"Text me"

[Abcd]

Me: 28 year old professional. Her: 22 year old high school English teacher four days on the job, now on strike in Chicago with all the other public school teachers this week.

Got her number in a coffee shop after some nice banter and smiles. Did not give her my number.

Called her around noon, no answer, then around 2:30 and this afternoon and she picks up. A bit of banter, then asked her what she's up to.

Her: "I have class in the afternoon actually."

Me: "Darn, I was going to ask you to come for a walk along the lake with me. Hmm well I'm actually leaving for Hong Kong Monday, we could probably do Sunday?"

Her: "Ok... well.. text me or something and I'll see where I'm at."

Me: "Cool. Talk to you soon."

I hate this "text me." This seems basically indicative of low interest, but I realize people these days have devolved into this lower form of communication... hell I have even gotten into it with good friends where I'm just asking something simple, but for a new person, I'd much rather talk on the phone.

What would you do? Realizing that nothing will probably come of this, I have to give it the old college try, she is pretty gorgeous. It's Thursday afternoon. The low-effort route would be to actually text her, maybe Saturday morning, and advertise a Sunday meetup. Alternatively I could try a call, but not sure when, and I have a tight schedule with a two-week trip out of the country coming up Monday.

 

[Iceberg]

Gotta text her, bro.

I know people here have a hard-on for phone calls, but it's 2012. People don't talk on the phone anymore.

Hell, I'm in my 30's and I actually get pissed off when people call me just to chat. Yeah...I know it's crazy...but it just feels like an intrusion on my personal time. Between work and gym and being out, I rarely have time to sit down with a phone glued to my ear. I'm an old fashioned dude, and I hated texting for a while...but I've changed with the times. Phone calls (for me) are reserved for Mom and for important shi!t. Otherwise, text.

Anyway, don't interpret her suggestion to text her as a sign of low interest. She answered your first call, right? Whether her interest is low or high, it'll prove itself when she gets a date request from you.

 

[Abcd]

Iceberg: I was expecting the 22 year olds to respond saying that but wow that's the last thing I'd expect to hear from a fellow not-so-young guy. To me texting (at least the first time) just seems so lacking in confidence.

Anyway, I thought I DID ask her out on a date (see above) but maybe that wording doesn't qualify as a direct request to block one's iGoogle Calendar nowadays.

Well this will be a first for me, how does one compose a text date invitation to a 22 year old? Assuming strike ends tomorrow eg. "Hi. Congratulations on saving the children. So Sunday looks good, here's my proposal: Meet at North Ave. beach at 2:30, take a walk up the lake and see where we end up. See you then?"

 

[Iceberg]

Iceberg: I was expecting the 22 year olds to respond saying that but wow that's the last thing I'd expect to hear from a fellow not-so-young guy. To me texting (at least the first time) just seems so lacking in confidence.

Oh I'm sure plenty of folks will disagree with me. Up until a few years ago, I would have disagreed with me. But texting is just more convenient. And man, the way my schedule is...I seriously do get angry when someone calls me just to chat.

It's not a confidence thing, really. It's just that talking on the phone...especially to some random broad...is the last thing I wanna do in my limited free time. At least let me get a few f**ks in before I start devoting extra time to her.

Anyway, I thought I DID ask her out on a date (see above) but maybe that wording doesn't qualify as a direct request to block one's iGoogle Calendar nowadays.

Well this will be a first for me, how does one compose a text date invitation to a 22 year old? Assuming strike ends tomorrow eg. "Hi. Congratulations on saving the children. So Sunday looks good, here's my proposal: Meet at North Ave. beach at 2:30, take a walk up the lake and see where we end up. See you then?"

Yeah it does sound like you asked her on a date. But you also kinda didn't. You just sprung the ol' "Hey I'm in the neighborhood, if you wanna come for a walk" routine.

Give her one more try. Except with solid plans. As in, "Hey I was going to the happy hour at (Bar) on Thursday. Come get a drink with me."

If she gives you the runaround again, then that's a solid "no." And if she agrees to go, then that's even better.

 

[pdx1138]

text her.

often women say "call me" after a good first date, but they mean text.

I have limited minutes and like to text, but thats just me. I've dated some who prefer texting over calls for the same reason.

 

[VladPatton]

Texting sux ballsac, but chicks love using it to communicate. Just be brief and say "hey..are we on for tomorrow?" if she forgot about the lake, the entire date, you, or flakes, you have your answer. Low interest. Good luck.

 

[Abcd]

Well you were all correct. She actually texted me the day before the date to invite me to the beach, which I declined, and then she did indeed come out with me today. Great girl, was a good date. Just had me confused with the "text me" business.

 

[Zerro]

Iceberg: I was expecting the 22 year olds to respond saying that but wow that's the last thing I'd expect to hear from a fellow not-so-young guy. To me texting (at least the first time) just seems so lacking in confidence.

Nope, if anything chicks these days get weirded out a bit if you insist on calling. It makes you look like you're way behind the times plus like Icebreaker said it feels like an intrusion into their time. Phone calls are for important stuff that needs to be hashed out immediately, asynchronous communications (text, email, IM) are the norm for casual communication.

 

[zekko]

Lol, I totally agree with Iceberg and Zerro. I get oissed off when people call me. I hate telephones, they are the most annoying machine ever invented.

I don't see what confidence has to do with it at all. I don't insist on using a telegraph or pony express to invite a girl out just because it's more "manly". Which is about the same thing as calling on the phone these days.

It's a pretty sad day when women are embracing new technologies while the men are trying to stodgily avoid them. Maybe we should chop some wood and send some smoke signals.

 

[BeDJ]

Lol, I totally agree with Iceberg and Zerro.

I agree with your premise as I predominantly use texting.

However, I will throw in a phone call to gauge her interest, if she doesn't pick up, I wont leave a message or text to see if she calls back. If you have built enough interest, she will most likely pick up or call back.

 

[Zerro]

Lol, I totally agree with Iceberg and Zerro. I get oissed off when people call me. I hate telephones, they are the most annoying machine ever invented.

I don't see what confidence has to do with it at all. I don't insist on using a telegraph or pony express to invite a girl out just because it's more "manly". Which is about the same thing as calling on the phone these days.

It's a pretty sad day when women are embracing new technologies while the men are trying to stodgily avoid them. Maybe we should chop some wood and send some smoke signals.

This forum loves to go on about how confidence is king but I believe that for most men here communication is just as big if not sometimes a bigger stumbling block. You can have all the confidence in the world but if you can't communicate with women then you're going to fail with them anyway.

 

[PDubb75]

OP,

I was at a restaurant with a friend on Saturday in Chicago. I was listening to these three girls talking behind me, because I was interested in one and was looking for an "in" instead of just interrupting.

I heard their convo and decided to just listen to how it played out. It was one of the girls (I would guess they were 25-27) talking about some guy she met, and how she was getting annoyed that he calls and doesn't text. I got really interested in this, because this site basically made me force myself to start calling more. I've been curious if what I was forcing myself to get in a habit of was even worth it.

Basically, this girl said that it was annoying how he only calls her, because a lot of times she's busy and doesn't feel like answering, but then she feels obligated because she likes him and doesn't want him to get the wrong idea by ignoring his calls. The other two girls instantly agreed and one even shared a similar story.

That made me start thinking that if she's serious that she likes him, but answers the phone when she doesn't want to, it probably comes off to him as her not being interested. I'm sure she doesn't sound completely happy/excited on the phone, based on the way she talked about this. And in that case, if he listened to what people on this forum would tell him, he would next her, when she actually does like him. Hmm...

Obviously three girls is far from a good sample size, but it does show that this does happen.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Surprised no one pointed out the obvious unless I somehow missed it in the replies.

OP calls the DAY OF and suggests a walk around the lake..... bad plan.

If this was a girl you were dating or had banged a few times, then that's different, but your trying to set up a first date and you spur plans on her at the last minute? Even if she is free she likely said she was busy because its like the knee jerk reaction from a hot chick.

If you want to be successful with women in general, give a girl more than a couple hours notice before you ask them out. If you want to hang with her on Sunday, hit her up Friday afternoon.

But even then I would suggest giving girls options.

"Hey (girl's name) I'm free Wednesday and Thursday this week, lets go for a quick walk around the lake, which day works for you?"

If she has genuine interest and you approach it like this, she will likely agree.


The point isn't so much calling or texting to me, (that seems to be where every thread here goes anyways); its more about asserting yourself and setting up the situation right so you have the greatest chance at succeeding.







PIMP

 

[Zerro]

Surprised no one pointed out the obvious unless I somehow missed it in the replies.

OP calls the DAY OF and suggests a walk around the lake..... bad plan.

Yeah, I didn't even notice that part. I agree, I've NEVER had success when I asked a chick out the day of, always gotta give at least a couple days notice.

 

[Abcd]

Yeah my take on the whole date scheduling issue is that it doesn't really matter how you do it. I find the rules about waiting x days to call childish - as long as you come off as reasonably confident, you're only going to seem more confident by calling a girl the day after you got her number, as everybody knows these "dating rules" and is sick of them by now. Girl can tell if you call her immediately that you're not one to play games, you know what you want, and when you want it, and then you won't get games played back on you.

I like spur-of-the-moment first dates. They've worked for me in the past. Also no pressure to be free - easy to do as I did in this case and not really ask her out, but ask her what she's up to, and then if she's busy just tell her too bad you were going to ask her to do x, and propose another day. As long as the girl is interested none of this scheduling stuff really matters. Spur of the moment first dates are more fun because there's no pressure of a literal "date" set in the future and you're just having fun. Of course it all depends on the girl, it's pretty easy to guess whether a person might be free on a given afternoon based on their profession and such.

Texting: Consider me a convert for general communication, but I'm still going to be calling the first time.

 

[Financed]

I prefer calling for the first date too. I think that it just shows more effort. I recently went out with a girl that I called for the first date, she answered we chatted for a bit then I got to the point, but when I called a week or so later to set up a second date, she didn't answer then preceded to respond with a text a few hours later, which kind of threw me off. I guess I'm not really evolving with the technology and I'm only 30 haha.