Tell me what I'm doing wrong?

[R2Change]

5 years dating great, past 2 married - no so great....

Issues we fight over..

1. I'm trying to tell her a story or a fact & she tells me I'm wrong or that's not the way it goes?
My reaction: I blow up

2. I tell her personal family stuff as she tells me personal family stuff?
I listen, empathize and move on...She takes stuff personally and thinks that's a bad cousin or bad uncle, I'm never going to talk to them...I'm like What? This is just fun married couple stuff to talk about? After she says stuff like that...
My reaction : I blow up

3. She initiates certain ideas such as let's go buy plane tickets and see your family? I'm telling her, are sure we have enough money, yeah more than enough...so we set it up, I tell my parents and a month before the trip, she's angry and crying saying we don't have enough money...I bring up the fact that i brought the money issue before...but she saying we had enough but i didn't expect it to cost this much...
My reaction : I blow up

Tell me what I'm doing wrong? So, I can correct it...

 

[I'm in the Mood]

Wow, somehow you made your situation crystal clear. Well, in my eyes at least.

What's the one thing in common with all three of the situations you mentioned?
...You blow up!

Here are some alternatives to blowing up:

#1 - If she's like "That's not the way it goes!" or "No, you're wrong!" in an angry tone, instead of blowing up, just don't focus or put too much importance on who's right or wrong. Let her have her own opinions and accept that she has different views than you, BUT DO NOT change your opinion to match hers, unless you are TRULY convinced by her. Think about it...does it really matter who's right and who's wrong?

#2 - Instead of blowing up, just tell her to chill out if she gets too emotional about family matters. Even better, tell her not to take it personally. I want you not to take it personally either. Her emotions are her's alone, and women are highly emotional - much more than men. This is what I think makes it so hard for men to understand women sometimes.

#3 - On this one your job, as her husband, is to help her plan this trip and buy the tickets. If you know you don't have enough money, but she says you do, tell her to show you some plane tickets that are affordable before you give her permission to plan a trip.
...Well she's unhappy that you're not going on this trip. That's no reason to blow up though.

I think most of these problems that you're running into are because of who your wife is as a person, and how she handles her emotions.

It seems to me that she needs a really supportive and emotionally stable man to deal with all her emotional bullshvt.

If that's gonna be you, then stop getting mad at her and blowing up like you're in the heat of an egotistical battle.

Next time you feel yourself about to blow up, STOP, and do the complete opposite of what you were about to do. This might mean accepting the fact that blowing up won't help the situation.

Keep in mind that you can also read some self-help books, or, if it still doesn't work out, divorce and get back into the world of meeting & dating women.

The ultimate truth of this matter is, if her stress isn't worth the relationship, you must be the one to end it for the both of you. It's not the end of the world either. My parents are divorced, and they get along just fine seeing each other on occasion. Spending more time apart from her might work if the two of you already spend lots of time together and it creates this chaos.

Well, here's the last thing I have to say for you:
If all else fails, sometimes your woman isn't sexually satisfied with you. I don't know if you two are having mind-blowing sex or not, but it might help to look into some material out there on the web if you think there is possibility for improvement in bed. There is a lot out there. I highly recommend materials from both David Shade and Alex Allman, if you're interested in working on your sex life. If you're giving her mind-blowing sex, I am 100% sure that she will feel too satisfied to feel the need to start all of these little bullshvt arguements.

Here's a quick summary of what you can do to solve this problem:

1) Train yourself to stop blowing up at her bullshvt. You WILL notice a change if you get this completely handled. I guarantee it.

2) Look into some Self-Help materials, including personal and relationship management. You could even read the Don Juan Bible [Here:http://www.jbspencer.com/djb/] or read some books on pickup.

3) If all else fails, talk to her about it and maybe get therapy if you two agree on it. I don't really know what your relationship is like, but therapy can either succeed, and you live a happier life, or fail, and you get divorced and move on to looking for a better partner.

Well good luck!

 

[Nygard]

Easy :

5 years dating great, past 2 married

There's your problem. Marriage is an albatross.

 

[sodbuster]

OK so your wife is a typical woman-can't handle money,is never wrong and is judgmental. First NEVER let her deal with money-she obviously has NO financial sense[treat her like daddies little girl]. DON'T share your family secrets with her-she can't deal with it.

All in all, treat her like a spoiled child. "It's not nice to interrupt me" "what are your sources for your belief? can you prove it with documentation?" "can you give me a LOGICAL reason for your belief?" etc.

Don't blow up so often-she knows she got under your skin. Learn to win verbally without getting mad.

 

[hithard]

5 years dating great, past 2 married - no so great....

Issues we fight over..

1. I'm trying to tell her a story or a fact & she tells me I'm wrong or that's not the way it goes?
My reaction: I ask for a blow job

2. I tell her personal family stuff as she tells me personal family stuff?
I listen, empathize and move on...She takes stuff personally and thinks that's a bad cousin or bad uncle, I'm never going to talk to them...I'm like What? This is just fun married couple stuff to talk about? After she says stuff like that...
My reaction : I ask for a blow job

3. She initiates certain ideas such as let's go buy plane tickets and see your family? I'm telling her, are sure we have enough money, yeah more than enough...so we set it up, I tell my parents and a month before the trip, she's angry and crying saying we don't have enough money...I bring up the fact that i brought the money issue before...but she saying we had enough but i didn't expect it to cost this much...
My reaction :I ask for a blow job

Tell me what I'm doing wrong? So, I can correct it...

The only blowing that should be happening

 

[R2Change]

Thanks

Thank You, everyone's advice was truly helpful....I used to think I was the Senior Don Juan when I was dating...I was on this websites day and night...my male and female friends would ask me for advice like I was the old wise one regarding relationships...I get married & slowly start behaving like a simp...the one thing I swore I would never do....When you're dating, seeing each other once or twice a week, maintaining that mystery...it's easier because money issues, in-law issues, job issues, domestic chore issues, aging parent issues and much more are not issues...until you're married...When I was dating, what made me so successful was I would meet woman, an issue would crop up, I go to discussion boards, find an answer and the following week, my problem was solved but when you're married it like an avalance of issues hit you all at once at you can't go to a discussion board every two to three minutes to figure out what to do....because you're in the same household living together.......

 

[jophil28]

Thank You, everyone's advice was truly helpful....I used to think I was the Senior Don Juan when I was dating...I was on this websites day and night...my male and female friends would ask me for advice like I was the old wise one regarding relationships...I get married & slowly start behaving like a simp...the one thing I swore I would never do....When you're dating, seeing each other once or twice a week, maintaining that mystery...it's easier because money issues, in-law issues, job issues, domestic chore issues, aging parent issues and much more are not issues...until you're married...When I was dating, what made me so successful was I would meet woman, an issue would crop up, I go to discussion boards, find an answer and the following week, my problem was solved but when you're married it like an avalance of issues hit you all at once at you can't go to a discussion board every two to three minutes to figure out what to do....because you're in the same household living together.......

Now that you have made excuses for yourself, how are you going to change this around ?

You want two clues ?

1. Dust off the word NO! in your vocab. You haven't used it, and stood your ground around her in a while, have you. Instead you have been debating and tried to "reason" and "communicate" your thoughts to her in an attempt to persuade her that 'your way' was good. You tried to have her 'like' your ideas before you acted on them. Right ?
And when she followed your lead and debated right back, you eventually exploded in exasperation.
So much for "communication".

2. Rewind the tape in your head and recall how you used to act back in the day when she was all over you. Remember when she allowed you to lead and didn't argue ? Things were smoother then, right ?

Now, fast forward 7 years- who's leading who?

Ya get me here?

 

[COD]

CHICS AINT LOGICAL..................sheesh they are all drama queens....

BLOW UP..........LOL..........get yourself a bobble head action figure.....when she says stuff just nod your head like the bobble doll.

yes dear, no dear,of course i do honey, etc etc

Now you know why men need a boys night out.