Terrifying Beauty

[zekko]

This is to give a little more insight into the female psyche:

I was watching Eli Roth's History of Horror last week, the episode on body horror. There was a woman on there who said it was terrifying to be in a female body, because it makes you a target and you are an object of desire.

Oddly, earlier in the day I had watched a video where a woman was saying basically the same thing. That having beauty meant that it made you a target for men. Along with the "weaker" body, of course. I've been watching some YouTube videos of people who live in their vans, and the prettier girls get the most warnings (from other women mostly) to be careful and be safe. They know being attractive makes them a target.

I've always been kind of annoyed that a lot of women seem to resent their beauty - especially since they are perfectly willing to use it when it is to their advantage. I've always thought they should appreciate the unique gift they have. But it's also clear it is something of a double edged sword.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

This is to give a little more insight into the female psyche:

I was watching Eli Roth's History of Horror last week, the episode on body horror. There was a woman on there who said it was terrifying to be in a female body, because it makes you a target and you are an object of desire.

Oddly, earlier in the day I had watched a video where a woman was saying basically the same thing. That having beauty meant that it made you a target for men. Along with the "weaker" body, of course. I've been watching some YouTube videos of people who live in their vans, and the prettier girls get the most warnings (from other women mostly) to be careful and be safe. They know being attractive makes them a target.

I've always been kind of annoyed that a lot of women seem to resent their beauty - especially since they are perfectly willing to use it when it is to their advantage. I've always thought they should appreciate the unique gift they have. But it's also clear it is something of a double edged sword.

the letting go of the fear will be the letting go of the extra weight for me.

Its incredible how much safer I feel being closer to men's bodyweights.

I'm plain jane but still had uncomfortable attention when I weighed less.
The key is to keep lifting weights and taking some sort of defense class or martial art as I lose weight(which is finally accelerating being off wheat products for 1.5 weeks now)

Fantastic post zekko, I wish more people realised the lack of physical security some women feel.

My extreme anxiety in the weeks after my Dad died were due to feeling unsafe and unprotected because my Dad 'wasn't there anymore'.

It was a coworker, one of my journeymen, that pointed this out to me. He's Native American and I think he was mystical in what he said.

It made sense and I have felt steadily better ever since.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I would imagine being a woman, from a man's perspective, is like the world is a giant gay bar where all the gay guys are three times your size, very horny, and some of them are rapists.

 

[crosscheck1331]

I am not female so I can't completely understand but I think I have an idea. Yes, it's like a man having a lot of money - it's great that you can have most things that you want but with that comes all the people who try to take advantage of you and only want to associate with you because you have money. They are not your friends and if you are smart, you have to watch yourself so you don't get stabbed in the back. In the same way, women with great beauty have to deal with guys who don't give a **** about them and say and do anything just to be with them. I can understand the woman's complaint, yes.

 

[Lookatu]

I was watching Eli Roth's History of Horror last week, the episode on body horror.

Slightly off topic but if you are a fan of Eli Roth, Check out Green Inferno if you haven't already seen it.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

It’s true. Beauty comes with responsibility and that responsibility is not always fun. I’ve been chased and photographed by paparazzi in Los Angeles, in a couple of different airports (one guy was held back from boarding a flight as a result of his harassment), photographed countless times in nightclubs without my consent (I’m an accomplished dancer) and so on.

Not only am I physically appealing, I have a certain energy that people are drawn to. It’s partly sexuality and it’s partly presence. It’s on the one hand lovely to turn every head in the room when you enter, and it’s heady too when you own that power and appeal...but you also cannot turn it off. I’ve been approached by interested men while dressed way down wearing no make up. I’ve had men approach and hover in hotels to see where I’m going (creepy).

I know I’m little and conspicuous and I have to be street smart and concerned about security in the back of my mind At. All. Times.

I double check door locks in my home all the time. I am anal about locking my car all the time, when I’m leaving the car as well as when I’m in it. I recheck hotel door locks, I’ve been stalked before by an ex BF, and pestered by men I’ve no interest in to the point of security being called or having to threaten law enforcement. So in those moments I’m so grateful there exist such things as security and law enforcement. Thank God.

I’ve had random people in airports say to me about my daughter “That is a beautiful little girl. Watch her closely, that is a child someone might snatch...”. My ex husband and I heard that half a dozen different times. Creepy AF to hear from strangers.

And because I’ve been subject to so much unwanted attention I’m very private on my social media. I’ll never seek attention on FB or Insta (don’t have) or Snap (don’t have) or Twitter (don’t have)....and for 20 years my LinkedIn photo was of my garden, not my face. I’ve NO need to actively seek attention. I get it already everywhere I go and I always have. I’d love the 90% to ignore me & treat me normal (and now that I’m older that is more the case)...and I only want to be seen by those who appeal to me or those who already know me...

So yes. It’s a real thing. But although it is always an awareness that runs in the background you can’t as a woman allow it to control your life. But being beautiful carries responsibility and that is constant & unrelenting. Now that I am older I no longer have photographers chasing me about (Yay) and I remain plenty attractive to suit my own aims and appeal to men I desire.

But it is a double edged sword. I greatly appreciate the physical presence of a man when I am out for example. It gives me a sense of security on a deep subconscious level. I keep male friends who are running buddies. I am likely to be seen out with a group of guys. I wing for them, I feel safe & secure & free to chat with men I like from the safety of the posse if you will. I like feeling safe whilst enjoying an evening with the guys. Nobody here sees that aspect. My guy friends get it. They tend to be somewhat protective of me, which I appreciate.

My current man understands this about me. He doesn’t bat an eye at my male friends. He likes that they look after me if he’s not around. And my guy friends like him too so it’s all solid.

I think it’s why taller bigger men generally appeal to me. I like a man who is physically imposing...as my father was. My ex BF was big at 6’3” and 225lbs...military trained, huge arms, ex security guy. I felt very safe and secure with him...very protected...until he turned on me physically. And I had to think fast & be calm & rational to de-escalate that nightmare.

So yes. As a woman one must be very careful. Security is my greatest need. Physical & emotional security. Financial too of course but I’ve got that covered, lol.

The ironic thing is that to have opportunity to garner physical and emotional security a woman is best to be feminine and vulnerable...which exposes her but also reveals this need to a man...and men need to feel needed so it’s complimentary to a man’s basic needs, which of course is by design...

Double edged sword indeed, beauty. Cheers Gents

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Advice from the old lady:

It’s true. Beauty comes with responsibility and that responsibility is not always fun. I’ve been chased and photographed by paparazzi in Los Angeles, in a couple of different airports (one guy was held back from boarding a flight as a result of his harassment), photographed countless times in nightclubs without my consent (I’m an accomplished dancer) and so on.

Not only am I physically appealing, I have a certain energy that people are drawn to. It’s partly sexuality and it’s partly presence. It’s on the one hand lovely to turn every head in the room when you enter, and it’s heady too when you own that power and appeal...but you also cannot turn it off. I’ve been approached by interested men while dressed way down wearing no make up. I’ve had men approach and hover in hotels to see where I’m going (creepy).

I know I’m little and conspicuous and I have to be street smart and concerned about security in the back of my mind At. All. Times.

I double check door locks in my home all the time. I am anal about locking my car all the time, when I’m leaving the car as well as when I’m in it. I recheck hotel door locks, I’ve been stalked before by an ex BF, and pestered by men I’ve no interest in to the point of security being called or having to threaten law enforcement. So in those moments I’m so grateful there exist such things as security and law enforcement. Thank God.

I’ve had random people in airports say to me about my daughter “That is a beautiful little girl. Watch her closely, that is a child someone might snatch...”. My ex husband and I heard that half a dozen different times. Creepy AF to hear from strangers.

And because I’ve been subject to so much unwanted attention I’m very private on my social media. I’ll never seek attention on FB or Insta (don’t have) or Snap (don’t have) or Twitter (don’t have)....and for 20 years my LinkedIn photo was of my garden, not my face. I’ve NO need to actively seek attention. I get it already everywhere I go and I always have. I’d love the 90% to ignore me & treat me normal (and now that I’m older that is more the case)...and I only want to be seen by those who appeal to me or those who already know me...

So yes. It’s a real thing. But although it is always an awareness that runs in the background you can’t as a woman allow it to control your life. But being beautiful carries responsibility and that is constant & unrelenting. Now that I am older I no longer have photographers chasing me about (Yay) and I remain plenty attractive to suit my own aims and appeal to men I desire.

But it is a double edged sword. I greatly appreciate the physical presence of a man when I am out for example. It gives me a sense of security on a deep subconscious level. I keep male friends who are running buddies. I am likely to be seen out with a group of guys. I wing for them, I feel safe & secure & free to chat with men I like from the safety of the posse if you will. I like feeling safe whilst enjoying an evening with the guys. Nobody here sees that aspect. My guy friends get it. They tend to be somewhat protective of me, which I appreciate.

My current man understands this about me. He doesn’t bat an eye at my male friends. He likes that they look after me if he’s not around. And my guy friends like him too so it’s all solid.

I think it’s why taller bigger men generally appeal to me. I like a man who is physically imposing...as my father was. My ex BF was big at 6’3” and 225lbs...military trained, huge arms, ex security guy. I felt very safe and secure with him...very protected...until he turned on me physically. And I had to think fast & be calm & rational to de-escalate that nightmare.

So yes. As a woman one must be very careful. Security is my greatest need. Physical & emotional security. Financial too of course but I’ve got that covered, lol.

The ironic thing is that to have opportunity to garner physical and emotional security a woman is best to be feminine and vulnerable...which exposes her but also reveals this need to a man...and men need to feel needed so it’s complimentary to a man’s basic needs, which of course is by design...

Double edged sword indeed, beauty. Cheers Gents

Why were paparazzi chasing and photographing you?

-Augustus-

 

[BeExcellent]

Why were paparazzi chasing and photographing you?

-Augustus-

They thought I was somebody else, lol. I always got a laugh thinking how disappointed they’d be once they printed the photos. That was in LA.

I’ve no idea about the airport occurrences. Those were flat out creepy. I got where I never wore make up when traveling on business...just to reduce the attention.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

 

[corrector]

I would imagine being a woman, from a man's perspective, is like the world is a giant gay bar where all the gay guys are three times your size, very horny, and some of them are rapists.

That's an unfair comparison.

 

[flowtheory]

I would imagine being a woman, from a man's perspective, is like the world is a giant gay bar where all the gay guys are three times your size, very horny, and some of them are rapists.

There was one summer when I was in my early twenties. Just got out of school and my roommate had a gay friend. My roommate knew I needed to get a job. I met this friend, and he was a good guy, so my roommate told him I needed a job and the friend told me if I wanted to make some easy money, I should come to the gay bar he worked at to interview for a current opening as a bus boy which would pay me some good coin for little work.

Couple days goes by and I go interview. I get the job and was told to expect to make around 300 in tips a shift. All I had to do was pick up empty glasses and random stuff to keep the lounge tidy during peak hours. And not wear my shirt. “Easy enough“ I figured, and “that’s some sick cash for 6 hours work!”.
I had a great time - for the most part.

This was a gay bar. I’m an attractive guy. I wasn’t wearing a shirt and I was in great shape.
For the most part things were fine, but I was objectified by everyone, and sometimes, there would be bigger guys than me who would just grab me and pull me in to them (even if I pulled away). Grab my butt. Grab my crotch when I was in vulnerable positions (hands above my head carrying a bin full of cups) and very overt comments about my physicality or what they would do to me. It was quite frankly, gross and demoralizing. I became a sought after possession fuelled by their entitlement.
On some of my breaks I would just be silent and think “did that just happen?”

I was loading a dishwasher once and a bigger guy was STARING at me for literally 5 minutes, very creepily, and then he finally struck up a conversation. He was very greasy and intense. Entitled. I shut his conversation down (I knew it was an advance) and I told him I was straight - which actually only encouraged him even more. He touched my arm at one point and pulled me towards him. To which I lost it and told him to get his effing hands of me or I’ll break his nose, then told him to leave the bar - which he was then marched out by a few of the bartenders.
In that moment, along with all the others which fled in, I realized deeply this is how women probably feel on a daily basis, and especially so in bars/clubs. Always on edge. Always aware of the next possible incident. It was honestly disgusting. Changed my view on male/female dynamics from that point.

All in all it was a terrific experience working at that gay bar for a week. I pulled 500/tips a day. And more if I desired to stay deeper in to the night for overtime until 3am. And where there are gay guys? There’s hot women! Hot women.
The women would approach ME and flatter me with compliments of my body, hair, look, etc. I would lap it all up and once they were done with the onslaught of compliments, I would drop the truth of “oh, by the way, haha, I’m not gay. I’m straight. I’m just here to make some money for the week” and like dynamite combusting it was like watching a wolf see a fresh platter of food, with all the fixings being put out. It was like their dream in a way. To not have been in a defensive state, to already be feeling happy and open, then to find a perceivably good guy in a spot where they wouldn’t expect to. It was literally like fishing with dynamite for me.
I probably got 7 numbers a night, constant making out on the spot, and many nights of seeing new hotel bedrooms after my shift. Damn.. it was truly amazing fun.
Yea, I hooe’d it up, big time.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

There was one summer when I was in my early twenties. Just got out of school and my roommate had a gay friend. My roommate knew I needed to get a job. I met this friend, and he was a good guy, so my roommate told him I needed a job and the friend told me if I wanted to make some easy money, I should come to the gay bar he worked at to interview for a current opening as a bus boy which would pay me some good coin for little work.

Couple days goes by and I go interview. I get the job and was told to expect to make around 300 in tips a shift. All I had to do was pick up empty glasses and random stuff to keep the lounge tidy during peak hours. And not wear my shirt. “Easy enough“ I figured, and “that’s some sick cash for 6 hours work!”.
I had a great time - for the most part.

This was a gay bar. I’m an attractive guy. I wasn’t wearing a shirt and I was in great shape.
For the most part things were fine, but I was objectified by everyone, and sometimes, there would be bigger guys than me who would just grab me and pull me in to them (even if I pulled away). Grab my butt. Grab my crotch when I was in vulnerable positions (hands above my head carrying a bin full of cups) and very overt comments about my physicality or what they would do to me. It was quite frankly, gross and demoralizing. I became a sought after possession fuelled by their entitlement.
On some of my breaks I would just be silent and think “did that just happen?”

I was loading a dishwasher once and a bigger guy was STARING at me for literally 5 minutes, very creepily, and then he finally struck up a conversation. He was very greasy and intense. Entitled. I shut his conversation down (I knew it was an advance) and I told him I was straight - which actually only encouraged him even more. He touched my arm at one point and pulled me towards him. To which I lost it and told him to get his effing hands of me or I’ll break his nose, then told him to leave the bar - which he was then marched out by a few of the bartenders.
In that moment, along with all the others which fled in, I realized deeply this is how women probably feel on a daily basis, and especially so in bars/clubs. Always on edge. Always aware of the next possible incident. It was honestly disgusting. Changed my view on male/female dynamics from that point.

All in all it was a terrific experience working at that gay bar for a week. I pulled 500/tips a day. And more if I desired to stay deeper in to the night for overtime until 3am. And where there are gay guys? There’s hot women! Hot women.
The women would approach ME and flatter me with compliments of my body, hair, look, etc. I would lap it all up and once they were done with the onslaught of compliments, I would drop the truth of “oh, by the way, haha, I’m not gay. I’m straight. I’m just here to make some money for the week” and like dynamite combusting it was like watching a wolf see a fresh platter of food, with all the fixings being put out. It was like their dream in a way. To not have been in a defensive state, to already be feeling happy and open, then to find a perceivably good guy in a spot where they wouldn’t expect to. It was literally like fishing with dynamite for me.
I probably got 7 numbers a night, constant making out on the spot, and many nights of seeing new hotel bedrooms after my shift. Damn.. it was truly amazing fun.
Yea, I hooe’d it up, big time.

worth the objectifying, in a way(the numbers, not the tips)

 

[mrgoodstuff]

There was one summer when I was in my early twenties. Just got out of school and my roommate had a gay friend. My roommate knew I needed to get a job. I met this friend, and he was a good guy, so my roommate told him I needed a job and the friend told me if I wanted to make some easy money, I should come to the gay bar he worked at to interview for a current opening as a bus boy which would pay me some good coin for little work.

Couple days goes by and I go interview. I get the job and was told to expect to make around 300 in tips a shift. All I had to do was pick up empty glasses and random stuff to keep the lounge tidy during peak hours. And not wear my shirt. “Easy enough“ I figured, and “that’s some sick cash for 6 hours work!”.
I had a great time - for the most part.

This was a gay bar. I’m an attractive guy. I wasn’t wearing a shirt and I was in great shape.
For the most part things were fine, but I was objectified by everyone, and sometimes, there would be bigger guys than me who would just grab me and pull me in to them (even if I pulled away). Grab my butt. Grab my crotch when I was in vulnerable positions (hands above my head carrying a bin full of cups) and very overt comments about my physicality or what they would do to me. It was quite frankly, gross and demoralizing. I became a sought after possession fuelled by their entitlement.
On some of my breaks I would just be silent and think “did that just happen?”

I was loading a dishwasher once and a bigger guy was STARING at me for literally 5 minutes, very creepily, and then he finally struck up a conversation. He was very greasy and intense. Entitled. I shut his conversation down (I knew it was an advance) and I told him I was straight - which actually only encouraged him even more. He touched my arm at one point and pulled me towards him. To which I lost it and told him to get his effing hands of me or I’ll break his nose, then told him to leave the bar - which he was then marched out by a few of the bartenders.
In that moment, along with all the others which fled in, I realized deeply this is how women probably feel on a daily basis, and especially so in bars/clubs. Always on edge. Always aware of the next possible incident. It was honestly disgusting. Changed my view on male/female dynamics from that point.

All in all it was a terrific experience working at that gay bar for a week. I pulled 500/tips a day. And more if I desired to stay deeper in to the night for overtime until 3am. And where there are gay guys? There’s hot women! Hot women.
The women would approach ME and flatter me with compliments of my body, hair, look, etc. I would lap it all up and once they were done with the onslaught of compliments, I would drop the truth of “oh, by the way, haha, I’m not gay. I’m straight. I’m just here to make some money for the week” and like dynamite combusting it was like watching a wolf see a fresh platter of food, with all the fixings being put out. It was like their dream in a way. To not have been in a defensive state, to already be feeling happy and open, then to find a perceivably good guy in a spot where they wouldn’t expect to. It was literally like fishing with dynamite for me.
I probably got 7 numbers a night, constant making out on the spot, and many nights of seeing new hotel bedrooms after my shift. Damn.. it was truly amazing fun.
Yea, I hooe’d it up, big time.

Very good. Did it make you alter your viewpoint of the male to female dynamic? What are you going to do different? I mean you can't just "pvssy" your entire vibe and swag down, because that's not attractive.

 

[zekko]

For the most part things were fine, but I was objectified by everyone, and sometimes, there would be bigger guys than me who would just grab me and pull me in to them (even if I pulled away). Grab my butt. Grab my crotch when I was in vulnerable positions (hands above my head carrying a bin full of cups) and very overt comments about my physicality or what they would do to me. It was quite frankly, gross and demoralizing. I became a sought after possession fuelled by their entitlement.
On some of my breaks I would just be silent and think “did that just happen?”

Sounds like a description of a stint in prison. The bad parts anyway. Oddly, the other parts sound like working in a gay bar is the ultimate venue to pick up women.

 

[flowtheory]

Sounds like a description of a stint in prison. The bad parts anyway. Oddly, the other parts sound like working in a gay bar is the ultimate venue to pick up women.

Yep. Tons of women go to gay bars for the reason which is obvious — to get out with their girl friends, drink, dance, have fun without being creeped on by horny guy after guy.

 

[zekko]

Tons of women go to gay bars for the reason which is obvious — to get out with their girl friends, drink, dance, have fun without being creeped on by horny guy after guy.

Hmm, when you put it that way, it does make sense.

 

[flowtheory]

Very good. Did it make you alter your viewpoint of the male to female dynamic? What are you going to do different? I mean you can't just "pvssy" your entire vibe and swag down, because that's not attractive.

Like I stated in the story, it just made me aware that one has to feel comfortable and safe for anything to go anywhere.
What a lot of men don’t realize on a fundamental level is that women don’t feel safe like men do walking down streets, in gyms, at parties, etc. Because men are very entitled a lot of the time. Many act as if they have something to prove or to be “dominant” or assertive to showcase their manliness. Women are always been rated, objectified, or being judged in some minor way. My story just conveys understanding being in the flip side of that but in a different, although similar, way. Because I was still dealing with men.

I don’t think men need to “pvssify”their vibe or look at all. Looking masculine and strong is great and ideal for women. But a true man to me understands a woman’s NEED to feel safe so that she can open up. What most people need is to deeply understand empathy. Then tact to get to what both people desire once there is mutual agreement of comfort and interest.

 

[user43770]

This is to give a little more insight into the female psyche:

I was watching Eli Roth's History of Horror last week, the episode on body horror. There was a woman on there who said it was terrifying to be in a female body, because it makes you a target and you are an object of desire.

Oddly, earlier in the day I had watched a video where a woman was saying basically the same thing. That having beauty meant that it made you a target for men. Along with the "weaker" body, of course. I've been watching some YouTube videos of people who live in their vans, and the prettier girls get the most warnings (from other women mostly) to be careful and be safe. They know being attractive makes them a target.

I've always been kind of annoyed that a lot of women seem to resent their beauty - especially since they are perfectly willing to use it when it is to their advantage. I've always thought they should appreciate the unique gift they have. But it's also clear it is something of a double edged sword.

Didn't read any of the follow up posts, but I call bullsh1t on this.

All humans want to be considered attractive by the opposite sex. Women are just solipsistic enough to turn it into a personal struggle. Look at how difficult my life is because I'm hot!

This fear of being a "target and object of desire," doesn't seem to stop them from dressing provocatively; it doesn't stop them from putting themselves in sketchy situations; and it doesn't stop them from being pretty much unanimously Pro open immigration.

Things I've learned about women: they love being dramatic, the center of attention, and they especially love not accepting blame for anything.

 

[Who Dares Win]

I would imagine being a woman, from a man's perspective, is like the world is a giant gay bar where all the gay guys are three times your size, very horny, and some of them are rapists.

True but at the same time most of them would gladly pick a fight in your favour if you start screaming or point at someone.