Telling her you like her

[Victorious Maximus]

Hi guys hope all is well

Known a girl for a year or so but just recently started dating. Had 3 dates and the last one was at my place where we kissed. So far so good but then she tells me my intentions are not clear for, that i am a mystery. Even better so! And then she asks me: are you in love with me. To which is neither respond positive nor negative.

I thought a job well done but i have noticed that the playfulness is a bit gone. She's still putting effort in her texts and responds very quickly but something is missing (that was there in the beginning)

Could it be that by staying mysterious you create challenge but that there's also a possibility that the girl loses interest? I never thought about the latter before.

Input appreciated!!

Tx

 

[TheSlasher]

It's statistically safer not to tell a woman anything than to tell her, even slightly, that you like her. For now, let's err on the side of caution.

 

[Tictac]

You do not ever have to say the words 'I like you'. There are so many other ways that you can show her and so many other words.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Agreed with Slasher and TicTac. Better to show, rather than tell.

She is obviously well in to you, or she wouldn't be asking such things. That means you have the upper hand, so keep it that way by maintaining the mystery.

If you absolutely have to say something, keep it nice and vague, like, ' We're having a lot of fun', 'We seem to get on well', 'I like where this is going' along with something conclusive like, 'It's still early days' etc etc.

If you maintain the mystery, you'll never lose her interest, even if she finishes it for your apparent 'lack of interest'. The only way you'll start to lose her interest is if you verbally indicate your own.

You only need show her, by going out with her, getting friendly and maintaining personal interest in her as a person.

Wait for her to verbalise intent first, and then decide if exclusivity is worth your while.

 

[zinc4]

Tell her, yes, ok, ok, I confess! I want to marry you and have twenty children because that's my lucky number and I already have the names picked out...Ur hob is to work on the invitation s for my crazy family members...u have to obviously act sarcastic though...

 

[Victorious Maximus]

Guys guys this is all sound advice. Thank you for that! I'm gonna follow it through.

I have noticed that I could be more funny like zinc4 says. You should be able to respond lightly to every question you get…something to work on! Let's do it!!

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Guys guys this is all sound advice. Thank you for that! I'm gonna follow it through.

I have noticed that I could be more funny like zinc4 says. You should be able to respond lightly to every question you get…something to work on! Let's do it!!

Could go with the sarcasm. Though you will probably have to follow up/clarify your stance with something genuine anyway, by the sounds of this chick. If she asks you if you love her after three dates and one kiss, she's about three dates away from putting your pet rabbit in the pot (no euphemism intended).

Keep the crowd updated on this one. All the best.

 

[Victorious Maximus]

ok my man…what is putting the pet rabbit in the pot?? Sex?? haha…is it gonna take 3 whole dates more for that lol

also, she didn't ask if i love her but if i am in love with her. that's a slight, yet crucial difference

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Bunny+Boiler

 

[Victorious Maximus]

Haha man that's too funny!
But nah i don't think she's that kind of woman…i think it's just the uncertainty that made her ask that question

At least i hope that's what it was lol

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

VicMax,

I am only giving you a bystander's perspective, based on quite limited information. That perspective is that she is living in a female-centric romantic paradigm, where having you tell her that you love her, or are in love with her, or whatever is firstly in some way going to validate her existence, and secondly empower her over you.

That particular caveat is the most powerful declaration of interest. After that, what else do you have to maintain her interest? The longer you can hold off (ideally after she has declared her own love), the longer you can maintain her intrigue, which unbeknown to her, is the only genuine source of her own interest (not any fleeting declaration of love).

Allow me now to regale you with a pertinent excerpt from The Book of Pook (highly recommended):

"Excessive expectations.

Everyone believes they are super special. Women in the 18-26 year bracket have these HUGE expectations that no man can fulfill! They get married at, say, twenty two. After a couple of years, they get BORED and/or realize that marriage is not some magical process of transcendence. She sees other women her age out having fun but she is stuck with responsibilities. Oh, if she could only shrug off the husband and be single again!

Unhealthy romance: the pursuit of the lover.

Healthy romance: the presence of the lover.

It is almost a cult to many of these women (and some men!). These excessive expectations contains neither the friendship or civility that makes marriage successful. It fulfills the way a drug fulfills, requiring new infusions to sustain the high. We've raised their romanticism so much that its taken to be a personal and cultural panacea, a solve for everything. But not one thing solves everything. So they suffer the permanent disappointment of these excessive expectations. Twenty years of affection, caring, friendship, the small favors husbands and wives do for each other, is seen as 'boring' to these cultists. But in my opinion, it is far more and greater than their stupid expectations."

Now this may all come across as a bit obscure. But the general message is that modern romanticism dictates to people what they think they want: which is to overtly know that someone loves them; rather than what they actually want, which is to covertly know that someone is in love with them.

As Pook alludes to: a declaration is an infusion of the 'love drug' (modern romanticism). You demonstrating your interest is the only genuine love she'll receive from you.

I reiterate, ALL THIS, AFTER ONLY THREE DATES AND ONE KISS.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Tell her, yes, ok, ok, I confess! I want to marry you and have twenty children because that's my lucky number and I already have the names picked out...Ur hob is to work on the invitation s for my crazy family members...u have to obviously act sarcastic though...

Give her your most dirty look at and tell her "I wanna put a baby in your tummy".

Thank me later

 

[Genos]

Don't! DO. NOT. TELL. HER.

Show her - demonstrate your interest through well-executed escalation. If you imagine a girl's attraction level as a dial from 1-10, I would almost equate uttering the words 'I like you' to manually dialing the attraction down a notch.

Saying it sarcastically as mentioned above will work, but even then, you have to be extremely confident with the delivery so it doesn't get picked apart and misunderstood.

 

[Victorious Maximus]

MonkeyKing

ok my man i understand your point. The way you explain it is how it should go ideally but sadly thats not always the case. Luckily i learned enough throughout the years to not declare my love to a woman that fast (i used to do it when i was much younger ouch)
Whatever it is, this lady is trying to grasp something out of uncertainty because we all want to know and can't stand to not know. But then again, I ask her out, i kiss her, we're having a good time…those signs are much more powerful than just saying: yeah babe i'm madly in love with you. But alas, women like those words.

But my friend, you go from saying that she is well into me to saying she is a nut (well that was what glenn close was in the movie). Being well into someone is not wrong, being a nut…well, that can't possibly be good.

looking forward to your reply!

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Whatever it is, this lady is trying to grasp something out of uncertainty because we all want to know and can't stand to not know.

This is true. But as a (her) man, it is your responsibility to maintain that uncertainty, because that is what truly ignites her own desire of you; the knowing is a short-lived high of the love-drug, pedalled by the dealer, modern romanticism.

Allow me quickly to quote Dr Pook again, I will link the book at the end of this post rather than regurgitating it herein, for your entertainment and enlightenment:

The Inflammation

Love! Love! Love! It is Nature's drug, a high, that so many become addicted to and must always be feeling 'love' at some part of their lives.

A Nice Guy appears to protest this post.

Ignore him, gentlemen. Women following this romanticized path means that the CHASE becomes the focus rather than the COMPANY of the lover. No wonder challenge works so well! No wonder once a woman gets what she wants, she goes looking for something else!

The more a man is a challenge, the more a woman becomes 'romanticized'. This is especially true for beautiful women. The curse of beauty (and even that of Don Juans) is that you fear that you are settling when you could have gotten better. When a guy is a challenge to the beautiful woman (and let's face it, these beautiful women have flocks of guys trying to be 'romantic' towards them in the AFC sense), it sparks the woman's romanticism. She must have her challenge and eat it too.


Now, my friend, to quote yourself, VicMax:

But my friend, you go from saying that she is well into me to saying she is a nut

Yes, on the surface she seems in to you, yet also does seem a bit of a nut. Does this situation not seem too good to be true to you? Does it not seem a bit excessive that she is asking for such heavy romantic qualification so early on in your 'relationship'?

Excessive interest from a woman will trigger alarm in many men. May be slightly cynical to think 'what's the catch?'. But there is rarely smoke without fire.

To many, excessive interest (so early on) and potential for proverbial bunny boiling are very closely related phenomena.

Read The Book, it will probably help you more than I can:

http://www.djbible.classicalgasemissions.com/book_of_pook.pdf

 

[Victorious Maximus]

I hear you loud & clear! Thanks for the link, will surely take a look

Isnt it also a question of perceived value? I mean she must see me as having higher value than her since she asks me such an AFC question?
Now shes good looking and all but she has a kid and believe me, i dont want to sound like a sexist but this makes her value drop a couple of points.

To me, its no problem but perhaps in her mind, my perceived valie is higher than hers.

Does this make any sense? HA!

 

[TheSlasher]

but she has a kid

I anticipate a change in position from many responders here.

 

[Victorious Maximus]

Yeah I know. But it's just to bang her that's it.
I've had my fair amount of experience with a relationship with a single mom. So i know what it is like.

 

[TheSlasher]

Then that's it. She's withdrawing now because she felt unassured of your position. After all, it's highly likely that she's looking for a new father of her kid, and she wants to know that you also have feelings for her so she can be assured of that, which ironically, will very liker make her move away from you once you've become pathetic enough to submit to that.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Yeah I know. But it's just to bang her that's it.
I've had my fair amount of experience with a relationship with a single mom. So i know what it is like.

In that case, just do what you want. Makes the whole thread a bit redundant really, doesn't it.