NeverFear, I think you are confused about the term "feminist." Like many other terms in our wonderful language, it means different things to different people. And, it has had quite a few definitions through the ages. In the beginning, it was about being able to vote, work outside the home, do the same jobs men do, and get rid of all those pesky laws that were not very nice to women - like the laws that said it was OK for a husband to rape his wife. Women wanted to be let in the door. We wanted our opinions listened to. But, sadly, the term later became coopted by whiney, b*tchy women who want prefertial treatment and seem to hate men.
Your three tests would probably tell you about something about the woman you are dating, but they would not tell you if she was a femininst. Nor what kind of feminist she was. The first question in particular also sounds like is it coming from someone who has not been in many long term relationships - or at least not any healthy ones.
1) LTRs/Marriage is about compromise - not about one person making the decisions over another. You have a disagreement, you compromise. That is how it works - I practice this in my own relationships and have seen it work wonderfully with my parents, who have been married for 30 years.
2) For some women, their family name is important to them. It hold a rich family history and ties them to their loved ones. For some, they may not want to give that up. Hence the hyphenating. Back in the day, the name change signified that the woman was now her husbands property, not her fathers. Not exactly fun stuff. For me, I like my boyfriends name and am going to change mine and make my last name my middle name, since I don't have one. Telemarketers already assume I am his wife and call me Mrs. _____ when they call. I guess I am gettin used to it already. But, I think it should be a personal choice.
3) Equality in a relationship is great - but it should be more about both partners contributing equally to a relationship, not a regimented system. It's not like when you get a flat, you say "OK honey, I changed it last time, it is your turn." - the person who is best at it usually does it. In my relationship, that is me, because I'm the one who owns the car and has the most experience with cars. And, as long as both partners are pulling thier weight and the each are happy doing what they are doing it works out. There are some things that can definetly be shared or you can take turns with, though. Cleaning is like that for us, although he does most of it - because I do all the cooking.
If a woman is a man-hating, whiney feminist, you will be able to tell without asking her these questions. And, there are some women who feel a certain way about equality, or their names, or compromise, who will still make a great wife, lover and mother of your kids.
