Tell me what Im doing wrong before this implodes

[RickR13]

So I started seeing this woman, who happens to be the ex-principal at my daughters school. We went out on a date last Thursday. Hit it off well. I asked her out the following Sunday night and we had fun, ended up making out in my car in the bar parking lot until 3:00a. Could have fvcked her then and there but the car was too cramped and couldn't get a good angle for entry lol.

Anyway I invited her over to my house last night. I made her a killer dinner, she brought over wine and cookies, we watched a movie and we ended up fvcking. All is well at this point.

There is currently high interest on her part. My part as well. I'm trying to stem the tide here as not to fall into any traps an jeopardize the relationship because I REALLY like this woman.

Do I put the brakes on in any fashion? Or just let this play out as long as interest is high? We do not text a lot, but have at least 1 date for this weekend already planned.

This is basically week 1 and it seems like a lot has happened in this 1st week, and I dont want to ruin anything.

 

[abe0]

I would not do what I used to do....get into the trap of daily contact and texting and showing too much interest. Stay calm and cool ... be indifferent...keep your other interests...do not be too available...do not get mushy touch feely...Enjoy the ride, but let her do most of the initial texting and calling and limit your conversations and texting as if you were busy doing other stuff. You want to keep her interests alive and you do that by not showing all your cards at once and letting her know you have other activities going on...that she is not going to be the center of your life. But let her make you the the center of hers....
I am new and learning...but I hope someone else could add to this with more experience.
Abe

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Dangerous waters, my friend. You're currently seeing her with a frequency that should be reserved for when you two are actually boyfriend and girlfriend. Also, you're already starting to think that you two are in a relationship together. You're not. Keep things realistic: you've only known her for less than a week (outside of possibly having seen her at your daughter's school). It may seem like things are going great, and that she has no problem seeing you every day... but this kind of thinking is a trap. It's the quickest way to actually make a woman become BORED with you quicker. YOU have to be the one to spread out these dates - in the beginning you should only be seeing her once a week, twice at the most. Anything more than that is going to be overkill. You owe it to yourself - and HER - to give her a bit more time between dates. 1 to 2 days doesn't give her enough time to miss you enough to further build up how great of a guy you are in her mind...

I did a podcast about this topic almost a week ago - take a listen to get a better idea of why you should be spreading yourself out.

 

[RickR13]

Thanks for the perspective. I will check out your podcast as well.

 

[Bible_Belt]

As long as you fvck her just about every time you see her, then I think you're fine. It's needy, clingy texting and calling that kills attraction.

 

[RickR13]

I'm not needy or clingy, but I find myself wanting to be with her whenever I can without letting her know that. I'm getting the same reactions from her. Just trying to keep it real. As Harry said, were not in a relationship at this point. I can see it getting there, but dont want to sabotage its course.

SO with the sex thing, I'm confident that will persist, so I do have that going, and we have a unique situation where she knows my daughter, who is 7, and my ex-wife to some degree. And we've known each other for about a year through my daughters school. But obviously not in this capacity.

Anyway she is single, no kids, very smart, very attractive with a rocking' bod, and same age as me (44) so its almost surreal because the last 2 or 3 Ive dated were friendly, but really didn't interest me so I dont want to screw this one up.

 

[PlayHer Man]

Your job is DONE my friend. Well done. :yes:

What most men don't seem to realize is their only job is to get the woman to f*ck them. Once this has occured.. its the woman's job to pursue and set up the "relationship".

All you should do now is keep f*cking her --> Invite her over when you want to f*ck. If she wants something more she will let you know.

Dealing with women is simple when you stay in your own head and focus on your own desires. Don't get caught up worrying what the woman wants.. that's not your job.

 

[RickR13]

Your job is DONE my friend. Well done. :yes:

What most men don't seem to realize is their only job is to get the woman to f*ck them. Once this has occured.. its the woman's job to pursue and set up the "relationship".

All you should do now is keep f*cking her --> Invite her over when you want to f*ck. If she wants something more she will let you know.

Dealing with women is simple when you stay in your own head and focus on your own desires. Don't get caught up worrying what the woman wants.. that's not your job.

Well said, thanks for the vote of confidence. I have no problem inviting her over to fvck! She seems to be onboard with that as well.

 

[Iceberg]

I'm not needy or clingy, but I find myself wanting to be with her whenever I can without letting her know that. I'm getting the same reactions from her. Just trying to keep it real. As Harry said, were not in a relationship at this point. I can see it getting there, but dont want to sabotage its course.

Well, she's new and she's having sex with you, so it's alright to be excited about her. But you also need to be honest with yourself about that. She's NEW. And I don't know how your prospects were BEFORE her, but figuring that you're a working single father, you probably didn't have time to go out and rally together a rotation of 5 different girls. So if I'm correct, then the combination of her being new, sexual, AND one of the only options you have might be playing into your levels of excitement about her.

This doesn't make it wrong to be excited. But if you temper that excitement with some logic, then we can take the situation from "She's so great! I can't wait to see her again so we can build a relationship!" to "She seems cool. We'll see where it goes."


My goal is to get you to a place where if things work out, then hey it's awesome. But if things don't work out, oh well, there are others. Don't build this up to be more than it is before there's actually a strong foundation to back it up. You know...the story of the little piggy who built his house out of straw, etc.

 

[Tomo]

I would not do what I used to do....get into the trap of daily contact and texting and showing too much interest. Stay calm and cool ... be indifferent...keep your other interests...do not be too available...do not get mushy touch feely...Enjoy the ride, but let her do most of the initial texting and calling and limit your conversations and texting as if you were busy doing other stuff. You want to keep her interests alive and you do that by not showing all your cards at once and letting her know you have other activities going on...that she is not going to be the center of your life. But let her make you the the center of hers....
I am new and learning...but I hope someone else could add to this with more experience.
Abe

+1 This was my downfall with my prior LJBF. Don't follow suit!

 

[RickR13]

Well she is new, and you are correct, I generally do not have a rotation of girls, but have been on and off with several over the last year. And she isn't necessarily the only option, but she is the runaway favorite.

I know how these things can go though, hoping past experiences and help from peeps on this forum will keep me in the right place. A little tired of playing the dating game with women that I am not particularly into, so when i stumble on one that's worthy, its easier for things to run askew.

 

[RickR13]

+1 This was my downfall with my prior LJBF. Don't follow suit!

Yep, all good advice there as well.