Tempted to cheat - can I live with it?

[MrMann]

I've been with my other half for a couple of years now and our relationship is fantastic, apart from the sex. We've moved in together not so long ago and we're getting pretty serious.

In my single days, there were a fair number of one night stands and hookers (they tended to be hotter and more willing). The sex was pretty good. In the last couple of months or so, I've found myself looking at other women more and wondering whether I could live with the guilt.

I think monogamy in a relationship is great, but I also find the thought of only ever sleeping with 1 woman for the rest of my life depressing.

I suspect I'm not the only man who's been in this position and really wanted to hear other people's experiences before I do something I could regret big time (or not)

 

[DaddyLongShanks]

I've been with my other half for a couple of years now and our relationship is fantastic, apart from the sex. We've moved in together not so long ago and we're getting pretty serious.

In my single days, there were a fair number of one night stands and hookers (they tended to be hotter and more willing). The sex was pretty good. In the last couple of months or so, I've found myself looking at other women more and wondering whether I could live with the guilt.

I think monogamy in a relationship is great, but I also find the thought of only ever sleeping with 1 woman for the rest of my life depressing.

What if she is extremely attractive and the sex is outstanding?

I suspect I'm not the only man who's been in this position and really wanted to hear other people's experiences before I do something I could regret big time (or not)

Typical position of a man who likes keeping a lot of options. Ask the guys here, I'm normally a LTR guy. I like to find babes who like to give it to me when I want and I get along with, run that as long as it goes.

 

[Pause]

I have to disagree. I might go against some of the schools of thought but I've been on the opposite end of this, and it f*ing sucks. I wouldn't wish that pain on my worst enemy. I'm still learning a lot about being a DJ, but common sense tells me if you have a problem with the MRS; communicate it with her. If she's unwilling to fix it, get the big D and THEN start your new relationship. It takes a man to stand up for what he wants, and if your have to cheat and hide behind peoples backs, (especially the back of the woman you vowed your life to before God) you're not much of a man, and you're not standing up for what you believe in. How would you feel if she were contemplating the same thing?

Sounds like your not married though. Still talk to her, if you can't get her to come around and try some freaky new stuff, then what are you moving towards in a LTR with this girl? Lies and deceit? Sounds like a great marriage. If your unsatisfied, next her. You can fix that with a phone call... mine took lawyers lots of money and a courtroom. Either move on or commit, don't waste your time with other skanks; If you don't next her and start cheating, as soon as she finds out the bs your up to, she's going to next you. I'd rather be the one doing the nexting.

Doug Stanholp puts it best... Blort. Is it really worth it? lol
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QYA9DaSIddo

 

[piranha45]

You're a MAN, not a snake. You don't skulk in the shadows, "cheating", ever-fearing what should happen if she finds out.

You should be open and forthright about your position on sexual prospects. If you're going to fvck other women then you need to make that known to her.

 

[DaddyLongShanks]

You're a MAN, not a snake. You don't skulk in the shadows, "cheating", ever-fearing what should happen if she finds out.

You should be open and forthright about your position on sexual prospects. If you're going to fvck other women then you need to make that known to her.

So if your woman is holding out on you or changing some rules where your sex rate has dramatically dropped... You could let her know before leaving you will take on another and give her a choice if she wants to remain or leave...

Many women will correct their sex rate issues when another woman comes into the picture.

 

[MrMann]

Thanks for the advice guys - you're right lying and cheating isn't the sort of life I want, I think I just need a good chat with her...

 

[Pause]

Don't get me wrong, I'm all behind plate spinning in the early days... and I expect her to have her own set of plates spinning as well. But "getting serious" would mean to me to cut the games and both start dropping plates.

I'm not into cheating because (besides the guilt which I would feel) I simply don't want to spend the energy keeping phony stories straight.

I quit lying when I was 6, maybe its because i'm retarded but its 1000x easier to face truth than remember all the bs. haha

@OP: you on it bro. much respect for the high road travelers!

 

[Slickster]

I've been with my other half for a couple of years now and our relationship is fantastic, apart from the sex. We've moved in together not so long ago and we're getting pretty serious.

This is a bad sign. If you are already feeling that your sex life is suffering and you are just moving in together I sense that things are not going to get better.

Some good advice here http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=228124

 

[Zunder]

Why is th sex no good with the GF? Answer that and that might answer why you are seriously contemplating cheating.
If your GF is a good person in all other respects, and you love her, then maybe cheating just 'aint right until you had that chat with her to try make the underlying issue rise to the surface....

 

[whiplash]

I've been with my other half for a couple of years now and our relationship is fantastic, apart from the sex. We've moved in together not so long ago and we're getting pretty serious.

In my single days, there were a fair number of one night stands and hookers (they tended to be hotter and more willing). The sex was pretty good. In the last couple of months or so, I've found myself looking at other women more and wondering whether I could live with the guilt.

I think monogamy in a relationship is great, but I also find the thought of only ever sleeping with 1 woman for the rest of my life depressing.

I suspect I'm not the only man who's been in this position and really wanted to hear other people's experiences before I do something I could regret big time (or not)

you have moved in together, was the sex not soo good before moving in? also you say you two are getting serious now AFTER moving in?
the sex should have been great and you two very serious before moving in. as for fixing this through cheating....cheating wont fix it however her thinking you will cheat or have other options if she doesnt step up, would help. do you have interests or options other than her?

 

[Epimanes]

I been with my wife for 21 years... The sex is up and down. More up now though thanks to www.marriedmansexlife.com. I strongly suggest reading the material there.

 

[Slickster]

I been with my wife for 21 years... The sex is up and down. More up now though thanks to www.marriedmansexlife.com. I strongly suggest reading the material there.

No advice just a link to an expensive pay as you go advice site???

Hey OP if you need some more advice I'm available by phone for $149/hour. :crazy:

 

[Epimanes]

Slickster... The problem is there is a ton of advice over there. ... Here.. Listen to the Athol Kays podcast with art of charm. http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/athol-kay-married-man-sex-life-episode-239/

Also I have athols primer book on pdf. If you want a copy.. Leme know. His other book is called the MAP book or (mindful attraction plan) and its basicly a book that lays out the map to be attractive to your partner (male or female)

Serious.. Listen to that podcast... You won't regret it and its easy to listen to cuz its funny and entertaining.

Pm for the link to the primer pdf.

Epi

 

[DaddyLongShanks]

Slickster... The problem is there is a ton of advice over there. ... Here.. Listen to the Athol Kays podcast with art of charm. http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/athol-kay-married-man-sex-life-episode-239/

Also I have athols primer book on pdf. If you want a copy.. Leme know. His other book is called the MAP book or (mindful attraction plan) and its basicly a book that lays out the map to be attractive to your partner (male or female)

Serious.. Listen to that podcast... You won't regret it and its easy to listen to cuz its funny and entertaining.

Pm for the link to the primer pdf.

Epi

MAP when it comes to attractive is similar to the DJ "SMV" ratings, which to a large extent work out in the real world.

There are things that can be done to boost your attractiveness and image, by even a far swing, it takes time.

Being attractive is not something you can be lazy about, it's a conscious choice to be that way.

Also with wives, they HAVE to know that you will get it somewhere else and there are women who would LOVE to hop on your pipe, even replace them! It keeps the household happy!

 

[Epimanes]

Also with wives, they HAVE to know that you will get it somewhere else and there are women who would LOVE to hop on your pipe, even replace them! It keeps the household happy!

Not true.. I get laid 2-3 times a week.. And I don't need any dread game. I build attraction and lead. I make sure to mix oxytocin and dopeamine in good even portions. Too much oxytocin and things are too comfortable and complacent. But add in some dopeamine for your hunneh (fun stuff you organize and invite her to come along) and she will be butter in your hands..

When women say "I love you but not in love with you" they mean "I oxytocin you but not dopeamine you"

Remember that... I wish I knew this stuff a lot sooner than I did.. Could have saved myself from our bad times in our marriage and kept us happier a lot sooner. But better late than never.

 

[DaddyLongShanks]

Not true.. I get laid 2-3 times a week.. And I don't need any dread game. I build attraction and lead. I make sure to mix oxytocin and dopeamine in good even portions. Too much oxytocin and things are too comfortable and complacent. But add in some dopeamine for your hunneh (fun stuff you organize and invite her to come along) and she will be butter in your hands..

When women say "I love you but not in love with you" they mean "I oxytocin you but not dopeamine you"

Remember that... I wish I knew this stuff a lot sooner than I did.. Could have saved myself from our bad times in our marriage and kept us happier a lot sooner. But better late than never.

So basically you had responsibility and love nailed. You just didn't have enough fun activities for her to associate you with? Correcting this made a big difference.

 

[DaddyLongShanks]

Not true.. I get laid 2-3 times a week.. And I don't need any dread game. I build attraction and lead. I make sure to mix oxytocin and dopeamine in good even portions. Too much oxytocin and things are too comfortable and complacent. But add in some dopeamine for your hunneh (fun stuff you organize and invite her to come along) and she will be butter in your hands..

When women say "I love you but not in love with you" they mean "I oxytocin you but not dopeamine you"

Remember that... I wish I knew this stuff a lot sooner than I did.. Could have saved myself from our bad times in our marriage and kept us happier a lot sooner. But better late than never.

Why don't you get laid 5-7 times a week?

2x is an average for people in relationships, who wants to be average?

 

[Pandora]

Are you still physically attracted to her? I would be tempted to cheat when i was not very into a girl physically. I thought i would always be a cheater until i started dating hotter girls. Then my desire to cheat reduced significantly.

 

[Epimanes]

Why don't you get laid 5-7 times a week?

2x is an average for people in relationships, who wants to be average?

Because life gets in the way and there's only so much time... Work.. Kids (17 and 11).. And regular dates outside the home with my darling wife building those dopeamine moments to keep attraction up. Oh and activities for myself such as hunting/fishing and working out. Lifes not all about fvcking.

 

[Lozboss]

OP

Don't cheat. That's scumbag move.

If she doesn't make you happy in the sexual arena then it isn't worth staying with her.

Sex is a HUGE part of relationships- if you aren't satisfied it doesn't matter how good outside of the bedroom is.

You need to rid yourself of your scarcity mindset- you're actually in a broken relationship and too scared to leave it.