text evidence from my cheating wife

[zekko]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.

Quoted for truth. The sanctity of marriage doesn't count for much these days. A lot of us have been through these kind of breakups, I'm divorced myself. Unfortunately, a certain amount of pain and sense os loss is unavoidable, just like when you're dealing with the death of a loved one. Try to get excited for the future and the newfound freedom you might enjoy.

I would say priority #1 is to protect your finances. While you sit and mope, your wife could be running up your credit cards, cleaning out your bank accounts, etc. You need to make sure you have enough capital to live on. When I saw my divorce coming, I squirreled away as much money in raw cash as I could - because that money is untraceable, no one knows it is there, and no judge can make you split it.

There really should be a sticky thread for surviving divorce here. There was a recent thread which pointed out how filing for divorce froze your finances so she can't grab it all. Because believe me, it happens.

 

[Albatross953]

Dude, expose the crap out of them. I ended my wife's affair in ten minutes by telling her parents, his fiancee, and a few people whose opinion mattered to her.

Go get "married man sex primer" and read cover to cover. Available online.

And yes play hardball for kids, assets.

The next three years of your life is going to suck, but you will get through it. There are no shortcuts that can be found on the internet.

Right now, dynamite the affair. Seriously even if you're leaving fvck them up too. Expose.

References marriagebuilders, married man sex life

 

[sodbuster]

CLOSE all JOINT credit cards and bank accounts MONDAY at the latest. Stash some cash.... judge can't give away what he doesn't know you have.{you wen't on a vacation to clear your head } Take some of the bedding, pots and pans, etc.... you'll have to BUY them otherwise... Get copies of the pictures of the kids you want to keep.
get the bills that are your's mailed to a different address, so she can't "lose " them. Get a NEW card in YOUR name only. Get rid of any porn {so she can't use it against you in court}. Take any stuff of your's that you don't want "lost" guns, trophies etc.....

 

[sodbuster]

I'd take a day off to do all this.... let her come home to a house with NONE of YOUR stuff there.

 

[sodbuster]

Almost forgot, when you divide up the furniture... Pick the stuff you HAVEN'T f%cked her on.... get it all out of your life. Cost me the Bedroom set, a couch, and the dining room table, but she can have the memories... I'm GONE

 

[Bling]

http://images.wildammo.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/what-does-it-mean.gif




it's over bro. i am married. i can only imagine how i would feel if i found out my wife who i am crazy about, was cheating on me. I'd be pretty hurt / torn.


When my wife moved in with me / when I knew i had pretty much fallen for her and I could no longer put my guard up and she knew me and there were no more gams or anything, I developed a contingency break off plan, that regardless of how I feel at that time, I will follow, in the event that soemthing like this happens.


1. get out the house. i have a son so I can't nor would I want to kick her out. I'm not kicking my son out of my house. I'll go get an extended stay hotel for the time being and if it's something tha'ts going to be longer term, an apartment.


2. Go to the race track everyday for a week. That's my sanctuary.

3. Go to a strip club.

4. Change phone number so that my wife cannot successfully get ahold of me. She knows me, and and knows what buttons to push to get me to reconsider. I'm a human being at the end of the day.


5. Divorce.




It would suck, but that's what i would do. that's along the lines of what you need to do

do you always have to make your post about you? just saying

 

[Inker]

Thank you so much guys. Really, I want to hug all of you for showing me the light. I realized, after reading all of this it suddenly hit me, i came to a realization. She can go with that guy. She doesn't want me? Fine, i'm feeling sick and i'm tired of this bullsht. I don't deserve this so why suffer for some undeserving ho. That's how i feel about her now after realizing it all. Can't wait to be single again, and for christ sake i wont get married anymore. It's traumatic than therapeutic for me, lol

Right now, after years of being a go-straight-home guy, i'll be going out and play billiards, drink beer, maybe have a large steak or burgers, i dunno, god know wha happens next while i'm outside, if i met a girl and we go out, cool. i won't feel any guilt because i'm a free man now. Free as a bird.

You know who you are fellas. I'm glad i came to the right place.
God Bless you all.

 

[hithard]

Thank you so much guys. Really, I want to hug all of you for showing me the light. I realized, after reading all of this it suddenly hit me, i came to a realization. She can go with that guy. She doesn't want me? Fine, i'm feeling sick and i'm tired of this bullsht. I don't deserve this so why suffer for some undeserving ho.

Stick with this.

She has made her choice so let her have it.

There will come a time where she might try and re-establish lines of communication in the hope of getting back together -Stay Strong

There will be times when you are out at the bar thinking 'I don't like this lifestyle/ I feel alone'- Stay Strong

You are in for rocky times and will need to relearn and undo previous held beliefs. But in the end you will become a stronger man for the experience.

The moment you take her back all progress will be lost and you will become the same chump that you started off as. Falling back into old habits that are anchored onto her is all too easy and happens to guys the world over again.

Right now you need to override the feelings that may creep in of wanting her back or of her emotionally duping you to want her (Only takes a moment when you are both with the kids).
Just remember those lips that vowed to love you 'till death do us part' or were kissing you to keep up appearances, were sucking another guys ****.

Get in the gym.
Hobbies.
Have a long term group challenge like those tough mudders/ or a marathon if that's your thing.
Stay social.
Rebuild.
Plan.
Map out where you want to be and chase it aggressively.
Remain a good father

The situation has nothing to do with the other guy so forget him. Your wife was the only one with a commitment to you and she failed the test badly. The excitement will quickly fade now $hit has got real.
I'd play it cool. You can be pissed off just don't be a biatch about it. When its done its done, don't dwell

You need to shoulder some blame. Either you picked a woman with issues or you went on auto pilot in the relationship and let it happen. Then again you might just be new to the game.

Good luck either way

 

[logicallefty]

I'm sorry to hear about this. You don't deserve it and you WILL get through this. Lots of great advice here. Only add I got is make sure you gather any evidence you can and save it. Do you have access to her cell bill to see logs of her corresponde with him? Fb posts? Bank statements showing what she is up to and where? Can you access her email or fb? Get everything you can. Never know what u may need later. Stay strong and listen to these guys here. You will make it.

 

[Desdinova]

Thanks. I'll consult a lawyer for our legal separation.

I have a question. How did you cope with her cheating?
What have you been through as you discovered it?
What mindset should i have right now?

How did I cope? First of all, I didn't tell her I knew. I found out early on a Tuesday morning and even though I highly suspected it, it still hit me like a brick to the face.. I went to work, came home, and when she returned home, I acted the complete opposite as I was feeling. I went up to her, gave her a hug and a kiss. I wouldn't end the relationship until a week and a half later when she brought her boyfriend over (who was her best friend's husband). He was doing his laundry, and the both of them had been on my computer looking for evidence that I was the one cheating on her.

During that week and a half, I ended up getting legal advice. It was also good that I didn't bring up the subject, since it kept things civil while we were doing up the separation agreement. That document saved my ass during the divorce.

Your mindset right now should be to do whatever is necessary to keep the things you want to remain intact, such as your child, your house, your bank account, and your pension. You're going to be going through a pile of emotions, and if they start to get in the way while negotiating things with her, take a break.

Also, there is absolutely NO POINT in discussing what went wrong in the relationship, why she cheated, etc etc. The relationship is finished. Treat it as a dead animal that you're going to bury. Don't ask the dead animal why it is dead. It's counter-productive and will only lead to tension, anger, and possibly revenge.

 

[Outlaw_]

Use this opportunity to make your self the best you can be. Use it as a BIG lesson to put YOURSELF first.

NOTHING will sting more for her, than to see you in 5 years....fit , healthy, successful. But you do it for you.

“The best revenge is massive success.”

- Frank Sinatra

 

[zekko]

I wouldn't end the relationship until a week and a half later when she brought her boyfriend over (who was her best friend's husband).

Did your wife often bring men home? Or was this a one time thing? Because no way would I put up with that.

 

[Cejay]

Hey Inker,

This is my story and some advice. I wouldn't normally share this much but I think its going to help you, and maybe some others too.

Last year my wife left her phone at home and went to one of our friends (her brother's place) who was having people over. I stayed home, wasn't in the mood to go out on a Sunday night.

While she was out, it started blowing up, I never touch her **** but there was a lot going on so something was wrong, so I checked it. It was a friend's wife telling my wife off, she'd discovered my wife had been having an affair with her husband. My wife then then left me to be with him, it didn't work out. My life changed very suddenly.

So yeah I've been exactly where you are. Lots of good advice here, seek out support, advice. Knowledge is power. Everybody's situation is different and divorce laws vary greatly by country. Get educated. I got books from the library to understand the process. We didn't have kids so that made things a bit easier. I also decided to keep it all civil, trying to make her life hell would encourage her to do the same to me. I didn't want that, I wanted out, as fast as possible.

First thing I did was reach out to my boss who said take time off and don't come back till I'm ready. Then my parents, who drove a very long ways to my place and stayed with me for a week, cooking, just kind of taking care of me, and things. Do you have any family/friends who can support you? Its a lot like a death.

Our marriage wasn't great, but still it was really hard to deal with it. I am still dealing with it to an extent. I thought this guy was a friend. I didn't suspect anything at all, but as soon as I had confirmation I saw all the signs. I felt like an idiot, but I wasn't. I trusted her, explicitly.

You are a great guy with a lot to offer. Don't let anyone make you feel any different. You're not the douchebag in this situation, your wife and her dude are. You do have to go through this. It will not be easy but you will make it. You can be 10x happier on the other side.

I immediately focused on getting her out, house sold, assets/debt split, separation agreement in place, and started focusing on figuring out my dreams, what did I want to do with my life? It really helped to have a happy place to focus on.

I made some mistakes. One of the first things I did in the coming months was go out and f***K a whole bunch of chicks that I'd wanted to bang. That made me feel good and bad at the same time. I got into online dating, it was a little too quick.


When I was married all I thought about was stuff, we were majorly in debt, living a lifestyle we couldn't really afford. A year later I am almost debt free, living an enviable life moving around North America as I please. I ride my motorcycle whenever I feel like it. I read several non fiction books a week. I explore. I'm not perfectly happy but I'm content. You can have that level of happiness too! Start thinking about your dreams. What did you put off because you were in this relationship? Start working on a plan. You're also going to have time (probably). What about picking up some new hobbies or thinking about starting a fun little side business?

I'm far from perfect, I still drink way too much. I do hit the gym but not as often as I'd like. I bury myself in my work. I get plenty of dates but I push them off when they want to get serious. Its not hard to get female attention these days as a divorced guy. There are LOTS of divorced people.

What I'm trying to say is life post divorce is far from perfect but I'm way happier than I was in my marriage. Way happier. Chances are you will be too, if you want to be.

Some critical reading:

All that Remains by the minimalists
Bachelor Pad economics
Rational Male

This website

Getting social: meetup.com

I actually find it hard to make new male friends, getting p***y is pretty easy. I am about to start a meetup group for divorced men to hang out and make new friends. I suggest others do the same in your cities.


CJ

 

[Bible_Belt]

Do text messages of her infidelity a strong evidence for a divorce? In case a divorce process take place, what are the odds the law favors me and not her?

Every state has moved to no-fault divorce. That means cheating is completely irrelevant to everything. Any married person can get divorced if that's what they want, and the division of property and granting of custody will not be affected at all by infidelity. I know that offends everyone's sense of fairness, but that's just how it is.

Every state is no-fault, but there are some other small differences from state to state. Illinois, for example, makes couples live apart for six months before they will grant divorce.

As was said before, start rounding up your finances. Close joint accounts. Convert assets to cash, and hide the cash.

And by the way, the *worst* thing you can do is get baited into domestic violence. In California, yelling is domestic violence. In most other states, all the woman has to say is that she "feels threatened." She wants to get an order of protection against you to get you kicked out of your own house. That helps her keep the house and children. I know you'll say she wouldn't do that, but that's because she has not yet met the right lawyer yet to coach her.

Good luck with everything. I'm divorced, too. My wife cheated on me. A lot of us here understand what you are going through.

 

[Prime_Beef]

Older guy here, been divorced, and seen many cases. Some things to remember as you go thru this:

1. Apathy is the opposite of love. Not hate. Anger against the other man will do no good, and if not him, it would be someone else. Hate and anger mean you are still involved.
2. Move any cash assets out of reach someplace safe immediately. You will need these assets.
3. Get competent legal help and file the divorce paperwork immediately....immediately. The details can wait. What this does in most states is set the date for legal separation, after which she is responsible for her own bills. Contact the credit card companies as well. You don't want to have to pay for her fun with the new Beau. She will know in a few days of you filing...she will be served. Plan a discreet move out of items you value if you are moving, do it when she's not around.
4. Never show anger. Never send anything angry via phone, email, etc. Assume you will be recorded. You may. Speak to her in vague, non committal terms. Maybe, ya, I guess, dunno, could be, let me see about that, ..etc. anything firm follow up in email. Anything anger related will be used against you.
5. Understand you are a litigant subject to the court. Nothing more, nothing less. Manly ideas of physical fighting, confrontation, etc. are not beneficial in this forum, rather detrimental. ALWAYS remember you are in business litigation. Your goals are to minimize costs and maximize your degrees of freedom.
6. She may play with you. Maybe at the time believing it, maybe just to manipulate, but she may ask to come back. COMPLETE the divorce. I've seen many men take them back, stop their legal protections, only to see it get worse later. If she trys this ploy, tell her maybe, let's see, I am thinking it over, give me time, try to use it to settle amicably. Stall and delay until final filing.
7. Close circle of friends, family, and the wife of the lover deserve to know and will find out. They all deserve and need to know who they are dealing with. Beyond that vengeance is unnecessary. Apathy and living well is the best vengeance. She's already shown she doesn't give a sh*t. She's just going to think you're an a hole that deserved it, look how you treat her now! Friends and family will empathize, you don't need that.
8. Assume any communication with the opposition is for a purpose. It is. Treat it as such.

Best of luck. Keep busy, don't waver. It only gets better when it's done. There's life after divorce, adultery, etc. Keep busy.

Prime_Beef

 

[backbreaker]

Older guy here, been divorced, and seen many cases. Some things to remember as you go thru this:

1. Apathy is the opposite of love. Not hate. Anger against the other man will do no good, and if not him, it would be someone else. Hate and anger mean you are still involved.
2. Move any cash assets out of reach someplace safe immediately. You will need these assets.
3. Get competent legal help and file the divorce paperwork immediately....immediately. The details can wait. What this does in most states is set the date for legal separation, after which she is responsible for her own bills. Contact the credit card companies as well. You don't want to have to pay for her fun with the new Beau. She will know in a few days of you filing...she will be served. Plan a discreet move out of items you value if you are moving, do it when she's not around.
4. Never show anger. Never send anything angry via phone, email, etc. Assume you will be recorded. You may. Speak to her in vague, non committal terms. Maybe, ya, I guess, dunno, could be, let me see about that, ..etc. anything firm follow up in email. Anything anger related will be used against you.
5. Understand you are a litigant subject to the court. Nothing more, nothing less. Manly ideas of physical fighting, confrontation, etc. are not beneficial in this forum, rather detrimental. ALWAYS remember you are in business litigation. Your goals are to minimize costs and maximize your degrees of freedom.
6. She may play with you. Maybe at the time believing it, maybe just to manipulate, but she may ask to come back. COMPLETE the divorce. I've seen many men take them back, stop their legal protections, only to see it get worse later. If she trys this ploy, tell her maybe, let's see, I am thinking it over, give me time, try to use it to settle amicably. Stall and delay until final filing.
7. Close circle of friends, family, and the wife of the lover deserve to know and will find out. They all deserve and need to know who they are dealing with. Beyond that vengeance is unnecessary. Apathy and living well is the best vengeance. She's already shown she doesn't give a sh*t. She's just going to think you're an a hole that deserved it, look how you treat her now! Friends and family will empathize, you don't need that.
8. Assume any communication with the opposition is for a purpose. It is. Treat it as such.

Best of luck. Keep busy, don't waver. It only gets better when it's done. There's life after divorce, adultery, etc. Keep busy.

Prime_Beef

this times 100000000x


I don't understand the mindset of guys who "want to get back" at a woman, because all she's going to do is retroactively look at the decision that you made and be more firm in her thought process that she made the right decision. "See this is the type of guy I dated, wow I'm glad I avoided that"


the best thing you can do is to just move the hell on

 

[Prime_Beef]

4got

Don't know you as a man, how strong you are in conviction, willpower, etc.

DON'T HAVE SEX WITH HER AGAIN.

I remembered a case where a guy thought she might want him back, got rid of the lover. Had sex without a condom. ..she got pregnant. They were childless before that, he earned a lot of money. Meal ticket! They still divorced later.

Didn't even mention diseases I've heard people get from the ex they thought they knew...

 

[Stagger Lee]

Dude, expose the crap out of them. I ended my wife's affair in ten minutes by telling her parents, his fiancee, and a few people whose opinion mattered to her.

Go get "married man sex primer" and read cover to cover. Available online.

And yes play hardball for kids, assets.

The next three years of your life is going to suck, but you will get through it. There are no shortcuts that can be found on the internet.

Right now, dynamite the affair. Seriously even if you're leaving fvck them up too. Expose.

References marriagebuilders, married man sex life

I like this idea to expose and dynamite the adulterous relationship. Maybe call the wife's and the boyfriend's workplace and give a heads up to management. You can bet your ass if the shoe was on the other foot the women would be telling everyone want a cheater you are. Women hate being shamed. What kind of sob knowingly moves in on some other man's wife?

Men tend to suffer in silence and that's probably why other guys feel embolden to try to move in on your wife, because male victims do nothing. Maybe men feel embarrassed and emasculate to admit that their wife went off with another guy, but the shame is all on those two. There should be consequence and resistance directed toward both of them.

 

[Sonic1]

Great advice here! My ex cheated on me and I let it drag out for a year and a half. Was very stupid of me. Do not wait! File as soon as you can. I had opportunities presented to me that I could not pursue because I waited so long to file. Professional and personal opportunities that could have changed my life for the better. I lost out on these my opportunities because I was wrapped up with the ex. The sooner you can detach, the better! I know it is hard but do it now! Good luck...

 

[Dlbrunner]

Going through the same scenario OP.

Check out dad's divorce.com. Very helpful site.

DO NOT move out of the house, it will set a dangerous precedent in the eyes of the court regarding custody. It will be interpreted as abandoning your kids.

If you have any weapons, get them out of the house. I had a buddy put mine in his safe till she moved out.

All the other advice here is rock solid.