contact her.

 

[thebiglimp]

still.. so very tempted... just to get it out of my mind.

 

[stevo]

If you want it to work, curb your enthusiasm.

You should have something else going for you other than a girl. Now is the time to focus on something for you.

Let her take the amount of time she needs to get back to you. Let yourself enjoy life as each moment pass. Your enjoyment of life is not tied to her response.

Once again

Do not contact her.

 

[thebiglimp]

ok ok fine. i wanna understand the mentality of why girls can be so leisurely, tho. with us guys (the ones i know at least, including me) it's always go go go. but girls know to stop. how do they do that?!

granted the girl is way better lookin than me with a bigger selection, but still.

 

[stevo]

Our primary urge is to Attack. Initiate. Action.

Their primary urge is to be taken, consumed, enjoyed.

They've been conscious of the dating dynamics way before us and I figured out girls haven acted in similar ways with different dudes make her almost pro at the time she's dealing with you.

Now that you're a DJ, you have to sensibly align yourself to be in a position for self respect.

You'd do the above (Action, Initiate) however she also has to do the above (Reflect she wants to be enjoyed). You cannot make your move and make her move for her, she has to make her move herself :yes:

You wont die if she doesn't respond. She knows that however she wants to know if you know that.

 

[thebiglimp]

so it could be a deliberate waiting game?

jeesus it's suppose to be a hookup!

thanks for the insight, btw.