Text messages for Day-2s... How often?

[tsmith2334]

If youve allready initated contact, she WILL respond if shes into you.

so if she doesn't respond to a casual late night text (just a cute little message)... you're screwed?

 

[MagnuM]

don't text. waste of money.

 

[Ostepop]

.....

i am just wondering if there is some kind of cardinal rule that if a girl doesn't reply to you it's an indicator that's she losing interest?

..

My question to you would be, why are you sending these messages? What are you possibly hoping to gain? You don't want her to forget about you? If you are that easy to forget, your not going to get her in the sack anytime soon anyway.

Unless you are super smooooooooth with txt messages and able to constantly raise her IL by sending her messages (i have never met someone who is), all your doing is putting yourself in her friendsone and acting semi-needy(because your the one initating all contact). Being smooth and cool with txt messages is HARD, its very hard not to sound generic, and its hard to be orginial, and also, if shes a HB, she probably has 10 new wussy boys each week sending her txt messages.

Generic chatting with girls, is a surefire way to get to have her LJBF you.

What are you talking with her about? Is it generic "what have you been doing the last month" crap? Shes going to friendsone you super quick.

Anyways, about the not replying thing. There could be a million reason why she doesn't reply, but usually, its because she doesn't find you very interesting, if your interested in a person, your going to reply, your going to try to initate convo's. I know it sounds brutal, but think about it yourself, if somebody you like wants to talk to you, your going to talk back right? From what your telling us, your just sending her a message once in a while, that she MIGHT reply to,if she feels like being polite or is bored.

I presume you want to atleast get physical with this girl, and if you want to do that, stop sending her dorky txts to ensure that she remembers you. She will remember you the next time you meet in real life, so either call her and ask her out (based on that your txting her once a month shes probably going to say no), or cut all contact (you can reply if she initates contact), and hope to meet her randomly sometime.

That's solid advice. If it's anything important, I go with a phone call. But I feel like the occasional text, IM, and wall posting can work (when done right).

We're also from different generations. Texts and IMs are alot more acceptible among college students as opposed to 33 year olds. I think so, anyway.

Why? Txt or IM your mates, dont TXT or IM girls, unless you got something smooth to say to them (dont follow up with generic convo after you get a reply). Girls you want to go out with, you call and ask her out, or if your very shy, txt them and ask them out after some funny opener.

DO NOT CHAT WITH THEM ABOUT HOW THEYVE BEEN, THEIR FEELINGS or WHATEVER. Dont do generic chit chat with girls, thats a sure way to the friendzone. It doesn't matter if your 14years old or 50. Girls like to talk, they will talk to whoever will listen, they mostly talk with their friends, if all your doing is talking, then your going to be put in the same booth as the people shes usually talking with (Aka, the friendzone).

While IM and txting is more accepted the younger people are, it still doesn't mean it works around women if you want hop in the sack with her.

My advice to you:
1. Stop initiating contact with this girl, hope that you will meet her randomly someday and then charm her IRL, OR call her and ask her out.
2. When somebody doesn't reply or doesn't give you a call back, its tells you something about how important you are to them.
3. STOP with the txting and IM's to girls, if you absolutely feel like you have to, send her a C+F opener, and leave it at that, dont have generic convo's with girls about crap you don't care about, thats what her friends are for.


Ask yourself this, if a person you enjoy spending time with calls\txts you while your bizzy, do you reply once your not bizzy? I do. Same works with girls, if she likes you, she will reply, if she doesn't like you, she will not. If she likes you she will initate contact.

 

[tsmith2334]

Ostepop,

Thanks for the long and detailed reply. You also told like it is, which is appreciaited.

And she does iniate contact some of the time. Just last month I got a text from her saying that she was minigolfing with friends and thinking of me (we went minigolfing on a date a while back)

I don't send boring generic "hey what's up" texts. I sent her a text saying I saw her brother at the bar (we both go to the same school). Usually she replies, but she didn't this time... I'm not sure if it was because it was late and she was sleeping or what the reason is, I'm just hoping it wasn't because of interest loss (as you seem to believe it is).

And while I admit texts and IMs can risk friendzone status, I feel like something brief when your apart (we go to different schools) might keep me fresh in her mind. Because obviously there is plenty of competition out there (including an ex-boyfriend who broke it off a while back).

 

[Bonhomme]

Text only if it's more economical. If you're a kid with very limited cell phone minutes or such.

 

[Ostepop]

And she does iniate contact some of the time. Just last month I got a text from her saying that she was minigolfing with friends and thinking of me (we went minigolfing on a date a while back)

Ah, i got the impression you where the person who did all initiating. This isn't so bad then.

Getting a message like that means shes thinking about you, and that she enjoyed herself, what are you waiting for? Call her up and set up a date.

I don't send boring generic "hey what's up" texts. I sent her a text saying I saw her brother at the bar (we both go to the same school). Usually she replies, but she didn't this time... I'm not sure if it was because it was late and she was sleeping or what the reason is, I'm just hoping it wasn't because of interest loss (as you seem to believe it is).

Im allways exagerating my points a bit to get the message through, there could be a million reasons why she didn't reply, it doesn't have to be a loss of IL. Im not saying that if you send her a txt and she doesnt reply at once its over, im saying that if she on several occasions doesn't reply it definately sayssomething about her IQ level.

i have no way of telling, as i dont know the girl in question.

Completely generally speaking thought, you can measure a any humans interest level by if they reply to you or not with txt's. Il use an example that happened last week, i send a girl a txt telling her i enjoyed her company couple days ago, and asked her what she was going to do tonight. (in retrospect that txt wasn't as smooth as i conveyed myself to normally be, but anyways). She was a sleep at the time i sendt the message, when she woke up she responded explaning that she was a sleep, and responding to what she had planned for the night.

You can immidately tell my IL to her is high, because not only is she replying, shes excusing herself for why it took 3 hours to reply.

Lets hypotetically say that the girl in my example didn't reply. What would that mean? I would analyse it as she either playing some stupid girl game with me, or that i simply didn't have high enough IL to her. What would i do? I would stop talking to her, until either she initatied or until i met her randomly in a club or something. Of course, i could have sendt her a message the next day or called her or something, and she might have been willing to talk to me, but it would lower my value\IL with her, so better to play it cool.

And while I admit texts and IMs can risk friendzone status, I feel like something brief when your apart (we go to different schools) might keep me fresh in her mind. Because obviously there is plenty of competition out there (including an ex-boyfriend who broke it off a while back).

Are you dating? How many dates? Have you k-closed or f-closed her? Made out? And how big distance is there between your universities?

Different rulesets for different situations imo, tell me some more about your situation with this girl and i might have some suggestions.

If the distance between where you live is so big that you have no chance of actually dating this girl on a regular basis, stop initating contact, maybe you will meet her randomly some day, maybe not, get over it. You have absolutely no game if you live 1000miles away with your txts vs guys approaching her in real life.

If you live close enough to regularly meet, just ask her out on a date. No need to keep things "fresh" in between, call her, set it up, and meet her. If she enjoyed herself, she will think about you, no need for reminding her with txt's.

And most importantly: your not dating, your not exclusive, youve been on a date (or two? ) , keep your options open, play it cool, tons of girls around where you live, go on dates with them, ask them out, if the girl you like feels like contacting you, sure, chat with her (but flirt and be C+F), whatever, but dont have everything riding on one girl that lives far away that you have little chance to charm.

She is NOT going to "wait" for you, just because you keep reminding her you exist every month. So either get her on dates, or just drop it. Just displaying basic AFC behaviour is not going to get you anything. Not only this, but stopping initation of contact is good for when you randomly meet her someday in real life, because she will remember you having better things to do than chatting with her, aka higher value, aka more interesting.

 

[tsmith2334]

Ah, i got the impression you where the person who did all initiating. This isn't so bad then.

Getting a message like that means shes thinking about you, and that she enjoyed herself, what are you waiting for? Call her up and set up a date.

I plan on setting up a date during our next, long break, probably over the winter (assuming we're both single)

Im allways exagerating my points a bit to get the message through, there could be a million reasons why she didn't reply, it doesn't have to be a loss of IL. Im not saying that if you send her a txt and she doesnt reply at once its over, im saying that if she on several occasions doesn't reply it definately sayssomething about her IQ level.

i have no way of telling, as i dont know the girl in question.

Completely generally speaking thought, you can measure a any humans interest level by if they reply to you or not with txt's. Il use an example that happened last week, i send a girl a txt telling her i enjoyed her company couple days ago, and asked her what she was going to do tonight. (in retrospect that txt wasn't as smooth as i conveyed myself to normally be, but anyways). She was a sleep at the time i sendt the message, when she woke up she responded explaning that she was a sleep, and responding to what she had planned for the night.

You can immidately tell my IL to her is high, because not only is she replying, shes excusing herself for why it took 3 hours to reply.

Good example, she definately seems to have high IL

Lets hypotetically say that the girl in my example didn't reply. What would that mean? I would analyse it as she either playing some stupid girl game with me, or that i simply didn't have high enough IL to her. What would i do? I would stop talking to her, until either she initatied or until i met her randomly in a club or something. Of course, i could have sendt her a message the next day or called her or something, and she might have been willing to talk to me, but it would lower my value\IL with her, so better to play it cool.

That makes a world of sense. I wouldn't contact her the next day either. But I might attempt contact in a month or two. Any harm in that?

Are you dating? How many dates? Have you k-closed or f-closed her? Made out? And how big distance is there between your universities?

Different rulesets for different situations imo, tell me some more about your situation with this girl and i might have some suggestions.

We've hung out together quite. One was a few years ago right before I left for college (I pursed other girls after that), and one was this summer. Well, this summer we just got dinner, so I guess it would qualify as a date. We haven't done anything sexual yet, but I believe there is attraction.

If the distance between where you live is so big that you have no chance of actually dating this girl on a regular basis, stop initating contact, maybe you will meet her randomly some day, maybe not, get over it. You have absolutely no game if you live 1000miles away with your txts vs guys approaching her in real life.

If you live close enough to regularly meet, just ask her out on a date. No need to keep things "fresh" in between, call her, set it up, and meet her. If she enjoyed herself, she will think about you, no need for reminding her with txt's.

We go to school, if I had to guess, about 2- 2.5 hours apart. At home we live less then ten minutes away. We have actually talked about visiting each other at school in the past. It would be a big step, but I'm hoping to take it eventually.

And most importantly: your not dating, your not exclusive, youve been on a date (or two? ) , keep your options open, play it cool, tons of girls around where you live, go on dates with them, ask them out, if the girl you like feels like contacting you, sure, chat with her (but flirt and be C+F), whatever, but dont have everything riding on one girl that lives far away that you have little chance to charm.

She is NOT going to "wait" for you, just because you keep reminding her you exist every month. So either get her on dates, or just drop it. Just displaying basic AFC behaviour is not going to get you anything. Not only this, but stopping initation of contact is good for when you randomly meet her someday in real life, because she will remember you having better things to do than chatting with her, aka higher value, aka more interesting.

Again, thanks for all this real solid advice. I agree about initiaing contact rarely, I try to limit my supply. Like I said, maybe a text and an IM a month, if that. I realize there are plenty of fish in the sea, (I met up to play basketball with a cute girl last week) many of whom are arguably better looking, but I particularly like this girl's personality and see potential there. Thanks for the advice, if you've got any more, let me know.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Text only if it's more economical. If you're a kid with very limited cell phone minutes or such.

Or equally limited communication skills. Instead of being a medium for relaying a quick, brief message it's being abused for entire conversations.

 

[Ostepop]

I plan on setting up a date during our next, long break, probably over the winter (assuming we're both single)

Very AFC way of thinking, planning a date with a girl that you haven't even kissed yet several months in advance

Good example, she definately seems to have high IL

Considering i laid her that very night, i think her IL was high to

That makes a world of sense. I wouldn't contact her the next day either. But I might attempt contact in a month or two. Any harm in that?

Tbh, and this is ofc my personal opinion, i think contacting a girl out of nowhere so long after ive met her screams AFC. Some guys are persistent in their approaches (meaning they would contact her again within a week after such an obvious rejection) i would just say "**** it" and leave it at that until she either initated or i met her randomly. You can get laid with boths methods, but persistance like that doesn't fit my way of life, im to cool for that

We've hung out together quite. One was a few years ago right before I left for college (I pursed other girls after that), and one was this summer. Well, this summer we just got dinner, so I guess it would qualify as a date. We haven't done anything sexual yet, but I believe there is attraction.

In my book, if you haven't atleast k-closed a girl, sending txt's usually means a surefire way to get into the friendzone unless its only C+F flirting openers all the time.

 

[Incog]

Introducing Text Message Tranquilizers.

 

[Bonhomme]

Yeah, Francisco. I can't even stand to type entire conversations, let alone do so on a phone where you have to tap each key an average of 2 times to get a letter.

And don't even get me started about the degradation textspeak has wrought on communication skills ....

(BTW, I've always thought the folks who came up with that commercial where the exasperated mother goes off on the daughter about her # of texts blew it. They should have had the mother saying "That's what's .. er .. TISFU". I'm sure a few people would get it.)