Text Game: Is she Flake or Chase

[DragonBlood]

Cold approached a girl and basically want her to drive me to the movies. Here is how my texting went, still not sure if she will actually show but would like your thoughts.

-Thursday-
DB: Thanks for lunch today HB7 (first text, about 10pm same day)
HB7: No bother it was nice to meet u
DB: Your busy tomorrow?
HB7: Ya I have to buy a doll for my niece at lunch and bring it down for her birthday. Cant complain shes my god child
DB: Ah thats cool. What time you finish work Monday? We will go to the movies (assume the sale, was holding my breath here tbh)
HB7: I finish about 5:30
DB: Great do you drive to work btw?
HB7: I do. I walk in summer but too lazy in winter
DB: Haha we will take the car then. Meet me outside the office at 7. I will ring you when Im there
(no response... it was 12pm and I wanted to wrap up the convo)


-Friday-
(12hrs later I text again to recover, I barely acknowledge the amount of time that has passed or my ******* text)

DB: Have fun shopping for your niece HB7. Save a pic of the doll I want to see what you bought. Are you ok with the plan for Monday? (building comfort, acknowledging resistance, taking a step back basically to make her feel less like meat)
HB7: Sorry I totally forgot my friend is staying with me Monday. Can we do it Tuesday instead? (sounds like massive FLAKE to me, so I try to make the date her idea)
DB: Yeah Im at <office> Tuesday. What time are you thinking?
HB7: Cool. Im working until 5:30 so anytime after that. Does that suit you? Do you drive yourself btw?

(this was a hard text for me, shes chasing but at the same time she is trying to qualify me, in the end I decide to disqualify myself and risk losing the girl, I also with hold setting a time for the date in the next text as if I agree to tuesday or not is based on how she reacts now)

DB: I dont drive failed the driving test a few weeks ago actually
HB7: It took me long enough to get on the road myself! So do you get the bus then?
DB: Yeah the service is very good but I think I will get my own place closer to work anyway. Ok lets meet 7 on Tuesday.
HB7: Cool see you then


For me what I find interesting is when she brings out the flake text but makes a new day, I reframe it as her cancelling MY date and she is now asking ME on a date. This creates a bit of chase and at the end of her text because she is still deciding reveals her real insecurity to me with "Do you drive yourself btw?". I am unsure if this is a dealbreaker question or if she was just offended that I would expect her to pick me up. In either case I respond with pure indifference almost daring her to reject me... which seems to work because she now tries to relate to me to seem cool again.

 

[marmel75]

You didn't "recover", you just came off as kind of needy...you just went on a date with her and you are texting her 8 or 9 hours later? And not only that, you then try and set up another date? Then 12 hours after she doesn't respond you retext her some long paragraph and then ask her again?

Cmon bro...seriously?

You are killing her attraction, expect a flake and blame yourself for it. Oh and by the way, all that rationalizing you are trying to do is a bunch of bullish!t

 

[astrn]

needy! and please dont ever use emoticons! ever!

DB: Thanks for lunch today HB7 (first text, about 10pm same day)
HB7: No bother it was nice to meet u
DB: Your busy tomorrow?
HB7: Ya I have to buy a doll for my niece at lunch and bring it down for her birthday. Cant complain shes my god child
DB: Ah thats cool. What time you finish work Monday? We will go to the movies (assume the sale, was holding my breath here tbh)
HB7: I finish about 5:30
DB: Great do you drive to work btw?
HB7: I do. I walk in summer but too lazy in winter
DB: Haha we will take the car then. Meet me outside the office at 7. I will ring you when Im there
(no response... it was 12pm and I wanted to wrap up the convo)

you should stop texting after she mentioned about winter laziness! that was the moment may help you to increase her IL if you had stop there. but sending an bolded answers you made her IL even lower!

DB: Have fun shopping for your niece HB7. Save a pic of the doll I want to see what you bought. Are you ok with the plan for Monday? (building comfort, acknowledging resistance, taking a step back basically to make her feel less like meat)
HB7: Sorry I totally forgot my friend is staying with me Monday. Can we do it Tuesday instead? (sounds like massive FLAKE to me, so I try to make the date her idea)
DB: Yeah Im at <office> Tuesday. What time are you thinking?

its MASSIVE flake!

HB7: Cool. Im working until 5:30 so anytime after that. Does that suit you? Do you drive yourself btw?

chase? she may be though take a free ride to movie theatre and i wonder if her house is nearby. how cool... i hope you didn't bought her movie ticket...

DB: I dont drive failed the driving test a few weeks ago actually
HB7: It took me long enough to get on the road myself! So do you get the bus then?
DB: Yeah the service is very good but I think I will get my own place closer to work anyway. Ok lets meet 7 on Tuesday.
HB7: Cool see you then

more unecessary bla bla...


she is 99% gonna flake dude... i suggest cancel it. or better DUMP her before she does... be GHOST and NEXT!

 

[Lolapo]

OP keep us updated if she flaked or not on tuesday

 

[pyros]

I think you're way too invested, you over-think way too much (with all your 'magic' dj technics etc), and you will fail soon.

Just chill out, relax. How much time did you spend thinking about a 'proper' reply each time you texted? for God's sake.

P.S.
I wouldn't have texted her after she ignored you once but ok, so far so good.
Keep us posted.

 

[Meisterman]

Dude, rule #1: You can't recover a botched text/call/date etc. with more texting. It just doesn't work that way. She got your message and chose not to reply. If she wanted to reply she would have. Further pursuing it will just make her go "Ughhh not HIM again!" when she sees it, and also appears desperate. The more you text her the less attracted she will become. If you go NC for a few days (or at least wait till she initiates) it will ensure her attraction either goes up, or at least stays the same.

 

[LMFAO]

Why in the world are you inviting her to the theatre for a second date?

Have you fvcked her yet? No: don't invite her to a movie. Unless it's a movie at your place. It's a clear beta mistake. You have no chance escalating to anything there. It will just be a complete waste of time.

It doesn't matter if she wants you to take her to the theatre. Don't take her there. Go out for drinks, or an activity like pool where she can bend over and you can help her cue action from behind.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Text/phone/FB/messenger/e-communication 'game' is a non-sequitur, and therefore not game.

TMK says one does not game via e-communication. One simply makes arrangement for face to face game, and with minimal words - the only game that works.

That is all.

 

[DragonBlood]

Thanks guys there is VERY good advice and insights here! I have also sent nothing since her last text "Cool see you then " which I guess is three days ago now. Tomorrow is Tuesday, so I should expect a flake text soon or that she actually surprises us all and shows.


@marmel75 let me clarify. I cold approached for LUNCH. "Are you eating alone?" etc. We talked for 20-30min, asked her to the movies, got her number and told her I would text her later. Regarding the retext, I had nothing to lose, I was also mainly asking if she is thinking of flaking.

@astrn: good insight on her hoping to get a free ride and a movie ticket. Thanks for the sober slap. Cancelling is an interesting idea, but I am genuinely curious if she will show. "Im working until 5:30 so anytime after that. Does that suit you?" Why would she ask me if the new time suits me if she is planning to flake? Why would stopping after she said she was lazy of been a good idea? That would go no where? She was being honest and friendly, I never read it as an attempt for sympathy to get me to cart her around. I am also obviously unhappy with my text that she ignored, it was getting late and I just wanted to wrap the convo up. It was 12pm and I wanted to be fresh for work, I was not interested in drawing this out till 1am. How do you move between coming across as needy and actually setting up the date?

@Lolapo: of course

@pyros: I spent about 20min a text and she responded 20min back. I completely agree I over think things (in general) and that I obviously had an outcome in mind with my texting. Regarding texting her again after ignore, in hindsight I think this ironically just sped up the FLAKE text, which she would of probably sent closer to the date or just ignore completely if I did nothing. I also didnt rush in with the text, it was coming up lunch time the following day and it was fairly obvious she wanst going to send me a confirmation text.

@Meisterman: thanks for the general text game advice. However from my experience if you botch a text you really have nothing to lose by at least trying.

@LMFAO: I wasnt clear but I cold approached for LUNCH. "Are you eating alone?" etc. Would you consider this a second date? Ive never understood this idea that you cant escalate at the movies. You can hold her hand and play with her fingers in the comfort of the dark, you can rest your hand on her thigh, you can even try for a kiss if shes really into it. I actually bring girls to the movies when I couldnt be bothered talking to them and JUST want to escalate physically.

@TMK: I agree. I do not game text to make myself feel good, I prefer to get right to the point. However I have found if you just talk logistics over the phone/text the girl will become offended. My text here are a perfect example of how I lost her interest.

 

[astrn]

@astrn: good insight on her hoping to get a free ride and a movie ticket. Thanks for the sober slap. Cancelling is an interesting idea, but I am genuinely curious if she will show. "Im working until 5:30 so anytime after that. Does that suit you?" Why would she ask me if the new time suits me if she is planning to flake? Why would stopping after she said she was lazy of been a good idea? That would go no where? She was being honest and friendly, I never read it as an attempt for sympathy to get me to cart her around. I am also obviously unhappy with my text that she ignored, it was getting late and I just wanted to wrap the convo up. It was 12pm and I wanted to be fresh for work, I was not interested in drawing this out till 1am. How do you move between coming across as needy and actually setting up the date?

@TMK: I agree. I do not game text to make myself feel good, I prefer to get right to the point. However I have found if you just talk logistics over the phone/text the girl will become offended. My text here are a perfect example of how I lost her interest.

"Im working until 5:30 so anytime after that. Does that suit you?" Why would she ask me if the new time suits me if she is planning to flake? Why would stopping after she said she was lazy of been a good idea?

Lets start with this one...

She doesn't asks if the new time suits you. She simply made you to fit her timing... And you agreed it. Loss of frame.

Why would she ask me if the new time suits me if she is planning to flake? Why would stopping after she said she was lazy of been a good idea? That would go no where?

That one actually going somewhere. You filled her ego by she was knowing chasing and validated her timing...

She was being honest and friendly, I never read it as an attempt for sympathy to get me to cart her around. I am also obviously unhappy with my text that she ignored, it was getting late and I just wanted to wrap the convo up.

If you feel she is honest and friendly then its lost case... She is just spending time with you. If you don't feel any IOI's etc from her. You shouldnt try to wrap the convo. Its her job todo! Men wont wrap up the convo...

I think you become too frustrated. You should chill, relax and stop analyzing everything you and she do... That's the most easiest and fastest way to mess up everything...

@TMK: I agree. I do not game text to make myself feel good, I prefer to get right to the point. However I have found if you just talk logistics over the phone/text the girl will become offended. My text here are a perfect example of how I lost her interest.

As you said logistics. Just text a girl for logistics... Nothing more than 3-4 texts! She wont offend, she simply become more curious...


I think you should cancel the date with a reason and NC until she reaches...

 

[Bingo-Player]

I agree with the comments above

But a couple of extra things

1) When your texting late at night and she *pretends* to fall asleep is a massive s*it test too see if your the type of guy thats going to be a needy chode and double text the next day

2) The flake to the first date is interesting because she counter offers , i don’t think she has much intention of showing up tonight but i would say there is a slim chance if she is in the right mood, wouldn’t bother begging her though let her confirm if she doesn’t walk away

3) Text game is a woman’s game its they’re playing field because you do not have to apply logic or even make sense when texting, I’ve only ever beaten two chicks at texting and they were both fvcking mental

4) i really wouldnt hold your breath for this chick

 

[Lolapo]

curious if she eventually flaked or not, enlighten us OP!

 

[astrn]

I agree with the comments above

But a couple of extra things

1) When your texting late at night and she *pretends* to fall asleep is a massive s*it test too see if your the type of guy thats going to be a needy chode and double text the next day

2) The flake to the first date is interesting because she counter offers , i don’t think she has much intention of showing up tonight but i would say there is a slim chance if she is in the right mood, wouldn’t bother begging her though let her confirm if she doesn’t walk away

3) Text game is a woman’s game its they’re playing field because you do not have to apply logic or even make sense when texting, I’ve only ever beaten two chicks at texting and they were both fvcking mental

4) i really wouldnt hold your breath for this chick

^ Also this.

 

[crazyboy]

text this hoe hey come by my place so we can chill and watch a movie around whatever time convenient for YOU and day. some chicks dont want relationship may just want to bang you. either way you find if she bsing you or not. because she can come over and still not give you some. but at least she came over. also when you text a woman you dont use emoji thats pussfied. i like nismo says case dismissed.

 

[DragonBlood]

I agree with the comments above

But a couple of extra things

1) When your texting late at night and she *pretends* to fall asleep is a massive s*it test too see if your the type of guy thats going to be a needy chode and double text the next day

2) The flake to the first date is interesting because she counter offers , i don’t think she has much intention of showing up tonight but i would say there is a slim chance if she is in the right mood

Thanks bingo, I completely agree with point 1. I knew this is exactly what she was doing and just thought it was lame. I waited until 12 the next day and when it was obvious she wasnt going to get back to me I pushed forward to see how she would respond, I guess I could have waited even longer (days) but I would have to double text sooner or later.

Point 2 is the main reason I put up this thread. She responds quickly with a flake but counter offers in the same text, and is generally easy to agree with a time on. I dont think she was testing me, I think she lost interest but I did something right by not coming back butthurt.

-PRESENT DAY-

So far I decided to go against my better judgement and go with what everyone is saying on SS. Early in the day I cancel the date and she responds within 5mins.

DB: HB7 I have to cancel tonight I am too busy with my <clients>
HB7: No hassle


I just made up an excuse with no counter offer. She responds fast with also no counter offer and hasnt texted me since. I am not sure this was the right decision, I felt boyish after sending that text and playing into games. On the one hand SS is pushing for IOIs and get her interest up over text / NC whereas I had a date which she agreed to go on and if she showed I could of escalated. Surely escalation is more important than IOIs?? I completely agree her interest is low but it was enough for her to want to come out. I get the impression that if I do not text her I will not hear from her again.


Thanks for the advice so far, I guess if Im going to follow SS advice I might as well continue doing so all the way with this girl just for fun. OK, so Ive cancelled, but what is the goal of this? How do I proceed?

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Why is this the stuff that is being posted nowadays? Go read the DJ Bible and/or The Book of Pook already. This is nothing. The fact that you told us how you tried to make her feel more comfortable and feel 'less like meat' means that you were overthinking this. You she did chase you if that's what you think, but only because you gave her the frame.

ALL girls like being manhandled (some more than others) and this is a form of it. So be a man already. YOU are the leader. YOU do what you want. YOU know what YOU want, and therefore YOU go for it.

Anyway, I know for a fact that you screw up. Move on.

 

[DragonBlood]

ALL girls like being manhandled (some more than others) and this is a form of it. So be a man already. YOU are the leader. YOU do what you want. YOU know what YOU want, and therefore YOU go for it.

Ive read the DJB and BOP and they can basically be summed as "be indifferent, smile more, spin plates, you are the prize, if all rules fail.. give up NC etc" Not clear on your point here.

I dont agree with your analysis of the texts. You say she chases when you "give the frame" if double texting accounts as giving the frame these days.. even though she made a counter offer. and also girls like leadership which in this case was the text that lost IL. I know there are universal principals but they dont work ALL the time. Maybe my opinion on things is different because Im a cold approach day game guy, so rarely do I worry about IOIs or increasing the odds of success. If my actions move things closer to ACTUALLY sleeping with her I do not care about holding the frame.

What I know for sure is I have a LI girl who didnt feel comfortable being pushed around, I back off on the leadership BS and she makes a counter offer, I follow the advice on SS and end up cancelling. Im still wondering what to do next, as well as meeting other girls. MAINLY Im waiting on this thread because if the advice is to cancel I assume this is because there is a shorter route to escalation than a "mood on the day" date.


Ive had more time to think about it (I know, over thinking) but in hindsight in this situation I think cancelling was a mistake. The girl already countered so if I was in her position I would be feeling pretty slutty to counter AGAIN immediately after a cancel regardless of how much of a prize the guy was. What I should have done is told her she can cancel if she wants too instead of just making the decision by myself. More than likely she would have told me she doesnt want to cancel and this would of spiked her investment and taken the pressure off the date. Now though, it seems like I basically text at random and hope to catch her in a good mood, and even if she agrees to meet up because I cancelled on her she may do the same just for fun. I feel like Ive given her a lot of power by forcing NC in the hopes she reaches out with higher interest than before.