Six-String Samurai
Don Juan
I've been playing No-Limit Texas Hold 'Em competitively at various tournaments and casinos for a little over a year now. Anyone involved with the game who's any good can tell you that to win, you play the PEOPLE, not the cards. And for a while now, I've begun to see correlations between the game of hold 'em and the dating scene. If you know nothing about poker, or texas hold 'em... well, I feel sorry for you! You should definitely look online and read up on this awesome game of mental dominance. So, read on, and you may just learn a thing or two about the kind of controlled warfare that exists in the dating scene (and in poker!)
RULE #1: Look the part!
In poker:
When you first sit down at a poker table in a casino with a bunch of people you've never met before, you have a few precious moments to make your first impression. I can tell you from experience that a well-dressed and groomed, confident looking man immediately commands far more respect than the goober in seat four wearing a hawaiian print shirt and flip-flops. Therefore, you are a lot less likely to be called on your bluffs, and your bets carry far more respect.
With women:
So it is in the dating world! Do your best to always look your best, every time you leave your home. You never know who you're going to meet out there... I can't tell you how many times I've thrown on ****ty clothes and left my hair a mess to go
out and get a bite to eat with my pals, only to find a hot ass waitress serving us. Get a reputation for looking sharp! If you think that you're of below-average looks, BUY NICE CLOTHES AND A SEMI-EXPENSIVE COLOGNE!!! Even if you don't think you're attractive, there's no excuse not to be well-groomed. First impressions are key, and you might as well make a good one, no matter what.
RULE #2: Play the numbers!
In poker:
In texas hold 'em, you are dealt two hole cards to begin with. Professional poker players will tell you over and over again to FOLD crappy cards! There is no excuse for calling bets with 7-2 offsuit, dammit!
With women:
If you are getting bad signals right off the bat, eject! If she gives you any significant amount of static upon the approach, or if her b-itch shield is too strong, there is no reason to stick around for the abuse. You've got better opportunities waiting for you just around the corner. If she freaks out when you try to approach, that's her loss... move on!
RULE #3: Get a tell!
In poker:
One of the most valuable weapons the accomplished poker player has is picking up a "tell" on an opponent. A tell can be nervous fidgeting, head scratching, sniffing, coughing, wandering eyes, looking away... anything! More importantly, if you pay attention, a tell can let you know EXACTLY what cards your opponent is holding!
With women:
Learn to read her body language! I'm surprised I haven't seen more of an emphasis on this. Pay attention to how she responds to your kino and your eye contact. Does she respond favorably to your touch and your gaze? You've just picked up a tell... she's interested! Don't doubt your instincts, friends. Stop reading tea leaves and poking pins in dolls to figure out whether she's interested. Drop all that, and focus on her body language when you are spitting game at her. Trust your instincts, they're right. If you look deep inside and truly feel that she's got that little kernel of interest in you that's waiting to be popped, then you're
probably right. Just as, if you feel that deep down she's probably not interested, then it's time to...
RULE # 4: FOLD!!!
In poker:
About 75% of the time that you're sitting at a poker table, if you know what you're doing, you are folding. With 8 or 9 other people at the table, if you feel less than confident about your cards, chances are someone's got you beat. And that's okay! It just means that you have to wait for your time to strike when you've got a pocket pair, or A-K, or something similarly strong.
With women:
If you've been rejected, move on. If you're not feeling the vibe, walk away. I know it doesn't seem like it, but there's plenty of women out there, and a few of them are destined to be wet for YOU! It's just a matter of waiting for the right opportunity. Therefore, don't call up ex-girlfriends, don't chase lost causes, and BE REALISTIC with yourself. There's no point in causing yourself extra agony.
RULE #5: Don't go "on tilt"!
In poker:
Players go "on tilt" after they've lost a big pot, or haven't won one in a while. If a player is on tilt, it means he is betting wildly and ignorantly because he's become frustrated and impatient with himself. When a player goes on tilt, others at the table usually just shake their heads in pity and proceed to take the rest of the poor guy's chips.
With women:
This is a big one, and it's got two connections to the poker concept. The first is feeling down or frustrated with your lack of success. Remember to always keep your cool about you. My roommate has had terrible luck with women over the last year or
two, and he has effectively gone "on tilt" in his life. He's overly bitter towards all women, frighteningly misogynistic, and goes around feeling sorry for himself constantly. Then he wonders why he's not getting any tail. Even though I know it's hard, my brothers, remember to hang in there and stay positive. Keep approaching, keep using the DJ principles, and keep a light heart. If you do all that, you're bound for success eventually, I promise!
The second connection to going "on tilt" is the dreaded ONE-ITIS!! A lot of times, at the poker table, you'll have a kickass hand, and you'll enter a betting war with someone else who's got a sweet hand. After putting half your chips in the pot, you flip your cards up and find out that his hand is SLIGHTLY better, and you've lost. A lot of times, players will attempt to "gun" for the guy who won that huge hand off of them. They'll ignore everyone at the table except for the one player, desperate to get HIS chips, regardless of the thousands of other chips at the table.
Sound familiar? If you have more interest in some girls than others, that's great! That's healthy, and it means that you're ranking your potential mates. But if you become too obsessed with one girl in particular, it can have disastrous results. Remember that there's thousands and thousands of other chips at your table! Even though a tough loss or an emotional connection can be hard to break free of, you must find it within yourself to do so, if you intend to win in the long run.
RULE #6: Be fearless!
In poker:
No limit poker is a rough game. No limit means that, at any time, any player can bet every single one of his chips (called going "all-in"). This brings in the risk factor. You have the potential for huge gains, but you also have the potential to lose everything you've worked for in the blink of an eye. But it's this equalization that makes the game so pure. Even the shortest stack of chips can double, triple, quadruple in size given the right strategy of play, plus a little luck. And with 9 other people who all want to be the winner, you're going to have to play big or go home. And that means you're going to have to be ready to go all-in, a lot.
With women:
Do you fear the approach? If not, do you fear the first date? If not, do you fear the first kiss close? If not, do you fear physical escalation? Sex? Whatever level of fear you are stuck at, it's time to break free of that barrier. I won't lie: rejection can sting. In my years of dating, I've had girls spill drinks on me, I've been physically pushed away in the middle of an attempted first kiss, and I've fallen off the bed during sex. But for as many embarrassing moments like these that I've had to endure, I've had far more amazing nights and mindblowing orgasms. The truth is, if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten. The next time you're afraid to ask a girl for her number, remember that if you don't, you're just going to go home and beat your d*ck like it owes you money. If you want sex, a relationship, whatever... you've got to DO SOMETHING NEW. You've got to risk getting slapped or laughed at if you ever want to move out of the tar pit that is your life. Play big, or go home! All-in, baby!
RULE #7: When all else fails... bluff!
In poker:
I have won so much money by pretending that I've got a monster hand, it's not even funny. That's the beauty of poker. Your opponents have to pay to see your cards, and if they're not willing to do that, then nobody will ever know what you were REALLY holding!
With women:
Do you feel nervous as hell with women? Do you lack experience? Okay, that's great. I won't tell anyone if you don't. Fake it 'till you make it, and she'll never know the difference. You know that you've got to be confident as hell for the first kiss, right? Okay, good. Now I don't give a shyt if flashing orange
strobe lights and foghorns are going off in your head, it is your duty as a DJ to hold your rocks and act like you own the world. The moment you show weakness, your "opponent" will know you're bluffing, so stay strong! Master your emotions, and
you are two steps ahead already.
Well, that's it, folks. There's probably far more parallels between Texas Hold 'Em and dating, but these are some that I noticed right away. If you're not familiar with the game, I encourage you to start playing! I maintain that this game has improved my confidence, people-reading skills, and mental fortitude. Good luck, and go get 'em! Shuffle up and deal, and get the f*ck into the field!
RULE #1: Look the part!
In poker:
When you first sit down at a poker table in a casino with a bunch of people you've never met before, you have a few precious moments to make your first impression. I can tell you from experience that a well-dressed and groomed, confident looking man immediately commands far more respect than the goober in seat four wearing a hawaiian print shirt and flip-flops. Therefore, you are a lot less likely to be called on your bluffs, and your bets carry far more respect.
With women:
So it is in the dating world! Do your best to always look your best, every time you leave your home. You never know who you're going to meet out there... I can't tell you how many times I've thrown on ****ty clothes and left my hair a mess to go
out and get a bite to eat with my pals, only to find a hot ass waitress serving us. Get a reputation for looking sharp! If you think that you're of below-average looks, BUY NICE CLOTHES AND A SEMI-EXPENSIVE COLOGNE!!! Even if you don't think you're attractive, there's no excuse not to be well-groomed. First impressions are key, and you might as well make a good one, no matter what.
RULE #2: Play the numbers!
In poker:
In texas hold 'em, you are dealt two hole cards to begin with. Professional poker players will tell you over and over again to FOLD crappy cards! There is no excuse for calling bets with 7-2 offsuit, dammit!
With women:
If you are getting bad signals right off the bat, eject! If she gives you any significant amount of static upon the approach, or if her b-itch shield is too strong, there is no reason to stick around for the abuse. You've got better opportunities waiting for you just around the corner. If she freaks out when you try to approach, that's her loss... move on!
RULE #3: Get a tell!
In poker:
One of the most valuable weapons the accomplished poker player has is picking up a "tell" on an opponent. A tell can be nervous fidgeting, head scratching, sniffing, coughing, wandering eyes, looking away... anything! More importantly, if you pay attention, a tell can let you know EXACTLY what cards your opponent is holding!
With women:
Learn to read her body language! I'm surprised I haven't seen more of an emphasis on this. Pay attention to how she responds to your kino and your eye contact. Does she respond favorably to your touch and your gaze? You've just picked up a tell... she's interested! Don't doubt your instincts, friends. Stop reading tea leaves and poking pins in dolls to figure out whether she's interested. Drop all that, and focus on her body language when you are spitting game at her. Trust your instincts, they're right. If you look deep inside and truly feel that she's got that little kernel of interest in you that's waiting to be popped, then you're
probably right. Just as, if you feel that deep down she's probably not interested, then it's time to...
RULE # 4: FOLD!!!
In poker:
About 75% of the time that you're sitting at a poker table, if you know what you're doing, you are folding. With 8 or 9 other people at the table, if you feel less than confident about your cards, chances are someone's got you beat. And that's okay! It just means that you have to wait for your time to strike when you've got a pocket pair, or A-K, or something similarly strong.
With women:
If you've been rejected, move on. If you're not feeling the vibe, walk away. I know it doesn't seem like it, but there's plenty of women out there, and a few of them are destined to be wet for YOU! It's just a matter of waiting for the right opportunity. Therefore, don't call up ex-girlfriends, don't chase lost causes, and BE REALISTIC with yourself. There's no point in causing yourself extra agony.
RULE #5: Don't go "on tilt"!
In poker:
Players go "on tilt" after they've lost a big pot, or haven't won one in a while. If a player is on tilt, it means he is betting wildly and ignorantly because he's become frustrated and impatient with himself. When a player goes on tilt, others at the table usually just shake their heads in pity and proceed to take the rest of the poor guy's chips.
With women:
This is a big one, and it's got two connections to the poker concept. The first is feeling down or frustrated with your lack of success. Remember to always keep your cool about you. My roommate has had terrible luck with women over the last year or
two, and he has effectively gone "on tilt" in his life. He's overly bitter towards all women, frighteningly misogynistic, and goes around feeling sorry for himself constantly. Then he wonders why he's not getting any tail. Even though I know it's hard, my brothers, remember to hang in there and stay positive. Keep approaching, keep using the DJ principles, and keep a light heart. If you do all that, you're bound for success eventually, I promise!
The second connection to going "on tilt" is the dreaded ONE-ITIS!! A lot of times, at the poker table, you'll have a kickass hand, and you'll enter a betting war with someone else who's got a sweet hand. After putting half your chips in the pot, you flip your cards up and find out that his hand is SLIGHTLY better, and you've lost. A lot of times, players will attempt to "gun" for the guy who won that huge hand off of them. They'll ignore everyone at the table except for the one player, desperate to get HIS chips, regardless of the thousands of other chips at the table.
Sound familiar? If you have more interest in some girls than others, that's great! That's healthy, and it means that you're ranking your potential mates. But if you become too obsessed with one girl in particular, it can have disastrous results. Remember that there's thousands and thousands of other chips at your table! Even though a tough loss or an emotional connection can be hard to break free of, you must find it within yourself to do so, if you intend to win in the long run.
RULE #6: Be fearless!
In poker:
No limit poker is a rough game. No limit means that, at any time, any player can bet every single one of his chips (called going "all-in"). This brings in the risk factor. You have the potential for huge gains, but you also have the potential to lose everything you've worked for in the blink of an eye. But it's this equalization that makes the game so pure. Even the shortest stack of chips can double, triple, quadruple in size given the right strategy of play, plus a little luck. And with 9 other people who all want to be the winner, you're going to have to play big or go home. And that means you're going to have to be ready to go all-in, a lot.
With women:
Do you fear the approach? If not, do you fear the first date? If not, do you fear the first kiss close? If not, do you fear physical escalation? Sex? Whatever level of fear you are stuck at, it's time to break free of that barrier. I won't lie: rejection can sting. In my years of dating, I've had girls spill drinks on me, I've been physically pushed away in the middle of an attempted first kiss, and I've fallen off the bed during sex. But for as many embarrassing moments like these that I've had to endure, I've had far more amazing nights and mindblowing orgasms. The truth is, if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten. The next time you're afraid to ask a girl for her number, remember that if you don't, you're just going to go home and beat your d*ck like it owes you money. If you want sex, a relationship, whatever... you've got to DO SOMETHING NEW. You've got to risk getting slapped or laughed at if you ever want to move out of the tar pit that is your life. Play big, or go home! All-in, baby!
RULE #7: When all else fails... bluff!
In poker:
I have won so much money by pretending that I've got a monster hand, it's not even funny. That's the beauty of poker. Your opponents have to pay to see your cards, and if they're not willing to do that, then nobody will ever know what you were REALLY holding!
With women:
Do you feel nervous as hell with women? Do you lack experience? Okay, that's great. I won't tell anyone if you don't. Fake it 'till you make it, and she'll never know the difference. You know that you've got to be confident as hell for the first kiss, right? Okay, good. Now I don't give a shyt if flashing orange
strobe lights and foghorns are going off in your head, it is your duty as a DJ to hold your rocks and act like you own the world. The moment you show weakness, your "opponent" will know you're bluffing, so stay strong! Master your emotions, and
you are two steps ahead already.
Well, that's it, folks. There's probably far more parallels between Texas Hold 'Em and dating, but these are some that I noticed right away. If you're not familiar with the game, I encourage you to start playing! I maintain that this game has improved my confidence, people-reading skills, and mental fortitude. Good luck, and go get 'em! Shuffle up and deal, and get the f*ck into the field!
