test? need advice

[pancakepalace]

Hi guys,

I think I was just hit by a test and I need some advice.

I am 29 years old and slowly changing from an AFC to a Don. Still in the learning process.

I met this great girl at christmas and we have been dating since Feburary. She is the hottest girl I ever dated and we share many things in common. In brief, I really dig her.

We live in different cities so our little adventure as mostly been on the phone and msn. I visited her for a weekend a few months back and she came here for a week last month. I just got back from a week's visit over at her place yesterday.

Since the begining, her interest level was really high. I have been very careful not to put her on a pedestal.

When I was over at her place, I think she threw a test at me. It was a bit strange, because her father had just visited her for three weeks from London and I came the next day after he left. Also, her cat was dying when I was there.

Basically, she was a bit moody and at least on five occasions she threw some strange questions at me which almost seemed like insults. This threw me off because her interest level was really high and she was always very nice to me. The questions were put in a way that I could basically not really answer them. I saw an article on here which calls this castration.

Here is an example of one of the things she said. One morning I was eating and she just comes up and says "are you messy?". She was kind of in a bad mood when she said this. I simply answered that I wasn't spiffy clean nor really messy which I think is true and left it at that. I was just a bit pissed that she wasn't precise in her question or tell my why she was asking it.

She also kept changing plans all the time. On the day before last, we were suppose to go at some art galleries and just as we are about to leave, she seems in a bad mood and cancels. Basically, she tells me she would like me to leave her alone so she can practice her violin. This is fine with me since I am a musician and can understand that. It is mostly the way she brought up these things that bothered me and not the content.

So I left and basically spent the day alone at galleries and so forth while she practiced. I made on purpose to come home a bit late since she was in a bad mood.

She kept up her little act so I finally sat her down and asked her what was up. She then proceeded to say she wasn't sure if she liked me and that she felt smothered and so on. So I just replied that if she didn't want me around I would leave that night instead of the following day as planned. I also explained that If she would have wanted to practice more during the week she should have told me and I would have done things on my own more instead of being with her like I thought she wanted.

She didn't say much at this point but told me she wanted me to stay.

So I stayed and made sure not to initiate any physical contact of any kind. Next thing I know she is all over me and we end up spending a great night together.

The following morning she proceeds to excuse herself for her behaviour and then I leave back to my city. She sent me an email and again said how sorry she was. She also called me after I came back to apologize.

Her interest seems to be back like before now.

My plan is to not call for the next few days and play a bit more hard to get.

I feel I smothered her a bit by not being a challenge enough.

Any ideas? Did any of you ever get this kind of behaviour??

 

[GirlCrazy]

You saw that you were becoming to available, corrected that, and otherwise handled the whole situation perfectly. Bravo!

My advice would be to continue to limit your availability, and also keep your emotional attachment to her in check by dating other women.

Her behavior could be a red flag, or it could be normal for her (hot chicks are used to clingy guys fawning over them) - only time will tell. Just go with the flow, and continue to show her that you're different from all those clingy guys, and she's lucky to be dating you.

As far as the "test" goes, looks like you passed with flying colors.

 

[pancakepalace]

Thanks for the help!

I am going to be much less at her disposition from now on. I do understand what she was talking about (the smothering), but the way she brought up these things did in fact signal a red flag for me. I want a girl who has enough respect for me to communicate her needs and wants in a mature way.

I think you are right about her being used to clingy men. she is really really hot. But, a hot girl is not all that counts in life, I want one that is nice too.

I am just getting to know her, so I'll see where this brings me.

It definitely helped when I laid it on the line and basically said "be nice or i'm gone"

thanks again,
pel

 

[pancakepalace]

update

Here's the update.

As I had said, I decided to play it cold. I vowed to myself that I wouldn't call her or message her for three days. I cheated a bit, but I think it is ok. I would like your comments on this.

So Thursday night, she tried to msn me, but I ignored it. (since my msn is always on, she didn't know I was ignoring her.) After I hadn't replied for ten minutes, she she sent me some xox and stuff.

Friday, I received a mass email from her saying her cat had died and she was inviting some friends for the burial. I called her to say I was sorry right then and there. But, I kept the convo up for only 5 mins.

That night, she was on msn and texted me so I replied but kept it short and told her I needed to go to bed. Our goodbyes were colder than usual.

Today she texted me again and asked me to call her saturday night. I just told her I had to go out biking with a friend so I couldn't chat and also was going out so I would call sunday morning instead. She said it was a good idea and sent me a rose icon which was nice.

The thing of the cat dying made me feel I had to be there for her even though it meant breaking my contact vows. But, unlike before, I ended all the communications and kept them short. I'll call her tommorow morning and keep it short again then wait a few days.

Do you guys think I am faring well???

She keeps hinting in our convos that she felt bad lately and that is was acting weird.

thanks for the help,
pel

 

[libre]

100%

Dear sir

I think you are behaving graciously and perfectly. I hope for you that the lady is a good ****, because she does sound mixed up. You are right to be prudent and not to let her lead you all over the map as if you didn't know where you are going in life and what you stand up for.

The lady probably doesn't know where she is going herself so don't let her indecisiveness mix you up. No woman likes a wishee washee man. Is she is mixed up, she sure would not want to frequent a man who is.

I think that you are in for quite some troubling times with the lady. Good luck sir.

 

[pancakepalace]

merci

Merci pour l'encouragement libre. J'ai bien peur que tu dises la verite au sujet de moments difficiles a venir.

On verra bien,
pel

 

[libre]

Eum!!? Un érudit!

Je suis curieux. Comment se fait-il que votre français soit si bon?

Pour mystifier les autres correspondants je vais continuer en français (hi hi hi!).

Pour en revenir à la dame. Est-elle une bonne baise et est-elle jolie? Si oui, ça vaudra peut-être la peine de continuer la fréquentation pour un certain temps. Si elle multiplie ses complications, je vous suggère d'être ferme et très clair avec elle. Premièrement il est possible qu'elle l'apprécie et autrement, vous même vous allez être fier de vous. C'est très bon pour l'estime de soi de se tenir debout.

Bonne route.

Libre

 

[pancakepalace]

update

Hi again,

Salut libre. Je viens de Moncton Nouveau-Brunswick et j'habite présentement montréal. Je suis acadien.

I'll revert to english for the others.

She is behaving strangely still. She is quite cold actually. I called her tonight, but she didn't seem too happy to talk to me. Not mean, but a little stressed and anxious and she kept it much shorter than usual. She sayed she would call me tommorow morning.

I feel like my plane is bombing. Oh well!

Should I confront her, or just let things cool down? I am definitely cutting on my communications until she seems in a better state.

thanks,
pel

 

[pancakepalace]

Things seem back to normal now. Her interest is way high again.

My question: Should I still play it cool. I don't want to go back like before of fear it will happen again, but it seems weird to keep things cold when she is being very nice.

How can I show I care without being a chump?

 

[pancakepalace]

update

Things seem back to normal now. Her interest is way high again.

My question: Should I still play it cool. I don't want to go back like before of fear it will happen again, but it seems weird to keep things cold when she is being very nice.

How can I show I care without being a chump?

 

[NewMan]

I think it's about time to end these games.

look - no matter how hot she is, this chick has roller coaster emotions. Hot and cold. Up and down.

She is to uneven for an LTR - do you want to put up with this kind of behaviour on a constant basis?

I wouldn't - no matter how hot she is.

2 options as far as I am concerned.

1) put up with her sh1t - and bang her whenever you can - but make no emotional investment at all. The question here, is can you handle that?

2) Just be your normal self - talk to her when she calls - but don't call he and contact her all the time yourself. If she pulls the same hot and cold emotions as before - call her out on them. confront her then and there. Ask her:

"Is there something wrong"....

Right there - call her out on her actions.

Tell her that you think it's best you both end this relationship of sorts - and that your not looking for someone who is constantly nice then unhappy - and reflecting those emotions on you.